- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
I have this too..my mistakes are so horrible and disgusting..I hate myself so much for them and I just want to forget :( I get so confused with myself for the things I did..like how did i think all those things where okay back in the day? Why did I like those things? I feel crazy. I am very sorry to hear your going through this :(
- Date posted
- 5y
i feel the exact same way! you are not alone. seriously, i am the EXACT same. i hate myself and i want to forget too. we just have to accept things, and move on. OCD will hold us back, we just have to keep trying.
- Date posted
- 5y
@AlwaysHere Thank you! Your very kind :) I just feel as if you knew the things I did..you would see why I hate myself.. :(
- Date posted
- 5y
@Hana240 i do not hate anybody. i could never. you shouldn’t hate yourself either. practice self compassion. forgive yourself, you know more now than you did then. if you knew better then, you wouldn’t have done it. right? :) look, i feel the same way. i could never tell anyone what i did, i was young. stupid. careless. i didn’t understand what i was doing/that it was wrong. i understand now though. and it seems you do too. if you need someone to talk to, i’m here. if you want to tell me about it, you can. we all need someone to look out for. and i am here. you are not alone.
- Date posted
- 5y
@AlwaysHere Thank you so much :) I would love to tell someone but my anxiety of how they would react scares me. I have told someone on here and they were very nice and understanding.. if you have a social media or anything I could tell you on that or maybe one day I will be brave enough to post about it :)
- Date posted
- 5y
I relate to this so much, but like @AlwaysHere said, you know better now and your mistakes are in the past. I think a lot of us view past mistakes as if we made them with the insight that we have now, but that’s just not the case at all. Every singe person makes mistakes that they’re not proud of and learn from them. Our ocd tries to use these mistakes as “proof” that we’re bad people or that we don’t deserve anything. You have to be kind to yourself, even when your ocd makes you feel like you don’t deserve it. We’re all in this together ?
- Date posted
- 5y
@Hana240 i understand, i feel the same way. honestly, what i did was probably worse. :) my instagram (new for privacy) is “bethereforothersplease”. we can talk there !
- Date posted
- 5y
@AlwaysHere I was reading here and now I am write a little about it. Hating myself is a great problem too, so I know how you feeling, and I wanted to quote something Hana said: How could I done these things in the past, thinking they were ok. This is like a key to understanding, because we are always changing, and in our case, for better. We acted bad, did wrong, but we learned from that and now we understand more, This also have a lot to do with forgiviness. I could say that my event was about me and my eldest sister, when I was like 12 or 14 years old, and kind of sexual assaulted her (disrespect or physical harm can also be used here). Not going into details, cause I learned that this can lead to a cycle of confessing with more details and things can be disgusting. Despite this, do you mind @AlwaysHere if I add you on instagram?
- Date posted
- 5y
@Rob12 Thank you so much :) You are right...we are all in this together!❤
- Date posted
- 5y
@Newstage You can add my Instagram to if you want :) its "staystrongandsmile_"
- Date posted
- 5y
@Hana240 Ok, just added rn :)
- Date posted
- 5y
@Newstage If you ever need anyone to talk to privately you can message me ... I dont judge a thing i promise :)
- Date posted
- 5y
I have this too. :(
- Date posted
- 5y
I am sorry we are going through this :( Its very hard and painful
- Date posted
- 5y
You have to remind yourself that the past is the past. You can’t move on with your future unless you forgive yourself. There’s literally nothing you can do about the past. Focus on how you can better your future and participate in positive activities that keep you in the present moment. We are human. We all make mistakes. Just know that you are not alone and it’s okay to mess up sometimes. You want to be better that’s AWESOME!!
- Date posted
- 5y
CBT focuses on thoughts and behaviors, and they together impacts how you feel. Sometimes we have thoughts running into our head that we even don't realise. These thoughts can make you feel guilt guilty in real event OCD. You've to realise when they are happening with conscious presence. And then replace them... So relate physical sensations when you're feeling guilty in different situations and relate them. When you catch a background thought, replace it. Example, "It's my fault that we started disagreeing and drift apart" can be replaced by "What are the factors that have made us reach here. Can I change them? Do they really matter over our relation?" Keep balancing your thoughts. Give them a justifying and a balanced meaning. Keep relating situations, thoughts, feeling and behaviours to finally stop the compulsions that are happening in the background. When real event OCD fades, the unimportant guilt follows it and leaves too.
