Sigh

My whole life, I have struggled with body confidence and so on Pinterest and Instagram I would save a lot of posts of women who had curvy bodies who weren’t super thin because that helped me it made me realize that “Hey, if these women are not super thin and they’re curvy or plus size and they’re confident and they’re posting these videos I can wear a bikini in public or I don’t have to worry about what people think of my body. I don’t have to compare myself.” so randomly I was just going through my saved Instagram posts and I saw like the body positive post and stuff and I would just save like a lot of stuff that would have women like showing off their body, especially if they were curvy or plus size because that would help me as a woman feel better about my body type. The only thing I did not realize is that a lot of these posts that I had saved were only fans creator and I didn’t realize at the time. I just saved them because I was like OK she’s plus size she’s dancing in a bikini on Instagram like that’s inspirational to me because she does not care what people are gonna say about her body and she does not care what people are gonna think about her body. That’s how I’ve viewed it and then when I was going through these posts that I had saved like two years ago when my fiancé and I had first started dating, I was like telling him I was like “babe oh my gosh, I did not know half of these women were only fans creators. It did not click to me at the time. I literally would just save them if they were confident dancing in a bikini or if they were confident showing off a lot of their body because that was inspirational to me because they just you know they were comfortable in their body” but again my OCD is trying to tell me that I save the stuff for other reasons, reasons that I know I would not do and I just feel horrible because I didn’t realize at the time :( has anyone struggled with this? I’ve been like deep diving and going through to check to make sure I don’t have anything else in there saved but the truth is I don’t remember what I saved two years ago. I just know that I struggle with body confidence a lot and saved a lot of posts with women showing off their bodies because that helped me as a younger girl.