How do you manage spikes? I’m a female who suffers from HOCD. I was reading the book “Brainlock” and I got to the section of Reattribute. Doing another task to counter giving into my compulsions. I decided to take the extra step and do ERP on my own by looking at images of lesbian couples. I’m finally getting treatment after 6 years of dealing with it off and on. More “masculine” lesbians trigger me the most. I was able to stand looking at the images for awhile but I could feel my anxiety at basically 100% but I kept going. Then I felt like I actually liked the images. I didn’t have a groin response but there was a jump in my chest, a emotional response. Like, I was genuinely attracted. Like the attraction was there and my mind was confused and disconnected from my body. I had never felt this way before. For two days now I’ve dealt with a feeling of anxiety sitting in my chest. I don’t want to eat or sleep, this is the lowest I’ve ever gone. My body feels like it wants that. I haven’t been to sleep and when I do, the thought is waiting when I get up. I feel like I may actually want this and when I try to accept it, my mind won’t let me. So then I’m sucked back into fighting and I feel like I set myself up when I should have avoided it. I see my new therapist Monday, but if you’ve experience this or know any encouraging messages that can help me get through it till I see them, it would be great.

My OCD has massively spiked from last weekend to tonight. I usually can pinpoint why. Tiredness, not feeling well, stressed, dreaming (out of my control); these are all wonderful times for OCD to attack because you're already feeling crappy and less on guard, which makes it easier to flare up. However, I have zero clue why it's so bad currently. I'm not stressed, not tired, not not feeling well. And it's not a little flare where it's picking on just one thing. It's picking on the ENTIRE spectrum of sexuality: incest, beastiality, pedophilia, and homosexuality. It's horrible. I seriously want to cry and feel like I'm suffocating. I can't listen to music, go places, really do anything without it taking something and trying to twist it. Like driving in the car with my mom and maybe a more sexual song comes on on the radio: Oh you're listening to a sexual song with your mom. That's weird. That means something! You're into your mom! Cuddling my dogs and just feeling loved: Oh you're too close to your dogs. You're into them. You're sick. Oh you really like your trainer cause she's super nice and funny: You know a good deal of female trainers are gay right? You were wondering if she was gay or bi. Why were you wondering? Cause you're gay and you like her. Like seriously NONSTOP. I can't even watch tv and see a character that's gay or a celebrity who is gay and not start freaking out. I have absolutely nothing against the LGBTQ community. It's just I don't want it or like it for myself. But here I am freaking out. Then you have random physical arousal that goes with all that crap, and it just makes it all worse. There are seriously no therapists where I'm from who understand and properly treat OCD. It's all reassurance based. And then there's all these places I hear about that sound great and like they really get OCD. Think they offer online/on the phone therapy for my state? lol NO. Like how are you supposed to feel any better feeling like no one can help you? I know there are self guided therapy books. But I'm terrified. Petrified. I need a professional to help me get over that first hurdle. Can anyone relate?): Also, does anyone get triggered by seeing the posts on here? If there's even anything that slightly mentions sexuality on here that someone is having trouble with, my OCD latches onto that and turns it into a new attack for me. That's why I've always been hesitant to join OCD support groups. Because I KNOW my OCD will see someone's own OCD issues and latch onto them to further attack me. It SUCKS.

I’m having a really, really hard day. I usually stick to being positive and giving advice on here, but I need to share right now. For reference, I have trans ocd. I decided to sign up and commit to this series of yoga classes not realizing that going to them was going to trigger me repeatedly, way beyond my current limits. There’s so much work on emotions and connecting to the body. And somehow my entire class ended up being women. I’ve been in a state of panic for two days now that I can’t seem to get out of. I’m convinced all of my OCD fears are more true than ever and I can’t seem to come up with anything, even a compulsion, to convince me otherwise. Ive been trying to sit in the uncertainty but the panic just. won’t. stop. I didn’t sleep last night. I’ve barely eaten in 2 days. This is basically flooding. What’s most upsetting is that I’ve been in therapy and was doing better. These set backs make it harder and harder to keep trying because they re-traumatize and sensitize me to all of my triggers. I’m committed to two months of these classes and paid for them. I want to push through. I want to be capable of this. I want to overcome each fear, but my body keeps responding with utter panic and terror. I don’t know how I can continue if my body just won’t let me. I’ve experienced many lows with OCD. I’m trying to keep perspective that none of them lasted forever and this can’t either. But I’m struggling to function at the moment. And all I want to do is give in to what my OCD is telling me: “you can’t connect to your body because you are trans and in denial. You want a flat chest and a penis and a beard. You don’t want breasts. You need to accept it. You need to transition and be the man you really are. You need to stop trying to be a woman because it’s fake. You need to surrender. You need to stop being such a baby. Deep down you know it’s true. Give in already. For anyone also experiencing trans ocd: my thoughts are with you. I know the pain of this is real and can destroy your life. I hope this gets easier. I wish I had a safe space to climb into and forget about everything for awhile. But you can’t escape your mind.

Hi All, I (22F) have been suffering from HOCD for the past three months. I am engaged to the man I want to be with. However, I can't kick OCD. I was recently aroused when looking at a model in lingerie. The lingerie was objectively sexy and I briefly thought about how she was posing for a man with her breasts out. Likewise, I thought about how sexy it would be if I wore that. But, now I'm terrified. If I can get these responses from the female body-not the male body-that must surely mean something. Likewise, I have trouble orgasming during sex and I don't always love making out. But, I really don't think I'm a lesbian? Long story short, I need help getting over this. I'm in college and I can barely study. All I do is worry. I can't even enjoy my engagement at this rate because I'm convinced I'm in denial. This sexual arousal gives me incredible amounts of anxiety, especially considering I have been turned on by stuff like this in the past. If anyone has any helpful words, please let me know. I am not seeking reassurance, but I felt this backstory was necessary to explain why this fear has been so potent. There may be some real attraction here, which terrifies me. I don't know what to do. I want to enjoy life and improve sex with my fiance but I'm feeling hopeless. If anyone has any words of advice, it would be deeply appreciated.