- Username
- ocdin2ascension
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I think I understand what you are trying to say , and I can definitely relate , I honestly hate the gay thoughts the false attractions and I also know they aren’t me , but when this started I was so scared that felt like I wanted to not see things that were really gay or lgbt positive bc I thought it would encourage it which has never been a part of me and that made me even more sad that I felt like I couldn’t support the people I wanted bc of this thing going on in my head But two thoughts I’ve had to help me is 1. People who are gay can have OCD so I would think of them being happy being attractive to someone who is the same gender and then having the same fears anxiety and sadness of reoccurring thoughts of attraction to the opposite sex . 2. I think people who love people know matter who they are or what they identify as would want me to be the person who makes me most comfortable and to have peace of mind
i really feel that!! thank you for sharing that
I have SOOCD. I am gay and constantly think I’m straight and constantly “check”
Oh my god. Oh my god. I’m gonna cry. This is exactly me, just with TOCD. I’m bi, but I had HOCD for a bit and then it morphed into this... and it makes me feel so guilty because I have grown up surrounded by the community and actively fighting for them and their rights. My best friends are trans and nb, and I love them and I see the struggle they go through to stay true to themselves. You saying you feel bad for not actively affirming them because that somehow makes you not an ally... but also the thought of accepting them makes you feel anxious and untrue... you’re not alone in that. It’s so hard. Either I’m scared at the thought of my obsession, or I’m feeling guilty that I’m even feeling scared of the thought in the first place... it’s hard man. It’s really hard. But like so many people say, we are not our thoughts. Our actions tell us so much more about who we are than anything else. At the end of the day, we are all just trying to live our lives to our closest truth: truth that looks different for everyone, but doesn’t invalidate the experience of the other. We got this friend.
Also by them I mean the thoughts, not the actual people oopsies. 😬
@aurokoi yoooooo thank you for coming thru with ur insight!! everyone’s comments on this thread have been a gift and i’m particularly comforted by urs because it just goes to show that it doesn’t really matter what the specific content or theme of the obsession is, it’s just the fact that our brains are obsessing and glitching over something that makes us uncomfortable and feel distant from how we most comfortably understand ourselves. You honestly just made me feel so affirmed. like I’m not feeling as guilty by the fact that this particular obsession is about being gay because I’m focusing on the fact that I’m obsessing and trying to fix that. By focusing on the fact of obsessing i’m less prone to get caught up in the actual content of the obsession and feel less guilty acknowledging then dismissing the thoughts. It makes it easier to recognize and let pass. ur right this discernment is soo hard and taxing, but honestly being affirmed by other people suffering from this disorder makes me feel validated in the truth that is uniquely mine. ty!!
@ocdin2ascension No problem!! Seriously, what you wrote resonated with me so deeply because I saw myself in that feeling like a fake ally. Honestly, I’m not even sure where I read it, but the ‘content of the obsession doesn’t matter. an obsession is an obsession’ statement made me cry one night... OCD is clever and it goes after things that mean a lot to us. For me, it was being sure of myself and finally feeling like I knew who I was, and me finding a space to love and understand everyone in the community. I think because I felt guilty over the fact I was so worried about being trans or even a lesbian made me think of it even more because who advocates for the community and doesn’t accept themselves? Is it just internalized phobias? And then by trying to get myself to ‘accept’ that that’s who I was and ‘explore’ just made me feel worse because ... I didn’t like it and then I felt guilty for not liking it and on and on. I’m sure you know how the spiral goes. Plus, identity themes are so personal, which make it that much harder to work through, because you know.. it deals with US. But I think we’re on the right track here. Who cares what the content of the thought is? The point is that we’re stuck in a loop of trying to answer a question that doesn’t make us happy to think about. So why think about it? That’s all there is to it. I hope you know you affirmed me too and really did help my brain relax. So THANK YOU!
