- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
I feel the same way and I wonder the same thing.
- Date posted
- 4y
Pureolife had a good answer down below!
- Date posted
- 4y
I feel the same way quite a lot. Like I can never really find my true identity
- Date posted
- 4y
Yes. Who am I? What do I really enjoy doing? What is my passions? These thoughts get triggered by simply hearing what other people spend their time on. "I dont have a life" and hours of ruminating.
- Date posted
- 4y
Hey friend!! Its late here so I will answer in the morning!! We sound so similar at times 🙋♀️. Please don't beat yourself up about today, take some rest. You ARE going to get better. Life won't always be this hard ❤️
- Date posted
- 4y
Hey, I wanted to get back to you. First of all, thank you for sharing because you are also striking up a conversation that helps others who struggle with the same thing - - like me 🙋♀️. Someone else said about ruminating and I know we ruminate, it has become second nature. And sometimes when someone gives me a plain answer like 'just stop doing it, go do something else!' isn't enough information for me on how to get there. It's like I'm standing at letter A and they are all the way at Z, hoping that I can magically know how to get to Z. I don't have the answers.. But prehaps it's something like we just take our little baby steps and eventually there will be larger changes? Those little baby steps might be picked up in therapy, on a podcast, over TIME. I'm not sure, but I hope so. For me it seems like I just live mostly in one huge tsunami of distress. I can't even 'think straight' to talk myself out of a compulsion.. Keep taking it hour by hour. Always reach out if you need to. I'm not here to judge, just try my best to help 👍😊
- Date posted
- 4y
Thank you for the support and encouragement. The huge tsunami of distress was a great way of putting it. Also for the havoc it creates on my life. The A to Z metaphor was really relatable. Im alwayd like "but how" "like _this_" and me "but HOW!?". But Im beginning to realize the "but how" is ruminating. And just doing _this_ or anything at all is the actual how. But I cant get there because my thoughts go too fast or freezes and I cant even think at the same time as thinking too much. Maybe eliminating "how" from my mind and vocabulary would help. Whenever I do that I should let it go. 🤔 The exposure yesterday gave me a big panic attack, the thoughts were literally crazy, and today Im still in a deep funk. Makes me think I shouldnt have shared and shouldnt have decoupaged. BUT at the same time it made me realize how this is definitely OCD and an important topic to deal with.
- Date posted
- 4y
@asdfghj I'm glad I'm not the only one. Every time you share, I'm like wow me too! Yes the HOW!! Oh boy oh boy.. 😂😂 I always say to my husband when he tries to help me 'But its okay for you, you know how to. I don't! How do I do it?!' and he always says 'Its not that you are missing the ability to be able to do it, you keep thinking you just weren't born with the capability.' And I still feel the big resounding question of 'But HOW?' Yes through this thread I have realised I ruminate on "smaller things", that I have an obsession around how/ understanding things perfectly. And my compulsions are the usual things I do.. Don't feel bad about sharing yesterday and that you are feeling rough today. Yesterday was super hard and it takes some time - hours to a few days to level out and ride the wave. Do you like arts and crafts? Do you like taking a bath? Do you paint your nails? Maybe try something today that is usually more soothing, EVEN IF you feel crappy! You don't have to feel good or feel better during it, or after it. But just as a way to hold on. ❤️
- Date posted
- 4y
@ButterflyStar Thank you for the support the other day. I was quite out of it so couldnt bring myself to reply. Maybe when we're thinking we dont have the capability to do so and so, all we have to do is "maybe I dont know how to do this, but I'll do it anyway". Ive been trying this lately with cooking and small stuff that obviously any grown person can do, but that I for years have thought "I dont know how!" and "what if I do it wrong" and "what if Im not suppose to" and its actually working. Ive just avoided these things all together cause of the massive intrusive thoughts and urges to compulse. But I have finally cooked rice! And broccoli. 😅 and it was even edible. And I didnt check how to do it more than once. It makes me believe just doing it is the best way for the other things were my mind is stuck on HOW! + its quite ridiculous that making brocolli makes me so anxious I felt nauseous just by thinking about it. 😅 Dear OCD, you are ridiculous!
- Date posted
- 4y
@asdfghj So your comment really really helped me and I've been thinking about it frequently today, thank you so much! Instead is saying 'I can't do it.' I could instead say 'Maybe I don't know right now, but I'll try it anyway.'so awesome! Your new cooking skills was a perfect example of this played out in real life! I was genuinely filled with joy and proud (?? Even tho I don't know you) when you said about cooking broccoli and rice. That is so awesome! This time next year you'll be cooking all sorts of recipes! Even in some months times 😊 I am actually thinking of getting a notebook to write down your helpful comments so they stick more. Hope your day is going well👍
- Date posted
- 4y
I am exactly the same! You worded it great. An alarming thought for me is 'What should I do right now?'. Like how should I fill the time. Then I weigh up what to do but feeling so anxious while thinking about all the things and so much time can pass because I can't decide what is the RIGHT thing to do. It's been hard for me to do other things than compulsions but slowly over lock down I have encorperated some more things.. It took like 1 whole year of trying to do that in therapy lol.
