- Username
- Anonymous
- Date posted
- 4y ago
My mother probably has OCD and I know how you feel. Her ego is gigantic and she feels like when we tell her to go to therapist to talk about her obsessive thoughts she says us out loud everyday she feels offended like she hears " you're mental " instead . To be honest I dont think she will ever go to doctor and I think you should take care of yourself first. Depression is hard and anxiety sucks. Once you get gigantic anxiety and depression you'll develop certain behaviours and thinking patterns that are difficult to stop so it will take much more time to cure your anxiety and depression than actually developing it by wanting to help your husband . I don't know how old are you and if you have children but it's a waste of time if you have to lost yourself for someone who doesnt want help
I know I’m wasting my time... I’m 32 and I have a 2year old... I was almost out of it... but he’s manipulative... he makes me believe things will change etc... but I’m starting to realise I’m ruining my life here... more over I’m too scared because the level of his involvement in my life and the obsession is something I’m afraid to even dig deep into
Also, recommend the book "When a Family Member has OCD" by Jon Hershfield.
Gonna try that
Thanks
At first it was just obsession about where what goes... everything has to be in a place or rather out of sight... and mostly that means most of my stuff goes missing and he always interferes with my belongings... even takes things out of my handbag and keeps them in places he thinks is right and then there are times I’ve gone to the supermarket and realised my purse is not in my handbag... silly things initially but they used to bug me... but I started to see more obsessive traits about me.... I strongly believe he was spying on me with his gadgets... he used to track my phone n never tell me about it until one day I did find out... and just last week I found out he hacked into my mother’s house cctv ( cuz I go there often) and he never told me about it until I caught him snooping into his phone to see a familiar view... he immediately hid it... but then the lies etc etc... and then he try’s to get away with it saying he’s only doing it cuz he cares... I’m sorry... but I only see creepy... and I’m so uncomfortable...
In my opinion it doesnt sound very much like OCD but I'm not a doctor
Well, the arranging of items could be OCD related or OCPD. The distinction is that if it is OCD, he does it to get a "just right" feeling to reduce the anxiety of things "being out of place." On the other hand, if he strongly believes that there is a right or wrong way to arrange things without having an urge to reduce any underlying anxiety, then it's probably OCPD. OCPD is very difficult to successfully treat because it's a personality disorder. With respect to the spying, that is definitely not a hallmark of a healthy marital relationship. I recommend addressing your own anxiety and depression issues so that you can make good decisions about the future of your marital relationship.
@Fear Strikes Out Yes... OCPD is what he has... you’re right...
@Fear Strikes Out He says he wasn’t spying and that he just installed it on his phone and he meant to tell me and all that bullshit... but I’m worried... is that obsession ??? I know it’s completely unhealthy and it’s crazy... but I feel guilty to leave him... I want to help him out of it... I really do.. but at what cost ?
@OCD spouse That is not good. Insight is generally extremely poor for those with OCPD. Is he very rigid in his thinking generally?
@OCD spouse Would the two of you be open to couples therapy where these issues can be discussed between yourselves with a therapist facilitating? Also, if you search online for the Yale-Brown Obsessive Compulsion Scale (YBOCS), maybe he will take a brief 10 question assessment for OCD. Alternatively, maybe he can be diagnosed by a psychologist? Would your threat to leave with the baby motivate him to seek professional counseling?
@Fear Strikes Out Yes I’ve threatened... and he says hel do it... but when it comes to the real deal he backs off... also.. he’s a surgeon ..... most of the psychologists are his colleagues or friend and he has a high profile in society... that stops him from going to a therapist I guess... n he thinks a psychiatrist is better than a psychologist... again... ego bullshit... and finally hel chose someone who he thinks is ok for him to go to... but I know there will be a biased opinion... and he has met my therapist once... n he said that my husband sounds like a very normal person and he’s so composed and seems so caring etc...but there are lots of layers to uncover n he needed a lot more sessions... of course he believed he was hiding it all.. because I had been in sessions with him earlier... but then my husband never followed it up I’m so tired... I’m afraid I’m losing focus over my son in the midst of all this drama
@OCD spouse When you said he's a physician, that screams OCPD to me. That doesn't make it trie, but it is true for many medical doctors. Also, going to therapy with someone you know (even if only an acquaintance) is generally frowned upon in counseling circles, at least in the States. Also, in the States, psychiatrists rarely do counseling. Their focus is medication management. It's the psychologists, counselors, and social workers who provide therapy.
