- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
Oh ?Lady, I’m so sorry you’re having such a bad flare up. It’s really important for you to be intentional in your self care today. It sounds like you probably did not get enough sleep and may not have thought to hydrate or eat well. It’s probably also important to moisturize your skin so that you don’t get cracks in it which can lead to actual infections. I would reach out to your therapist or doctor and let them know you are having such a bad flare up and see if they can modify your meds or get you in for a quick appointment. Today is probably not the best day to try to do any exposures because you’ll already be emotionally spent. I would try to rest up and prevent yourself from doing anymore cleaning rituals. You must remember OCD feelings do not represent reality. You must consciously choose to go with your logical mind over the panic/terror your OCD tries to cause. Perhaps watch some movies or do something to get your mind off of things.
- Date posted
- 6y
That all sounds so tough Cat Lady, I'm so sorry to hear all that, hang in there. Sending love and prayers ??
- Date posted
- 6y
Hopefully things only go up from here for you. Try your best not to play OCD's game and to get some rest ??
- Date posted
- 6y
Thank you. I had a meltdown pretty much every single night for the past week, cried when I woke up but I still had to wake up several times to do my compulsions. I had some water while showering, when I was suicidal. I haven’t eaten in two days because of my ocd and anxiety. I’ve been washing a lot with soap and with rubbing alcohol which is right next to the bed. I’m scared to use the moisturizer because mouse poop might get stuck on it before it dries up. I don’t have a therapist/psychiatrist because of complications. The insurance stopped paying for my therapist who said I need a residential care but it’s out of state and Medicaid doesn’t cover out of state. I have health advocates helping me but I’m just bombarded with guilt, shame and attacks by the only person who has been taking care of me. But I am getting the help. Well, trying to have some faith. I have to move possibly at the end of the month or next month and that too added up to my meltdown. I appreciate all your kind words and helpful suggestions, I really miss having sympathetic ears and emotional support. I understand OCD is illogical but please hear me out. This apartment has issues with rodents. I saw an apartment covered with mouse/rat poo. So it can happen to me. It’s very scary. I googled hantavirus and there’s been five cases in my state where someone died from it. Though I don’t know how accurate or up to date it is because hantavirus’ initial stage mimics flu like symptoms so most people don’t realize until it’s too late. There’s so vaccination and the only thing is if detected early enough, icu can help. I’ve been watching some kitty videos :)
- Date posted
- 6y
This is the worst night/day ever. Just lost an important card. Had to dig up under the bed. Im so dirty and gross and I want to shower and check my bed. All because I’m scared of a mouse poo.
- Date posted
- 6y
It’s 8:55am and I just finished my second cleaning. I dropped something important on the floor. I thought about taking another shower but instead just checked my pillows, blanket and finished using my rubbing alcohol to sanitize.
- Date posted
- 6y
I still feel dirty and everything is dirty.
- Date posted
- 6y
Now more triggers. My friend who’s taking care of me let someone in the apartment. Okay. I asked him to check the bottom of her shoes because I’m too exhausted to get out of bed to do it myself. He says no. Another anxiety. Seriously when is it going to end!!!
- Date posted
- 6y
Yup when things never end. Another trigger. I’m so tired.
- Date posted
- 6y
When you think it can’t much worse. It did. Checking and contamination. All around. I think I’ve experienced enough anxiety and triggers to last me a week lol.
