TW Guys my false memories are scaring me so much today. my mind was trying to ruminate as I went to sleep and then I woke up and the thought was “oh yeah nobody would know or find out because you can’t just identify abuse by looking down there” horrible :( :( :( I woke up terrified what if I just remembered that I did something, what if I did?? Soniclen I know you are going to say I’m looking for reassurance maybe I’m am, i just cried all over my husband and of course all he did was reassure me I could never do something like that and “forget about it” because that’s not me But when I woke up and had that thought it felt so freaking real and I got so scared heart racing everything

Try some guided imagiry it will help you process the memory

Guided imagery? Sorry I haven’t started therapy yet

Hope you are feeling better hales, I'm so sorry you are going through this. I'm having a bit of a rough day/night too, my problem is I'm worried I am or I might start enjoying my thoughts. I don't know if you're familiar with thinking errors/cognitive distortions such as black and white thinking, magnification, etc but when I went over these with my therapist she added "What if" questions to the list. The goal is to recognize when you are making a thinking error, like "Oh I'm using black and white thinking" or "I'm magnifying this situation when it really wasn't that important," so you could also add "Oh that was a what if question, which isn't helpful and often doesn't have an answer." Wishing you the best. Hope your day or night gets better

Thanks T. Sorry you have a rough day too!!! I hate that other people suffer with this awful disease. I use a ocd checklist sometimes and it includes that, if you say what if it’s the ocd speaking I got scared because the thought I had was less of what if and more like “nobody would find out” and it felt so real But I’ve also thought that thought in the past so maybe I was ruminating and thinking back on past thoughts and that is why the thought seemed real not suddenly imagined. The whole thought was fuzzy but it felt real so I guess I thought I was remembering something Sorry for the rambling. I need therapy ? I’m a bit better now. Hope you have a good night as well

That definitely happens to me as well, where it's less of a what if. I pray to God it's because ours brains have thought about these things so often that the what ifs are just already in our minds but don't need to be acknowledged and the thoughts manifest in some other way

Thanks T. Helps to know I’m not alone

It’s tough. I’m still not out of the woods even if my posts may sound like I am. I still struggle with the idea that part of me could harm my family like I was ( as it’s very specific). I don’t really have POCD in the typical sense it’s very much trauma recreation that intrudes during intimacy. Weird as I have no doubt that the sexual side is the trigger from which everything else cascades. I may be looking in the wrong place. Truth is if these thoughts didn’t create nervousness then none of this other shit would have happened. None of it started with these themes. It all started with more mundane, male pride driven stuff. Still trying to uncouple. I wish you guys the best though. I need to spend less time here as the drive to help others is morphing into a drive to get reassurance myself.

Soniclen so sorry that past trauma has caused you so much pain and contributed to your current fear. I think everyone’s pocd presents differently, mine is more false memories but still the fear of doing something wrong in present. We just have to keep on the road to recovery.

It grows and changes and morphs. But none of it started with this. It started with anxiousness. Can’t help but feel I dug myself a huge fucking hole and I so wish I’d been taught at a young age to manage over thinking. Some of this feels too over learned to ever get right?