- Date posted
- 6y ago
- Date posted
- 6y ago
Wow I relate. The memories feel so real right. However let’s say even if they are. Your a good person because your bothered by it. Hugs
- Date posted
- 6y ago
But these ‘sexual exploration’ thoughts has just been recent. I am so unsure on where they have come from. Surely if this was true, I would of suffered in guilt a lot longer? In my head I know it’s not possible, but there’s part of me that keeps believing that something disgusting has happened. Just makes me sad.
- Date posted
- 6y ago
I can really relate to the first thing that you mentioned about being sick. That's the main issue that I'm dealing with at the moment. Unfortunately I don't have any advice, but I figured that it'd help you to know that you're not alone. It's a real pain in the a** especially for my boyfriend because I'm always asking him to make sure if my food is cooked all the way. If I see any pink on chicken I'll panic but he tells me that for dark meat that's normal, so now I go for the white meat instead. I'm not going to sugarcoat it... My OCD is ruining my life. The last point that you brought up, about the sexual abuse... I'm not in that same position, but some part of me panics at the thought that maybe when I was younger I was... Because, well... This is really difficult for me to be somewhat openly talking about and I've never told a soul, but I feel very uncomfortable when my family touches me. I genuinely don't believe that they have ever sexually assaulted me, but my head has got me thinking otherwise. I get these really bad intrusive thoughts, sometimes about sex with family members & it's very very unsettling. I just can't shake them though & I can't talk about it because I'm so unbelievably uncomfortable at the thought of that. When I was in first or second grade, my best friend lived next door. He and I were inseparable. But we were curious kids & I'd let him touch me (with clothes on) & one time my mom saw his hand by my privates & she got very mad. That made me feel really bad and dirty and from that point on I just feel really weird about sex. Idk if it was from that experience or not, but yeah. Sorry I rambled this probably is super off topic with what you posted.
- Date posted
- 6y ago
For the excessive worry part that you mentioned in the middle, me too. I've always been a nervous person, even as a little kid. Back when I was younger (around the same age as my previous comment), I'd cry and be very very upset and my parents would ask me why. I clearly remember the one day I was standing in the kitchen and I was crying because I was scared that my mom was going to die. I had no reason to believe that she would.. she wasn't sick or anything, I was just terrified at the thought of it.
- Date posted
- 6y ago
@icepenguin19 I’m so glad that you can relate. Some people think that I’m snobby because I don’t like using public bathrooms or not eating certain foods.. but reality is; it’s my OCD. They don’t understand and I cba to explain it as some individuals are just ignorant. Relating back to the last part - I totally get it. I hate when family members and friends want to smother me with affection or want to be playful. It makes me uncomfortable too which is why I can be quite abrupt and rude sometimes. Also, kids will be kids and sexual exploration is considered normal sometimes within set boundaries and innocence. I wouldn’t feel so bad about my situation if it wasn’t thoughts about my brother; as its completely different when it’s your own skin and blood. :( So embarrassing.
- Date posted
- 6y ago
It's definitely not easy, especially since most people have never been in our positions. OCD is a hard thing to explain and unless you have dealt with it you probably won't ever really understand it. I've been trying really hard to not get mad at my bf when he doesn't understand why I do what I do, because thankfully he has no idea what it's like. Yes, he never did anything without me giving permission. We still sometimes talk even though we've both moved away, but I can't help but wonder if he remembers what I do about our friendship. Oh yeah, I don't have any siblings so I'm not sure what that's like. For me it's my parents and cousins. I'm adopted so it's not my own skin and blood but it's still super uncomfortable.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 13w ago
Hi, I’m new here!! I’m praying I don’t get judged for this. But, back in late May of 2022 ( literally right before I graduated high school), I added this one random girl from my school on Snapchat. She posted something about a graduation party , so I swiped up on her story basically saying how I can’t believe we’re almost graduated. She replied and we had a really short and simple conversation. The next day ( i believe) , we started talking a lot , and I just so happened to see her at the highschool when we were grabbing our graduation outfits and doing the rehearsal. When I saw her irl, I kinda got turned off ( I heard she was kinda crazy) , and on top of that , she was a little ugly irl. I remember seeing her Snapchat bio , and she was close friends with my female cousin ( a year younger than me) , who I happened to experiment sexually with when I was 10-11 years old. I remember going to work later that day and having sort of a lightbulb flick thought ( it wasn’t a good thought though) , what if my cousin told her about what happened when we were younger? So I started to kind of panic and immediately distanced myself from that girl. I also experimented sexually with one of my female friends when I was 10-11 , and from that day onwards, I’ve been pretty much living in paranoia and a little bit of guilt about someone finding out and my life being ruined . On top of that, It’s gotten worse to now sometimes I wonder if a girl I added off of quick add ( Snapchat) is underage even if they told me they were 18+ or had 18 and above in their bio, and I get so much guilt and anxiety about that. I even had a quick thought last February on what if I did something inappropriate with my younger cousin when I was 15-16 but I just can’t exactly remember when it happened , and it still eats me alive when I think about it, because I don’t know if it happened or not. I’m sorry for the long vent, I just wish I felt normal again. No matter how much I try to do things that old me used to do, life always feels “ off”. I always kept the top part about when I was younger a secret up until early (ish ) 2024, then I vented to one of my best friends and he told me that that’s a normal thing to do at a young age. Since then, I have told multiple friends and they all say they did similar stuff, but my brain just can’t accept that. Please help me, I quite literally overthink everything nowadays. 2021 was the last full year that I felt normal ( coincidentally, the best year of my life so far) . It’s not just about sexual related things either, sometimes I’ll wonder if I messed up something at work or hit a car while driving/hit someone and drove off. I just wanna live my life how I was supposed to live it after highschool ( carefree and happy) before whatever it is ( I think it’s ocd) hit me unexpectedly. Thanks to anyone who read this , I just needed to pour it out regardless of how negative I felt typing this, I hope someone can relate , because I feel so alone in my head at times.
