i just feel like this has ruined my life. even when i’m doing good in the back of my mind i’m worried if i see a child. it’s so hard because it’s always been my dream to have children in the future, all my life i wanted to be a mum, and now i don’t even know if i want to because of this and i feel like i can’t because i’m so disgusting. i can’t even go to therapy or talk to anyone about this because my biggest fear is them telling me it’s not ocd and that means i’m just an evil person. this means i haven’t been diagnosed which makes me feel worse because although i’ve done a lot of research obviously i can’t diagnose myself. i’m just so scared of what i’ll be told. i feel like i’m constantly living in fear of what i might do or what someone would think if they knew about the intrusive thoughts etc. even writing this i’m terrified people are going to think i’m a p because i haven’t been diagnosed with ocd.

Hi, I've literally just had my first phonecall with a therapist over this and other things I was terrified I was going to be reported. I know I'm not supposed to reassure but i know exactly what you are going through I have a child and i get horrible urges which make me question everything, I know I dont want to do these things but its like my OCD makes me get this horrible feeling in my hand that makes me feel like I need to do something Telling the therapist all this was scary but they told me they are going to help and they are not concerened that I am a threat so do yourself a favour and get on the phone and refer yourself. You will feel better, my mind is still trying to find ways to make me doubt things but I'm just fighting through it.

I’m in the same situation. But I’m only at 5 weeks therapy I know I’ll have to work daily for a while to get to a place where I don’t give importance to the thoughts. We will get there :))

First I’m happy you got on a phone call :))) And regarding the original author of the message if felt exactly the same. I always knew the only thing I’m going to success is being a mum and you know what this dream is accessible. Your OCD won’t stop it. Start therapy and will learn how slowly looking at child again and even more being a mum one day. Start therapy !!!

Thankyou, I totally agree. Avoiding being a mum will just make you even more unhappy and just prolong your anxiety. Honestly even though I struggle sometimes with the thoughts about my son, sometimes he is my saviour when I'm feeling down, I just hold him and I know I would never hurt him They are the best thing to have ever happened to me. You know deep down past that OCD you are not capable of these things.

and i don’t get as anxious as i used to so then i worry that it means that these thoughts are what i want even though i know they definitely definitely aren’t!!

Be brave. Are you in therapy ?!