- Username
- h.1
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Hi, I've literally just had my first phonecall with a therapist over this and other things I was terrified I was going to be reported. I know I'm not supposed to reassure but i know exactly what you are going through I have a child and i get horrible urges which make me question everything, I know I dont want to do these things but its like my OCD makes me get this horrible feeling in my hand that makes me feel like I need to do something Telling the therapist all this was scary but they told me they are going to help and they are not concerened that I am a threat so do yourself a favour and get on the phone and refer yourself. You will feel better, my mind is still trying to find ways to make me doubt things but I'm just fighting through it.
thanks so much, i’ll definitely try and do the same
I’m in the same situation. But I’m only at 5 weeks therapy I know I’ll have to work daily for a while to get to a place where I don’t give importance to the thoughts. We will get there :))
First I’m happy you got on a phone call :))) And regarding the original author of the message if felt exactly the same. I always knew the only thing I’m going to success is being a mum and you know what this dream is accessible. Your OCD won’t stop it. Start therapy and will learn how slowly looking at child again and even more being a mum one day. Start therapy !!!
Thankyou, I totally agree. Avoiding being a mum will just make you even more unhappy and just prolong your anxiety. Honestly even though I struggle sometimes with the thoughts about my son, sometimes he is my saviour when I'm feeling down, I just hold him and I know I would never hurt him They are the best thing to have ever happened to me. You know deep down past that OCD you are not capable of these things.
and i don’t get as anxious as i used to so then i worry that it means that these thoughts are what i want even though i know they definitely definitely aren’t!!
Be brave. Are you in therapy ?!
Someone please read this. I’m suffering a lot with pocd. It is the worst thing I have ever experienced. It truly makes me feel evil and disgusting and I’ve never hated myself more. The worst part is I have a younger sister who I absolutely adore obviously but now I’m afraid to be around any younger kids even though I know they’re just scary thoughts. I can’t help but think that I should stay away from them even if I have just had these thoughts cross my mind. I feel like this feeling is never going to go away and it’s ruining my life I really don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like I can’t live with this ‘secret’ because I feel like I’m hiding an evil trait. And I can’t stress enough how much I know that they’re not my true thoughts and of course I think it is disgusting and the most vile thing I could think of. And I think that’s why it distresses me so much, because it’s my worst nightmare. But never the less the thoughts are still haunting me no matter what. I really need help because I can’t imagine living with this forever but I can never see it fully going away. When I think about the future even, I feel like I can’t live the life I want because all I’ve ever been sure of is that I want to be a mum and now I feel like I cannot be. What can I do, I feel so helpless and out of control of my own mind.
trying to sit with the intrusive thoughts and fear, it’s so hard. i don’t want this. i just want to go back to my normal self who only focused on what i wanted to and not this shell of who i use to be dying to just live again. pocd is the worst theme, it’s taken over my life. every move i make i am just overthinking everything. my brain tells me lies and sometimes i am so afraid i question if i am just “in denial” it’s so terrifying. i feel so so so much guilt, i would and could never hurt a child, it hurts me to even think about it. it makes me feel evil that i have intrusive thoughts. my brain tells me i am “attracted” to kids even though i know i am not, it’s hell. i’ve been having a huge flare up, maybe bc i am on my period, but it’s super difficult lately. i visited my nephew this weekend and i had so much fun, but of course my pocd ruined it and put intrusive thoughts in my head and said i was “attracted” AND I AM NOT, i was disgusting like ACTUALLY HORRIFIED. i wanted to go home so badly and when i got home i just felt so much guilt. pocd has ruined me. i want to be a mom, i want to be an amazing aunt. why is this disorder attacking me so much. :(
i haven’t been diagnosed w/ ocd but my therapist says i have like symptoms of it but i recently just stared dealing w/ Pocd (hell) that my therapist says was triggered from the sound of freedom which absolutely breaks my heart bc i was so excited to support the movie but now i feel like it’s one of my biggest regrets. i feel as if i would’ve never watched the movie i would’ve possibly never started dealing w/ this. But my biggest scare now w/ this is having my own kids . i’m F18 and throughout my whole teenhood my biggest goal and dream was to become a mother a GOOD mother. everything i tried doing was motivated by the thoughts of giving my kids the absolute best one day. Now i feel like it’s my biggest fear w/ dealing w/ this and i don’t know how i’d even explain to someone like my bf for example, of the reason why i don’t want to have kids anymore ( though i still really do but i just literally feel like can’t because of this 💔💔) are there any mothers out there w/ Pocd w/ kids out here? how do you cope w/ this? should i even have kids?? i also feel as if it kinda bad rn. i was doing good for a couple weeks and last night it just rushed back for no reason. i’ve learned what groinal responses are ( it absolutely scared the shit out of me before i found out what it was and i was just not okay and sort still am not when it happens. it just feel too real and i end up sobbing god i hate this ) and i feel as if i’m constantly body checking myself especially when i see a cute baby or children tiktok i love babies n kids id never wanna hurt them in such away i rather pass away. i just can’t believe why this this happening i used to be so much more happier before this and i really don’t know how to deal w/ this and what i should do😖💔💔
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