- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
Firstly, none of us will tell you it's all going to be ok. This goes against what is healthy for OCD. No matter how much "proof" you get that you ate going to be ok, you will always come back round to that "but what if" thought process. Look at the things you do know: - It was 13 years ago - You (as far as I'm aware) are not actually a paedophile - You have so far wasted 13 years on this worry and yet you ate still on the streets a free man - That "child" is now 13 years older and no longer a child either way The internet in these circumstances is a terrible weapon in FAVOUR of OCD. If you look deep enough, I'm sure you will find all sorts of stories where people where locked up for similar cases. However most would be exaggeration and there would be other factors which ate not in those stories. You need to primarily step away from Google. Google is not a friend of OCD. You need to get a therapist and you need to be HONEST. You did something. You don't know the exact facts. A lot of what you are worrying about is in your own mind. A therapist will not judge you, they will put things in perspective and then teach you to deal with your OCD healthily without the thought action fusion reassurance you are seeking.
- Date posted
- 5y
I have a similar experience ://
- Date posted
- 5y
I guess I have to look at this like any other rational person, prosecutor or jury would look at it. Was there intent? Was communication cut off? Would the "injury" be treated equally with any other situation say an adult website where adult camera websites exist? In the case of innocent until proven guilty, can it be proven an adult wasn't the one engaged in the activity? I would assume a profile with the age being appropriate and signing contract that someone is of that age is that the assumption is that is the actual individual unless proven otherwise.
- Date posted
- 5y
I hate uncertainty. Its the worst.
- Date posted
- 5y
It's more than that. I am 34 now, have worked since that time for many tech companies, have a succesful career, married to a beautiful wife with a 2 year old son, she knows about all these issues and supports me. We travel internationally often and I just have this terrifying fear everything will come burning and crashing down. I feel much regret and frustration as well as fear that I was so stupid at the time going on camera for really a stranger. Yes I used my best judgement that this person was an adult, in my mind and based on all information based on what was there that this person was absolutely an adult and now the fear if I was catfished..who is the victim? If it somehow did turn out to be a minor, society and the law will not see me as the victim but as the predator with a sexual addiction who should be kept away from children and at the very least a person who should have been more cautious but still guilty due to the circumstantial facts regardless of how much I knew or not or my intent. That is a terrifying prospective.
- Date posted
- 5y
Mate. This is exactly my fear. Although mine has now morphed in to me just generally letting my family down by letting our house fall down or one of my children dying because I didn't do enough to ensure their safety. You NEED to get a therapist. I doubt want to reassure you, BUT think about sites like chat roulette. Kids go on there, yet most of the people you see ate older blokes masturbating. Firstly - not one person had ever been prosecuted for this although you can be due a minor will have seen them. Secondly - do you think those blokes give it a second thought? They do it with intent for people to see them doing that, yet don't care. This is the first and last time I will post anything remotely related to reassuring you, add its unhealthy for you to get that reassurance. You need to become comfortable living with the unknown. You can't change your past and you ate ruminating, which is part of the OCD cycle. You don't know what will happen in future. After you seriously going to spend the rest of your life worrying about arrest or the worst happening to affect your family? As my therapist told me - "on your death bed, you will call your grandchildren close and ask, aare the police about to arrest me?"
- Date posted
- 5y
@Greenwhale Greenwhale is right. You need to get help. This can escalate and become debilitating. I talk from experience as I was exactly the same. Mine was - what if I watched porn and one of then wad underage and I hadn't known. I started to seek constant assurance and done people don't get it. If it helps - we know this is OCD and ate confident that with help you can get better. Just don't expect to ever be cured. You can learn to live with OCD, but you will not be free of it.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 18w
Very brief mentions of pocd and nsfw jokes,id like this to be adults only . Repost bc i had to edit something Does anyone have experience with real event ocd attached to your online footprint etc? I keep checking old messages,trying to find old people i knew i used to talk to etc. To find out every problematic thing I did and if I've ever been unfollowed or blocked by anyone I used to be friends w online/atleast on good terms w. I am particularly concerned abt doing something bigoted,esp racist bc i have racism ocd,and doing something predatory bc of my pocd. I remember hanging around people who could use 'edgy' or offensive humour in my teens and i remember a lot of sex jokes and that i would join in on sex jokes sometimes . i dont remember details w the offensive humour as much,i feel like i didnt join in on it as much but i was definitely WAY passive abt things and prob let a lot of bad stuff slide i shouldnt have bc i didn't speak up it was wrong,I remember one friend in an online community would say slurs and horrible jokes when i was 16. I dont remember my response to it as much but i feel i didnt speak up abt it aside one time i found in the dms where he made a bad joke on a thing i shared for social justice. I cant stop going thru old messages and stuff or trying to find ppl from the past. I feel like if I don't check it now,that eventually it'll come to haunt me or that I'll stumble across it eventually. I worry what if someone messaged me on one of these apps I un-installed or on one of the accounts I don't have access to,confronting me abt all this stuff I did. I had an obsession w this back in 2020 and did check in depth on all my accounts,but now that it's been 4 years the obsession is back in full swing.
