- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
Comment deleted by user
- Date posted
- 4y
Thank you <3 women are truly the best. I hope you find your peace as well.
- Date posted
- 4y
I just liked women for as long as I can remember. I felt like I was broken for a long time because girls around me liked boys, so I thought that I was missing something that they had. I went on to convince myself I liked men, but always deep down knew that it didnt feel right, it didn't feel like me, I never had true desire for a man, only a desire to be normal. I'd always end relationships with guys after a few months while crying wondering what the fuck is wrong with me, why I can't feel the same about them as they feel about me? I always knew I don't have the capacity to fall in love with a man or be able to like, have sex with them and not be traumatized even though I tried to convince myself otherwise. After I got my first girlfriend, I stopped denying it all to myself because I couldn't anymore. It was obvious.
- Date posted
- 4y
OCD attacks the things that are most important to us. That’s the only way it can work. If it attacks something meaningless, we don’t get hooked. I’m so sorry it’s attacking such an important part of your identity. And a part of yourself you worked so hard at being proud of. None of that work was worthless or is gone. It’s just hidden behind the ocd obsessions for now. Once you treat your ocd, you will be able to be proud and at home in your sexuality and identity again. Are you seeing an ocd specialist?
- Date posted
- 4y
I hope so. And no, due to the situation I am unable to see a specialist unfortunately... I also am quite scared that it will get mistaken for a doubt...
- Date posted
- 4y
@fenna It will not get mistaken for a doubt if you’re seeing an ocd specialist but if you see someone who isn’t trained in working with ocd and mental compulsions it could. Have you done any ERP on your own? Some script writing would be very helpful for you here.
- Date posted
- 4y
@pureolife Yeah, I do EPR once a day but possibly that's not enough. I do also play scenarios in my head.
- Date posted
- 4y
@pureolife Maybe I will try writing more on the paper though, thanks!
- Date posted
- 4y
@fenna Definitely write out your scripts. Or record them and listen back. They do not have the same effectiveness just playing scenarios in your head (and that can actually quickly become a compulsion.) Write out a one page script in first person, present tense (ie “I realize I’ve never actually liked women and decide to be with a man.”) Describe what happens and the result of your worst case scenario coming true. Then read that script every day. I do my scripts 10x in the morning and 10x at night. But you could just do 20x straight through if that works better for you. During your readings and after, don’t engage in any mental compulsions (meaning just allow intrusive thoughts to pop up without answering them, arguing with them, or trying to confirm/deny them in any way.) Lean into uncertainty: maybe this script is 100% true and will happen, or maybe not. I don’t know and I don’t need to know with any more certainty than I have in this moment. And just let the anxiety exist and leave on its own.
- Date posted
- 4y
@pureolife Alright, thank you so much for the tips, I appreciate it!
- Date posted
- 4y
Reading this is really triggering.
- Date posted
- 4y
That’s okay! And this is the perfect opportunity for you to read this and not engage in any compulsions in response. Just let the intrusive thoughts or questions that pop up be and let them leave without answering. If you find that you still feel triggered in a few hours: this would actually be a great post for you to re read as an ERP exercise every day for the next week or so like a script! Just make sure not to engage in compulsions during or after reading it. After a week, see if it still triggers you the same way or if that feeling has steadily dropped off.
- Date posted
- 4y
Comment deleted by user
- Date posted
- 4y
Yes, or bisexual. Depends on the day.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 24w
I feel so sad, alone, scared and hopeless. Until two months ago there was not even the remote possibility of being anything other than heterosexual and now the idea that I could find out that I was lesbian or bisexual terrifies me to death. Everything was born from the fact that I didn't feel sexual desire towards my ex-boyfriend and I started to be afraid that it was because I was a lesbian... how can I be a lesbian or bisexual if everything was born from this? I would like to run away from myself and my head. I would really like to go back and go back to my life before. I can't take it anymore. I just want to live my life like before
- Date posted
- 23w
It feels like I’m lying to myself constantly and everyone. There feels like there is a weight on my heart from the moment I wake up till I go to sleep. I don’t want to be gay. Idk why it doesn’t register. Now everyone I see I have to see if I’m attracted to them. I see good looking men and I feel like I’m lying to myself that they are good looking, I see women and I see if im attracted to them. I look at everyone and I feel jealous. I want my fucking life back. But now my OCD (if this is even OCD) is telling me I was never happy and I was always suppressing my feelings of being gay. Why is this happening? Can OCD do this? I can’t enjoy anything ever.
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 21w
I’ve had so many moments of clarity with my OCD that I love my boyfriend and I’m beyond willing to go through this to be better and be with him. in the back of mind I’ve in a way known I was at least somewhat sexually attracted to women (I’m a woman) since the start of the ocd it was always like “okay. Fine, but I don’t want to date a girl” I only just realized this after the ocd started, I never really argued with this. my ocd has always revolved around if I’m romantically interested in women and not men. I’ve done so many compulsions through this year and a half and 9 times out of 10 have come to the conclusion that I don’t want to be with a woman romantically. I always end up feeling like I know I love my boyfriend. But the doubts don’t stop about whether I want to spend my life with a woman instead, my heart literally breaks to think of not being with my bf and imagining him with someone else. I don’t want to be with a woman I know deep down somewhere underneath the anxiety that that’s not what I want. It doesn’t feel natural for me, unfulfilling. I want to tell my boyfriend about the possible sexual attraction to women (ik it’s still ocd related) but I’m scared that once I tell him, I’ll realize that I actually do want to be with women and not with him. Ugh I’ve spent hours today ruminating about this after being solid in my commitment with him for a little while, I’m stuck in this loop and idk how to get out right now
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