I have been dealing with scrupulosity since I was around 12 it usually revolved around my family but has spread to my everyday life. I like to write, to draw and to think up stories to write down. For the past six or seven months I have been obsessed on and off worrying that God doesn't want me making up stories or even imagining things including my future. I keep having these thoughts that say "You don't love God more than this." Then I have a feeling that makes we worry that I don't. So the thoughts go back and forth "do you love this more than God?" I say "of course not." Then I get a feeling that makes me feel like God wants me to stop thinking and just try really hard not to actively think so I find myself praying reptively be to figure out if thats what God wants. When I ignore it, I feel like I am disobeying God. I feel like I will end up loving writing more than God if I don't listen. The ocd keep asking me if I would stop imagining stories and writing and drawing forever if God wanted me to and I tell it "yes," I have stopped for several months before this but I don't want to if I don't have to. This is a horrible obsession and when I fall into it and realize what it is, I feel like I cannot carry on drawing or whatever because I messed up too badly and God will be angry at me if I do. I keep worrying that I secretly don't care what God wants I regards to my hobby and I would just keep on doing it anyway, of I really cared I would stop as soon as the ocd made me feel like it was Him, but deep down I know that isn't true. Why is this so hard?

Sometimes I have thoughts that I would normally assume to be ocd, not sound like ocd. I start to think/feel that it's God telling me to do these things?? I then end up feeling guilty for not immediately implementing these things into my life. I hate that so much of what used to feel like ocd seems unclear. I don't feel like a good person. I know a lot of sermons aren't made with ocd in mind, but I feel like I'm not listening to God if I don't listen to thoughts I would've thought were ocd before

Since scrupulosity is a big part of OCD, I was wondering how other people deal with moral dilemmas. Things like choosing whether or not to support a company because of problematic ties or actions of employees or associated people, is something I'm struggling with. It feels like if I were to support certain things (companies, video games, etc.) that I've been supporting for a while I would be directly or indirectly supporting people who have done bad things. But sometimes giving those things up is difficult, and it feels like I'm losing a part of myself. I also feel that if I were to ask for guidance, I'm not really asking for guidance so much as hoping people will say it's fine for me to keep supporting those things for one reason or another. The burden feels like it's entirely on me to make these decisions, and either way it feels like there's no right decision. It's really overwhelming, and I'm having trouble navigating it.

Hello, I’m very new to this and have never confessed the fact that I struggle with severe scrupulosity (religion ocd) to anyone before. I am not officially diagnosed but I have spent countless hours researching and know that I am dealing with this horrible mental illness. I can’t function anymore. The intrusive thoughts are getting so bad. The moment I wake up they begin to pop into my head & I can’t even sleep because they are just running all over my mind. The thoughts are so bad that I don’t want to repeat them but they mostly are blasphemous bad thoughts. I avoid praying and religious services because it triggers my bad thoughts. I cannot control anything and I have no access to therapy because I’m so scared to ask for help and don’t know how to even describe to my family what I am going through. It’s so debilitating and I just keep repeating these scripts to myself to try and relieve my mind but it just starts all over again. It’s non stop and I know I cannot keep going like this. I don’t know whats real or isn’t, I just want a break. I’m so scared of everything and it’s interfering with my life more and more. If anyone could share some words of encouragement or tips it would be greatly appreciated.