@aurokoi Oop by ‘not think about it’ I mean like... don’t put meaning behind the thought. Do your ERP though haha!!!
@aurokoi i just broke down crying in therapy for the first time and I came back to read your powerful words again and they’re hitting so much harder with these tears. i’m so glad i posted this original post and that you and the others here happened to see it. OCD *thrives* off of guilt, and mutually identifying the thought spiral and deligitamizing it allows us to sidestep that guilt-causing rabbit hole and weaken OCD’s tools of oppression. yo the fact that you said it came on especially after you felt a newfound self confidence too...it’s like the devil poking saying, “but what about this?? why don’t you like that?? it must be because ur afraid of it right?? phobia! ur a ____phobe!!” F-THAT. the whole thought process. We are who we are because we love ourselves as we are, period. But of course, as you mentioned, ERP is the main way of proving that lol. Arguing against it won’t get us out, but knowing and being affirmed in some sense of our truth is soo critical for effective ERP as well. thank you so much for pulling up with your story and wisdom i’m screen shotting this thread lol.
@ocdin2ascension Ahhh I’m so glad my comments helped!! I really hope you can rise about this soon. If you don’t mind me asking, are you getting therapy for OCD specifically?
@aurokoi thanks for your well wishes i extend them to u as well 💓 and yes i’ve been in ocd treatment for about two months now and have been seeing gradual but certain progress
@ocdin2ascension Aw I’m so glad you’re getting the support you need!! I wish you the best 💞 maybe it’s time I visit a specialist too.
@aurokoi i highly suggest it! if it’s available for u via insurance or whatever works for u. i really hope u can because OCD has felt like it’s the matrix in my mind that has only gotten worse the longer i didn’t know how to handle it. and my therapist has been helping to pull me out of it in ways i couldn’t see for myself. but they’re other resources out there like books and great articles i guess it just depends on what you need but either way.....you will prevail :)
So, I’m gay, but I have obsessive thoughts about being straight. The idea of being with a man is not something that I find appealing, but a mix of OCD and compulsory heterosexuality causes a lot of anxiety for me. Does anyone else have similar issues? If so, do you have any advice on how to cope?
I'm a straight man that suffers from SO-OCD/HOCD. If you have read this and you have the same subset of OCD PLEASE comment. Do you have thoughts about a person on the same gender that says "he is cute" or "he is sexy" or "he is my type",she if youre a woman. I do not like those kinds thoughts, in fact i loathe it, but I have learned not to give those kinds of thoughts power. But i'm just curious about if you have those kind of thoughts I have a girlfriend that I would VERY VERY much want to get married to, but im just afraid that maybe in the end I might end up hurting her because maybe I'm gay. I do want to be gay and I have nothing against gay people, its just I want to have a happy marriage with my girlfriend.
I have been heterosexual all my life and been exclusively attracted to women in all aspects. Although, admittedly that I find all people aesthetically attractive (regardless of gender), it was in my nature to complement them and admire them for who they are. I’m currently in a committed relationship with my girlfriend and have been happy up until the end of 2023. It wasn’t until the start of January where the normal things that I did made me question about my sexuality. I kept obsessing over it and overthinking about it up until the point that I kept asking for reassurance from my family and partner as well as none-stop researching about it. It has been taking up my time in school and I’m losing my sleep. My mind was telling me that I was bisexual or gay, but deep down it felt wrong like it wasn’t me. I was having thoughts and fantasies that would wake me up and feel repulsed. I am slowly staring to get numb and be emotionless. I also have been very anxious and have started to get attractions and arousals that I didn’t like. I’m also starting to lose attraction to my partner and there have been instances where the thoughts were so close to convincing me. I just want to be happy with my girlfriend and I don’t want to lose our relationship as well as our future. I don’t also want to lose my self. I have been getting false attractions, groinal responses, thoughts and images that are bothersome and makes me feel repulsed. It gets worse whenever I analyze my past. I don’t know what to do and I just want to cry.
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