Is it just me or does anyone get mad really easily. Idk I’ve always had that problem since a kid, where I could take a joke or be laughed at because I would constant think about the humiliation and it would anger me. I would try to fight the anger when made fun of but I can’t help it. I don’t understand what’s wrong with me.

Thank you so much for your response it made me feel so much better and clarified everything that I could do to approach this in a better way. I have seen a psychologist and she had told me that my OCD revolves around shame with the sexual intrusive thoughts but didn’t know that me getting easily mad is also the cause of shame. I will take everything you said into consideration and try them out. Thank you again for sharing it really means a lot.

@erictorres6423 It can be a real loop, shame triggers unresolved anger and our own angry response often results in more shame, especially when we snap or criticise someone or do other behaviour that we are prone to immediately judge ourselves on. Do try it out and update me sometime about how it's going!

@Scoggy You’re right I have noticed that feeling of it being a loop and then the snap or critizing is something I do a lot when the shame is unbearable. The more I feel ashamed when triggered the more angry I get but I can’t really specify which memory exactly caused this unsolved anger maybe more of a collection of memories that I remember playing the role of unresolved anger causing this unhealthy way of dealing with shame. I definitely will try it out and keep you updated thank you!

@erictorres6423 That's totally understandable, I really have very few memories of my childhood left (it wasn't ideal). One good resource for you might be the book "C-PTSD: from surviving to thriving". Complex trauma results in internalised shame and has a behavioural response associated with it, which is generally one of the Fs (fight, flight, freeze or fawn). The F which is strongest for each of us is probably how we've always dealt with adrenaline and shame and anything that makes us feel trapped, it sounds like for you it's the fight response. There's not much literature about why we have whichever F response we tend to do, it's probably down to individual circumstances- but I think a key step for you would be having some compassion for yourself about your own anger response. You're doing your best and you're not damaged or dangerous because of it. The difficulty with shame is an indicator that there's something which needs healing for you, but the fact that your response to shame is to fight, doesn't make you. C-PTSD comes with a fundamental feeling of "there must be something wrong with me", no matter which of those Fs you do (healthy people use an appropriate combination and also feel like they're in that danger alertness mode a lot less). It's a part of having been through trauma. So although you're able to point to your anger as a reason for why you feel so fundamentally bad about yourself, it's very unlikely that it (rather than the trauma) is the underlying reason that you feel so bad about yourself. It's something your shame has latched onto, basically. You don't necessarily even need to be able to pinpoint the cause, it's totally possible to process feelings and trauma just from having a vague idea so long as you can activate feelings from that vague idea via thinking or talking about it. Unresolved anger just means anger which hasn't been felt and accepted as a normal, understandable emotion. Just like with OCD, you can allow yourself to feel angry without acting on it (with angry words) or judging or shaming yourself for it (e.g. this person or situation doesn't deserve my awful anger/I have no right to be angry about this/I'm so sensitive I'm disgusted with myself, etc). Just by feeling it physically, letting it be in your body without drawing any conclusions and knowing it's just a sensation which isn't going to hurt you, you can process a really big backlog of it. That way as an emotion it's much less easily triggered up in daily life. Honestly the best I've been able to do for my shame problem is feeling it, even when it's unfair that I should even have to do so, and even though it can be overwhelming and uncomfortable and scary. If the shame makes me angry, I let the anger happen in the exact same way, staying out of my head and in my body. Whatever feelings you feel are just fine. They all only need to be acknowledged as an acceptable part of you rather than as threats. Personally fighting back has pretty much ALWAYS been my response to feeling shamed by other people, and that's normal, the only problem is if I act on it rather than letting it happen and then go away again. And the problem that I (used to, much better now) feel shame very easily, even from ideas in my own head, which puts me on the defensive. The more I've learned to let feelings happen and then go away, the better my OCD has become and the more flexible I've become as a person. It's gotten easier to change my mind, to consider other people, to empathise, to change habits in how I act etc- it all became possible via processing shame so I don't have a backlog of it anymore, waiting to jump up at any moment. It's like the less shame I have, the better I am at being an accountable person and living by my values and not getting angry, which has helped with my self-image, which has reduced my shame even more. I also find it a lot easier to be kind to others since being kind to myself. I know it's a bit confusing, I'm not great at explaining it, but these things are all really linked. I had to figure out my own way to work this out as nobody has really written anything which could guide me through it. I really recommend the 2 books I've mentioned though, as well as "healing the shame that binds you".

@Scoggy ****doesn't make you a bad person.

I’m so sorry to hear about that but we can be strong to get through this. Thank you for sharing !