If someone could respond to this then that would be great I think I have HOCD, this started about a year ago after I left college and just after college I become lonely and depressed however I was talking to girl online who I got really close to and really liked her and then she later became not interested and this has happened with a lot girls which I feel has has an affect on me and this made more lonely, depressed. My brother is the same and always get depressed because we are both socially awkward and want girls badly, make jokes like might be gay because girl don’t like us you know banta and one night it sunk in and I thought what if I am and from then until now all I do is get anxiety everyday on google with fail, looking for answers on the same form is same video, talking to therapist which they say ocd, paying money out looking for help, getting civics there true and I want it and really do not, still like girl but in public I see a guy I walks ask am I attracted to him and have anxiety, can’t watch certain programm on tv, gronal response if they are and dreams that I wake up and feel like I’m have a panic attack even at work where I should be working I’m on google sneakily. I’m talking to a girl and really like her and fancy her but then I get things like do I fancy her, am I lying but I dot feel Like I am pls help

So basically, I don’t know when this started, but basically whenever I look at a girl, a girl on a phone screen, or even a cartoon that’s a girl, I have this weird tendency that I like them, even though I’m straight. And though I am fairly young (still a teen), I’m positive that I’m straight, but my mind is giving me these weird feelings and signals that I’m not. And disclaimer, I do not have a problem with people with other kinds of sexualities, but I am feared for my life about this. I’ve honestly been keeping these tough emotions and feelings in me for days now. I don’t want to tell my mom because I don’t want her to think bad of me, and we also live in a Catholic household, so the thought of having a different sexuality is a lot on us. I’ve done some of my research, and since I’ve had many different types of OCD for quite some time, I’ve come to the conclusion that apparently I have SO-OCD or HOCD (basically the same thing.) I don’t know if this is true or not. But some other websites have told me that it’s just a part of being a teenager and growing up, and finding what love interest suits you the most, but I honestly have no pleasure with this whatsoever! I constantly think about, “oh, what if you like this girl right there?” Every time I walk past a girl, and sometimes my mind agrees with it, but deep down I don’t want this. And even sometimes, when I’m watching a video, or looking at boys in real life, looking at boy cartoon characters, most of the time, my mind tells me, “this boy is cute. I am attracted to him.” But other times, I completely disagree with that statement. Same with girls, so I don’t know. And also my mind tells me, or something in me tells me that the guys at school that I like, I don’t like them anymore, and instead I look at the girls, in which I know that I’m not attracted to, so it’s just a continuous cycle like that and I don’t know how to stop it. Someone please help because I don’t really know how to explain this, it’s just tough on me.

I keep having this weird feeling none stop that it’s most likely not HOCD and most my feelings. Like I’ve suffered none stop distress and unwanted thoughts the past few days. But those thoughts after a bit just feel weird not the kind of discomfort but are just their and stale. When I look at a guy I don’t feel anything but my thoughts sometimes compliment his looks or personality which makes me doubt my sexuality. I’ve never felt this weirded out. Because I’ve always been straight and still believe I am but I’ve never even had an emotional connection to someone of the opposite gender in fact. My view of the female body has been ruined with none stop pornography addictions. I don’t believe I’m gay but I feel like it may just be denial instead of HOCD but all my symptoms are literally HOCD. I don’t hate the idea of gay people but I can’t imagine or see my heart going off to like someone of the same sex. I haven’t really had any meaningful real life friends besides online but that also ended a few months ago. My only friend ever online that was my friend for the longest of time was a queer but I never really cared about what he liked. Like yes at some point I did try to challenge him with his own feelings but that didn’t last long I just accepted what he liked and moved on. I’ve never even touched let alone held a long conversation with a female. I’ve always been timid and shy around them but I can just say that towards male as well. The gay feelings feel so real. The thoughts feel a bit natural to me but I don’t want this. But I hate how I can’t just move on and be myself and love women when those thoughts demand attention and an answer. It won’t quit it. If I try to do a compulsion it calms down but it quickly becomes a problem again. I’m lonely I don’t have any friends or past relationships I can even think of helping me with the emotions. I still believe I’m straight and I just can’t see myself with a guy. It just doesn’t feel right for me despite my lack of experiences. I just wanna go back to how I was happy and loving girls and not having to question if it was a real feeling or just my natural timid nature. Everytime I think these distressing thoughts I always just wanna sit down and close my eyes and sleep. Because that’s where I can have peace of self. It sucks but I’m so exhausted of having to deal with emotional distress and I can’t even focus on my job as much. I want to meet new people discover my love for women again but I’m scared in the process I may discover I may be gay. Because deep down I know I wouldn’t ever be happy with myself if my greatest fears where confirmed. My dream of always being a father with a loving women and kids would be torn away by something I never asked for. Yes I’m religious, yes I come from a place that homosexuals are usually seen in a bad light. I just hate feeling this emotion that I may not be what I thought and having my dreams torn apart maybe true. I’ve read MUTIPLE articles about HOCD and seen MUTIPLE videos. I’ve come to the realization that I most likely have it. But it’s still hard when the feelings of maybe being gay maybe true you know? I hope I get better I hope I don’t suffer. I just wanna be happy with myself and loving females and I don’t wanna hate myself for feeling an emotion that never occurred to me more then a few times.

I think I may have SO-OCD and OCD in general. At a young age fear of death. I use to tap my heart 8 times (lucky number) for each person I loved. Then I think I suffered with ROCD and HOCD when I was 18 after 2 bad relationships who they ran off with a ‘close’ friend at the time. I’ve struggled with OCD and these HOCD/ SO-OCD about 12 years ago but the HOCD went and the ROCD came back and forth. I did previously last year have a Fear of death of my children with alligators going on holiday after reading a bad article in Florida which lasted few months. Briefly Started with ‘R-OCD’ again but went pretty quickly. Am I good enough for my partner? Is she going to leave me? What if she finds someone else? Though I saw a picture of a good looking male on a social media which my Brian instantly questioned if I was gay, panic and anxiety which lead to which I think is SO-OCD and HOCD. An obsession is an unwanted and unpleasant thought, image or urge that repeatedly enters my mind, causing feelings of anxiety, disgust or unease. A compulsion is a repetitive behaviour or mental act that you feel you need to do to temporarily relieve the unpleasant feelings brought on by the obsessive thought. I’m stuck in obsessive doubt around my sexual identity, even though I say that deep down i know what my sexual identity is but even this is being questioned at the minute and I want to cry. I have always, always been interested in women. That much I would say I had a sex addiction. My attraction to the opposite sex has pretty much disappeared. I have a fleeting thought of attraction which will set off a cascade of doubt and terror which some thoughts/ feelings make me physically sick. I’m scared of going out in public or even looking at people especially men for the fear of false attraction. I try to do ERP when I do have moments but it makes me want to be sick. My brain feels like it’s in a clamp and I can’t stop the constant thoughts. It feels like something is my head has stopped or not working correctly. Even at night. Every time I wake my chest seems to feel strange and the thoughts are suddenly there. I’ve tried ERP but it makes me want to be sick even when it subsides. I am still continuing this but I feel so drained. I just want to be myself again who I was 3 months ago. I hate that this has happened and I feel that I can’t cope, can’t be the husband I want to be, can’t be the father I want and was. These are my main issues at the moment; false attraction to pretty much any male even voices, decrease attraction in opposite gender, severe anxiety, I can’t sleep or eat, constant thoughts 24/7 and scenarios, groinal responses, seavere recriminatory thinking, I hate myself, I even have false attraction to myself in the mirror. What is wrong with me? I just want to be the husband and father I was a few months ago!