- Date posted
- 5y
Neither thoughts nor feelings are facts.
- Date posted
- 5y
@Fear Strikes Out Yeah... I know.
- Date posted
- 5y
@Believe Is thought balancing discussed in Brain Lock?
- Date posted
- 5y
@Fear Strikes Out I don't know whether it is discussed in Brain Lock. Thought balancing is widely discussed in CBT. I'm sharing this after doing it myself from good CBT apps and websites.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 21w
My last and almost life long theme/sub-theme largely subsided recently and my ocd felt like it wasn’t even an issue. Then I went on winter break from uni and being alone made my mind come up with a whole new topic to obsess over. TLDR on my fears, my advisor wouldn’t email me back for a while about signing up for classes so my mind started to worry “what if he doesn’t in time and you can’t enroll this semester and you lose this whole life you just built and all these new friends” So when that issue was resolved my mind found other scarier ways I could be uprooted from my current life and friends that I’ve grown so attached to. Then my mind remembered back when I was struggling with false memories and scrupulosity and I essentially made a post on a forum 2 and a half years ago saying I did something or was convinced I did something that I never actually did. Now I’ve been spiraling about someone finding it reporting me and I either get seen as a horrible person or arrested or something over something I never actually did but “admitted” to out of fear of going to hell. My mind won’t let it go and keeps finding new reasons for it to be “valid” “logical” or even inevitable. I feel like it’s just hanging over my head and I can never rest easy. Especially when I try to focus on my daily tasks or plan for the future I get this horrible flair up of “why plan for the future when this could come back in that future and you get uprooted from all of it” my mind won’t rest without certainty being uprooted won’t happen but certainty doesn’t exist, at least not with ocd. This sucks and I miss being care free.
- Date posted
- 18w
So, I know my capacity to get fixated on things. And it's normally something that's relatively remote but, my latest issue is really getting to me and I was wondering if people have any advice. I'm avoiding getting too into specifics, as I don't want this to get reassurance-y but, in essence.. I came to the realisation recently that people who I'd been "friends" (feels like the wrong term now) when I was younger were not very nice people, and normalized a lot of very unpleasant behaviour towards other members of the group. They really normalized it, sold themselves as figures of authority, as older and more responsible and grown-up than others, and looking back, they acted horribly. And coming to this realisation, that I'd been manipulated into just accepting their behaviour has just... broken me. My OCD has latched onto it and I can't stop feeling irreversibly tainted by it. I've talked to others about it, and they've reassured me, told me it's not a big deal and that I hold myself to too high a standard, but none of that sticks. I feel better for a bit, then think 'Maybe when you told them you were skewing it to make yourself look better' or 'Did you leave out a crucial detail'. I keep ruminating over and over, trying to remember exactly how everything played out, trying to figure out if I fed into the behaviour, if I did something bad myself (because y'know, I feel like I was accepting of it at the time, so what does it say about my own values?). I know I need to stop doing all this if I want to improve, but then some part of me keeps saying 'So, you're just going to let yourself off the hook then?' Normally, I can rationalize my own fears to some degree, assure myself something won't happen, but the realness of the situation, and the fact I only came to understand the reality of it because the thought had been bothering me means it feels so much more all-encompassing. I know confessing in itself is a compulsion, but I keep feeling that if I'm not I'm somehow concealing what I 'really am' from others around me, and any positive interactions are me deceiving them in some way. I feel like I can't enjoy anything in life right now, and a good part of me feels I should not enjoy it ever again. If anybody has any advice on it, I'm all ears. Or even hearing if you relate to these feelings, I might appreciate the solidarity at least.
- Date posted
- 16w
im going to be vague here, but basically i did something in the past that i regret and it became a huge point of my OCD but i have talked to my therapist and i have mostly moved past it. i watched a video by an OCD youtuber that really put it into perspective. anyway, i have been with minimal worry for a few days, but now im having worries related to i think false memory? basically it’s like “oh but what if i said/ did this and just forgot that means i harmed this person im a bad person”. to me it sounds like textbook OCD but im just wondering if anyone else has experienced false memory / real event at the same time. i have a really horrible memory which is making it even more stressful. any responses are appreciated!
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