- Date posted
- 4y
Yes! I weigh up what I should do and it makes me so anxious because how do I know what is right. And in stead of spending 6 hours of leisure time doing something fun I spend then ruminating about why I dont know what to do, what is the rightest thing to do, or just juml to another theme entirely that has triggered me that day and spend alm afternoon figuring it out. This has (contributed) made my life very small, and because of it life feels meaningless. Which leads to suicidal obsessions and existential obsessions. It feels impossible to get out of this. Feels like if I prevent compulsions in one area 100 more themes are waiting. It is in every part of my life. The things you encorporated, did you have to challenge yourself to do them or how... wait a sec ... maybe this question is compulsive, lol. Always looking for "the right way!"
- Date posted
- 4y
It sounds like you’re spending all your time ruminating. And it’s understandable, most people ruminate because they think it will help them figure something out. But it never does. Rather than ruminating about what you want to do/be, how about just trying things? You don’t need to spend much time figuring out what to try or why. Just think of something, anything, and do it. You’ll learn way more about yourself and what you like that way than spending any more time ruminating about possibilities in your head. We spend way too much of our lives sitting in our rooms thinking about what it would be like to live life. Just go live it.
- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
It really does sound like ruminating doesnt it! I always thought that this topic was natural to wonder about. After over a decade as severely ill it would be natural to wonder about my identity and finally figuring myself out. Even my therapist (not an OCD specialist) has encouraged me to do it (he has encouraged me to a lot of ruminating though)... I tried what you mentioned here. I just thought to myself "just do something, anything" and it made me feel terrible. And I wanted to find my phone and scroll a little more, possibly google hobbies. But now Ive spent the las hour decoupaging and I feel like throwing up. Anxiety. Feels like Im gonna die because this was wrong and I should ... wash my hands or DO SOMETHING to make up for it. Because who knows if it was right. Considering how hard this was it would be fair to reason it actually is an obsession. And OCD. It is hard to reason right now as anxiety is high. It feels so wrong to even share this. And hey, anything? But what if it is wrong?
- Date posted
- 4y
@asdfghj Your rumination is definitely a compulsion and the second you stopped it.. you felt intense anxiety, got intrusive “just right” thoughts, and wanted to perform other compulsions.
- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
@pureolife For ERP: you need to get out there and just do stuff! And do it wrong! And don’t do compulsions, most importantly ruminating. I know that sounds crazy and hard. But that’s exactly what your ocd needs.
- Date posted
- 4y
@pureolife Also: did you truly stop ruminating or did you start ruminating about ruminating? https://drmichaeljgreenberg.com/ruminating-about-ruminating-2/
- Date posted
- 4y
@pureolife Thank you so much for the links and the advice to do exposures for this. After last night it became obvious to me that this too is OCD, and needs to be handled accordingly. I dont know if I ruminated about ruminating. Idont think so. I think for the hour I did decoupaging I was doing good with responsepreventing. When I stopped I started reassurance seeking and had a full blown panic attack where I was doubting if I had killed my cat even though it was right in front of me and was crazy towards by bf because I was sure I had made the planet about to explode because I had acted without precautions and being SURE. Makes me realise how big of a theme this really is. And maybe all the obsessing about other stuff is so I wont have to do anything. I really do understand acting, doing things, even random things or doing it wrong is the way to do exposures here. But after the panic yesterday Ive been constantly agitated and excessively compulsing all day and I dont know how to stop and the suicidal OCD is heavy. And it makes me scared to try exposures again.
- Date posted
- 4y
It truly feels like I shouldnt have shared this and that I shouldnt have tried doing something, because now anxiety is so high and all I want to do is things that are considered compulsions. And I cant seem to think straight and remember how to deal with an anxiety attack.
- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
@pureolife Just read this and Im at a major trigger. It was encouraging but at the same time discouraging because I cant find it in me to stop... but im gonna try now. Thanks for sharing good material.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 24w
So I’m so bored lately I have everything I want and could ask for but I’m a dopamine junkie so I jump from item to item and I’m still bored and I have “toys “ stay with me I’ll explain … so I have actual toys like dolls and stuffed animals because I still enjoy younger things at times … yep I’m still an adult … but that being said I won’t “play “ or interact with younger toys because I feel it’s not age appropriate and I want to fit in with society’s norms … that being said I have a Xbox s I have a Nintendo switch … a legion go hand held system … a portable dvd player and I’m sure other things I can’t remember… no I don’t act like a spoiled brat and want or need for everything and I’m very grateful…. But that being said out of all the things I have nothing really keeps my attention I just impulse buy them… I obsess about buying them for months I buy them and use them for a little bit and get bored …… then I feel ungrateful for not using an expensive item or gift.:. Go back and use that item and then the cycle repeats … I just can’t find anything that truly keeps me entertained and engaged … and keeps me wanting to fool with it every day or interact with it …. I want to find something that gives me a sense of accomplishment and excitement… and game systems and whatever else just don’t do that for me … like I said I promise I’m not a spoiled adult /brat ❤️
- Date posted
- 17w
There’s this one situation that I haven’t stopped thinking about from last night . So basically, I was reading 'The power of Now' which is a book that I love so much and really got me into spirituality. It’s been so helpful for my OCD and rumination but it’s also been pretty triggering for it as of late, so I’ve taken a long break from consistently reading it. The excerpt I read was about abundance and how its not about being bountiful, necessarily in material things but realizing and being grateful for the things that exist in your life now and in doing so, you will open yourself up to more good things. I understood it but I re-read it a lot because I didn't feel confident enough to explain it to someone else. but otherwise I LOVED IT. It made me feel so at peace, I agreed with it, and it gave me hope to start focusing on the good things in my life rather than the bad. So when I went to bed I rehearsed myself explaining it to someone on a podcast and then all these questions started flooding in like “why should I only focus on the good and aren't we supposed to accept the good and bad? Aren’t those the values of Buddha and spirituality” “Ya, we're supposed to accept the good and the bad but why?- so we can feel more good??? And isn't the point of OCD to not label things as good and bad? and why should I focus on the good- so I can feel good? why should I feel good? because I'm worthy of it? why am I worthy of it? because I'm a good person and do good things? well I’ve also done bad things so why shouldn't I consider that. I just don’t understand why I should feel good without it being selfish. And then this went on for like 2 or 3 hours. Like holy shit. I over explain these ideas and concepts that I resonate with to the point where they don't even make sense to me anymore. It becomes very existensial very quick. And I’m not suicidal but these questions make me feel hopeless in society for some reason?? And myself. Like if everything contradicts everything then what’s the point to life? If nothing can be understood or explained in a senseful way, then how do people move forward and make decisions, like AT ALL? There’s never a right or perfect answer and I feel like with any decision I make in regards, I’m doing a compulsion either way. If I don’t answer them, then I’m avoiding it and if I do then I’m checking and seeking reassurance. I’m sorry if this was way too long and over-explained I just need some advice or to know if anyone can relate in any way. Also, I’m sorry if some of those back-to-back questions were triggering.
- Date posted
- 12w
i’ve unfortunately fallen into the cycle of trying to figure out my thoughts and find answers as to why i feel so distressed. this still pertains to the situation regarding changing my room for those reading who have seen my multiple posts over the last few days. i’ve been so distressed and in so much panic about it. i’m also panicking over my other room looking so different from when i left it. it’s been making me feel crazy because to me there’s no reason for my anxiety to latch so hard onto something that seems so minuscule. i was thinking i was having anxiety over change, but it’s like symptoms of ocd too that’s making it really hard for me to let go. SO i started thinking maybe it was perfectionism ocd? i’ve realized over time that i do compulsions to where things have to feel “just right”, but i also do that with any environment i’m in. like it HAS to feel cozy to me and provide me comfort in order for me to feel at ease. and this change is causing me to panic because there’s something wrong that i can’t find an answer to. maybe the different colored carpet? but it’s also more than that it feels like. however, now it’s spreading into other areas of my house where i’ve always been fine in and possibly to just any area i’m in at all. hence why it’s making me feel crazy because there’s no reason for me to be THIS distressed over that as i’ve never really had this problem before. and when i did it would last maybe an hour to a couple of days at most, but this has been going for over 2 weeks with my really bad anxiety being this week. i’m doing a little better, but it’s still hard when i can feel that panic waiting for me to acknowledge and just engulf me in the ocd cycle. i’m also analyzing basically any feeling i have so i just feel off in general and like i’m going insane. i’ve been so hyper focused on how i feel and that will send me spiraling too. multiple themes then start coming in like existential ocd and fear of solipsism. not to mention my harm and contamination ocd that just adds on when i’m this vulnerable. then i worry if no one is real, then no one feels the way i do. or just in general that what if no one feels the way i do. honestly, i think being out of college and in my house with nothing to do is causing me too much time with my thoughts. which is why i’m so distressed about everything that pops into my brain.
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