- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
You do not need to tell your partner about the content of your intrusive thoughts. You can disclose that you have ocd and explain a bit about how ocd works and how that effects your life in certain ways, but you do not know or ever have to go into the content. It’s not a matter of secrecy, it’s privacy. Your ocd isn’t a threat to anyone but yourself and it’s content isn’t relevant to anyone but you and your therapist.
- Date posted
- 4y
I've heard that and perhaps you're right. I think I would have difficulty feeling like I was keeping information that could significantly alter their opinion of me. Thinking they might change their mind based on that info would make me feel like I wasn't truly loved for who I am?
- Date posted
- 4y
@Ben84 It will feel difficult at first, especially because confessing is a huge compulsion for many people with ocd. But not confessing your throughts to your partner is actually good for both your ocd and your relationship. You want to keep your ocd and your recovery in your corner and not hold anyone else responsible or involve them. If they know you have ocd, then they know you have horrible thoughts you hate. There is no secret here to hide. They can truly love you and respect your privacy in this case.
- Date posted
- 4y
@pureolife Not a bad way to put it. Thanks ☺.
- Date posted
- 4y
I understand what you're saying. I think anyone with OCD should look at ways of explaining ocd to their new partner first. Just starting with "I have OCD about attraction to minors" to someone who doesnt even understand OCD would be alarming. OCD is really hard to understand for someone who doesnt have it so that in itself is a units worth of lesson planning on it's own lol. I think once the individual understands that, the topic of theme would be easier
- Date posted
- 4y
"Lesson planning" lol 😅! Another part that makes it difficult is I live in a fairly small community and work with kids for a living. I'm worried there won't be a point where they'd understand and I'd lose my job and have to move 😓. I suppose I'm projecting and catastrophizing 😞.
- Date posted
- 4y
@Ben84 I understand. That would concern me too. I think you also need to look at what you have to.offer and if what you find out there would be good enough for you too. Everyone has baggage. Not just you. Tru for now to just explore and even see what's out there. Might not even be worth worrying about if no one peaks your interest or what if you find someone super understanding? You know? Don't make yourself go through the concern twice if you can avoid it (although I know how difficult that is)
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- 4y
@catattak Thanks ☺. How are you doing these days?
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- 4y
Comment deleted by user
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- 4y
You may be right. I guess because I have OCD I wouldn't care either way if they decided to disclose their thoughts. I just have this concern that I won't find someone who shares the same view. I keep thinking things like "What if they ask me what's the strangest thought or dream you've ever had" I would then have to lie...
- Date posted
- 4y
@Ben84 Instead of lying, you could say (to yourself) that YOUR weirdest thought was “xyz”; you just don’t have to mention that your OCD’s weirdest thought was “qrs”.
- Date posted
- 4y
@ARTnotOCD Interesting spin ☺. I don't know if I can accept it, but it's something to consider.
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- 4y
@Ben84 You can also simply say “my ocd gives me too many weird thoughts to pick just one. And I don’t like to talk about them because they’re so difficult for me to handle.”
- Date posted
- 4y
I’ve often found when you really love someone it doesn’t matter what category of person you tend to be attracted to. I’ve had a number of friends who, for example, consider themselves gay, and wound up happily marrying a person of opposite gender. And in your case, it’s your OCD theme, not even who YOU are truly attracted to. Don’t even feel the need to share that you have OCD before you are ready to. Yes, if a relationship develops, that’s something you’re not going to want to hide if you’re even able to. But you absolutely don’t have to share your unwanted OCD thoughts. Maybe you’ll get to a point where you can and want to, but if not, that’s ok. I’ve been with my now husband for over 16 years. There were times I shared my unwanted images/thoughts and he freaked out, though didn’t love me any less. And there are times now, when I can share more without his freaking out because he understands a little bit more about OCD. Or at least he understands that there is so much of it that he’ll probably never quite understand. So only very recently, if I share that I’m seeing really violent images/thoughts, he knows he can ask if he needs to worry or if he just needs to comfort me because it’s just not a fun thought. Even then, I usually don’t describe the full details of the thought or image, partially because I don’t want to keep focusing on it either. Don’t let OCD tell you that you NEED to disclose anything. Confessional OCD can also be hard to fight. So can ruminating on all possibilities before you’re at that stage. Sending you strength! 💜💪🏼
- Date posted
- 4y
Thanks 😊!
