- Date posted
- 4y ago
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Did calling the hotline help? You can call again ☺.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
It did for a little bit, I had the breakdown in the shower after that. Im at work right now. I feel miserable
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@luchalysol I've been in your position on more than one occasion over the years. If you can, go through the motions the best you can and be compassionate with yourself about what you're able to do.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@Ben84 I just wanna be happy and healthy for my son. Im trying my best to deal with it but its getting harder and harder. Im scared Imma lose this battle
- Date posted
- 4y ago
My therapist is on vacation. Im much calmer now, but Im afraid
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I'm glad you're calmer now☺. The SOS feature unfortunately won't put you in contact with a therapist, but it will walk you through some things a therapist might ask and do in a moment like you're experiencing.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@Ben84 Im getting calmer. Ocd keeps telling me not to cause or else it means I do wanna hurt/kill someone but it isn't true. Can't shake the guilt I feel.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Well got past the first obstacle ☺. Now the next one is believing that calmness equals wanting to do it. Continue sitting with the uncertainty and go about your job. You're doing well ☺!
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Im trying. I really do appreciate you taking the time to respond. I feel so bad over my thoughts. Im hoping Im not the exception and Im not the only one dealing with these kinds of thoughts. Im at the point where Id rather have supervised visits with my son and Im willing to do that just to stay in his life
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@luchalysol Well you're not alone. I remember having similar thoughts of being okay with living in an institution if it meant others were safe. One time my thoughts got so bad I froze up at work and spent 4 days in the hospital. It wasn't so bad. Feel free to keep posting/checking in ☺.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@Ben84 Thank you! Im hoping I can be ok one day
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I hope your treatment goes well ☺!
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Thank you! ??
- Date posted
- 4y ago
The mere fact that u don’t want to harm anyone is the proof that u r not what ur ocd tells u. This is what it is. Ocd attacks the thing u love and makes u feel guilty about it. Don’t panic. Be in the moment. Like if u r watching a movie watch it completely knowing each and every character and don’t fasten the process. Do this for everything u do. Slowly make this ur habit. I am telling u if u dont give up u will feel so happy and lucky in the end.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I truly hope so. I keep twlling myself that Id rather cut off my arms or kill myself before harming anyone. Even if my thoughts tell me or make me believe I do. Im also completely open to only being able to see my son under supervision while I recover. I just wanna keep my loved ones safe.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I have been through this. Trust me everything will be fine. Just let the thoughts come be there and let them go. Don’t judge yourself. Trust yourself. If the thought of killing yourself before killing anyone comes it’s speaks for your kindness and it is proof u want to do anything. Ocd confuses us like this only. Don’t give up. Keep up.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Even before ocd got a hold of me, id always say the same. I remember being asked about a possible apocalypse where there was a food shortage and we had to resort to cannibalism. Id rather die. Not asking for reassurance, but Im genuinely telling the truth. But my ocd makes me believe that Im lying.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
It will do this only until u accept that it’s a disorder and separate yourself from ur disease. You aren’t a psychopath. Neither a cannibal or any crazy person. Ocd gives u irrational thoughts and if u start talking to those thoughts u will repeat the cycle. Don’t answer to them. Let them come be confident on u and let them go. Take half hour for u in night before sleeping and correct the thoughts u feel which made you overwhelmed. Over time it will surely help u.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I was able to do this for a long time with my depression and ptsd, but ocd has been more difficult. I try not to answer to them ans then it makes me feel guilty. Ill have thoughts of ill will on others when they tell me stories. I feel so horrible about it. Its not what I want. Its like having 2 identities.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Isn’t this sad? That thoughts can do this to us? I once told my husband to put hand cuffs on me because I didn’t want to hurt him or my daughter ? now, he works everyday and I’m home alone with her all day and currently she’s on my chest sleeping.. I still get thoughts and they can still sometimes be scary but I’m doing much better
- Date posted
- 4y ago
It is. It feels like you're such a horrible person and makes you feel like you're unworthy of the people you love. I wish I didn't have them and could be normal. I feel you girl. How old is your little one?
