Please, I really need help right now. I know not to ask for reassurance, so all I am asking for is moral support and comfort. I am struggling with what I believe to be a false memory, as it feels virtually indistinguishable from a real memory. It happened almost immediately after the event, which brought great alarm, especially since I couldn’t sort through the gaps in time. The thing is, the images that popped into my head go against all my moral fibers. Deep down I know I would never— or even could ever—bring myself to jeopardize the well-being of anyone. In fact, the first night I had I repeated my actions a few times to prove nothing bad happened. I was able to sleep well at night with only the vague impression of something bad, I think. So, I payed no mind. The next day, it all worsened. I avoided compulsions for a while, but the thought lingered. It startled me, like I thought: “Maybe this is not OCD, what if it really did happened?” Of course, I listed all the reasons why it couldn’t possibly have happened. I physically repeated what I really believe, or hope, happened. Yesterday, or maybe the day prior, I was struck with a vivid image. Again, I avoided compulsions without much anxiety, then I caved in. I asked my family what they thought, watched some videos, and did some research to solidify that what I imagined is a false memory. None of which were much help for long. I even cried later that evening—a couple times. Every time I don’t react to the intrusive thought, a suspicion arises, like it of must be true. But how? I mean, it’s almost entirely improbable. After constantly trying to piece everything together, it just feels like a jumbled mess of fact and fiction. I’m having trouble moving on... I dealt with this in the past and later realized how silly I was, but it always sucks being in the middle of it. I am now questioning, what is real? what is fabricated? I am now unsure of myself and the true nature of who I am. OCD has stripped me of my confidence. I hate this. I truly feel alone and broken as of recent. I wish I could flash forward in time to show myself it’s all OCD trickery. But, unfortunately, I can’t. If this is OCD, I know I should not ask for reassurance, but can anyone give me comfort? Has anyone experienced something similar? If so, what did you do to better yourself? Can you give me some moral support? I am so mortified at the idea of past and prospect of the future. I don’t really have the want to eat as normal and have trouble sleeping at the sheer amount dread and doubt. Thank you and much love!

I would really appreciate it so much if someone took the time to read this and help me. I don’t know what to do anymore. I haven’t posted here in awhile. I had my OCD managed pretty decently for a year or so on medication, but I had to stop taking it, and after around 3-4 months, the OCD has become unbearable again. It used to be much more surrounding existential themes, eating, and others, not really real event/false memory stuff. But now it’s gotten really out of hand and I don’t know how to do it anymore. It’s surrounding a time of my life a long time ago. It was a dark time. I wasn’t myself and I was going through a lot of things, and I did a lot of things I regret. I self-destructed, embarrassed myself, and wasn’t good to the people around me. I was able to get my mind off of it for a long time, even though I would still think about it a good amount. I was able to be in the present, at least moreso than now. But now that I’m off medication, the guilt has become my obsession again. I can’t move on. I can’t do anything without thinking about all of these memories. I’m obsessed. I’ve started hating myself again, so much so that it’s hard to do anything anymore or believe I deserve anything good. The people around me tell me it wasn’t even that bad, but to me it was. To me, I failed myself, lost myself, and failed everyone around me. I can’t stop thinking about every person I said something wrong to or every time I screwed up. I’ve now started to convince myself I did terrible things I can’t remember, and that my mind just can’t deal with it. And that’s why I feel so guilty. There’s nothing to really support this though. But I’m starting to really convince myself that’s true. I’m trying not to listen to it, because I’ve convinced myself I have hit people with my car before and haven’t remembered when I absolutely didn’t and I know I never have. I drive back over and over to check there’s no one, even though I never heard any bang or felt myself anything. I can convince myself of some crazy false memories. So I know that I shouldn’t listen. But it’s hard not to when I have this guilt gnawing at me constantly. I come to conclusions that this guilt must be because I did something terrible that I don’t remember, even though I already think the things I remember were bad enough. But I would know by now right? If I did something bad I don’t remember? I don’t feel like this all the time. But it’s a lot of the time. But maybe that should be reassuring, that I only start obsessing like this when I think to. The past haunts me though. And I can never be in the present. I’ve started to resort to some unhealthy behaviors to distract myself or help me work towards something. I am starting to hate myself so much and feel like there’s no way I’ll ever be able to get out of this loop. I feel like I just can’t do this anymore. Maybe I need to go back on medication. But I don’t know. I don’t really want to. But will I ever fix this without it? Why do I feel SO guilty, all of the time? I do all these things for people because I feel indebted to them, because I feel undeserving of everything. I feel awful about myself. I don’t know what to do. Does anyone else deal with this?

I experience crippling, debilitating false memory OCD. It started with a “what if” thought 6 days ago and has spiraled into a never ending loop. My mind is telling me that “maybe you did this terrible, awful, unforgivable thing years ago and you don’t remember it and it’s only a matter of time before it catches up to you and your life is over” I’m really needing some coping mechanisms and support. I’m really scared and my body is exhausted. I just want it to stop. It is full panic attack all day, every day. Please if anyone can relate or help me.

Yup! Been like this February,worst Part is that I was intoxicated and in a bad place my thoughts were going totally insane,my 8 year old niece spend the night with me and my intrusive thoughts were telling me to molested her and all of the above ☝🏻 I do remember staring at her for a while and thinking 💭 If I did something to her she would probably say it or she would wake up,it gave me a good sense of relieve but now and since then …I can’t fully remember if I did,just for the”hmm let’s test this out and see if she would actually wake up” kind of like those,,,I wonder if u pull a dogs tail he would turn around and bark or bite me,trust me…shit like that would backfire at you and I haven’t really been at peace since then…I try to also control My self and try to use uncertainty but to be honest the vision and memory are so real like very vivid as if it happens so for me it did happend and I feel Horrible,I currently in my mid 30’s and these thoughts lash out f nowhere since I was 26,somehow I knew how to manage them,I would Do Compulsions as avoiding my niece and any type Of kid,I would Get extremely paranoid when I had to change her diapers and could do something to harm her.i never been attracted to children in my life,yes! Unfortunately i was molested sexually as a kid by a man from ages 6-9 and one of the things that would Kill Me and trigger me would be the fact that I wonder why? Why do they do that why ? What do they feel ?! And for my disadvantage….im Like the kid that you tell Them”don’t push that red button or else…🚨🧨💣🤯” and guess what?! My Hyperactive dumb ass is still Gonna push the button cause I wanna know what the hell is gonna happend for my self,and I feel that I did something g that I will regret my whole Life! Sometimes when I’m calmer I think with logic and see things from another perspective but then ocd and paranoia kicks in and it’s exhausting and mentally draining!so Guess what?! It sucks! This sucks! to live like this and having to live with the …”what ifs,did I or Did I not!?” But u aren’t alone friend just know theirs plenty of us out there Worst part of all this i havent been able.to fill in the gaps and it makes me.feel like a monster,did i molested my niece in her sleep,what if.my intentions were actually bad,im the kind of person that a thought can be morbid and I have tp figure it out,so when I think to my that I do something it's because I was clearly thinking okay let me.tedt.my self or see if I do feel.something and that shit will backfire on you BAD! Because then I will think*what kind of a human being on earth wpuld.do something like that?!* and it triggers me bad,I mean really bad like anxiety and panick attacks and not wanting to live with my self with this guilt!idk if there's someone else out there with a case like this bit if their is please dont make me feel that im alone, not looking for reassurance just support