omg i caved and did a compulsion. i googled a comphet subreddit. not feeling great rn. one person said that there’s a type of attraction where you are attracted to someone because they are attracted to you, and i kinda related to that. like when i think about being w a guy, it turns me on when i think of him being turned on by me if yk what i mean? so now i’m wondering if i’m comphet :(. and they kept on mentioning a “masterdoc” so now i’m really tempted to read it to test if i relate to that, but i’m going to try not to because i think that’s a compulsion/seeking reassurance.

omg u guys are scaring me haha- im really curious about what it is and i feel like the curiosity will linger until i read it, but u guys are saying it’s rly bad so i won’t. i don’t even know what it’s about but it sounds really bad. i can’t help but feel like that’s going to show me the truth and not letting myself read it means i’m supressing my sexuality, so that’s hard to get over. i’ll delete reddit from my phone now

hey im so triggered by the masterdoc could u help me plz? just like you it brought me to the absolute lowest point in my life. i read so many reddit posts that made me go crazy and now im so convinced. im so scared. i just want to me sure i will be in love w a man and marry one

@princess🧚🏼‍♀️ I am sorry you are going through this! I remember the day vividly I read it, I was feeling so scared and hopeless. Right know you somehow have to try to stop seeking for reassurance or to stop researching. Block reddit from your devices, you see where it got you, make sure you don't go there anymore at least for the foreseeable future. Hang in there and know that this too will pass even if you feel so uncertain now. I've had this meltdown about a year ago and nothing has changed about my sexuality. I am still with my boyfriend and we are happy both emotionally and sexually. I can not say for sure that I am 100 % hetero but I don't have to know. We have to let go of the need for certainty if we want to get better. Try to stop figuring this out, you wont find a satisfying answer anyway and you will feel better every day.

@thinkingismyfighting thank you so much 💗i appreciate you so much. could i talk to you ? i feel like i have no one who understands to talk about this to. im currently in online classes but i cannot stop shaking and crying or focus. if u have instagram could we talk ? i would greatly appreciate it. if you dont feel comfortable i completely understand we could just talk here

@thinkingismyfighting i remember reading the masterdoc like 4 months ago i went crazy for like 3 days i couldnt even stand up or see clearly. i was so fully convinced... there are ao many signs that i relate to. also the fact tht i’m a virgin and have never had a bf does not help at all :( if anything it makes it worse bc i remember guys i liked asking me out and i would try finding randome excuses. i didnt want a bf and still tell myself i would want a bf in the future, but not now. i feel like its too much pressure bc i get so nervous/shy/uncomfortable around them and i feel like i would have too much pressure. sorry if im not making any sense im just typing while having an anxiety attack

also the reddit pages like latebloomerlesbians n comphet etc absolutely RUINED ME and fxcked me up. i dont know who i am anymore. i just want to know for sure that i will marry a man i will fall so deeply in love with.

@princess🧚🏼‍♀️ We can talk here, I would like to keep my Instagram separate as it is connected with so many "official" accounts of mine 🙈 are you still in school or do you take classes for university? Is there someone to meet up with today? Like not to talk about your anxiety but rather to distract you? I found it helpful if I had to force myself to go out meeting someone who had no idea about what I was going through bc I had to keep it together. It is hard to get yourself up though if you are feeling so low already, I know that. Try to accept that today is just going to be shitty. The urge triggered by the masterdoc will not subside so quickly it will probably take a few hours. Just try to not feed it anymore by searching further and reassuring yourself. Tomorrow will be better, it won't seem as important anymore as it does today. After all the doc is just a list of words typed on a piece of paper, nothing more and nothing less. You get to choose how much meaning you apply to them.

@princess🧚🏼‍♀️ Been there 🙈 just don't go on reddit anymore, even for different reasons, the risk of derailing and ending up spiralling is too high. These threads may be helpful if you know/think that you are a lesbian/bi and you want to find support/compassion by others and feel better through that support. It is not helpful with anxiety or OCD and intrusive thoughts or the need to prove yourself that you are not. Cutting out reddit completely improved my well-being tremendously. And I don't think this is avoidance behaviour because reddit never played a role in my life before my obsessions kicked in. It is a tool to do compulsions with that often leads to even more questioning/anxiety.

@thinkingismyfighting thank you so much i appreciate it so much 💗 i just cannot think clearly i feel like i’ve forgotten any proof that i liked boys. im still in school, im still 16. but im just scared that i only like the idea of being w a guy and fantasize about that, but wont enjoy the reality becauset i read its a sign and i have no experience. it just feels so real and it has convinced me. did u also feel convinced ? :(

@thinkingismyfighting my mom was asking if we could go to dinner tonight w the family, but i told her i dont feel ok. i wanna talk to her about it but she just doesnt understand hocd, she thinks its silly. but im just so down

@thinkingismyfighting when i think of boys i like, i get this warm and fuzzy feeling, i also blush sometimes in front of cute boys (but apparently it means absolutely nothing) i also get so nervous around them. but im scared because i would always avoid dating them. i felt like i wasn’t ready and had so much i needed to improve about myself, i have such low self esteem and always seek validationfrom guys, im scared thats the only reason. i feel like i’ve convinced myself i like them but dont actually. sorry if im being annoying i just feel so alone

@princess🧚🏼‍♀️ I remember feeling similar at your age. I don't think it is that uncommon. I also used to hugely admire older girls or female celebrities and to a certain extent I still do, I just seem to connect and identify with women more. The masterdoc made me obsess about those things again like hell. Does that mean that I am a lesbian in denial? Maybe, maybe not, no one knows for sure because you cannot really pin down sexuality on those things. When I try to reassure myself that I love sex with my bf and always fantasized about sex with guys there are also some points in the document that ruined even that "security" for me (e.g. being aroused by power imbalances or being more submissive I bed etc .) That is what makes sexuality such an excellent topic for intrusive thoughts because no one can give us a safe answer about that. All I know is that obsessing and anxiety doesn't take us anywhere. The doc has no scientific truth value of any kind, it's just words/assumptions with no scientific source or proof.

@thinkingismyfighting thank you so much. i calmed down a bit i took a walk and i feel better

@princess🧚🏼‍♀️ I am glad you feel better! You'll be fine, stay away from reddit and try to focus on real life. Fake it till you make it, we've got this 💪

@thinkingismyfighting thank you 💗i feel much better. and YES we’ll get over it we’re so strong ;)

is it like a list of things that prove your a lesbian ?

@zeep actually nvm i don’t want to know haha

i know, it scares me, but i feel like i’m denying my sexuality if i don’t let myself read it. i’m not going to though.

You really just got on my ass. My girlfriend saw your comment said you read me like a book 😂. You’re absolutely right though because I have researching a lot and watching a lot of videos. I’m gonna take your advice and slowly distance myself from the internet all together. I’m gonna continue to work out though at the gym and go out. Is there any more advice you have about acceptance and these thoughts? I appreciate it a lot honestly 😂 I’m glad you responded honestly

thank you- today’s been hard but hopefully tomorrow’s a better day :)

@zeep Wait so have you done therapy?

@Lost Mexico 00 no haha i was replying to pureolife. have you?

@zeep Ohh no sorry mistook the notification for another one