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I started getting them while pregnant. I remember having the thought “what if I drop her” then it turned into what if I did that on purpose, and then it spiraled. I remember being on the way to have her and thinking omg what if I throw her while we’re supposed to be having skin to skin time (didn’t happen). Breastfeeding during the nights by myself were the absolute worst with my thoughts. And, everytime I took her to the doctors and they would ask “are you having any thoughts of hurting her” my heart sank as I said no and felt like a liar. It’s still hard sometimes and she’s almost 1
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Im so sorry. PP ocd is very real. Are you currently getting help? If not I highly recommend you do. I had a similar experience when I had PPD, I started to worry about me developing thoughts of harming him. I felt so much better once I started therapy. Unfortunately, Im now experiencing what I feared, almost 7yrs later. But treatment is super important. Its not healthy to suffer in silence as it can get worse.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I’ve actually done work with Ali Greymond and a therapist face to face and feeling a lot better
- Date posted
- 4y ago
That's awesome! Super glad you're getting help. The road to recovery gets easier.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I know 10 days can seem like a long time, but you can make it ☺. Another thing you might try is the SOS feature on the app. Just click Therapy on the bottom.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
A couple of suggestions that might help: IOCDF lists OCD support groups. There aren’t many, but maybe there might be one in your area. You can text the crisis hotline at 741741 and, while avoiding asking for reassurance, just let them know you need someone to “be there” while you’re de-escalating from a panic attack. Heads up: there might be a wait time. I know it can be hard to be in agony and to only have 2-4 hours a month with a therapist. So I hope these suggestions help for broadening your resource pool. Hang in there. You can do this.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I’m curious: how did the hotline respond to your harm fears? Like, did they realize it was OCD, or did they pull some kind of “Call the cops if you’re gonna hurt somebody”?
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@Alyosha I mentioned to the lady that I have ocd. She did give me a lot of reassurance. I was so numb towards the end that I couldn't even cry and was just calm. After the call, in the shower, I had the thought of cutting my hands off to not cause any harm. I kept crying without tears, asking my son for forgiveness. Yelling at my brain to leave me alone. My son js with his father in another state right now so I know he is safe. But I feel so horrible for wanting to be in his life but feeling like I can't because of these thoughts.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@luchalysol That sounds really, really hard. I believe you can get through this, and that you can be there for your son and be around him and hug him and do all the things you wish you could do now.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 19w ago
I’m having a very bad evening with my intrusive thoughts. I was doing really good dealing with them but tonight one hit me hard. I’ve been having a lot of different intrusive thoughts but I’ll have one occasionally about hurting my mom or my dog who I love and they’re the only family I have in my life. They’re my world. I was helping my mom put away the dishes and I had the big kitchen knife in my hand and my intrusive thought was you could stab your mom. And then my brain said I had a twitch in my hand and that meant I wanted to do it. Let me just say that I wouldn’t hurt a fly. I actually caught a fly in a glass and put it outside instead of killing it this evening before this intrusive thought happened. I’m such a gentle and compassionate and caring person and these thoughts instantly cause me to have a panic attack. And I have no one to talk to them about. I know they’re hard for my mom to hear and I don’t want to be any more of a burden than I already am. I do desperately want to tell her and have her reassure me that I’m not crazy or a psycho. Then my thoughts wander to if your hand did flinch could you be a psychopath. Is hurting someone in you. I know it’s not but I feel like my mind is out to get me and hurt me. I’m working so hard and I thought I was doing so good but I need to know why I have these thoughts. They’re not ok. I need someone to help me make sense of why. I know we aren’t supposed to ruminate but I shouldn’t have thoughts like this about people I love and care about the most in the world.
- Date posted
- 15w ago
I can't stop thinking about ending my life. I feel like I'm not even living, I'm just surviving. Everyone is capable of being a person and functioning and I'm just stuck here avoiding everything. My psychiatrist said my ocd is severe and it will all take time and I'll start erp and I'm already on medication but I just feel so depressed and like I won't be able to handle erp and it's already too late for me. I feel inhuman, it's debilitating. My major theme is just fear or contamination, I can't even make myself a meal I can't touch anything in the kitchen. I get stuck in the shower for 2 hours and when I don't shower because I'm depressed I feel like a walking germ. My hands are a mess, my school work is shit, I avoid and avoid and I'm just so tired of "living" like this. My psychiatrist said they don't have any therapists available right now like.... excuse me? What do you mean u don't have any 😭 I honestly don't even know why I'm typing this becuase nothing helps, nothing ever will. I'm so deep into this I can't get out, my room looks like shit, I can't live in this body anymore, I really can't. I let everyone down, I am and will be such a dissapointment. I don't have any dreams or goals or passions I just wasn't made to be here. I don't know how or who to ask for help like there's nothing anyone can do, I'm already on meds. I can't keep being like this, seeing everyone judge me for acting insane.
- Date posted
- 10w ago
Hey all, This is so strange to share this, and I have been judged by others and misdiagnosed many times. About a year ago I worked with an OCD therapist and it was really triggering. For me my thoughts are mainly about suicidal ocd and harm ocd centered around my children of all things. Fear that I could or would want to hurt them, then feeling so horrible that I believe I’m suicidal then I go back and forth on that. After reading a few of your posts, it makes me truly have a bit of hope that I can overcome this.
Be a part of the largest OCD Community
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond