I can’t tell if this is existential OCD or if something else is going on, but I’ve been having a serious existential crisis-type episode for the past week. Starting with the realization of my own mortality and an impending sense of doom, hopelessness, pointlessness, and despair, which led me down a path of spirituality (mix of Buddhist and Hindu beliefs). That’s in the realm of “normal” for me, and I was feeling amazing afterwards, I felt like everything finally made sense, like I was at peace with the world, nature, and my soul. But then the intrusive thoughts started(about when I realized technically anything is possible in this seemingly endless universe). At first they were about this whole world being fake, that everyone was in on it except for me, that I was being tested to see if I had learned enough/been a good enough person in this life. Soon realized that this wasn’t logical, since I was going off the idea that nothing was real, but if no one was real they wouldn’t be able to lie to me. Then it transitioned into pure solipsism, which terrified me to the very depths of my soul, at which point I felt suicidal (basically “if nothing is real what’s the point?” Kind of thinking) but after a couple of days of ruminating, I realized the flaws in this logic, as well, and was comfortable in the idea that this was false. Which brings me to now. It’s sort of a mixture of the two, I now have an intrusive thought that there’s some force that created this world to test me, but that no one is “real”, that they have the appearance of being conscious like me, but are being controlled by an outside force, that they’re like robots with the appearance of having a soul, but are just programmed to seem that way, that I’ll not be able to see them again when I die and return to the pool of consciousness since they never existed in the first place. I know in my rational mind this isn’t true, but it just keeps pounding in my head that it’s possible, so I can never assume it isn’t the truth, and it’s making me feel so hopeless. What’s the point if everything is a lie? I feel like my world is crumbling beneath my feet, like I’m drowning. The worst part was that I was fine this morning, but was triggered by an existential question I saw posed online, and wound up back here. I’m terrified that I’m going insane.

My last and almost life long theme/sub-theme largely subsided recently and my ocd felt like it wasn’t even an issue. Then I went on winter break from uni and being alone made my mind come up with a whole new topic to obsess over. TLDR on my fears, my advisor wouldn’t email me back for a while about signing up for classes so my mind started to worry “what if he doesn’t in time and you can’t enroll this semester and you lose this whole life you just built and all these new friends” So when that issue was resolved my mind found other scarier ways I could be uprooted from my current life and friends that I’ve grown so attached to. Then my mind remembered back when I was struggling with false memories and scrupulosity and I essentially made a post on a forum 2 and a half years ago saying I did something or was convinced I did something that I never actually did. Now I’ve been spiraling about someone finding it reporting me and I either get seen as a horrible person or arrested or something over something I never actually did but “admitted” to out of fear of going to hell. My mind won’t let it go and keeps finding new reasons for it to be “valid” “logical” or even inevitable. I feel like it’s just hanging over my head and I can never rest easy. Especially when I try to focus on my daily tasks or plan for the future I get this horrible flair up of “why plan for the future when this could come back in that future and you get uprooted from all of it” my mind won’t rest without certainty being uprooted won’t happen but certainty doesn’t exist, at least not with ocd. This sucks and I miss being care free.

Hi everyone, I haven’t posted in a while—about 6 months—but I’m really struggling and need some help or advice. I thought I had healed from all of this, or at least I was doing so much better. I have never felt this before but it feels like I’m slipping back into something I can’t control. Right now, it feels like I’m stuck in a bad reality. It’s like I’m trapped with my dad in one reality, and I’m trying to get back to the other where I’m with my family, but I can’t. It’s so hard to explain, but everything around me feels unreal, and my mind keeps telling me I’m stuck. It feels so real, and I don’t know how to get out of it. It’s like I’ve been transported to another world, and I can’t break free. nd now I’m scared I’ll never come back to the “good” reality I had before. and I genuinely believe this. I’ve been struggling with these thoughts about spiritual realms, the devil, and spiritual warfare. My dad has always talked about these things, and he’s gone through psychosis before. He’s also had a history of doing a lot of drugs, and now I’m terrified that I might end up like him. I fear that I’m somehow becoming like him, trapped in that same mental space he’s been in. He talks about spiritual stuff that scares me, and I can’t shake the thought that I might be losing myself the same way he did. I know this might sound weird, but I feel like I’m getting closer to that line, and I don’t know how to stop it. I keep feeling like I’ll never come back to the way things were, like I’ll always be stuck in this distorted reality. I’m afraid of losing myself, especially in my faith. I believe in God, but my thoughts and fears about all of this are making it hard to feel connected to Him. I feel so distant from God right now, and it’s hard to see how this can change. Has anyone else experienced something like this—feeling like you’re trapped between realities, afraid of becoming someone you don’t want to be, or struggling with fears like this? How did you cope? I just need some hope that I can get through this and come back to a better place. I’m scared, and I feel like I can’t escape this. Any advice would really mean a lot right now.

I’ve never been diagnosed with OCD, but I relate so much to what people here are going through. I used to think it was just anxiety, and I felt like I could handle that. But lately I’ve been spiraling—constantly afraid that what I’m feeling is something worse, like psychosis or losing control of my mind. I feel so detached and scared, and I just want peace again. I have anxiety doing the smallest things, like the thought of waking up everyday and even eating give me straight up panic. I am afraid all the time, it’s paralyzing. And a lot of people say someone with psychosis wouldn’t worry that they’re in it, but then I convince myself I’ve been in it this whole time, and haven’t known, and that maybe I’ve been doing weird stuff. Idk. I also get really scared of labels. Even the idea of OCD makes me feel like I’ll never get better or like I’ll be stuck like this forever. I just want to be okay. If anyone has felt this way—confused, overwhelmed, or scared of what’s happening in their mind—I’d really appreciate any support or encouragement.