I’m not sure if this is OCD related but it causes extreme anxiety. Are there any vegetarians/vegans here? I was once a vegetarian and had to go back eating meat because I would bruise very easily. Then I became flexitarian and pescatarian. Now I’m craving meat but the problem is I’m feeling guilty because I’m an animal lover and an advocate and I care about animal welfare. And unfortunately majority aren’t humanely treated. I don’t know if it’s OCD related but it really causes anxiety for me. That if I eat meat I’m a horrible person and that I’m a hypocrite.

I’ve always been a huge feminist, anti-racist, anti-sexual assaulters, etc. Basically against everybody anti-human rights. But because my OCD has been trying to convince me that I’m a sexual assaulter, a pedophile, racist, etc. (basically everything that goes against my morals), it also tries to tell me that I should sympathize with people I used to be against. Sometimes I’ll read about, say, teens committing sexual assault, and in the past I would have firmly said “they need to be punished”, whereas now I think “well, what if they didn’t know better? I made a mistake when I was a teen; what if they thought it was okay?” I never say these out loud because I dont want to make real victims feel bad, obviously. And if I hear someone has been racist, I’ll think, “What if they’re like me?” I still believe we need to eradicate sexual assault, racism, homophobia, etc, but I can’t help but think I’m a part of the problem, so sometimes I find myself sympathizing with “bad people”. It’s really messing my mind up. I don’t know what to think. Does anyone feel the same way or have any tips?

Possible trigger warning if anyone else has an ED. I saw a post online that basically said if you cant have a restrictive eating disorder without being fatphobic. I have Anorexia, struggled with it for years. I truly believe in beauty at every size and eating what you want, I've never been the type of person to judge others for their bodies or what they eat. I would never look down on someone for their weight and I hate it when other people with my disorder shame people for being overweight or use it to 'encourage' themselves. I do have an unexplainable fear of gaining weight but that unfortunately just comes with the illness and i only ever apply these standards to myself. There's even been times I wished more people could think more like me so that I wouldn't be insecure about gaining weight. I genuienly dont equate weight to anyone's worth, to me it's just a number until I'm the one on the scale. My OCD is telling me now that by struggling an ED i hate fat people or am being offensive. That I should force myself to eat even though it makes me anxious and it's not something I can just force myself to do. I've been in this horrible limbo all day with my mind on whether or not just being sick makes me a terrible person. :') I hate OCD.

So I’ve been trying to no longer desensitize myself from animal cruelty (That being said I understand this is privileged and some people only can afford/eat meat for whatever reason) BUT I grew up NEVER eating meat or fish or whatever I had dairy and eggs sometimes but my mom had ethical issues with eating dead animals and so she passed down those values to me Now that I know cheese and eggs come from the moms of those who are killed at slaughter houses I don’t know if I should be a full on vegan or not BUT mainly right now my OCD brain is telling me kill my own dogs since their food has meat in it and so for the greater good to save more animal lives I need to kill them And it also got worse for a second and said to hurt my mom as well since she feeds them I don’t want to hurt anyone I don’t want to contribute to the meat industry I WANT TO SLEEEEEEP any advice?