Related posts
- Date posted
- 16w
I was just out a few minutes ago and I saw this 9 year old kid, I felt what I hope is false attraction, idk if it was or not, I don’t understand what I felt, but I felt a need to look away but also a need to look to check if I was attracted or not, when I looked it genuinely felt like I was attracted, idk what’s happening but I don’t wanna be attracted to a kid, I’m convinced I’m a pedo bc of the amount of times something like this happened, I don’t know what this means, but I’m worried it’s not pocd, I’ve never gotten a diagnosis, but many ppl online said I did and I should see a therapist, i don’t know if I liked the feeling or not, but it made me have a feeling in my chest, similar to attraction, I’ve been trying to pursue a relationship with a girl my age, but this just feels so real, I don’t know if it was false attraction or not, It felt so genuine, now that I left, the feeling kind of dissapeared, but it felt like I was genuinely attracted to that, I can’t be attracted to that, I don’t want to be attracted to that, I think I’m just a pedo in denial, I feel like I’m writing all of this to try to convince myself I’m not a pedo even though I am, this feeling only happens sometimes when I see a female kid, Idk if it means something or not, but I don’t think it’s pocd, it feels too real for me, it feels like I’m actually liking kids, I really hope it’s false attraction. I don’t wanna be a pedo, I wanna be able to have a relationship with a girl my age. I don’t understand what’s happening, please help me. I can’t tell if this is pedophilia or ocd anymore. Edit: main thing is the feelings not the thoughts because it feels like genuine attraction, I also get urges to not look but to look at the same time, for me it’s mainly the feelings, they feel so real when I think abt it now I’m still getting those feelings, I’m so convinced that I’m actually attracted. It felt like real enjoyment, so I’m worried that I am a pedo bc of those feelings, I feel like I’m not able to pursue a relationship with someone my age. But this can’t have been ocd it feels to genuine, it felt like actual enjoyment.
- Date posted
- 16w
I have no idea anymore. I guess this all started with me worrying about whether I was gay, then whether I was a P, then worried about being just attracted to teenagers. After that I started freaking out about not feeling “grown up” enough. Like “I’m an adult wtf is wrong with me for seeing someone who is probably younger and thinking they’re physically attractive. Then I started overthinking not finding older adults (like 30 or 40) very attractive. Like ofc I’m probably not gonna find them attractive, they’re not anywhere close my age. Maybe the desires are half real. Maybe as a 21 yr old young adult I do find older teenagers (16+) somewhat physically attractive. I still think it’d be weird to date one. Maybe that’s the normal reaction I’m supposed to have. If not, please let me know. I just don’t wanna do anything illegal one day and I’m super scared I will. I can’t tell if the fear is my just being afraid of the law though, in which case I might actually just be a bad person. I hate that my brain is just rationalizing thoughts now. I feel like I can’t do the ERP thing of “just accept that the thoughts are there but don’t engage.” Like what? How can I just think a thought that might be so integral to my identity and just ignore it? If it’s all true and I don’t like people my age anymore then I have to know and plan around that, that could change my entire life. I’m rambling, my b.
- Date posted
- 15w
18+ TW! Involves sexual content I have learning disabilities which means im always going to be 3-5 years mentally behind from my actual age… when I was 14 I remember finding people saying they work with kids “attractive” and I remember mastu*** over a kid around 5+ but when I was 14 I was either mentally age 11 or 9. So I didn’t know it was wrong, and as soon as I realised I stopped. People say I was young and it’s okay but I remember finding people saying they even walked past a nursery “attractive” but I don’t know if this is even the right word. Maybe cute? Because I find different emotions hard to tell the difference between, so maybe it’s cute rather than attractive. I never ever had intentions to do anything to younger individuals, it was just me finding people saying they worked with them etc attractive… which my ocd now plays on, because my friend mentioned they were working with kids but idk if it was the real me or not but I genuinely felt like I found it attractive and it was giving my so many groinal responses which then made me feel genuinely aroused like I wanted to do things. This plays on my mind because my ocd will always say “but you did/do find stuff like this attractive” but this literally stops me from eating, sleeping or anything. I can’t break from my compultions because what if I do genuinely find it attractive. I don’t think it’s even attractive maybe it’s cute? Like I find it cute… but cuteness can give people feelings down there I guess. I think because if my learning disabilities I found it hard to know the difference between “attraction” and cute so I did stuff over it because it gave me that feeling down there but that could of been cuteness feeling. I just need some support on this.
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