- Username
- Anonymous
- Date posted
- 6y ago
Accepting the uncertainty is accepting your thoughts have a possibility of being true. That we don’t know 100%. That we can’t know anything 100%. Its hard and it will make you more anxious at first, but it will get easier.
So you're not accepting the thoughts as your true beliefs, you are accepting that the thoughts are there big difference
@E-T everyone feels that way about their obsessions. People who are frightened of hurting people, people who are frightened they’re in the wrong relationship. Everyone, including me when I first started, goes “What? That can’t be right! I don’t want to accept that.” But we have to accept that we don’t know 100%. We cannot walk into anywhere and go “I absolutely WILL NOT wet myself/ get germs on my hands/ say the wrong thing” Its the search for certainty that’s tying you in knots here, not the obsession. ALL obsessions are the same, regardless of content.
Good discussion here?
Thanks you guys! So I'm thinking it'll help me to reframe it like "I accept the uncertainty that my intrusive thoughts are giving me" (because my intrusive thoughts mostly involve tacking on something terrible to a real memory rather than a feeling I'll do something in the future, so just flat out saying I accept uncertainty makes me doubt my memory even further sometimes, if that makes sense).
I think what I'm gathering from the discussion is that accepting the uncertainty doesn't mean accepting that it will happen (and trust me I was confused too because it sounded counterintuitive but I think that's the nature of ERP). What it means is that your OCD is intensely afraid that it MIGHT (or MIGHT have) happen(ed), so you need to expose your mind to that uncertainty (and actively resist compulsions, whether they're mental or physical) to become less afraid of that POSSIBILITY so it is no longer an obsession.
@TabbyKitty thanks for your advice :-). It’s something I’m really gonna have to get my head around as admitting I can’t be 100% certain I’m not gonna wet myself seems terrifying. I completely see how the need for 100% certainty hasnt helped but that “what if” surely is that not fuelled by the uncertainty in the first place..? I’m really confused or perhaps a little brain locked at the moment
I too am confused as my ocd manifests as a fear of wetting myself. The idea of accepting this may happen seems completely the wrong way to go about things...
But maybe @TabbyKitty and @Wes could explain better than I could
Shoot I deal with that thought too but I didn’t know it could be OCD.
Why does it feel like we have to accept more uncertainty than most? I know I may be wrong, but I cant help but feel that it is so wrong to not worry about potential issues, if I’m making the wrong choice about my relationship especially if there were and can be real problems involved, if I’ve harmed, if I’ve been harmed, if this is not even OCD. It feels like Im being kept in the dark and it feels so unfair. Is there really no way other than to accept uncertainty? These are such important things (to me at least) and I’m supposed to not be sure about them? How is ERP going to help with OCD mixed with « real » problems? Ive been feeling so sad and frustrated about this lately, especially with « is it even OCD or am I supposed to be doing something else? Can someone please let me know how they overcome this?
For those practicing erp whether it be with a therapist or by yourself, how do you just sit with the anxiety/uncertainty? I've been trying, but it's extremely hard because I know what is true about myself even though my brain is trying to convince me otherwise. How do you guys get through eerp without it just sounding like you're confirming the thoughts?? I'm struggling here.
One for the therapists or those that have done ERP or followed some of the advice on here.... If the best way to deal with the intrusive thought is to not give it certainty and to say "that might happen, who knows?" then surely you're fuelling the thought which is going to heighten anxiety levels? For example if you have POCD and have a thought such as "What if I think sexual thoughts about that child?" and you sit with the thought saying to yourself "I might do, I might not" surely that's going to make you ruminate on it and we're told rumination is wrong. Or another example "I'm going to hurt myself later" and then thinking "maybe I will, I don't know" you're just going to make yourself worse? If there's a chance that thought is gonna come true it's make you feel worse surely? Please tell me if I'm wrong and I've got the wrong end of the stick here but it's been playing on my mind. Surely it's better to ignore the thought the entirely or just observe it as if to say haha yeah OK keep trying to tell me that, that's ridiculous. Advice and thoughts appreciated.
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