- Date posted
- 16w
Hello, I've struggled with possible OCD but it didn't involved POCD at first, at first it was basically me denying that I was ever a victim of grooming/pedophilia and how I was the real abuser towards my abusers despite the fact that I was the child, they were the adult, how is that possible??. Then eventually in 2023, I saw a video based on a FNF modder exposing him as a groomer/pedophile, and it was because when he was 17 he allegedly had an interaction with someone who was 15 that was nsfw. Now keep in mind, I was a victim of grooming/pedophilia especially since age 11 and even at 17, however I was also a bit of a promiscuous teen due to years of being groomed and I was having nsfw discussions/heavily sex positive convos with people who were 15/16/17 at 17 and I never considered how that could be inappropriate and my intent wasn't to be predatory but the fact that I was just simply exploring my sexuality, also a lot of the people I was doing this with, we were apart of a discord server that heavily encouraged NSFW convos between Teens and adults and it was made by an adult so bad environment overall made by an actual predator. However it didn't stop me in 2023 thinking that I was a pedophile as a teenager and I was genuinely worried and thought that I was a terrible person and I still do. I only did what I did because I was being hurt and thought it was okay, I never meant to hurt anyone and I at 19 literally convinced myself that I was a pedo in my under 18 teen years because of the age gap between me and my friends {1/2 years} and we had conversations that were sexual based even though I at 19 was dating my BF who was 22/23 at the time, I was 19 having sexual convos with adults, I at 19 had friends that were minors and our conversations were always appropriate and never nsfw or those same friends that I had previous convos with that were nsfw, {they were all either 17/18/19 and I was 19} our conversation topics have switched to more SFW ones unlike the ones we had when we were all minors so how could I be a pedo? and I freaked out about it, I couldn't concentrate in classes at all, it was a genuine nightmare. Eventually I did get better and realized that my behaviors were under duress and how I'm not actually a bad person and how I've changed as an adult and do not wish to harm anyone however I'm back on my cycle of worrying again and I've communicated to the people who I thought I affected and they all express no ill will or any anger and were never uncomfortable, do not think about it or just don't care/simply forgot. But Guilt eats me up like a stray dog. I also sometimes see people on twitter calling 17 year olds dating 15 or 16 year olds pedophiles or calling them "P diddy"
- Date posted
- 12w
i feel like i have been posting a lot about this and i will try to stop since now but i just don't know where to start or what to do, and i can't take therapy right now either. my event is about something that did actually happen; i had a boyfriend and we had a 1.5 age difference (i know this sounds stupid) but the thing is that we both started to sext a lot since he was 14 and i was 15. we shared audios videos pictures ect and i don't know how to just let this go, even when i know that i never really forced him into anything and i was always constantly worried about him being comfortable, when to stop and ect. the memories keep coming back to my mind and the guilt is eating me up slowly because i keep thinking that i'm a predator or a groomer or something like that. i don't know how to deal with the what ifs either, lately i haven't stopped thinking what if i sexually harassed or sexually exploited him or something like that. how do i deal with the cycle of guilt and constant what ifs if i also feel like my event is worse than others i've seen? please help me with this. it's getting a lil tiring and even if somedays i know how to deal with this, i still get really triggered sometimes. this wouldn't even bother me before, i wish i could just get back in time before this theme popped into my mind. my life has been a hell since then and i live constantly scared and suicidal.
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