- Date posted
- 4y ago
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I just liked women for as long as I can remember. I felt like I was broken for a long time because girls around me liked boys, so I thought that I was missing something that they had. I went on to convince myself I liked men, but always deep down knew that it didnt feel right, it didn't feel like me, I never had true desire for a man, only a desire to be normal. I'd always end relationships with guys after a few months while crying wondering what the fuck is wrong with me, why I can't feel the same about them as they feel about me? I always knew I don't have the capacity to fall in love with a man or be able to like, have sex with them and not be traumatized even though I tried to convince myself otherwise. After I got my first girlfriend, I stopped denying it all to myself because I couldn't anymore. It was obvious.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
OCD attacks the things that are most important to us. That’s the only way it can work. If it attacks something meaningless, we don’t get hooked. I’m so sorry it’s attacking such an important part of your identity. And a part of yourself you worked so hard at being proud of. None of that work was worthless or is gone. It’s just hidden behind the ocd obsessions for now. Once you treat your ocd, you will be able to be proud and at home in your sexuality and identity again. Are you seeing an ocd specialist?
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I hope so. And no, due to the situation I am unable to see a specialist unfortunately... I also am quite scared that it will get mistaken for a doubt...
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@fenna It will not get mistaken for a doubt if you’re seeing an ocd specialist but if you see someone who isn’t trained in working with ocd and mental compulsions it could. Have you done any ERP on your own? Some script writing would be very helpful for you here.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@pureolife Yeah, I do EPR once a day but possibly that's not enough. I do also play scenarios in my head.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@pureolife Maybe I will try writing more on the paper though, thanks!
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@fenna Definitely write out your scripts. Or record them and listen back. They do not have the same effectiveness just playing scenarios in your head (and that can actually quickly become a compulsion.) Write out a one page script in first person, present tense (ie “I realize I’ve never actually liked women and decide to be with a man.”) Describe what happens and the result of your worst case scenario coming true. Then read that script every day. I do my scripts 10x in the morning and 10x at night. But you could just do 20x straight through if that works better for you. During your readings and after, don’t engage in any mental compulsions (meaning just allow intrusive thoughts to pop up without answering them, arguing with them, or trying to confirm/deny them in any way.) Lean into uncertainty: maybe this script is 100% true and will happen, or maybe not. I don’t know and I don’t need to know with any more certainty than I have in this moment. And just let the anxiety exist and leave on its own.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@pureolife Alright, thank you so much for the tips, I appreciate it!
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Reading this is really triggering.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
That’s okay! And this is the perfect opportunity for you to read this and not engage in any compulsions in response. Just let the intrusive thoughts or questions that pop up be and let them leave without answering. If you find that you still feel triggered in a few hours: this would actually be a great post for you to re read as an ERP exercise every day for the next week or so like a script! Just make sure not to engage in compulsions during or after reading it. After a week, see if it still triggers you the same way or if that feeling has steadily dropped off.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 24w ago
I just want to know the difference of someone who is gay vs someone who is just questioning bc of ocd. Like would you hear I’m gay im gay over and over and over again in your head but it didn’t feel right? But when I say this is a waste of my time im of course straight it feels like im lying but I know im not attracted to women at all I am certain of that. But picking a label is what i can’t settle on so this is my ocd or not
- Date posted
- 23w ago
Anyone else will just be doing anything normal and I’m gay comes in? It’s so distressing and I try and say ok sure ocd but the anxiety over takes me and my mind won’t let me believe I’m straight when I am. I love men I’m Not attracted to women but when I ask myself the doubt is for sure there which sounds like Casebook ocd. I’m just sick of this I don’t want to have to laugh at things in my head that don’t make any sense it’s so hard and unfair
- Date posted
- 22w ago
Ok so I’m a 17 year old female, and I’ve always thought I was straight. But I just really want to know how you would know the difference between so-ocd and actually questioning your sexuality. I have nothing against the LGBTQ community (in fact I am very much a token straight friend, lol) but I saw a video about comp-het recently and it sort of felt like what I was experiencing. I don’t want to be gay, I want to be with men, I want to like men, I’ve always liked men, but now I’m questioning whether or not that’s real? Because people can be gay but not want to be right? I’m single and I always have been. I think women are gorgeous, but when I try to imagine actually having any sort of romantic or sexual relationship with a woman it feels wrong, at least most of the time it does? Sometimes I’m less sure, and I’ve never been particularly boy crazy. I’ve liked maybe 2 or 3 people in my life, (not to say I’ve never found other guys attractive, but it doesn’t seem to be as often as most people) I have no particular reason to be afraid of being gay, very supportive family, safe area ect, but I don’t want to be, does that mean this is ocd, I don’t know what’s going on every time I say I’m straight I feel like I’m lying, but that might just be because I think about it so much. The idea of being with a woman doesn’t feel like something I would want, but is that just because I don’t want to want it? People online say things with so much sureness, if you feel like this it means this. Ect.
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