- Date posted
- 6y
:((
Related posts
- Date posted
- 25w
Something I haven’t shared on here is that when I get anxious and my OCD is really bad, I end up spending a lot of time in the bathroom. My family isn’t supportive when it comes to mental health, and I don’t have any privacy at home. So, when I realize my butt is numb for the I don’t even know how many times today, I know I’m not doing okay. :( All my panic attacks happen in the bathroom. Even when I’m out shopping or doing something, I run to the bathroom. It’s like I have an emotional support toilet instead of a support system. I’m crying, feeling so anxious, and I can’t stop doing compulsions that I thought I had gotten past more than a month ago. My streaks are broken, and I feel broken. I want to get out of this bathroom, be normal, and be productive, but I just can’t. I can’t stop crying, and I can’t even breathe properly. I didn’t even realize what time it is, the day is nearly over and I’m still in here :(
- Real Events OCD
- Relationship OCD
- Students with OCD
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- POCD
- Older adults with OCD
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- Harm OCD
- Date posted
- 21w
I'm keeping it light hearted but I really desperately need some help. Just to preface this is very tmi. I thought it was just gonna be a quick bathroom stuff. No! That would be silly of course, so number two decided to screw things up ROYALLY. And please bear with me because I am coping with humour 😭😭. So I went, but sometimes, tmi, I struggle to.... Get it all. Out. If you know what I mean. Which is pretty awful to the point I'm like genuinely praying. Because you can't clean up properly if you're not done. So I'm in the bathroom, trying, for over half an hour. And I finally give up pretty much and try and clean up. Oh no, that was a huge mistake. But what else could I do? It was so messy that I wanted to just get in the shower and be done with it. Onto the things I'm worrying about I guess. On the tp (tmi, I'm WARNING 😭😭) it was.... Messy, and there were very loose specks on the tp. Which is an issue, because I used wet wipes which needs to be binned and not flushed, so I have to carry the tp-wipe combo over to the bin, which means carrying it over where my legs are, and thus where my clothes also are. I hate it. I'm now paranoid specks fell into my underwear! Great! Love it. I'm also paranoid specks or just #2 in general went on my hand. And, believe me, with the state of things, it was POSSIBLE. So when I'm finally done and wash my hands, of course that isn't going to feel like enough. I have really short nails, so short they're painful, and I'm always terrified stuff gets under them. So, I use a nail brush while washing my hands. I also filed them down (which HURT) because I'm convinced that could get rid of anything underneath them. But it still doesn't feel enough. Because I have loose skin and hangnails around my nails, and I'm paranoid as well that stuff gets under dry skin. Not to mention my hands are so dry from washing that they're cracked and flaky and they peel, so I am worried that #2 or dirt gets under the flakes of skin. I know it sounds stupid, but I am so scared. Usually it feels irrational but it was such a state that I'm convinced there must be a speck of it on me somewhere. On my hands. And I'm terrified. I know I need to accept uncertainty but I'm struggling right now.
- Date posted
- 13w
I know I keep talking about this and I swear I’m not trying to be annoying but over the weekend I had gotten some new Clorox wipes because I was running low on some at home. I noticed when I came home I still had 2 half full containers left. When I got home everything was fine until I accidentally knocked my setting spray off my bathroom counter. Now mind you I had 2 warts on my foot about 4 months ago and my ocd makes it worse by making me believe the virus is still on the floor. Immediately when it dropped, I cleaned it with a Clorox wipe. This is where it went down hill and my brain started to spiral. After disinfecting my setting spray, I started second guessing if the Clorox I used on it was from the same container I used for the shower floor. I usually wear gloves before getting a Clorox wipe and sometimes I don’t. I was trying to do “ERP” and instead of washing my hands 3x… I just washed it for about 5 seconds . I then put my lipliner and gloss on and now I feel like I contaminated my lipliner. I threw my lipliner in my makeup bag and my makeup bag has a blush brush , hilighter brush and some other makeup stuff. I just wanna throw that whole bag out now. It’s exhausting and this might seem dramatic but I couldn’t get out of bed because all I could think about was everything being contaminated in my bathroom. I leave for Florida in 3 days and I’m freaking out because everything isn’t going how I want it to. I’m just exhausted. I just bought some new Clorox wipes from Kroger and one of the Clorox dropped on the floor and now I think that’s contaminated and now I’m confused which one fell on the floor and which one didn’t. They were next to eachother and I forgot that fast. 😞☹️ Before going to Kroger I felt like god was talking to me or my intuition and telling me don’t get another one. So now my minds making me feel like it dropped on the floor on purpose. Idk know if it’s god talking to me or my ocd. I was sleeping all day because I don’t wanna get up and go in my bathroom and I don’t even wanna put my makeup on because I don’t wanna take a chance of getting a wart on my face. I never did a deep clean after my wart but I have used so much Clorox in the bathroom to just to dinsifect. I’m still nervous to even do a deep clean because I feel like I’m going to pick up the virus or bacteria. Also if there’s any Christian’s reading this I would appreciate just a prayer bc I’m tired and exhausted which I know seems funny from being in my bed all day. But mentally I’m exhausted. I don’t even wanna go to Florida anymore. I know the only way to get a wart is to get it from skin to skin contact. Oh! I almost forgot I had a dentist appt today and this girl was shadowing my dentist and she greeted me and shook my hand. It happned so fast. I didn’t go home right away and wash my hands and I’m freaking out about that too. I’m just overwhelmed . 😞 I know this was long and I appreciate you reading.
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