- Username
- ocdin2ascension
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I think I understand what you are trying to say , and I can definitely relate , I honestly hate the gay thoughts the false attractions and I also know they aren’t me , but when this started I was so scared that felt like I wanted to not see things that were really gay or lgbt positive bc I thought it would encourage it which has never been a part of me and that made me even more sad that I felt like I couldn’t support the people I wanted bc of this thing going on in my head But two thoughts I’ve had to help me is 1. People who are gay can have OCD so I would think of them being happy being attractive to someone who is the same gender and then having the same fears anxiety and sadness of reoccurring thoughts of attraction to the opposite sex . 2. I think people who love people know matter who they are or what they identify as would want me to be the person who makes me most comfortable and to have peace of mind
i really feel that!! thank you for sharing that
I have SOOCD. I am gay and constantly think I’m straight and constantly “check”
Oh my god. Oh my god. I’m gonna cry. This is exactly me, just with TOCD. I’m bi, but I had HOCD for a bit and then it morphed into this... and it makes me feel so guilty because I have grown up surrounded by the community and actively fighting for them and their rights. My best friends are trans and nb, and I love them and I see the struggle they go through to stay true to themselves. You saying you feel bad for not actively affirming them because that somehow makes you not an ally... but also the thought of accepting them makes you feel anxious and untrue... you’re not alone in that. It’s so hard. Either I’m scared at the thought of my obsession, or I’m feeling guilty that I’m even feeling scared of the thought in the first place... it’s hard man. It’s really hard. But like so many people say, we are not our thoughts. Our actions tell us so much more about who we are than anything else. At the end of the day, we are all just trying to live our lives to our closest truth: truth that looks different for everyone, but doesn’t invalidate the experience of the other. We got this friend.
Also by them I mean the thoughts, not the actual people oopsies. 😬
@aurokoi yoooooo thank you for coming thru with ur insight!! everyone’s comments on this thread have been a gift and i’m particularly comforted by urs because it just goes to show that it doesn’t really matter what the specific content or theme of the obsession is, it’s just the fact that our brains are obsessing and glitching over something that makes us uncomfortable and feel distant from how we most comfortably understand ourselves. You honestly just made me feel so affirmed. like I’m not feeling as guilty by the fact that this particular obsession is about being gay because I’m focusing on the fact that I’m obsessing and trying to fix that. By focusing on the fact of obsessing i’m less prone to get caught up in the actual content of the obsession and feel less guilty acknowledging then dismissing the thoughts. It makes it easier to recognize and let pass. ur right this discernment is soo hard and taxing, but honestly being affirmed by other people suffering from this disorder makes me feel validated in the truth that is uniquely mine. ty!!
@ocdin2ascension No problem!! Seriously, what you wrote resonated with me so deeply because I saw myself in that feeling like a fake ally. Honestly, I’m not even sure where I read it, but the ‘content of the obsession doesn’t matter. an obsession is an obsession’ statement made me cry one night... OCD is clever and it goes after things that mean a lot to us. For me, it was being sure of myself and finally feeling like I knew who I was, and me finding a space to love and understand everyone in the community. I think because I felt guilty over the fact I was so worried about being trans or even a lesbian made me think of it even more because who advocates for the community and doesn’t accept themselves? Is it just internalized phobias? And then by trying to get myself to ‘accept’ that that’s who I was and ‘explore’ just made me feel worse because ... I didn’t like it and then I felt guilty for not liking it and on and on. I’m sure you know how the spiral goes. Plus, identity themes are so personal, which make it that much harder to work through, because you know.. it deals with US. But I think we’re on the right track here. Who cares what the content of the thought is? The point is that we’re stuck in a loop of trying to answer a question that doesn’t make us happy to think about. So why think about it? That’s all there is to it. I hope you know you affirmed me too and really did help my brain relax. So THANK YOU!
@aurokoi Oop by ‘not think about it’ I mean like... don’t put meaning behind the thought. Do your ERP though haha!!!
@aurokoi i just broke down crying in therapy for the first time and I came back to read your powerful words again and they’re hitting so much harder with these tears. i’m so glad i posted this original post and that you and the others here happened to see it. OCD *thrives* off of guilt, and mutually identifying the thought spiral and deligitamizing it allows us to sidestep that guilt-causing rabbit hole and weaken OCD’s tools of oppression. yo the fact that you said it came on especially after you felt a newfound self confidence too...it’s like the devil poking saying, “but what about this?? why don’t you like that?? it must be because ur afraid of it right?? phobia! ur a ____phobe!!” F-THAT. the whole thought process. We are who we are because we love ourselves as we are, period. But of course, as you mentioned, ERP is the main way of proving that lol. Arguing against it won’t get us out, but knowing and being affirmed in some sense of our truth is soo critical for effective ERP as well. thank you so much for pulling up with your story and wisdom i’m screen shotting this thread lol.
@ocdin2ascension Ahhh I’m so glad my comments helped!! I really hope you can rise about this soon. If you don’t mind me asking, are you getting therapy for OCD specifically?
