I’m losing hope again. I am lost. I can never seem to do erp, and if I do somehow become unafraid of something I just find something else to be afraid of. I wish I can just find the root problem to all this. I know it some deep internal emotional wound that keeps causing this but I’ve been digging for 3 years and still can’t find out what it is.

There might be some other comorbid condition you’re dealing with. But as far as ERP itself, the design isn’t to examine the cause or root of your OCD, it’s to be with the distress caused by the OCD without engaging in compulsions. Which in turn breaks the obsessive and compulsive cycle.

@NOCD Advocate - Carl Cornett There probably is. I struggle with low self esteem too but I’m working on it. But you can’t deny the fact the reason ocd starts is because of fear. Usually that fear is much deeper than perceived at first. Like if I’m scared of the dark, it’s not the dark that I’m afraid of. That’s just a symptom. It’s the fear of what happens in the dark, perhaps some sort of trauma spurred it as a child.

@qk Sure. Some people may have had it triggered by some event. Let’s take my case, was it genetic since my dad has many tendencies and my siblings both have anxiety disorders? Is it because my environment, because it was obsessively orderly? Was it my personal trauma of abuse? It could be all of those things or just one, it might be none of them and instead just random luck and brain chemistry. I don’t think it matters, what matters is what I do with it now.

@NOCD Advocate - Carl Cornett Ok

Yes. It primarily revolves around the breath and me trying to get it “just right.” It switches to a variety of others such as focusing on a stinging sensation in my arms or legs, tensing my left shoulder, tensing my head causing a tension headache and a few more that I get latched onto. It usually starts with the thought, “ uh oh, I remembered the struggle, I must start controlling this sensation or else something bad will happen.” I just get so much anxiety when I don’t do a compulsion. I’m trying to figure out what caused this in the first place

@qk I resonate with this sooo much. My somatic OCD is centered around breathing, swallowing and blinking. Especially breathing lately. I always feel like it has to be just right...recently I've been hyperventilating when I wake up because I wake up feeling like I'm breathing too slow and have to monitor my breaths. It's really time consuming and I've been doing a lot better with accepting the automatic responses of all these functions, but sometimes I do get moments where it comes back a little and I have to control it until it feels right. It also happens with swallowing like I have to do it right or else. (Though this one has been significantly better overall) I also sometimes monitor my body for pain, sickness or body twitches. We're here for you though, and if you need to vent I'd be more than happy to continue being supportive :)