- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
I feel the same way and I wonder the same thing.
- Date posted
- 4y
Pureolife had a good answer down below!
- Date posted
- 4y
I feel the same way quite a lot. Like I can never really find my true identity
- Date posted
- 4y
Yes. Who am I? What do I really enjoy doing? What is my passions? These thoughts get triggered by simply hearing what other people spend their time on. "I dont have a life" and hours of ruminating.
- Date posted
- 4y
Hey friend!! Its late here so I will answer in the morning!! We sound so similar at times šāāļø. Please don't beat yourself up about today, take some rest. You ARE going to get better. Life won't always be this hard ā¤ļø
- Date posted
- 4y
Hey, I wanted to get back to you. First of all, thank you for sharing because you are also striking up a conversation that helps others who struggle with the same thing - - like me šāāļø. Someone else said about ruminating and I know we ruminate, it has become second nature. And sometimes when someone gives me a plain answer like 'just stop doing it, go do something else!' isn't enough information for me on how to get there. It's like I'm standing at letter A and they are all the way at Z, hoping that I can magically know how to get to Z. I don't have the answers.. But prehaps it's something like we just take our little baby steps and eventually there will be larger changes? Those little baby steps might be picked up in therapy, on a podcast, over TIME. I'm not sure, but I hope so. For me it seems like I just live mostly in one huge tsunami of distress. I can't even 'think straight' to talk myself out of a compulsion.. Keep taking it hour by hour. Always reach out if you need to. I'm not here to judge, just try my best to help šš
- Date posted
- 4y
Thank you for the support and encouragement. The huge tsunami of distress was a great way of putting it. Also for the havoc it creates on my life. The A to Z metaphor was really relatable. Im alwayd like "but how" "like _this_" and me "but HOW!?". But Im beginning to realize the "but how" is ruminating. And just doing _this_ or anything at all is the actual how. But I cant get there because my thoughts go too fast or freezes and I cant even think at the same time as thinking too much. Maybe eliminating "how" from my mind and vocabulary would help. Whenever I do that I should let it go. š¤ The exposure yesterday gave me a big panic attack, the thoughts were literally crazy, and today Im still in a deep funk. Makes me think I shouldnt have shared and shouldnt have decoupaged. BUT at the same time it made me realize how this is definitely OCD and an important topic to deal with.
- Date posted
- 4y
@asdfghj I'm glad I'm not the only one. Every time you share, I'm like wow me too! Yes the HOW!! Oh boy oh boy.. šš I always say to my husband when he tries to help me 'But its okay for you, you know how to. I don't! How do I do it?!' and he always says 'Its not that you are missing the ability to be able to do it, you keep thinking you just weren't born with the capability.' And I still feel the big resounding question of 'But HOW?' Yes through this thread I have realised I ruminate on "smaller things", that I have an obsession around how/ understanding things perfectly. And my compulsions are the usual things I do.. Don't feel bad about sharing yesterday and that you are feeling rough today. Yesterday was super hard and it takes some time - hours to a few days to level out and ride the wave. Do you like arts and crafts? Do you like taking a bath? Do you paint your nails? Maybe try something today that is usually more soothing, EVEN IF you feel crappy! You don't have to feel good or feel better during it, or after it. But just as a way to hold on. ā¤ļø
- Date posted
- 4y
@ButterflyStar Thank you for the support the other day. I was quite out of it so couldnt bring myself to reply. Maybe when we're thinking we dont have the capability to do so and so, all we have to do is "maybe I dont know how to do this, but I'll do it anyway". Ive been trying this lately with cooking and small stuff that obviously any grown person can do, but that I for years have thought "I dont know how!" and "what if I do it wrong" and "what if Im not suppose to" and its actually working. Ive just avoided these things all together cause of the massive intrusive thoughts and urges to compulse. But I have finally cooked rice! And broccoli. š and it was even edible. And I didnt check how to do it more than once. It makes me believe just doing it is the best way for the other things were my mind is stuck on HOW! + its quite ridiculous that making brocolli makes me so anxious I felt nauseous just by thinking about it. š Dear OCD, you are ridiculous!
- Date posted
- 4y
@asdfghj So your comment really really helped me and I've been thinking about it frequently today, thank you so much! Instead is saying 'I can't do it.' I could instead say 'Maybe I don't know right now, but I'll try it anyway.'so awesome! Your new cooking skills was a perfect example of this played out in real life! I was genuinely filled with joy and proud (?? Even tho I don't know you) when you said about cooking broccoli and rice. That is so awesome! This time next year you'll be cooking all sorts of recipes! Even in some months times š I am actually thinking of getting a notebook to write down your helpful comments so they stick more. Hope your day is going wellš
- Date posted
- 4y
I am exactly the same! You worded it great. An alarming thought for me is 'What should I do right now?'. Like how should I fill the time. Then I weigh up what to do but feeling so anxious while thinking about all the things and so much time can pass because I can't decide what is the RIGHT thing to do. It's been hard for me to do other things than compulsions but slowly over lock down I have encorperated some more things.. It took like 1 whole year of trying to do that in therapy lol.
