- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
Comment deleted by user
- Date posted
- 4y
Thank you <3 women are truly the best. I hope you find your peace as well.
- Date posted
- 4y
I just liked women for as long as I can remember. I felt like I was broken for a long time because girls around me liked boys, so I thought that I was missing something that they had. I went on to convince myself I liked men, but always deep down knew that it didnt feel right, it didn't feel like me, I never had true desire for a man, only a desire to be normal. I'd always end relationships with guys after a few months while crying wondering what the fuck is wrong with me, why I can't feel the same about them as they feel about me? I always knew I don't have the capacity to fall in love with a man or be able to like, have sex with them and not be traumatized even though I tried to convince myself otherwise. After I got my first girlfriend, I stopped denying it all to myself because I couldn't anymore. It was obvious.
- Date posted
- 4y
OCD attacks the things that are most important to us. That’s the only way it can work. If it attacks something meaningless, we don’t get hooked. I’m so sorry it’s attacking such an important part of your identity. And a part of yourself you worked so hard at being proud of. None of that work was worthless or is gone. It’s just hidden behind the ocd obsessions for now. Once you treat your ocd, you will be able to be proud and at home in your sexuality and identity again. Are you seeing an ocd specialist?
- Date posted
- 4y
I hope so. And no, due to the situation I am unable to see a specialist unfortunately... I also am quite scared that it will get mistaken for a doubt...
- Date posted
- 4y
@fenna It will not get mistaken for a doubt if you’re seeing an ocd specialist but if you see someone who isn’t trained in working with ocd and mental compulsions it could. Have you done any ERP on your own? Some script writing would be very helpful for you here.
- Date posted
- 4y
@pureolife Yeah, I do EPR once a day but possibly that's not enough. I do also play scenarios in my head.
- Date posted
- 4y
@pureolife Maybe I will try writing more on the paper though, thanks!
- Date posted
- 4y
@fenna Definitely write out your scripts. Or record them and listen back. They do not have the same effectiveness just playing scenarios in your head (and that can actually quickly become a compulsion.) Write out a one page script in first person, present tense (ie “I realize I’ve never actually liked women and decide to be with a man.”) Describe what happens and the result of your worst case scenario coming true. Then read that script every day. I do my scripts 10x in the morning and 10x at night. But you could just do 20x straight through if that works better for you. During your readings and after, don’t engage in any mental compulsions (meaning just allow intrusive thoughts to pop up without answering them, arguing with them, or trying to confirm/deny them in any way.) Lean into uncertainty: maybe this script is 100% true and will happen, or maybe not. I don’t know and I don’t need to know with any more certainty than I have in this moment. And just let the anxiety exist and leave on its own.
- Date posted
- 4y
@pureolife Alright, thank you so much for the tips, I appreciate it!
- Date posted
- 4y
Reading this is really triggering.
- Date posted
- 4y
That’s okay! And this is the perfect opportunity for you to read this and not engage in any compulsions in response. Just let the intrusive thoughts or questions that pop up be and let them leave without answering. If you find that you still feel triggered in a few hours: this would actually be a great post for you to re read as an ERP exercise every day for the next week or so like a script! Just make sure not to engage in compulsions during or after reading it. After a week, see if it still triggers you the same way or if that feeling has steadily dropped off.
- Date posted
- 4y
Comment deleted by user
- Date posted
- 4y
Yes, or bisexual. Depends on the day.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 13w
I’ve completely lost myself. I can’t focus on my studies, I can’t go to the gym. Dang it I can’t even be around my male friends normally anymore. I got no idea why or how this happened but the only thing I know for sure is that I never questioned my sexuality neither doubted it. I never cared in general. I just liked girls. I keep testing and keep testing and keep testing my arousal but no matter how many times I see but I don’t feel the same way for guys that I do with girls my mind will always try to make me believe that I am gay. It’s like it’s forcing me into an identity I never asked for. But at the end of the day like my psychologist told me. Sexuality doesn’t change. So since I never felt anything for guys in my life it’s ocd. I’ve been up and down for 5 months now and while the last week I was feeling way better. Monday now and I’m back to zero. I just want to go back when everything was normal. I can’t keep living with this.
- Date posted
- 12w
I need too know that I'm not insane, really. I am 16 and for the past two weeks, this has been completely ruining my health and happiness. I only recently came out as a lesbian like 3 months ago after a lot of confusion about my attraction since I used to think I liked men. At first, I felt so sure that I liked women, but lately, I've been having these unwanted thoughts about the possibility of liking men. I never used to feel this way, but now, every time I look at a man, my brain obsessively fixates on it. It forces me to imagine kissing him, loving him, things I don’t want, and then tries to convince me that I do. It’s painful. The thought of this fills me with fear and anxiety, leading to panic attacks and breakdowns. I don’t want these thoughts. I hate them with every fiber of my being, but I’m terrified that one day I’ll act on them and somehow like it. I used to think I liked men, but back then, I was in a very unhealthy space in a time of escapism and something deeply parasocial. I’ve only ever liked the attention and validation a man could give me, but these experiences are somehow treated as further proof that I’m "bisexual." I’ve never been in a real relationship with anyone, which makes my brain constantly challenge me—telling me, “You don’t even know what love feels like.” It won’t shut up. It keeps obsessively trying to make me prove that I’m a lesbian, testing my reactions and questioning my certainty. Is this normal?
- Date posted
- 12w
As a lesbian with SO-OCD, I feel so helpless. It's truly exhausting because no one I know understands what I'm going through. The first response is always, "You're just confused" or "You don't have to know yet." But that's not the issue, I do know. I just never see any lesbians with SO-OCD so I feel so invalidated. These thoughts flood my brain constantly, forcing me to analyze my reactions to every man I see. I feel trapped in an endless cycle of "testing" myself, trying to prove that I don't like them. But my brain fights back, telling me I do want to love a man, making it feel real even though don't want it. It's terrifying. At this point, it's hard to even hold onto my identity as a lesbian because I'm so overwhelmed. I don't know if this is what real attraction is supposed to feel like, and that fear eats away at me. The truth is, when I think about being with a man, all I feel is disgust and fear-but my brain twists that into doubt. I hate it. I'm at the point where I'm scared I'm going to have to accept something I don't want because I don't know if this will ever go away. I miss who I was before all this.
Be a part of the largest OCD Community
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond