My name is Chrisa. I've suffered with OCD for over 30 years. It's gotten worse lately, especially since my elderly kitty has gotten very sick, plus other stressors. It's never been this bad. My rituals involve numbers, counting, among other things, in response to stress and the thoughts of preventing my cats death and other "bad" things from happening. I know there is no logic in this, it's ridiculous, it makes no sense, yet my brain feels what I call " hijacked". There are few people that know I have OCD. My own husband doesn't know. I've learned how to hide it well over the years after being ridiculed by family members when I was a child with OCD symptoms. I'm in a tremendous amount of distress. No drugs have worked for me, nor has RBT or CBT.

I understand that this is difficult. We struggle everyday. It can overcome your joy, relationships, daily life, and you as a person. It feels like a constant battle. It my help relieve some anexity if you speak to your husband and let him know what your going through. I did the same thing with my husband. We dated for a few yeas and then got married. I was worried he would pass judgement or think i was being "silly". But i felt at the same time i needed to overcome this fear with one step and just talk to him. When i finally did i felt so much better. I didnt have to hide it or when i have a difficult day hes there to comfort me. Take it one step at a time and i hope you find some peace. We are here listening.

I’ve had ocd for almost 30 years too and mine also got bad again. Ocd is more widely known than it was 30 years ago so I wouldn’t worrr so much about the stigma. Maybe you can say to your husband you realized you have it so you don’t feel so alone? Not sure what RBt is...Did you try ERP? I tried just general cbt but it’s rather different and didn’t help me whereas ERP has a high success rate. I start erp this week. Also, there’s new treatments for ultra resistant ocd — TMS and ketamine...if you’re on this app seems like a good first step and you’re ready for some outside help so you can lead a better life.

RBT is basically the same as CBT. I tried telling my husband once but his reaction made me stop the conversation. His sister knows. I've tried Prozac, Zoloft, Effexor, Wellbutrin, and a few more I can't recall at the moment. I've tried the ERP some but in my mind I think "What if my OCD is right, and if I don't do this ritual my cat will die"? That's just an example. OCD affects literally almost every single thing I do. Bathing, cleaning, walking, laundry, reading, typing, tying my shoes, every single activity brings a compulsion and a ritual. At times it's exhausting.

No, it's exhausting always.

Hiding it isn’t too difficult for me because he works a lot and my rituals aren’t extremely obvious, you’d have to really pay attention. Of course I think I just don’t get caught performing the rituals too. I was shamed as a child and teen by family because of my OCD. It’s something I’ve kept from everyone as a result. Just typing these words is cathartic, I don’t have to hold it in anymore. Hope that makes sense