Just want to rant: I read an article that my boyfriend had written about his ex girlfriend. It details his sexual encounters with her, very graphically. I want to vomit. I feel so sick it’s not even funny. I feel so guilty and horrible and disgusted about it. I want to tell him, but I don’t know how. He writes a lot and I was scrolling through one of his blog posts. I am crying and I feel like my world is ending, because he was my world. How do I get over this?

I feel the same about my boyfriend having slept with other people, and indeed my own past sexual experiences make me feel sick. It’s about detaching those and realising that those encounters ended and your relationship is here and now! Try flipping it the other way - maybe he doesn’t like the idea that you’ve seen other people either. But you’re together for a reason and a body is just a body- they’ve been washed many times since then and many things forgotten and let go. You can get over this worry :)

I think it’s very common to think about and as someone with OCD yes it becomes an obsession. I think you should talk to him, maybe in a simplified way, and say hey I read this and it made me feel weird and a bit confused .... I just want to know where we stand because it’s causing a lot of worry. How does that sound? And does he know about you ocd? If so he should understand x

It isn’t recent, it’s an old one but I still feel grossed out reading about how he had sex with her

How do I overcome this

I’ve never seen anyone but him @Ruth

Is this overthinking, and is it normal to obsess about?

Never had sex with him before though, and this turned me off of doing so. Yes he knows I have OCD and apparently I’m the “strongest person he knows” but it still pisses me off he did this even before I was in the picture. I’m so angry. Should I calm down before speaking to him?

I think so, give yourself a day, write your feelings down, then talk to him more calmly when you’ve figured it out. Sex doesn’t REALLY mean anything a lot of the time as it’s a very in the moment thing, so chances are he honestly doesn’t think about it anymore. When you do feel comfortable, use contraception to put your mind at ease and go at your own pace. He will understand why this knowledge about his past hurts you if he is a good guy, and hopefully offer some reassurance :)

I’ve struggled a lot in the past with this as well. My wife has recently made new friends and the struggle is happening again because, as people do, she tells stories about her sex life before me to them. A lot of mine stems from the fact that I am the first woman she’s been with and I worry that I cannot please her the way a man could? But it took me a very long time to understand that. While I’m not sure how to get over those feelings I do have to remember that she chose me in the end. Keep that in mind. He chose you. When I brought it up to her she said the same thing, I am with you and I chose you and you make me happy. While OCD does bring the worry up a lot in my brain, I try to ground myself to the fact that she is still with me.

So ultimately it isn’t fair to be bad at him? I wanna believe that but he’s had so much sex with so many different girls in the past. When do you draw the line and stop giving him the benefit of the doubt? Ugh

At the end of the day it’s okay for them to have had a past before us. If it continues into your current relationship that’s when it becomes a problem. If you are worried about him currently sleeping with someone other than you then it’s time to worry in my opinion.

Yeah I agree, but for some reason I can’t let this go. I still haven’t said anything on the account of I don’t want to say something I regret and break up, but I do want to know if this is some sort of ROCD?

From my research yes

Ah damn. More OCD to worry about -.-

Trust your gut, and be honest about your feelings because they are valid :)