- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
I have this too..my mistakes are so horrible and disgusting..I hate myself so much for them and I just want to forget :( I get so confused with myself for the things I did..like how did i think all those things where okay back in the day? Why did I like those things? I feel crazy. I am very sorry to hear your going through this :(
- Date posted
- 5y
i feel the exact same way! you are not alone. seriously, i am the EXACT same. i hate myself and i want to forget too. we just have to accept things, and move on. OCD will hold us back, we just have to keep trying.
- Date posted
- 5y
@AlwaysHere Thank you! Your very kind :) I just feel as if you knew the things I did..you would see why I hate myself.. :(
- Date posted
- 5y
@Hana240 i do not hate anybody. i could never. you shouldn’t hate yourself either. practice self compassion. forgive yourself, you know more now than you did then. if you knew better then, you wouldn’t have done it. right? :) look, i feel the same way. i could never tell anyone what i did, i was young. stupid. careless. i didn’t understand what i was doing/that it was wrong. i understand now though. and it seems you do too. if you need someone to talk to, i’m here. if you want to tell me about it, you can. we all need someone to look out for. and i am here. you are not alone.
- Date posted
- 5y
@AlwaysHere Thank you so much :) I would love to tell someone but my anxiety of how they would react scares me. I have told someone on here and they were very nice and understanding.. if you have a social media or anything I could tell you on that or maybe one day I will be brave enough to post about it :)
- Date posted
- 5y
I relate to this so much, but like @AlwaysHere said, you know better now and your mistakes are in the past. I think a lot of us view past mistakes as if we made them with the insight that we have now, but that’s just not the case at all. Every singe person makes mistakes that they’re not proud of and learn from them. Our ocd tries to use these mistakes as “proof” that we’re bad people or that we don’t deserve anything. You have to be kind to yourself, even when your ocd makes you feel like you don’t deserve it. We’re all in this together ?
- Date posted
- 5y
@Hana240 i understand, i feel the same way. honestly, what i did was probably worse. :) my instagram (new for privacy) is “bethereforothersplease”. we can talk there !
- Date posted
- 5y
@AlwaysHere I was reading here and now I am write a little about it. Hating myself is a great problem too, so I know how you feeling, and I wanted to quote something Hana said: How could I done these things in the past, thinking they were ok. This is like a key to understanding, because we are always changing, and in our case, for better. We acted bad, did wrong, but we learned from that and now we understand more, This also have a lot to do with forgiviness. I could say that my event was about me and my eldest sister, when I was like 12 or 14 years old, and kind of sexual assaulted her (disrespect or physical harm can also be used here). Not going into details, cause I learned that this can lead to a cycle of confessing with more details and things can be disgusting. Despite this, do you mind @AlwaysHere if I add you on instagram?
- Date posted
- 5y
@Rob12 Thank you so much :) You are right...we are all in this together!❤
- Date posted
- 5y
@Newstage You can add my Instagram to if you want :) its "staystrongandsmile_"
- Date posted
- 5y
@Hana240 Ok, just added rn :)
- Date posted
- 5y
@Newstage If you ever need anyone to talk to privately you can message me ... I dont judge a thing i promise :)
- Date posted
- 5y
I have this too. :(
- Date posted
- 5y
I am sorry we are going through this :( Its very hard and painful
- Date posted
- 5y
You have to remind yourself that the past is the past. You can’t move on with your future unless you forgive yourself. There’s literally nothing you can do about the past. Focus on how you can better your future and participate in positive activities that keep you in the present moment. We are human. We all make mistakes. Just know that you are not alone and it’s okay to mess up sometimes. You want to be better that’s AWESOME!!
- Date posted
- 5y
CBT focuses on thoughts and behaviors, and they together impacts how you feel. Sometimes we have thoughts running into our head that we even don't realise. These thoughts can make you feel guilt guilty in real event OCD. You've to realise when they are happening with conscious presence. And then replace them... So relate physical sensations when you're feeling guilty in different situations and relate them. When you catch a background thought, replace it. Example, "It's my fault that we started disagreeing and drift apart" can be replaced by "What are the factors that have made us reach here. Can I change them? Do they really matter over our relation?" Keep balancing your thoughts. Give them a justifying and a balanced meaning. Keep relating situations, thoughts, feeling and behaviours to finally stop the compulsions that are happening in the background. When real event OCD fades, the unimportant guilt follows it and leaves too.
- Date posted
- 5y
Neither thoughts nor feelings are facts.
- Date posted
- 5y
@Fear Strikes Out Yeah... I know.
