- Username
- PIL1985
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Firstly, none of us will tell you it's all going to be ok. This goes against what is healthy for OCD. No matter how much "proof" you get that you ate going to be ok, you will always come back round to that "but what if" thought process. Look at the things you do know: - It was 13 years ago - You (as far as I'm aware) are not actually a paedophile - You have so far wasted 13 years on this worry and yet you ate still on the streets a free man - That "child" is now 13 years older and no longer a child either way The internet in these circumstances is a terrible weapon in FAVOUR of OCD. If you look deep enough, I'm sure you will find all sorts of stories where people where locked up for similar cases. However most would be exaggeration and there would be other factors which ate not in those stories. You need to primarily step away from Google. Google is not a friend of OCD. You need to get a therapist and you need to be HONEST. You did something. You don't know the exact facts. A lot of what you are worrying about is in your own mind. A therapist will not judge you, they will put things in perspective and then teach you to deal with your OCD healthily without the thought action fusion reassurance you are seeking.
I have a similar experience ://
I guess I have to look at this like any other rational person, prosecutor or jury would look at it. Was there intent? Was communication cut off? Would the "injury" be treated equally with any other situation say an adult website where adult camera websites exist? In the case of innocent until proven guilty, can it be proven an adult wasn't the one engaged in the activity? I would assume a profile with the age being appropriate and signing contract that someone is of that age is that the assumption is that is the actual individual unless proven otherwise.
I hate uncertainty. Its the worst.
It's more than that. I am 34 now, have worked since that time for many tech companies, have a succesful career, married to a beautiful wife with a 2 year old son, she knows about all these issues and supports me. We travel internationally often and I just have this terrifying fear everything will come burning and crashing down. I feel much regret and frustration as well as fear that I was so stupid at the time going on camera for really a stranger. Yes I used my best judgement that this person was an adult, in my mind and based on all information based on what was there that this person was absolutely an adult and now the fear if I was catfished..who is the victim? If it somehow did turn out to be a minor, society and the law will not see me as the victim but as the predator with a sexual addiction who should be kept away from children and at the very least a person who should have been more cautious but still guilty due to the circumstantial facts regardless of how much I knew or not or my intent. That is a terrifying prospective.
Mate. This is exactly my fear. Although mine has now morphed in to me just generally letting my family down by letting our house fall down or one of my children dying because I didn't do enough to ensure their safety. You NEED to get a therapist. I doubt want to reassure you, BUT think about sites like chat roulette. Kids go on there, yet most of the people you see ate older blokes masturbating. Firstly - not one person had ever been prosecuted for this although you can be due a minor will have seen them. Secondly - do you think those blokes give it a second thought? They do it with intent for people to see them doing that, yet don't care. This is the first and last time I will post anything remotely related to reassuring you, add its unhealthy for you to get that reassurance. You need to become comfortable living with the unknown. You can't change your past and you ate ruminating, which is part of the OCD cycle. You don't know what will happen in future. After you seriously going to spend the rest of your life worrying about arrest or the worst happening to affect your family? As my therapist told me - "on your death bed, you will call your grandchildren close and ask, aare the police about to arrest me?"
@Greenwhale Greenwhale is right. You need to get help. This can escalate and become debilitating. I talk from experience as I was exactly the same. Mine was - what if I watched porn and one of then wad underage and I hadn't known. I started to seek constant assurance and done people don't get it. If it helps - we know this is OCD and ate confident that with help you can get better. Just don't expect to ever be cured. You can learn to live with OCD, but you will not be free of it.
Every time I watch an explicit video, I obsessively worry about whether or not the person in the video was of legal age or if I unintentionally looked at a minor. This causes me to have intrusive OCD thoughts that I am some kind of horrible pedophile or that the FBI will arrest me. I'm currently experiencing an anxiety spike right now because of it. Can anyone else relate to this? I only want to watch videos of consenting adults, but the need for 100 percent certainty makes it difficult for me to stop questioning it. Because of my religious beliefs, things like pornography are outside of my ethical values anyways, so I really want to break the habit of watching it in any capacity (even if I knew for certain I couldn't accidentally stumble upon a video of a minor), but I struggle with doing that. Does anyone have any tips to stop engaging in lustful behaviors, and how to deal with catastrophic thinking about jail time and being a sick person because I'm paranoid about if the model could be underage?
POCD,+18 please, need of help I keep thinking abt when I was like 17 I used to go on amino to roleplay ships I like,and I'm freaked out now over it because even though I never did sexual rp before I still did rp that was in a romantic setting and I'm worried if anyone I ever roleplayed with was massively younger than me and I just didn't care or didn't put in effort to notice. I have a memory of doing a short roleplay with someone and feeling uncomfortable about it and i don't know if it was because I just felt shy or they were young and I was uncomfortable but doing it anyways. A long while back I went to the amino again and checked all my followers and tried to find who I roleplayed with going off of what I remembered their pfp being and the one I thought seemed most similiar was someone who was 20 and all the rest didn't list their age but im worried what if they unfollowed me and did say their age. It all makes me freaked out because there was this thing where a 20 something dude said it was OK he roleplayed nsfw w minors because he didn't want to seem rude by saying no when they suggested it and I don't want to be as bad as that guy is and i never did anything sexual but I'm still scared it's just as bad if it's roleplaying a romantic relationship and I had that memory of feeling uncomfortable but not wanting to seem rude by not interacting. I dont know if it's a false memory or not and idk if it is. I just know when I was spiraling and checking all my social media I deleted a chat w a ship rp w/o checking and I've been freaked since.
18+ I’m afraid that at some point I might’ve watched something illegal while I had a bad porn addiction as a teen- I’m not sure and that’s what haunts me. How could any of us know? How could we know the people in this porn are the age they say they are?! Why does this make me even more consumed with doom. I think rather dark stuff after that, concerning stuff for my well being cause I literally spiral so hard I feel as if I’m losing touch with reality. My panic attacks, my depression- all spurred on and taunted by a “what if” Do normal people genuinely not think about this? Do normal people keep moving forward knowing that’s a possible risk? If so then what? What if your eyes saw that? How would you even keep living? Or wanting to.
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