its just me that hate myself? im so insecure, i start crying bcs i look at girls and they re so pretty smh

I really hate telling my mom that I'm insecure because she just looks at me super annoyed and is like "I don't know why". Like one time I said I wanted to start working out because I hate how skinny I am and she looked at me like I was trying to fish for compliments or something and I feel like I have to defend myself and I cant talk about it. I feel like I always hate my body and any time I try to do something to fix that I regret it so so much. I was just telling her the other day how i hate myself so much I want to crawl out of my skin and she kind of just told me to work on it but I don't know how?? Ive never loved myself. Ever. I have no clue how to. The only reason I'm not doing worse to myself is because I'll get in trouble. I hate my mind and my body and lately it's been so so bad I can't look at myself without feeling nauseated. The last few months it's just gotten worse and worse I feel like. Any time I try to fix how I look I feel like I don't deserve to feel comfortable in my own skin. I feel like a lost cause at this point. I don't know if I'm ever gonna be fixed.

this past month ive been feeling grossly anxious because sometimes I feel like my gf is ugly. im so ashamed of this and i just wish this could stop, I hate it so deeply. there is this interview my lover did in the middle of the street and in the video she doesn't look her best and i know it's normal not to always look DASHING and angles can sometimes make u look a bit different but my anxiety stems from the fact that i think she looks a little less flattering because her double chin looks more prominent than it usually does irl. my lover has a double chin no matter their weight and i don't mind, i don't think it's ugly or that she should lose weight, I find her cute and i don't think that one has to be skinny to be beautiful, I find that very stupid. and yet I feel like she looks less flattering because of how her double chin looks in the video and that makes me feel HORRIBLE, cus she always has a double chin so i shouldnt feel like that for a trait she already possess. what if she gains weight and her double chin will actually look more prominent ? it would be disgusting if i found her less pretty only because of that. I shouldn't think like this, her double chin doesn't make her less pretty i should love her regardless. i feel so gross. ive been watching that interview on loop because i Just want to feel like she's pretty no matter what. i hate this i don't know what to do.

im so tired of trying to express my feeling and feeling so dumb. im so angry and my chest hurts from sadness and stress all the time with no one to talk to, this is so lonely. the only friend i had got annoyed with me and said maybe this is happening because i dont listen. i hate this so much and i gained so much weight from stress. i cant look pretty or happy if i tried.