- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
Comment deleted by user
- Date posted
- 5y
Thank you <3 women are truly the best. I hope you find your peace as well.
- Date posted
- 5y
I just liked women for as long as I can remember. I felt like I was broken for a long time because girls around me liked boys, so I thought that I was missing something that they had. I went on to convince myself I liked men, but always deep down knew that it didnt feel right, it didn't feel like me, I never had true desire for a man, only a desire to be normal. I'd always end relationships with guys after a few months while crying wondering what the fuck is wrong with me, why I can't feel the same about them as they feel about me? I always knew I don't have the capacity to fall in love with a man or be able to like, have sex with them and not be traumatized even though I tried to convince myself otherwise. After I got my first girlfriend, I stopped denying it all to myself because I couldn't anymore. It was obvious.
- Date posted
- 5y
OCD attacks the things that are most important to us. That’s the only way it can work. If it attacks something meaningless, we don’t get hooked. I’m so sorry it’s attacking such an important part of your identity. And a part of yourself you worked so hard at being proud of. None of that work was worthless or is gone. It’s just hidden behind the ocd obsessions for now. Once you treat your ocd, you will be able to be proud and at home in your sexuality and identity again. Are you seeing an ocd specialist?
- Date posted
- 5y
I hope so. And no, due to the situation I am unable to see a specialist unfortunately... I also am quite scared that it will get mistaken for a doubt...
- Date posted
- 5y
@fenna It will not get mistaken for a doubt if you’re seeing an ocd specialist but if you see someone who isn’t trained in working with ocd and mental compulsions it could. Have you done any ERP on your own? Some script writing would be very helpful for you here.
- Date posted
- 5y
@pureolife Yeah, I do EPR once a day but possibly that's not enough. I do also play scenarios in my head.
- Date posted
- 5y
@pureolife Maybe I will try writing more on the paper though, thanks!
- Date posted
- 5y
@fenna Definitely write out your scripts. Or record them and listen back. They do not have the same effectiveness just playing scenarios in your head (and that can actually quickly become a compulsion.) Write out a one page script in first person, present tense (ie “I realize I’ve never actually liked women and decide to be with a man.”) Describe what happens and the result of your worst case scenario coming true. Then read that script every day. I do my scripts 10x in the morning and 10x at night. But you could just do 20x straight through if that works better for you. During your readings and after, don’t engage in any mental compulsions (meaning just allow intrusive thoughts to pop up without answering them, arguing with them, or trying to confirm/deny them in any way.) Lean into uncertainty: maybe this script is 100% true and will happen, or maybe not. I don’t know and I don’t need to know with any more certainty than I have in this moment. And just let the anxiety exist and leave on its own.
- Date posted
- 5y
@pureolife Alright, thank you so much for the tips, I appreciate it!
- Date posted
- 5y
Reading this is really triggering.
- Date posted
- 5y
That’s okay! And this is the perfect opportunity for you to read this and not engage in any compulsions in response. Just let the intrusive thoughts or questions that pop up be and let them leave without answering. If you find that you still feel triggered in a few hours: this would actually be a great post for you to re read as an ERP exercise every day for the next week or so like a script! Just make sure not to engage in compulsions during or after reading it. After a week, see if it still triggers you the same way or if that feeling has steadily dropped off.
- Date posted
- 5y
Comment deleted by user
- Date posted
- 5y
Yes, or bisexual. Depends on the day.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 18w
Hello everyone, I just wanted to share a part of my journey that I’m struggling with right now. I’ve been diagnosed with ocd and while this is not my first subtype, ROCD and so ocd have definitely been the ones I’ve been struggling with the most. For context I have a boyfriend who I love very much and am terrified of loosing. That’s probably what ocd latched onto. The so-ocd especially is tricky because I’ve come to acknowledge that I am bisexual. Don’t worry I didn’t “discover” this through ocd, I’ve always known and it’s been in the back of my mind way before ocd, I had just never really directly acknowledged it because romantically I just always leaned towards men. The thing my ocd latched onto is “what if you are actually a lesbian and don’t know it yet and will have to leave your partner or are lying to your partner or end up leading him on” The thing is, I don’t have much experience with women except kissing my female best friend once, which didn’t feel special or made me have romantic feelings for her. I’ve always seeked men more actively than women and didn’t feel like I was gonna miss out if I get into a serious relationship with a man before having had more experience. I just know that I can be sexually attracted to women as well. But now that I’m in this beautiful relationship I’m terrified of getting it wrong or having missed something about myself or being scared that I’m actually a lesbian and have been lying to myself all along. I’m not seeking reassurance, just wanting to share and maybe someone else is going through something similar? If so I’d be so grateful to know I’m not alone. I love my boyfriend dearly and i really hope we will work out in the long run.
- Date posted
- 13w
I have a lot of trouble with my sexuality. I’ve been trying to figure out my sexuality for years. I’ve dated a man, and I wasn’t really into the whole time. And since then I’ve thought that maybe I’m a lesbian because I’m attracted to women, which I know for sure. But then my brain spirals, I constantly think back ti memories with my ex, how I felt with him, I check how it makes me feel. I often google to see if other lesbians have felt similar, I ask ChatGpt over and over again. I feel like I have to be 100% certain or that im faking for attention, or thst I’ll end up with a man. I guess im wondering has anyone else felt like this ? What’s been your experience how do you manage it?
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 9w
I was wondering if this also happened to anyone. I grew up very open-minded and allowed myself to question my sexuality when I was younger. I explored feelings for both genders and attraction to them from afar, because I didn't have any friends or experiences to guide me through them. When I started dating, I was open to both but slowly and surely naturally phased out women. It always felt performative, like pretending to be upset they didn't respond, choosing who to be attracted to, and while present with them, wanting to back away or feeling a level of discomfort. When my SO-OCD started, these experiences made it very difficult to navigate the anxieties and intrusive thoughts. My thoughts often circled back to the idea that if I wasn't attracted to women, I wouldn't have tried to in the first place. This type of thought is like a Catch-22. On one hand, I am surveying my past actions or memories for any signs of true attraction or trying to pick at moments where I could prove that I was actually uncomfortable. On the other hand, the thought of being uncomfortable with a moment is tainted in my brain because of the idea that I could just be in denial. Any emotion I've ever had gets scrutinized in hindsight, making it feel like any way in which I feel is wrong. SO-OCD has been particularly difficult because of the fact that I've never been pejorative towards being queer or the LGBTQ+ community. It goes against my own values whether or not I am actually queer or actually straight. I remember growing up in an environment (whether school, family, or friends) that was always lined with prejudice towards any type of outsider - OCD makes me feel ashamed for my own want to understand any group or background different from my own. Essentially, I wanted to know if that's also something that plagues others with SO-OCD. For me, no matter what side of the fence I fall on my OCD rewrites it as bad: Either I'm in denial and lying to everyone even though they already secretly know, or I'm a homophobe. Sometimes they even mix. It doesn't make any sense.
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