Constantly talking to myself

Hi Flower152 👋🏼. I understand how scary OCD can make things feel—like our very worst fears are coming true all the time. What you are describing sounds like a textbook mental compulsion: you have an intrusive thought, then compulsively repeat a phrase to soothe the anxiety/dread. You may not realize it, but performing a mental compulsion will not help your OCD—it makes it grow stronger. When you reward your brain after a fear signal by performing a compulsion, your brain thinks you “survived” what you fear. Because the intrusive thought helped you “survive”, it will feed you more intrusive thoughts to keep helping you “survive”. So, over time, your intrusive thoughts will become worse and you will have to complete MORE compulsions to experience the same brief relief from the anxiety/dread. I would highly recommend ERP (exposure and response prevention therapy). The last two letters are the most important part of the therapy, in my opinion: you must *prevent a response* when you are exposed to your fears. This includes mental compulsions such as ruminating, overthinking, worrying, etc. When an intrusive thought appears, you must *do nothing* in order to break your brain’s reward system loop. Over time, your brain learns that it is signaling too much fear for the given situation, and it will lower the fear you feel in that same situation over time…but it takes diligent, consistent effort. Your brain is like a muscle. With the right therapy tools, you can train it to *de-escalate* the fear you feel when these intrusive thoughts appear. The more you stick to ERP, the easier it will become to sit with these uncomfortable thoughts. In my experience, things became much easier after just a few months of ERP. I’m wishing the same for you, and hope you choose to try it soon! NOCD has a free consultation where they can match you with a therapist if you call their number.

I am sorry you are going through this. This is going to be hard, but arguing with your OCD is only fueling it because it is a compulsion. Think of OCD like a bully following you around wherever you go. Instead of arguing with it, you should try to dismiss it by acting like it doesn't bother you. You know that you aren't what your OCD is attempting to convince you, so show that you don't care. It is very difficult, but it will get easier with time. "Maybe I am a bad person, maybe I am not. I don't know and I don't care". Giving less fuel to the fire will eventually put it out. I know it is difficult, but you are not alone in this OCD journey. Try to be more patient and kind to yourself and goodluck!