- Date posted
- 7y
- Date posted
- 7y
Oh man totally - I also obsess about my boyfriend loving me at all or as much as I love him and am always asking for reassurance. If he doesn’t call or text me during the day very much I get paranoid or distant. I constantly think he’s cheating and it’s not like I’ll ever know for sure unless he tells me so I’m riddled with doubt. I feel like it’s totally ruining his feelings for me.
- Date posted
- 7y
Relationship ocd is challenging. You have thoughts that play nonstop about someone you love, which are terrifying. The best advice I can give is to see a ocd specialist who can help you build a good hierarchy of exposures. It’s like lifting weights. Are you going to lift a house the first day? Probably not.. just like how you aren’t going to do the hardest exposure on your hierarchy
- Date posted
- 7y
Self-care is so hard, Vika! The OCD is so overwhelming and I often just feel utterly delusional - completely convinced I am being cheated on! Completely...I am new to treatment and am taking meds but honestly, I don’t know what to believe, if I can’t believe my own mind...?!
- Date posted
- 7y
Thanks Vika - it’s nice to know there are others here with ROCD. For 20 years I just thought I was crazy and now I know this is actually a thing that can be diagnosed and worked on..
- Date posted
- 7y
I fear that my relationship isn’t as good as the relationships my friends and family have. so although i love my partner so much , I always compare him and our relationship. I also fear that one of us will fall out of love and lose interest in each other. ROCD is so tough, you’re always criticizing yourself as well as the person you love and care for so harshly. be compassionate and loving with yourself as well as your partner, it takes time to learn how to live with this.
- Date posted
- 7y
I struggle with this same exact thing greatly, it’s very very hard to deal with. The constant paranoia & “what if’s” surrounding the unwanted thoughts about your partner are exhausting. You aren’t alone on this one!
- Date posted
- 7y
I feel really alone and like I’m destroying my relationship and my boyfriend doesn’t want to deal anymore...
- Date posted
- 7y
I’m sorry you feel that way, I have dealt with similar feelings. I’ve found it best to be open with your partner whenever possible and tell them of your triggers and explain as thoroughly as possible that it is OCD and not YOU who is concerned about the relationship. What’s also hard but important is not reassuring, and when a thought comes up just saying to it “maybe!” And moving on. We can never know what people are doing 100% of the time, but we can accept that we trust our partner and do the best we can. I’ve had slip ups when I’ve had to ask for reassurance and that’s ok too! Communication is huge in ROCD.
- Date posted
- 7y
Thanks for the support. We talk about it a lot, he gets angry about it - he really reacts negatively to being accused or trying to be nailed down for cheating. I get it but at the same time I wish there were a way to get him to be more supportive.
- Date posted
- 7y
Hmmm that’s tricky.. maybe try giving him some information on OCD? With my partner I learned that I had to be patient and realize that it was hard for him to understand just as much as it was hard for me to explain it. Sometimes it takes time. Regardless you deserve to be respected and if he’s reacting in a very negative way I think that’s just his own insecurities coming through
- Date posted
- 7y
You’re right - it maybe just takes more time. If we last as long as it takes then I suppose that means he’s the right guy. It’s just hard to realize that when we are in the middle of a huge blow up...
- Date posted
- 7y
Of course! And it’s completely valid to get upset and have arguments. It’s remembering to be patient that counts. If he’s putting in EFFORT that’s a step!
- Date posted
- 7y
He is putting in effort - we both are - we keep talking and trying, the relationship just feels fragile at times - because I’m not very good at managing the OCD - so I feel very much at fault for our arguments. It’s absolutely tortuous...sometimes I feel like my entire life is one giant compulsion...
- Date posted
- 7y
Ugh I know that feeling, I’m sorry. Taking care of yourself is really important and prioritizing treatment really helped me with my ROCD. My partner was just saying how I’m seeming happier now that I have regular therapy and medication. Glad to hear he’s putting in effort! Remember to prioritize your health and self care too! I know it can feel so overwhelming at times and like the OCD is ruining the relationship but that’s the illness talking I promise.
- Date posted
- 7y
You know I have felt the same way. I wonder if I’d even know if I was really being cheated on or if it was the OCD because it FEELS so real. When I began treatment these feelings were way more intense, and now that I’ve been in therapy for 2 months they’re decreasing and I can differentiate a bit.. I know when I’m taking things out of the realm of reality. This is a process though, and I completely empathize with you feeling delusional! I do too a lot of the time! You are still a good person and you’re doing your best. Keep up with treatment as best as you can. I can’t say it necessarily becomes better over time but it becomes manageable.
- Date posted
- 7y
Can you share some of the exposures you’ve done to help?
Related posts
- Date posted
- 24w
I’m new to the app and wanting to know who else experiences this form of ocd. Some background I was a therapist for over 10 years now I am out of the clinical space. So I have background knowledge of ocd but never knew much about relationship ocd. I realized over the last several years with my now fiancé, that I have a hard time just letting go in general, whether that’s an argument or statement or feeling. I want to be able to just accept things at face value and move on (and talk later if my partner is ready as needed). But when conflict arises I can’t disengage till there is a clear resolution. It’s causing serious strife as he can feel trapped and it escalates the argument. I am reading more and this sounds like relationship OCD. Anyone else experience this? Curious on what others have done to work on this for themselves. I do have a therapist but we are not doing work in this area yet as I am realizing this is an actual concern.
- Date posted
- 19w
Hi everyone! I have been having a rough time. So my boyfriend talks to his ex still as friends and I’ve been struggling with it lately and I can’t tell if it’s OCD or not but it does feel so distressing. She wasn’t texting him for about 2-3 months as she got into a relationship with this guy and they broke up. She had messaged him saying that she has no one else to talk to and needed to vent to someone. At first I felt okay, but my intrusive thoughts took over and it seemed like she was trying to get with him after the fact. It’s probably just my intrusive thoughts talking but he looks on Discord (the app where the message) constantly now and my intrusive thoughts convince me that he’s still in love with her. Then yesterday I saw one of his BeReals (a little photo app that shows a photo of the day) and I saw that he was watching one of her streams as she is a streamer. I struggled to talk about it because it made my worst thought feel like it came true where he is still in love with her. When we talked he gets a lil mad that I don’t tell him right away like straight up what I’m feeling but it’s hard to process because my thoughts flood in of all the worst things and I don’t want to come off as toxic at all and I know relationships are built on trust and I want to trust because this is literally the only thing that makes me nervous about him. It also doesn’t help that I’ve been cheated on before so I’m trying to protect myself but I’m lost. I get so depressed and so anxious because I feel like I have to grieve the relationship and it’s just so dramatic. I’ve never loved anyone like this before and I don’t wanna lose him by bringing this stuff up constantly when something occurs with his ex. I don’t know why I get triggered so easily and I just wanna heal from it and be the good girlfriend I’m supposed to be 😭
- Date posted
- 4w
Hi I'm new to all of this so I hope I'm doing this right. 5 years ago my 34 year marriage ended. My ex husband was a mentally and financially abusive, covert narcissist. All that is behind me now and I'm finally remembering who I am again. I'm in a relationship with a really great guy but the problem I'm having is relationship OCD. This has taken me by surprise really as I've had OCD from a very young age but never has it been about my relationship. I constantly check messages and go over and over conversations and convince myself my partner will eventually cheat. Almost every single person in his life I can feel threatened by and I hate this for him and also for me as I don't have any peace of mind. This is ruining the lovely relationship I know I could have so I really need to get a handle on it. Has anybody else experienced this and managed to control it?
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