Does anyone want to share their thoughts on Relationship OCD? I am new here and have obsessive jealousy (ie I obsess that my partner is always cheating on me and have to check on him constantly). It’s really been hard on me and my boyfriend and I’m struggling to do the exposures..

Oh man totally - I also obsess about my boyfriend loving me at all or as much as I love him and am always asking for reassurance. If he doesn’t call or text me during the day very much I get paranoid or distant. I constantly think he’s cheating and it’s not like I’ll ever know for sure unless he tells me so I’m riddled with doubt. I feel like it’s totally ruining his feelings for me.

Relationship ocd is challenging. You have thoughts that play nonstop about someone you love, which are terrifying. The best advice I can give is to see a ocd specialist who can help you build a good hierarchy of exposures. It’s like lifting weights. Are you going to lift a house the first day? Probably not.. just like how you aren’t going to do the hardest exposure on your hierarchy

Self-care is so hard, Vika! The OCD is so overwhelming and I often just feel utterly delusional - completely convinced I am being cheated on! Completely...I am new to treatment and am taking meds but honestly, I don’t know what to believe, if I can’t believe my own mind...?!

Thanks Vika - it’s nice to know there are others here with ROCD. For 20 years I just thought I was crazy and now I know this is actually a thing that can be diagnosed and worked on..

I fear that my relationship isn’t as good as the relationships my friends and family have. so although i love my partner so much , I always compare him and our relationship. I also fear that one of us will fall out of love and lose interest in each other. ROCD is so tough, you’re always criticizing yourself as well as the person you love and care for so harshly. be compassionate and loving with yourself as well as your partner, it takes time to learn how to live with this.

I struggle with this same exact thing greatly, it’s very very hard to deal with. The constant paranoia & “what if’s” surrounding the unwanted thoughts about your partner are exhausting. You aren’t alone on this one!

I feel really alone and like I’m destroying my relationship and my boyfriend doesn’t want to deal anymore...

I’m sorry you feel that way, I have dealt with similar feelings. I’ve found it best to be open with your partner whenever possible and tell them of your triggers and explain as thoroughly as possible that it is OCD and not YOU who is concerned about the relationship. What’s also hard but important is not reassuring, and when a thought comes up just saying to it “maybe!” And moving on. We can never know what people are doing 100% of the time, but we can accept that we trust our partner and do the best we can. I’ve had slip ups when I’ve had to ask for reassurance and that’s ok too! Communication is huge in ROCD.

Thanks for the support. We talk about it a lot, he gets angry about it - he really reacts negatively to being accused or trying to be nailed down for cheating. I get it but at the same time I wish there were a way to get him to be more supportive.

Hmmm that’s tricky.. maybe try giving him some information on OCD? With my partner I learned that I had to be patient and realize that it was hard for him to understand just as much as it was hard for me to explain it. Sometimes it takes time. Regardless you deserve to be respected and if he’s reacting in a very negative way I think that’s just his own insecurities coming through

You’re right - it maybe just takes more time. If we last as long as it takes then I suppose that means he’s the right guy. It’s just hard to realize that when we are in the middle of a huge blow up...

Of course! And it’s completely valid to get upset and have arguments. It’s remembering to be patient that counts. If he’s putting in EFFORT that’s a step!

He is putting in effort - we both are - we keep talking and trying, the relationship just feels fragile at times - because I’m not very good at managing the OCD - so I feel very much at fault for our arguments. It’s absolutely tortuous...sometimes I feel like my entire life is one giant compulsion...

Ugh I know that feeling, I’m sorry. Taking care of yourself is really important and prioritizing treatment really helped me with my ROCD. My partner was just saying how I’m seeming happier now that I have regular therapy and medication. Glad to hear he’s putting in effort! Remember to prioritize your health and self care too! I know it can feel so overwhelming at times and like the OCD is ruining the relationship but that’s the illness talking I promise.

You know I have felt the same way. I wonder if I’d even know if I was really being cheated on or if it was the OCD because it FEELS so real. When I began treatment these feelings were way more intense, and now that I’ve been in therapy for 2 months they’re decreasing and I can differentiate a bit.. I know when I’m taking things out of the realm of reality. This is a process though, and I completely empathize with you feeling delusional! I do too a lot of the time! You are still a good person and you’re doing your best. Keep up with treatment as best as you can. I can’t say it necessarily becomes better over time but it becomes manageable.

Can you share some of the exposures you’ve done to help?