I have been dealing with scrupulosity since I was around 12 it usually revolved around my family but has spread to my everyday life. I like to write, to draw and to think up stories to write down. For the past six or seven months I have been obsessed on and off worrying that God doesn't want me making up stories or even imagining things including my future. I keep having these thoughts that say "You don't love God more than this." Then I have a feeling that makes we worry that I don't. So the thoughts go back and forth "do you love this more than God?" I say "of course not." Then I get a feeling that makes me feel like God wants me to stop thinking and just try really hard not to actively think so I find myself praying reptively be to figure out if thats what God wants. When I ignore it, I feel like I am disobeying God. I feel like I will end up loving writing more than God if I don't listen. The ocd keep asking me if I would stop imagining stories and writing and drawing forever if God wanted me to and I tell it "yes," I have stopped for several months before this but I don't want to if I don't have to. This is a horrible obsession and when I fall into it and realize what it is, I feel like I cannot carry on drawing or whatever because I messed up too badly and God will be angry at me if I do. I keep worrying that I secretly don't care what God wants I regards to my hobby and I would just keep on doing it anyway, of I really cared I would stop as soon as the ocd made me feel like it was Him, but deep down I know that isn't true. Why is this so hard?

God created you, I believe he created the creativity in you

Can we reframe your creativity and storytelling as a talent you can use to celebrate God? That DOES NOT mean writing it drawing always has to include references to God, or only discuss subjects that aren't sinful (that would be compulsive). Instead, you could communicate values in your work that align with your spirituality, or that depict the whole variety of human experience that God made possible

I have had OCD since I was twelve, I have scrupulosity, and I love drawing and making up stories. I have felt some of your similar concerns. I think my best advice is- God does NOT make you anxious. He speaks with love and peace and clarity. God doesn't speak in anxiety. Also if He really wanted you to stop, don't you think He would be clear and tell you in a way that didn't lead you to doubting? Doesn't he know you have an anxiety disorder? Doesn't He know that making you anxious about something will only make you confused? Woulsnt He speak to you in a way you are capable of understanding? Also... Why would God want you to not use a talent He gave you? He is the Creator of all... Creativity is a godly attribute. So why stop? Also, if you didnt love God, and you worshipped drawing or stories or something, would you even worry? You are freaking out... Doesnt that sound like OCD?

Thank you all, I will try to stay the course because I know it's right but it's so hard. Thank you all for your support and thoughtfulness.

Just remind yourself that God loves your creativity and is amazed at the stories you come up with. He knows you're not choosing the stories over him, He is proud of you.

I am s sorry you feel this way but know that God loves you and it will get better. Remember that you are not the thoughts in your head. Prayer is about growing closer to god not to dictate you.