My compulsion is seeking reassurance. I go to my husband about every single worry (usually about contamination). It’s ruining my marriage, but I’m struggling so much with this and as hard as I try, I keep running my worries by him. It’s so hard on him and I want to stop this. Can anyone relate / help? Thanks in advance

One strategy I learned at the iocdf conference is to use "reassurance tickets". Figure out how many times you usually ask for reassurance each day. Then make 10-25% fewer physical tickets or tokens. When you want reassurance, you spend a ticket. You'll need to physically give it to your husband. That buys you one sentence if reassurance in response to a single reassurance question If you want to clarify his reassurance, that takes another ticket. When you're out of tickets, he won't answer any more questions. Over time, decrease the number of tickets you have pet day. You can also motivate yourself by accumulating points towards a special enjoyable activity as a reward. Each ticket you have left over at the end of a day is worth one point.

Rosie.....I agree with you. As hard as it is, I find if I can resist the urge to ask, it does eventually subside.....it’s just so hard being in that moment though as it feels like it will never end and you’re never ever going to be able to let it go. For the sake of my marriage, I need to stop. I might have to go cold turkey as it’s gotten to a breaking point. I’m starting with a therapist this weekend and will see if she has any tips. If she does, I will share with you. Let’s both stay strong and we will get past this 🙏❤️

Hi, I also struggle with seeking reassurance! I have found that tracking when I resist and submit to seeking reassurance has helped me be aware of how much I’m doing it. As time goes on you will likely feel yourself resist more as you do not want to give in to the submit. At first it is very hard to sit with the anxiety when not seeking reassurance when you get that urge. However, I highly recommend that when you feel this urge that you allow yourself to just sit with the anxiety and realize that if you continue to do this, eventually your anxiety will habituate. It is not easy, but you can do it! It’s a process!

I can totally relate, especially at the minute with covid. My contamination issues are so bad and I keep questioning my partner 'did you clean this, did you cleab that, did you do it this wsy'. Then she has done alot of things that I'm not happy with as she is so lazy and I'm sooooo angry at her right now, to the pint I can't even look at her. I think she is so careless and reckless when it comes to hygiene in the middle of this pandemic. It tough on her at the minute. But it's tougher on me. If it carries on and I get angrier and angrier I would worry for our relationship too. They say ERP is the way to go but it is making me angry and how can you use ERP against a real threat!!!

I do the exact same thing....I question the poor guys hygiene constantly....did u wash after being outside, did u wash wash after going to the washroom... etc....I treat him like a child and he gets so mad 😰 he’s a grown man and practices very good hygiene, I just can’t stop myself from asking him. It’s really creating a strain. How do I stop this before it ends my marriage

That's my question too. I treat her like a child. I think the thought then I say to myself 'don't ask her, it's reasurance, it's a compulsion' then before I know it it's put of my mouth!!! I don't know how long she will stand it before sour relationship crumbles. I think all we can do is when that urge to ask comes in recognise it ocd, acknowledge and label it as that and sit with the anxiety of not asking untill it goes away. So much easier said than done but people keep saying this is the way to do it and ERP works so I guess we have to try. I think what I've realised tonight is that I was taking on too many challenges in ERP and have overloaded myself. Baby steps. Maybe talk to you me partner an explain that it is a compulsion you have to ask him these questions and that it's reasuarnace seeking behaviour and you are trying your best but if one day a few questions slip out ask him to be gentle with you and you be gentle with yourself. That's what I'm trying to do. It's hard though as the more stressor in one day or one week and if I haven't slept its harder to resist the compulsions

That’s great advice Katie....thank u ❤️

I'm the same to . I just can't sit with the anxiety though as I can't get over the fact that the covid19 is a real threat. I feel I'm protecting my family