How do you manage spikes? I’m a female who suffers from HOCD. I was reading the book “Brainlock” and I got to the section of Reattribute. Doing another task to counter giving into my compulsions. I decided to take the extra step and do ERP on my own by looking at images of lesbian couples. I’m finally getting treatment after 6 years of dealing with it off and on. More “masculine” lesbians trigger me the most. I was able to stand looking at the images for awhile but I could feel my anxiety at basically 100% but I kept going. Then I felt like I actually liked the images. I didn’t have a groin response but there was a jump in my chest, a emotional response. Like, I was genuinely attracted. Like the attraction was there and my mind was confused and disconnected from my body. I had never felt this way before. For two days now I’ve dealt with a feeling of anxiety sitting in my chest. I don’t want to eat or sleep, this is the lowest I’ve ever gone. My body feels like it wants that. I haven’t been to sleep and when I do, the thought is waiting when I get up. I feel like I may actually want this and when I try to accept it, my mind won’t let me. So then I’m sucked back into fighting and I feel like I set myself up when I should have avoided it. I see my new therapist Monday, but if you’ve experience this or know any encouraging messages that can help me get through it till I see them, it would be great.

Hey everyone, just wanted to post an honest update on where I’m at in my HOCD recovery. Right now, I'm stuck in what feels like a 24/7 spike — nonstop thoughts, intrusive sensations, identity doubts, and hyperfocus. The worst part? It feels real. Like I’ve “lost,” like I’ve accepted it, like I am gay. The thoughts don't feel like anxiety anymore — they feel like truth. I’ve been trying to do ERP, but the spike has been so constant I don’t even have to “do exposures” — the thoughts, feelings, and sensations are just there all day long. It’s like living inside an exposure. And it’s exhausting. BUT — here’s what I’ve been doing (and what I’m sticking to now): I say once: “These thoughts and feelings are welcome to stay for as long as they want.” I let the doubt, the feelings, the hyperfocus exist. I don’t check, test, or analyze — even when it screams at me. I live my life anyway — folding clothes, watching TV, eating, walking — with the storm in my head. Even when it feels 100% real. Even when I’m fully focused on it. I’ve stopped trying to feel better. I’m letting it all burn — and just not fixing it. It doesn’t feel good. It doesn’t feel right. It doesn’t feel like progress.

I’ve recovered from HOCD before and got my attraction and my usual actual identity back. I was recovered from end 2022- start 2025 until I got triggered UGHHH😭 My HOCD is REALLY trying to convince me and it’s SO annoying cause I genuinely don’t want these thoughts. I know I naturally like men and always have done so. I can’t wait for my first therapy session in two days Omg! I need your advice, not necessarily reassurance, but more advice? My HOCD is throwing random “proof” I did/ saw as a child in my face, which back then had no meaning in my life and I continued to live a perfectly heterosexual life. I’ve educated myself about arousal non concordance / child’s play, but it still doesn’t remove the HOCD. I’ve read therapists great explanations on how it’s not a sexuality issue, BUT ITS AN OCD BRAIN ISSUE. So basically I’ve been straight and i will die as straight. But my ocd is still continuing with the intrusive thoughts/flashbacks. I’ve had some moments where I haven’t done as many compulsions and had less anxiety but still had those damn thoughts and I DO NOT want those damn thoughts. I have so much proof and factual/logical explanations but HOCD is still continuing to thrive. I absolutely hate this and I feel so alone. I wish there was a reset button cause I don’t want these thoughts to happen. I want a man and I stand by that. How do y’all deal with these situations? Cause sitting with the thoughts is clearly not helping.

I don't usually post on here because it could end up becoming a compulsion or could be seen as reassurance seeking but I think I just need a place to vent and to also get some encouragement and peer support. I am really struggling with my intrusive thoughts and feelings today. All of it feels extremely real and convincing. Right now, I feel thoroughly convinced that I have already identified as either a lesbian or bisexual. I have been diagnosed with OCD by both a psychiatrist and a psychologist years ago and I still feel convinced that it isn't OCD. I keep feeling as if I am just using OCD as a cover-up / as an excuse to deny my “actual” sexual orientation / to hide the “fact that I'm actually lesbian / bisexual”. I have been practicing ERP whenever my schedule allows but it's tough... ERP typically works for me but on days like today, it doesn't seem to be working and that makes me doubt if I have OCD or not. At the same time, I am also convinced that ERP isn't working and I am secretly in denial / struggle with comphet / have internalised homophobia (which makes it worse because my family is homophobic and most of my intrusive thoughts have been targeting that / using that as evidence). Feeling really scared and hopeless... 😞