- Date posted
- 5y
@Believe Is thought balancing discussed in Brain Lock?
- Date posted
- 5y
@Fear Strikes Out I don't know whether it is discussed in Brain Lock. Thought balancing is widely discussed in CBT. I'm sharing this after doing it myself from good CBT apps and websites.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 20w
So, I know my capacity to get fixated on things. And it's normally something that's relatively remote but, my latest issue is really getting to me and I was wondering if people have any advice. I'm avoiding getting too into specifics, as I don't want this to get reassurance-y but, in essence.. I came to the realisation recently that people who I'd been "friends" (feels like the wrong term now) when I was younger were not very nice people, and normalized a lot of very unpleasant behaviour towards other members of the group. They really normalized it, sold themselves as figures of authority, as older and more responsible and grown-up than others, and looking back, they acted horribly. And coming to this realisation, that I'd been manipulated into just accepting their behaviour has just... broken me. My OCD has latched onto it and I can't stop feeling irreversibly tainted by it. I've talked to others about it, and they've reassured me, told me it's not a big deal and that I hold myself to too high a standard, but none of that sticks. I feel better for a bit, then think 'Maybe when you told them you were skewing it to make yourself look better' or 'Did you leave out a crucial detail'. I keep ruminating over and over, trying to remember exactly how everything played out, trying to figure out if I fed into the behaviour, if I did something bad myself (because y'know, I feel like I was accepting of it at the time, so what does it say about my own values?). I know I need to stop doing all this if I want to improve, but then some part of me keeps saying 'So, you're just going to let yourself off the hook then?' Normally, I can rationalize my own fears to some degree, assure myself something won't happen, but the realness of the situation, and the fact I only came to understand the reality of it because the thought had been bothering me means it feels so much more all-encompassing. I know confessing in itself is a compulsion, but I keep feeling that if I'm not I'm somehow concealing what I 'really am' from others around me, and any positive interactions are me deceiving them in some way. I feel like I can't enjoy anything in life right now, and a good part of me feels I should not enjoy it ever again. If anybody has any advice on it, I'm all ears. Or even hearing if you relate to these feelings, I might appreciate the solidarity at least.
- Date posted
- 11w
17f I have a lot of events, but my main and my worst one which is absolutely fucking diabolical was done when I was 14 and repeated when I was 16. Everytime I post something about real event ocd here people are like you are probably didn't do anything that bad, and when they hear what I did they are like yeah that's bad. Someone even asked me if I'm autistic cause "it's crazy how you didn't realize that the thing ypu were doing was wrong at this age." And I kinda agree, like it's fucked up It's just that my event is bad. Doesn't mean I don't have real event ocd. You can have a reocd over the event that was bad, it doesn't mean the event wasn't that bad or you don't have recod. It's just people always expect it to be something innocent and it's not Even a healthy person would feel guilty over it, it's just that I had ocd my whole life and it's making the guilt absolutely destructive, like to the point when I sometimes have a hard time breathing when I think about it, I lost more than a year of life to it, almost checked myself out couple of times if I wasn't so scared of pain/failure, the event haunts me in my dreams, it's in my head 24/7 and I will never able to forgive myself. That ocd. But the event itself was bad. So maybe i deserve it.
- Date posted
- 10w
Hello 😭, so uhm I’m kind of in the point of my POCD where I’m just tired. I just need to get it all out and get some sort of instruction of how to just idk live? So for me my childhood is pretty blurry. I have a few real event blended with false memory events there but other than that I’m a csa victim. And the way I tried to cope? By fetishising nyself, making CP of myself, seeing my life goal as being used, raped and a prostitue. Self destructive behaviour through talking to pedophiles and seeing my only worth as if I was sexually attractive. Which made me kind of numb to CP as a coping mechanism I guess. And heres’s where my main event of REOCD/false memory ocd comes in. I have a few events in my life when I’ve accidentally stumbled across CP ish mangas or just plan abuse and not had a big reaction. Some of them I even liked the story. And my ocd LOVES playing with it, making me truly believe I enjoy and get of from CP. I’ve also had quite a few dreams. A few days ago I had a dream about me getting triggered by something I did in the dream. Which I now can’t figure out if it actually was a dream. But also moments overall where I’ve unintentionally touched my private part while my siblings are in the room or when I found a guy 2 years younger than me pretty in 4th grade. Or a few of my only friends who turned out to be younger than me, and I had talked about sexual things (like fan fictions, my trauma ect) with them. AHSHB I absolutely hate ruminating and I’m tired so so so so so so tried 😭 idk help me? Please TT
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