- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
My mother probably has OCD and I know how you feel. Her ego is gigantic and she feels like when we tell her to go to therapist to talk about her obsessive thoughts she says us out loud everyday she feels offended like she hears " you're mental " instead . To be honest I dont think she will ever go to doctor and I think you should take care of yourself first. Depression is hard and anxiety sucks. Once you get gigantic anxiety and depression you'll develop certain behaviours and thinking patterns that are difficult to stop so it will take much more time to cure your anxiety and depression than actually developing it by wanting to help your husband . I don't know how old are you and if you have children but it's a waste of time if you have to lost yourself for someone who doesnt want help
- Date posted
- 5y
I know I’m wasting my time... I’m 32 and I have a 2year old... I was almost out of it... but he’s manipulative... he makes me believe things will change etc... but I’m starting to realise I’m ruining my life here... more over I’m too scared because the level of his involvement in my life and the obsession is something I’m afraid to even dig deep into
- Date posted
- 5y
Also, recommend the book "When a Family Member has OCD" by Jon Hershfield.
- Date posted
- 5y
Gonna try that
- Date posted
- 5y
Thanks
- Date posted
- 5y
At first it was just obsession about where what goes... everything has to be in a place or rather out of sight... and mostly that means most of my stuff goes missing and he always interferes with my belongings... even takes things out of my handbag and keeps them in places he thinks is right and then there are times I’ve gone to the supermarket and realised my purse is not in my handbag... silly things initially but they used to bug me... but I started to see more obsessive traits about me.... I strongly believe he was spying on me with his gadgets... he used to track my phone n never tell me about it until one day I did find out... and just last week I found out he hacked into my mother’s house cctv ( cuz I go there often) and he never told me about it until I caught him snooping into his phone to see a familiar view... he immediately hid it... but then the lies etc etc... and then he try’s to get away with it saying he’s only doing it cuz he cares... I’m sorry... but I only see creepy... and I’m so uncomfortable...
- Date posted
- 5y
In my opinion it doesnt sound very much like OCD but I'm not a doctor
- Date posted
- 5y
Well, the arranging of items could be OCD related or OCPD. The distinction is that if it is OCD, he does it to get a "just right" feeling to reduce the anxiety of things "being out of place." On the other hand, if he strongly believes that there is a right or wrong way to arrange things without having an urge to reduce any underlying anxiety, then it's probably OCPD. OCPD is very difficult to successfully treat because it's a personality disorder. With respect to the spying, that is definitely not a hallmark of a healthy marital relationship. I recommend addressing your own anxiety and depression issues so that you can make good decisions about the future of your marital relationship.
- Date posted
- 5y
@Fear Strikes Out Yes... OCPD is what he has... you’re right...
- Date posted
- 5y
@Fear Strikes Out He says he wasn’t spying and that he just installed it on his phone and he meant to tell me and all that bullshit... but I’m worried... is that obsession ??? I know it’s completely unhealthy and it’s crazy... but I feel guilty to leave him... I want to help him out of it... I really do.. but at what cost ?
- Date posted
- 5y
@OCD spouse That is not good. Insight is generally extremely poor for those with OCPD. Is he very rigid in his thinking generally?
- Date posted
- 5y
@OCD spouse Would the two of you be open to couples therapy where these issues can be discussed between yourselves with a therapist facilitating? Also, if you search online for the Yale-Brown Obsessive Compulsion Scale (YBOCS), maybe he will take a brief 10 question assessment for OCD. Alternatively, maybe he can be diagnosed by a psychologist? Would your threat to leave with the baby motivate him to seek professional counseling?
- Date posted
- 5y
@Fear Strikes Out Yes I’ve threatened... and he says hel do it... but when it comes to the real deal he backs off... also.. he’s a surgeon ..... most of the psychologists are his colleagues or friend and he has a high profile in society... that stops him from going to a therapist I guess... n he thinks a psychiatrist is better than a psychologist... again... ego bullshit... and finally hel chose someone who he thinks is ok for him to go to... but I know there will be a biased opinion... and he has met my therapist once... n he said that my husband sounds like a very normal person and he’s so composed and seems so caring etc...but there are lots of layers to uncover n he needed a lot more sessions... of course he believed he was hiding it all.. because I had been in sessions with him earlier... but then my husband never followed it up I’m so tired... I’m afraid I’m losing focus over my son in the midst of all this drama
- Date posted
- 5y
@OCD spouse When you said he's a physician, that screams OCPD to me. That doesn't make it trie, but it is true for many medical doctors. Also, going to therapy with someone you know (even if only an acquaintance) is generally frowned upon in counseling circles, at least in the States. Also, in the States, psychiatrists rarely do counseling. Their focus is medication management. It's the psychologists, counselors, and social workers who provide therapy.
- Date posted
- 5y
@OCD spouse What country are you from?