@aurokoi thanks for your well wishes i extend them to u as well 💓 and yes i’ve been in ocd treatment for about two months now and have been seeing gradual but certain progress
@ocdin2ascension Aw I’m so glad you’re getting the support you need!! I wish you the best 💞 maybe it’s time I visit a specialist too.
@aurokoi i highly suggest it! if it’s available for u via insurance or whatever works for u. i really hope u can because OCD has felt like it’s the matrix in my mind that has only gotten worse the longer i didn’t know how to handle it. and my therapist has been helping to pull me out of it in ways i couldn’t see for myself. but they’re other resources out there like books and great articles i guess it just depends on what you need but either way.....you will prevail :)
So, I’m gay, but I have obsessive thoughts about being straight. The idea of being with a man is not something that I find appealing, but a mix of OCD and compulsory heterosexuality causes a lot of anxiety for me. Does anyone else have similar issues? If so, do you have any advice on how to cope?
A little clarification on my (and many others’) experience with HOCD. Yes, “I don’t care what my sexuality is, I just wanna know for sure” makes the case for HOCD stronger and more ‘qualified’ sounding- however that is not the only HOCD can manifest. Saying that, can trigger some HOCD sufferers who are simply weary of identifying as lgbtq (an understandable fear). Do NOT get me wrong however. I would do ANYTHING for my friends who are bi and gay. I love them SO dearly and will fight for them for forever. Lgbtq folk who struggle with their identities, and not being loved by the people who are supposed to love them no matter what- INSPIRE me with their resilience. Their strength. Their confidence to live out who they are to the fullest extent. I watched the movie Love, Simon and cried like a baby, and am incredibly excited that Pete Buttigieg is the USA’s first openly gay presidential candidate. However this does not discount the struggles that many lgbtq people face. So many are not accepted by their families, have extremely difficult life transitions, and agonize over coming out. These are not things that people willingly want to go through. Is is completely unreasonable for someone suffering with HOCD to also fear these things? As an example (I’m black)- there is a difference in saying that you wouldn’t want to be black because you believe we are less than, versus saying that you wouldn’t want to struggle with the same things that we do. Just because you understand the trials and tribulations that black people go through in this country and would not want that for yourself, does NOT mean you are racist. It simply means you understand that there is pain. And no human willingly wants pain. Although these are exact things lgbtq people have to deal with (making HOCD distinctly different from most other pure o themes because it becomes impossible to differentiate us from people actually struggling with their identity) it shouldn’t be ignored that HOCD sufferers fear them too! Why wouldn’t we? This is such a deep rooted issue for sufferers because, where you could say someone who is suffering with POCD would never hurt a child simply because their thoughts horrify them (and a real pedophile wouldn’t be scared of their thoughts) you can’t say the same for HOCD. For some of us HOCD people who have these specific fears, it’s even more difficult to trust that what we have is ocd and it’s even more difficult to explain to someone else that what we have is ocd. I’ve had different themes of OCD throughout my life and the obsessive and compulsive behaviors have been the same, but this one makes me feel like I don’t even get to qualify. What a mind-fuck for us, huh? Also understand, this definitely isn’t my only fear. I have been attracted to, day-dreamed about, and desperately wanted to be with one gender my entire life. Having a husband was something I’ve wanted for so very long. It IS a part of who I am and what I want. It’s distressing to think this could all be lost one day. To have these ‘dreams’ stolen by obsessive thoughts, and be made to believe that it was all a lie- is just as hard to deal with as any other form of ocd. When I envision the life that ocd is telling me I “actually” want- I’m filled with sadness. How do any of the rest of you deal with your ocd telling you that you want (or want to do) something- that you actually don’t? I know this can be controversial, and truly truly hope I do not offend anyone- lgbtq friends, I truly do love you. I just want everyone to know that what we can struggle with within each theme, can be very different- but none are any less important or qualified than the others. If you truly disagree and want to share, please be kind. I am just as fragile as a lot of us on here. I’m suffering too.
I feel so many discussions of SO-OCD revolve around (mostly) straight identifying people fearing they are gay, or the reverse. But has anyone who identifies as bisexual or queer experienced SO-OCD? I am a woman married to a man, and while my sexual orientation has been reasonably fluid since I was in my teens, I have consistently felt a preference for men, and never felt the need to put a label on my identity (including straight) - and I’ve never hidden the fact that I’ve had flings with women. About three years ago I had the “brain broke” moment where I suddenly out of nowhere thought: “I am bisexual, I have been masquerading as straight since I’m married to a man, and I have to come out to everyone I know.” It was all I could think about. The fact that I felt shame accompanying it made me fear that I might be using the term bisexual to cover up the fact that I was actually gay. It particularly messes with my head because OCD is characterised as “unwanted” thoughts, but actually I am occasionally attracted to people of other genders, so these thoughts are not always unwanted. Which makes me wonder whether I am just in denial, and I don’t have OCD at all? And thus the cycle continues… Would just love to hear from anyone else if they relate to this!
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