- Date posted
- 4y
Yes! I weigh up what I should do and it makes me so anxious because how do I know what is right. And in stead of spending 6 hours of leisure time doing something fun I spend then ruminating about why I dont know what to do, what is the rightest thing to do, or just juml to another theme entirely that has triggered me that day and spend alm afternoon figuring it out. This has (contributed) made my life very small, and because of it life feels meaningless. Which leads to suicidal obsessions and existential obsessions. It feels impossible to get out of this. Feels like if I prevent compulsions in one area 100 more themes are waiting. It is in every part of my life. The things you encorporated, did you have to challenge yourself to do them or how... wait a sec ... maybe this question is compulsive, lol. Always looking for "the right way!"
- Date posted
- 4y
It sounds like youāre spending all your time ruminating. And itās understandable, most people ruminate because they think it will help them figure something out. But it never does. Rather than ruminating about what you want to do/be, how about just trying things? You donāt need to spend much time figuring out what to try or why. Just think of something, anything, and do it. Youāll learn way more about yourself and what you like that way than spending any more time ruminating about possibilities in your head. We spend way too much of our lives sitting in our rooms thinking about what it would be like to live life. Just go live it.
- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
It really does sound like ruminating doesnt it! I always thought that this topic was natural to wonder about. After over a decade as severely ill it would be natural to wonder about my identity and finally figuring myself out. Even my therapist (not an OCD specialist) has encouraged me to do it (he has encouraged me to a lot of ruminating though)... I tried what you mentioned here. I just thought to myself "just do something, anything" and it made me feel terrible. And I wanted to find my phone and scroll a little more, possibly google hobbies. But now Ive spent the las hour decoupaging and I feel like throwing up. Anxiety. Feels like Im gonna die because this was wrong and I should ... wash my hands or DO SOMETHING to make up for it. Because who knows if it was right. Considering how hard this was it would be fair to reason it actually is an obsession. And OCD. It is hard to reason right now as anxiety is high. It feels so wrong to even share this. And hey, anything? But what if it is wrong?
- Date posted
- 4y
@asdfghj Your rumination is definitely a compulsion and the second you stopped it.. you felt intense anxiety, got intrusive ājust rightā thoughts, and wanted to perform other compulsions.
- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
@pureolife For ERP: you need to get out there and just do stuff! And do it wrong! And donāt do compulsions, most importantly ruminating. I know that sounds crazy and hard. But thatās exactly what your ocd needs.
- Date posted
- 4y
@pureolife Also: did you truly stop ruminating or did you start ruminating about ruminating? https://drmichaeljgreenberg.com/ruminating-about-ruminating-2/
- Date posted
- 4y
@pureolife Thank you so much for the links and the advice to do exposures for this. After last night it became obvious to me that this too is OCD, and needs to be handled accordingly. I dont know if I ruminated about ruminating. Idont think so. I think for the hour I did decoupaging I was doing good with responsepreventing. When I stopped I started reassurance seeking and had a full blown panic attack where I was doubting if I had killed my cat even though it was right in front of me and was crazy towards by bf because I was sure I had made the planet about to explode because I had acted without precautions and being SURE. Makes me realise how big of a theme this really is. And maybe all the obsessing about other stuff is so I wont have to do anything. I really do understand acting, doing things, even random things or doing it wrong is the way to do exposures here. But after the panic yesterday Ive been constantly agitated and excessively compulsing all day and I dont know how to stop and the suicidal OCD is heavy. And it makes me scared to try exposures again.
- Date posted
- 4y
It truly feels like I shouldnt have shared this and that I shouldnt have tried doing something, because now anxiety is so high and all I want to do is things that are considered compulsions. And I cant seem to think straight and remember how to deal with an anxiety attack.
- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
@pureolife Just read this and Im at a major trigger. It was encouraging but at the same time discouraging because I cant find it in me to stop... but im gonna try now. Thanks for sharing good material.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 20w
Thereās this one situation that I havenāt stopped thinking about from last night . So basically, I was reading 'The power of Now' which is a book that I love so much and really got me into spirituality. Itās been so helpful for my OCD and rumination but itās also been pretty triggering for it as of late, so Iāve taken a long break from consistently reading it. The excerpt I read was about abundance and how its not about being bountiful, necessarily in material things but realizing and being grateful for the things that exist in your life now and in doing so, you will open yourself up to more good things. I understood it but I re-read it a lot because I didn't feel confident enough to explain it to someone else. but otherwise I LOVED IT. It made me feel so at peace, I agreed with it, and it gave me hope to start focusing on the good things in my life rather than the bad. So when I went to bed I rehearsed myself explaining it to someone on a podcast and then all these questions started flooding in like āwhy should I only focus on the good and aren't we supposed to accept the good and bad? Arenāt those the values of Buddha and spiritualityā āYa, we're supposed to accept the good and the bad but why?- so we can feel more good??? And isn't the point of OCD to not label things as good and bad? and why should I focus on the good- so I can feel good? why should I feel good? because I'm worthy of it? why am I worthy of it? because I'm a good person and do good things? well Iāve also done bad things so why shouldn't I consider that. I just donāt understand why I should feel good without it being selfish. And then this went on for like 2 or 3 hours. Like holy shit. I over explain these ideas and concepts that I resonate with to the point where they don't even make sense to me anymore. It becomes very existensial very quick. And Iām not suicidal but these questions make me feel hopeless in society for some reason?? And myself. Like if everything contradicts everything then whatās the point to life? If nothing can be understood or explained in a senseful way, then how do people move forward and make decisions, like AT ALL? Thereās never a right or perfect answer and I feel like with any decision I make in regards, Iām doing a compulsion either way. If I donāt answer them, then Iām avoiding it and if I do then Iām checking and seeking reassurance. Iām sorry if this was way too long and over-explained I just need some advice or to know if anyone can relate in any way. Also, Iām sorry if some of those back-to-back questions were triggering.
- Date posted
- 15w
iāve unfortunately fallen into the cycle of trying to figure out my thoughts and find answers as to why i feel so distressed. this still pertains to the situation regarding changing my room for those reading who have seen my multiple posts over the last few days. iāve been so distressed and in so much panic about it. iām also panicking over my other room looking so different from when i left it. itās been making me feel crazy because to me thereās no reason for my anxiety to latch so hard onto something that seems so minuscule. i was thinking i was having anxiety over change, but itās like symptoms of ocd too thatās making it really hard for me to let go. SO i started thinking maybe it was perfectionism ocd? iāve realized over time that i do compulsions to where things have to feel ājust rightā, but i also do that with any environment iām in. like it HAS to feel cozy to me and provide me comfort in order for me to feel at ease. and this change is causing me to panic because thereās something wrong that i canāt find an answer to. maybe the different colored carpet? but itās also more than that it feels like. however, now itās spreading into other areas of my house where iāve always been fine in and possibly to just any area iām in at all. hence why itās making me feel crazy because thereās no reason for me to be THIS distressed over that as iāve never really had this problem before. and when i did it would last maybe an hour to a couple of days at most, but this has been going for over 2 weeks with my really bad anxiety being this week. iām doing a little better, but itās still hard when i can feel that panic waiting for me to acknowledge and just engulf me in the ocd cycle. iām also analyzing basically any feeling i have so i just feel off in general and like iām going insane. iāve been so hyper focused on how i feel and that will send me spiraling too. multiple themes then start coming in like existential ocd and fear of solipsism. not to mention my harm and contamination ocd that just adds on when iām this vulnerable. then i worry if no one is real, then no one feels the way i do. or just in general that what if no one feels the way i do. honestly, i think being out of college and in my house with nothing to do is causing me too much time with my thoughts. which is why iām so distressed about everything that pops into my brain.
- Date posted
- 12w
Hi! Itās pretty difficult for me to get the courage to post this but Iām really struggling to figure out if what Iām experiencing is OCD or Anxiety or neither. I think I have the āpure Oā type of OCD where most of my compulsions take the form of ruminating and trying to figure out something all in my head. When I hear this talked about in forums or online the intrusive thoughts donāt really match mine- I worry often about things that seem more āgroundedā if that makes sense. A common one for me is my own identity- i will spend long amounts of time stuck in my head trying to figure out my feelings (often sadness or other real emotions I have and patterns I have) and why I feel that way and what in my life caused that and how itās impacting other things in my life. I also think often about which parts of my personality are the real me and which arenāt. Sometimes this takes the form of strictly ruminating and sometimes I have fake conversations with people I know. Itās intense and I feel I have to figure it out but with no specific intrusive thought that says something like āyou have to figure this out or all of your loved ones will dieā but itās very intense. I think also often of all of the decisions I need to make in the future and how theyāre going to affect those I love and care about as well as how much Iāll regret them. I imagine all of the ways I think my actions will emotionally hurt others and how to make the least harmful decision, but to me this feels like a valid concern but go over and over and never come to a conclusion. I often just get scared and never make any move because I donāt see an option that doesnāt hurt someone somehow. But again Iām having a hard time identifying the intrusive thought behind it. But I also donāt choose to think about these things most of the time. This is almost all decisions but especially big life decisions. Itās such a struggle because they are things I eventually do have to make decisions about. There is so much more to it that would take too long to explain but in general a lot of my fears revolve around pleasing others/ understanding others emotions to ensure theyāre okay, my own identity and personality, and work/school performance. Someone mentioned OCD to me because in my head it feels like I have to solve these things and will go over and over them but I seriously canāt figure out if itās anxiety, OCD, or none of the above. Itās all very disruptive to my life. I am never not thinking or not trying to figure something out and I feel as if I have no control over it Anyone have any insight?
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