@OCD spouse What country are you from?
Hm... maybe not.. but he does have those traits... plus a lot of other traits... I’ve tried therapy for him... to talk and see what and how I can help.. my therapist says he’s way too complex to figure out through me and he needs to have a few sessions with him but it never happened
What types of behaviors does he exhibit?
Feel welcome here, but know there may be other groups to seek out for more help too. Some of it sounds OCD, OCPD, narcissistic, manipulative, who knows without legitimate degrees and consultations with him. But it sounds like it’s possibly abusive. I don’t want to tell you if it is or isn’t. Just remember, the victim of abuse is the one who has the right to decide if it is. You can’t help him the best if you’re hurting too much because of him. If there’s any hotlines you want numbers for and you don’t feel comfortable looking them up, ask us, including support groups for OCD sufferers’ family members. Unfortunately with so many things, he has to want to change in order to do so. Seriously wishing the best for you all.
My husband has contamination ocd and I try to be supportive and learn the most I can but he needs to take the lead and confront his anxiety. He tends to try to avoid and make his anxiety better with rituals. Even with professional help, he hasn’t consistently done ERP. I don’t know what to do anymore; it makes my general anxiety worse. At some point he needs to help himself. How does a person get to that point? Is there any other spouses of people with ocd out there?
Hello everyone! I am not the one having OCD, but my boyfriend does, and it is combined with depression. He hides it pretty well (he doesn't want to make me or any other person sad) and acts like everything is normal most of the time (makes everyone laugh etc. - like many other depressed people) even though I know he suffers a lot. We know each other on a very deep level and I am the only person who he has told about having OCD and depression, and I just want to help him as much as I can. The thing is that he has a lot of negative thoughts most of the time and if he doesn't do something, for example, claps his hands 8 times, he believes 100% something bad is going to happen to me, like I'm gonna get hurt or something. At the moment it is not possible for him to talk to specialized OCD therapist as there is not one in the area where we live in, but I am confident that I can help him or, even better, guide him, so he helps himself, so that he, at least, suffers less from this. What advice would you give me? I know that I shouldn't be too pushy or telling him what I think he should do. I just want him to know that I'm there for him and that, even though I cannot understand what he's going through, I can at least educate myself about OCD (I've seen some self-help books you posted here) and talk to him about what I've read, because I think it is better to talk about it rather than him hiding it and suffering in silence.. This is how I thought I could help him: When I see or when he tells me that compulsions are happening or going to happen, I'm gonna let him know that he is not going through this alone and that he can trust me. Then I will ask him to tell me what kind of thoughts are going through his mind at the moment, and if he, for example, tells me that he thinks something bad is gonna happen to me I'm gonna tell him to try not to do any compulsive behaviour and try to, no matter how hard it is at the moment, accept that thought and repeat after me: You are safe. I am safe. We are always going to be safe. Only good things happen to us and always will. I believe that if this is done constantly that it will make his OCD more managenable (and depression as well). I would really appreciate any comment, expert or from a person having a similar experience that my boyfriend has. I really want to help him. Thank you! ❤
I kinda am really alone with this one. I got diagnosed 3 years ago and never went back to therapy. I don't really want help... I'm just here to kinda learn about other people. I've never met someone who has ocd like I do. You may think "they all say that" but I just never have. I got diagnosed when I told my therapist my obsession with gore/nercophilia. I can't believe I'm even talking about it right now. It makes me feel sick. I can't stand it. My mom has undiagnosed bpd. I may be wrong about this, I'm not a professional, but she has all the symptoms. Every single small thing about it too she has, and so do I. Having ocd along with it is even harder. I researched on having both and it's not common but also not impossible? If not, then if I don't have both, I would fit under the ocd title more than ocd. My point is, I feel alone. I just want someone to read this... I hate to admit it, but I want some sympathy. My partner has been really bad to me lately and I can't leave them cause I love them too much. So I don't beg him for comfort cause I know they might leave if I do. I feel like a burden. Please don't comment on that. Actually, are their even comments on this thing? Embarrassing if not..
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