- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
Wow I relate. The memories feel so real right. However let’s say even if they are. Your a good person because your bothered by it. Hugs
- Date posted
- 6y
But these ‘sexual exploration’ thoughts has just been recent. I am so unsure on where they have come from. Surely if this was true, I would of suffered in guilt a lot longer? In my head I know it’s not possible, but there’s part of me that keeps believing that something disgusting has happened. Just makes me sad.
- Date posted
- 6y
I can really relate to the first thing that you mentioned about being sick. That's the main issue that I'm dealing with at the moment. Unfortunately I don't have any advice, but I figured that it'd help you to know that you're not alone. It's a real pain in the a** especially for my boyfriend because I'm always asking him to make sure if my food is cooked all the way. If I see any pink on chicken I'll panic but he tells me that for dark meat that's normal, so now I go for the white meat instead. I'm not going to sugarcoat it... My OCD is ruining my life. The last point that you brought up, about the sexual abuse... I'm not in that same position, but some part of me panics at the thought that maybe when I was younger I was... Because, well... This is really difficult for me to be somewhat openly talking about and I've never told a soul, but I feel very uncomfortable when my family touches me. I genuinely don't believe that they have ever sexually assaulted me, but my head has got me thinking otherwise. I get these really bad intrusive thoughts, sometimes about sex with family members & it's very very unsettling. I just can't shake them though & I can't talk about it because I'm so unbelievably uncomfortable at the thought of that. When I was in first or second grade, my best friend lived next door. He and I were inseparable. But we were curious kids & I'd let him touch me (with clothes on) & one time my mom saw his hand by my privates & she got very mad. That made me feel really bad and dirty and from that point on I just feel really weird about sex. Idk if it was from that experience or not, but yeah. Sorry I rambled this probably is super off topic with what you posted.
- Date posted
- 6y
For the excessive worry part that you mentioned in the middle, me too. I've always been a nervous person, even as a little kid. Back when I was younger (around the same age as my previous comment), I'd cry and be very very upset and my parents would ask me why. I clearly remember the one day I was standing in the kitchen and I was crying because I was scared that my mom was going to die. I had no reason to believe that she would.. she wasn't sick or anything, I was just terrified at the thought of it.
- Date posted
- 6y
@icepenguin19 I’m so glad that you can relate. Some people think that I’m snobby because I don’t like using public bathrooms or not eating certain foods.. but reality is; it’s my OCD. They don’t understand and I cba to explain it as some individuals are just ignorant. Relating back to the last part - I totally get it. I hate when family members and friends want to smother me with affection or want to be playful. It makes me uncomfortable too which is why I can be quite abrupt and rude sometimes. Also, kids will be kids and sexual exploration is considered normal sometimes within set boundaries and innocence. I wouldn’t feel so bad about my situation if it wasn’t thoughts about my brother; as its completely different when it’s your own skin and blood. :( So embarrassing.
- Date posted
- 6y
It's definitely not easy, especially since most people have never been in our positions. OCD is a hard thing to explain and unless you have dealt with it you probably won't ever really understand it. I've been trying really hard to not get mad at my bf when he doesn't understand why I do what I do, because thankfully he has no idea what it's like. Yes, he never did anything without me giving permission. We still sometimes talk even though we've both moved away, but I can't help but wonder if he remembers what I do about our friendship. Oh yeah, I don't have any siblings so I'm not sure what that's like. For me it's my parents and cousins. I'm adopted so it's not my own skin and blood but it's still super uncomfortable.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 25w
I’ve always had OCD, and for most of my life it was little things that seemed manageable at the time or something that would phase out of my head within a couple days/weeks/months. But, the older I got the more severe it became, I’d find myself collapsing deeper and deeper within my own head trying to out think the thoughts that bothered me. About a year ago I had a thought that rattled me to my core. My brothers and I were watching a movie in our mother’s room when my youngest brother turned to me to say something. His close proximity to me triggered a fleeting sexually explicit image in my head and that thought caused me to spiral. Asking questions like, “are you attracted to your minor brother? Are you attracted to minors? Are you gay? Etc.” a couple days went by and my mental stability continued to crumble until I broke down to my mother, she was understanding and we found a a psychiatrist. I got on medication and for a while everything was slowly but surely trending in a positive direction. The thoughts would still pop into my head but they were becoming more manageable. As we all know OCD and mental illness comes in waves. Currently my OCD has been pretty severe. I feel those intrusive thoughts latching on in my head and it’s been very hard to kick them. It’s gotten to the point where I find myself being uncomfortable being in close proximity with my little brother because I feel as though I am capable of harming him in any way. And the more uncomfortable I become being around him the more I find myself lashing out in anger towards the people I care about the most. Those moments of anger cause me to spiral even farther as my head fills with ideas like “what if you are capable of hurting someone or even murdering them?” There’s times where these thoughts rattle me so much that I feel like it would be better to be in prison where I couldn’t harm someone or that even being dead would be a better solution than possibly running the risk of hurting someone in my life I care about. This is about the jist of it, a majority of the OCD I have is centered around the idea that I am capable of harming my little brother physically, mentally, sexually. It’s been exhausting and it feels like there is no end in sight.