- Date posted
- 5y
Hm... maybe not.. but he does have those traits... plus a lot of other traits... I’ve tried therapy for him... to talk and see what and how I can help.. my therapist says he’s way too complex to figure out through me and he needs to have a few sessions with him but it never happened
- Date posted
- 5y
What types of behaviors does he exhibit?
- Date posted
- 5y
Feel welcome here, but know there may be other groups to seek out for more help too. Some of it sounds OCD, OCPD, narcissistic, manipulative, who knows without legitimate degrees and consultations with him. But it sounds like it’s possibly abusive. I don’t want to tell you if it is or isn’t. Just remember, the victim of abuse is the one who has the right to decide if it is. You can’t help him the best if you’re hurting too much because of him. If there’s any hotlines you want numbers for and you don’t feel comfortable looking them up, ask us, including support groups for OCD sufferers’ family members. Unfortunately with so many things, he has to want to change in order to do so. Seriously wishing the best for you all.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 22w
What is a common family joke. OCD is hereditary on my father's side. However I also live with complex PTSD, and ADHD. I didn't learn till recently how severe my OCD is and the intensity gets amplified if the though goes to either of the other two. It's a loop I've identified recently... just little too late. I've lived with OCD for years not really addressing it till I see that's the very reason I cause damage to loved ones. I'm married, 33, a vet. My marriage is not in the best place now. I have a son who's 4 and already showing signs of OCD. Currently my marriage is at a point where we are working on ourselves. It's discovered that my wife's issues are reflections of my own. I understand fully now that I am the center of the issues but also the solution. I need help for me. What happens with my relationships depends on me showing that I am better and able to process thoughts and emotions better. Journaling helps alot. Trying to do hobbies or this that and 3rd but. I'm willing to try anything. Things are on a line. I'm open to any and all POV and ideas. I'm not out crying. I'm taking a big step for me. Something 25 years over due. Thank you for reading this. As I tell myself now. You'll best this and be better
- Date posted
- 17w
I personally do not have OCD I am here because I love my bf of 6 years He is a great guy but he is having a hard time with rocd he is currently going through a lot of anxiety with was triggered by us discussing engagement plans This makes me sad because we love each other and I hate seeing a good man having to fight his own mind to be able to be in a relationship with me Someone tell me what to do Point me in the right direction please I am here for him and I will not abandon him I want to go back to him with everything I will learn from you guys Thank you
- Date posted
- 16w
My husband told me recently he was going to hang out with a local friend he often goes to see. It got very late and I heard nothing from him. Tried calling and texting. Stayed up all night thinking maybe he was dead or injured. Logged into our cell phone account to see if I could find any recent location and discovered he had talked to someone on the phone that night but he was like 2 hours away from home at that time. And also saw a phone number he was spending hours on the phone with every day. I had been confronting him about his secrecy prior to that and he kept telling me it was this friend or that friend, or he was just taking the dog on a long walk or having a fire out back. He finally called me back in the morning and I yelled at him. He told me he was randomly with two friends from longer ago and had gotten drunk and passed out, and hadn't told me about these plans because I had a heart surgery a few weeks prior and health concerns and he didn't want to stress me out. He told me the phone number was a girl that he related to on trauma factors and that he views like a little sister. He said he didn't tell me because he was caught up in his trauma spilling of events he didn't share with a single person since they occurred to him 35 years ago, due to feelings of shame and anger, and that he thought I would view it as emotional cheating. I told him it really could be viewed as emotional cheating and in principle, honesty shouldn't be dependent upon the outcome... lying isn't justified because I would be upset by the truth. Since then, he's been more open with me and tells me when that girl is calling, talks to me about their conversations, answers her calls when I'm present. I talked to him about boundaries and things I'm uncomfortable with or bothered by and he changes those things. Especially because I have trauma from an emotionally abusive ex, having him lie to me when I directly questioned him about what I was perceiving or experiencing and telling me those experiences weren't real, when they actually WERE real, has really messed me up. Now when he wants to hang out with a friend, I don't trust it. But I'm handling these feelings in destructive OCD ways. I spend literally the entire time he's gone thinking and thinking and thinking about what if he's lying or what he might be doing instead of what he said. I call and text him intermittently and feel like all of my obsessive thoughts are confirmed if he doesn't answer right away. I'm always checking the phone history. The driving toll history. Scrutinizing everything. I cannot get out of this mindset. It's like this horrible mixture of emotional flashbacks and OCD. I don't want to live like this. I want to work on my relationship in productive ways. I want to be able to use my own time while my husband is gone. Even if he lied to me and is somewhere other than he said, I don't want to lie in bed just thinking and thinking and thinking for entire days and nights. I'm not sure what I'm really asking here. This is just the only place where I feel like I can share this without people thinking "wow she's crazy".
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