- Date posted
- 10w ago
Hello, I unknowingly have lived with ROCD or OCD (not sure what one. I’m new to this). It has ruined so many amazing romantic and platonic relationships and I am so sad that just now I am finding out what the hell is wrong with me. Maybe life would be different if I have known. My OCD and anxiety is at an all time high (ATH) due to some horrible events that have happened in the recent months. I am at the point where paranoia has taken over my life now. I had my first panic attack a few weeks ago where I fainted. My anxiety attacks are so extreme I go thought cognitive distortion that has lasted days. My girlfriend of 3 years is my emotional guardian and she no long has the energy to be that and honestly it’s not her responsibility to be that. She is bi and wanted to have an open relationship and for someone who has OCD this has not been good for me. She also was assaulted in my own home by a good friend of ours when I was out of town but it’s not a clear situation because it sounded consensual at first. I just left my very high paying job. I am financially secure but the job was emotionally abusive and looking back made my OCD worse. I am taking some time off to get my head right…but now, all I have to do during the day is live in my OCD. I’m very happy I finally figured out why I act the way I do but I don’t know if I can get better quick enough to save my relationship. I have never been so worried about myself (M 28 years old). I am a confident young professional and never thought I would be writing on a page like this. Anyway…I hope it gets better.
- Date posted
- 10w ago
Hi, I'm 17,about to be 18. I've been struggling with these thoughts for the past 8 months. I was wondering if someone experienced ever the same because I feel im "different". BACKGROUND: (I'm not diagnosed with Ocd but seeing a local counselor) About 9 months ago I cheated on my boyfriend with this guy S (who blackmailed, manipulated and molested me). Since then when I realized that what i did was very WRONG and so I started ruminating picking apart every single interaction and telling my boyfriend, i tried to remember every single detail because otherwise I felt like i was being a fraud and hiding things to save myself, i had many crisis about it because I had also what i think was false memory ocd. My boyfriend forgave me idk how tbh I still wonder. CURRENT STRUGGLE: Months ago I was sure I didn't wanna S in any way and i was sure even when everything happened. For the past 2 months tho I've been having thoughts like " Do I love S?" "I love S" "S is hot" "Would S find me hot?" "What if I want S?" " What if I don't love my boyfriend enough?" "What if I secretly want S?" "What if I see my boyfriend as a friend only?Do I?" And I tried testing my reaction to intimate scenarios with S, I'm scared I like it i dont really wanna love S or have any secret attraction, I wish I didn't have any of this and I want to be sure of my feelings for my boyfriend because I know I wanna be with him and I see a future with him like he brings me comfort. But a part of me keeps trying to convince me otherwise. Sometimes I think I'd rather die than have these thoughts. Im so scared of not being able to control my feelings, im scared I can't resist S and its giving me anxiety and making me cry. Sometimes when i think of those sexual scenarios with S or I get those thoughts my mind tells me to smile because i like it because I find it funny. It makes me doubt myself all over again. Like I'm always like I need to test if I'd feel aroused to intimate scenarios with S, lately im trying to fight this urge to test and test but my mind is like "just do it this once so you can be sure. I can never watch anything romantic or sexual or whatever because my mind would be like "you and S" or sometimes I'm just enjoying time with my bf and im like " yes we can just have a sneaky cheating thing thats ok" and it makes me want to figure it out to find an answer a solution because idk it just does like I need to find the meaning of it if it means the truth and all. Im worried im just an awful person and these thoughts just ruin my quality of life . Today i had a crisis where i ended up doinf swlf harm, I'm so scared of finding someone that's not my boyfriend desirable or sexual appealing or whatever it is, I also have bodily reactions when I try to imagine and test my reaction to scenarios. Now i keep groing everytime and I dont know why but i have this sensation and I dont want to havebit especially when its something S related. Does someone experience the same thoughts? Am I alone in this? Is this ROCD? What should i do?
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