- Date posted
- 17w
Hello all, I don’t have insurance at the moment (lost eligibility due to me making more money, but not enough to afford medication and visits) and have been struggling a LOT. When I was going to therapy, I was diagnosed with Bipolar 2 Disorder. I never got to expand on other mental health concerns I had and it bothers me that I can’t receive the proper advice that I need. If this is not allowed, I completely understand (and you may delete) but I figured I’d give this app a shot to get some clarification and knowledge on the topic. I experience MANY intrusive thoughts that destabilize my relationships and daily mood. I always pitched it to be my B2D symptoms, but the more I read into OCD or rather, Relationship OCD, I feel connected to others’ experiences. My boyfriend has been cheated on in the past—to such a bad degree, that it can be hard for him to trust me. I have never been cheated on nor have I ever thought cheating was okay, but I experience nearly daily intrusive thoughts that I am a horrible partner. Even worse yet, the intrusive thoughts often include overanalyzing my body language and making myself believe that I am somehow presenting myself in a way that would make men “like” me and therefore convincing my boyfriend that I am or will cheat on him if given the chance. It gets so bad that when my boyfriend questions an interaction I have with a dude, I freeze and become so panicked that I feel as though I am “giving away” that I did something wrong—even though I didn’t do anything at all. I am fiercely loyal to people in my life and could never imagine hurting anyone, so the very thought that I could “potentially” do this gnaws away at my social comfortability and self-confidence. I always feel as though I’m a horrible person and I am constantly trying to “make up” for something I didn’t even do. I’ll cry myself to sleep ruminating on every detail of the moment I had these thoughts or when I spoke to my boyfriend about it. It just haunts my thoughts honestly and makes socializing impossible nearly all the time. Eye contact has been a huge problem for me lately even—as if eye contact seals the deal on me being an “unfaithful” partner. Or laughing! Because if I show any sort of interest in the conversation—no matter how respectful and short it is—I believe it’ll spiral into my boyfriend leaving me (which is completely ridiculous and not true!) It’s almost like imposter syndrome in a way—because I feel as though no amount of reassurance or truth that I am a kind, loyal girlfriend, I will eventually ruin it anyway so I don’t deserve respect or affirmations. And it’s not even just with my boyfriend. Friends I have lost in the past clutter my mind as well. I have constant guilt and regret over potentially being a horrible friend despite how hard I fought/fight to keep that person in my life. Honestly, it gets to a point now where I’m convinced I will mess up any form of relationship I have eventually so I suppress my feelings or thoughts that could potentially upset people or make them question if I am really valuable in their life (often I can feel detached from people while being physically present with them because I get so lost in my head about what-ifs or where to look or if I’m causing someone to feel uncomfortable or that what they are or I’m saying isn’t satisfying the “ideal” friendship) . I let people walk all over me, deal with uncomfortable settings to avoid conflict and struggle to assert myself or have any sense of who I truly am with other people. It has put such a strain on me and my relationships, especially my best friend and my boyfriend and I’s relationships—which hold highest priority in my life at the moment. It can be hard to “let go” of people because it’s just another person who I have failed—including my own family members whom have definitely given reason for me to be not close with them. I also struggle with perfectionism and order during “stressful” situations, to the point where I will put myself into an anxiety episode over the simplest changes, unexpected accidents or things not going to plan. Again, this could very well be a symptom of Bipolar, but it truly causes me to blow situations WAY out of proportion and convince myself that I will never resolve it or make things better unless I can set it exactly how it was supposed to be in my head. The executive dysfunction is real on that one…To some, it could be procrastination. Or even just my cycles rapidly changing. But it affects my outlook on most things—financial matters, relationships, responsibilities, hygiene, cleaning. I can go from having complete confidence in doing something, to being doubtful that I could even get myself to get out of bed because I know I won’t do what I need/want to do. Sometimes I’ll even elaborately plan a course of action the day before and then when the time comes to do it, I lose control of my will to do it due to my intrusive thoughts. I do NOT expect anyone to “diagnose” me and I’m not sway the audience into agreeing with me in any way. I truly only want to hear your experiences, and if you also struggle to differentiate if you’ve been properly diagnosed or have overlapping symptoms that you can relate in some way. I want to better understand OCD and possibly connect with people who have had the same experiences. I appreciate any feedback—as long as it’s beneficial to this discussion and helping anyone else who struggle with the same thoughts—or even struggling to identify yourself or afford treatment! I just am curious, and honestly needed to have a platform to express some deep stuff I haven’t really discussed with anyone else besides my boyfriend. Thank yall for reading/listening regardless!
- Date posted
- 13w
Hello, I’m new to this app. I’ve always had an anxious brain, and I’ve had coping mechanisms for as long as I can remember. When I was a kid, from as early as I could spell, until I was probably early teens, I would constantly write words in my head along to the beat of music. It’s such a vivid memory because I never stopped doing it. The word had to perfectly match up to the lyric and I loved that it kept my brain busy. I grew out of that, but felt like good context. My anxiety increased drastically around ages 17-19, and I began therapy. I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety and panic disorder, due to having a panic attack nearly every day at that time. I overcame that as well, and now the panic attacks are every now and then, but the anxiety is constant, and some recent symptoms have led me to believe I might have some form of OCD. Maybe not. I’m trying to understand myself and get better so I joined this app to make sense of things. Lately I’ve been having really intense intrusive thoughts. I’m really embarassed and they make me feel like a bad person. Thoughts pop in my head seemingly out of nowhere. It will be an image of me harming myself or someone else in a really bad way. (Trigger warning) for example the other day I couldn’t shake the image of me putting a knife through my own forehead, although it’s not something I want to do. Or I’ll imagine someone killing me. I imagine my loved ones dying often. The thoughts feel so out of my control it’s insane. I hate them. Another persistent issue that isn’t as new is replaying social scenarios. I’m a hairstylist so this one is difficult since I meet a bunch of new people every day. I obsess over how I act and if people like me. I will impulsively say things all the time and they will haunt me for weeks. I question even my closest friends and family who show their love. I find myself so angry and numb and like I have so much built up emotion and a busy mind always. While doing my job I spiral really badly if any little thing goes wrong and it’s embarassing. I know there’s more but I can’t think of it now. I just want to feel better and like I’m not constantly battling my mind.
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