I had gotten pretty good at living with the uncertainty of whether I was attracted to minors or not. However, now that I've opened myself up to dating it's becoming a problem again. I feel like it's something a prospective partner should know at some point, especially if they have daughters. I also question my motivation for finding someone I'm physically attracted to. In other words, I'm afraid of dating someone I don't find attractive because I think that means I'd rather be with a minor who I notice is attractive. I don't know if I made that very clear 🙃.

pureolife

Date posted: 4y ago

You do not need to tell your partner about the content of your intrusive thoughts. You can disclose that you have ocd and explain a bit about how ocd works and how that effects your life in certain ways, but you do not know or ever have to go into the content. It’s not a matter of secrecy, it’s privacy. Your ocd isn’t a threat to anyone but yourself and it’s content isn’t relevant to anyone but you and your therapist.

Ben84

Date posted: 4y ago

I've heard that and perhaps you're right. I think I would have difficulty feeling like I was keeping information that could significantly alter their opinion of me. Thinking they might change their mind based on that info would make me feel like I wasn't truly loved for who I am?

pureolife

Date posted: 4y ago

@Ben84 It will feel difficult at first, especially because confessing is a huge compulsion for many people with ocd. But not confessing your throughts to your partner is actually good for both your ocd and your relationship. You want to keep your ocd and your recovery in your corner and not hold anyone else responsible or involve them. If they know you have ocd, then they know you have horrible thoughts you hate. There is no secret here to hide. They can truly love you and respect your privacy in this case.

Ben84

Date posted: 4y ago

@pureolife Not a bad way to put it. Thanks ☺.

catattak

Date posted: 4y ago

I understand what you're saying. I think anyone with OCD should look at ways of explaining ocd to their new partner first. Just starting with "I have OCD about attraction to minors" to someone who doesnt even understand OCD would be alarming. OCD is really hard to understand for someone who doesnt have it so that in itself is a units worth of lesson planning on it's own lol. I think once the individual understands that, the topic of theme would be easier

Ben84

Date posted: 4y ago

"Lesson planning" lol 😅! Another part that makes it difficult is I live in a fairly small community and work with kids for a living. I'm worried there won't be a point where they'd understand and I'd lose my job and have to move 😓. I suppose I'm projecting and catastrophizing 😞.

catattak

Date posted: 4y ago

@Ben84 I understand. That would concern me too. I think you also need to look at what you have to.offer and if what you find out there would be good enough for you too. Everyone has baggage. Not just you. Tru for now to just explore and even see what's out there. Might not even be worth worrying about if no one peaks your interest or what if you find someone super understanding? You know? Don't make yourself go through the concern twice if you can avoid it (although I know how difficult that is)

Ben84

Date posted: 4y ago

@catattak Thanks ☺. How are you doing these days?

ARTnotOCD

Date posted: 4y ago

I’ve often found when you really love someone it doesn’t matter what category of person you tend to be attracted to. I’ve had a number of friends who, for example, consider themselves gay, and wound up happily marrying a person of opposite gender. And in your case, it’s your OCD theme, not even who YOU are truly attracted to. Don’t even feel the need to share that you have OCD before you are ready to. Yes, if a relationship develops, that’s something you’re not going to want to hide if you’re even able to. But you absolutely don’t have to share your unwanted OCD thoughts. Maybe you’ll get to a point where you can and want to, but if not, that’s ok. I’ve been with my now husband for over 16 years. There were times I shared my unwanted images/thoughts and he freaked out, though didn’t love me any less. And there are times now, when I can share more without his freaking out because he understands a little bit more about OCD. Or at least he understands that there is so much of it that he’ll probably never quite understand. So only very recently, if I share that I’m seeing really violent images/thoughts, he knows he can ask if he needs to worry or if he just needs to comfort me because it’s just not a fun thought. Even then, I usually don’t describe the full details of the thought or image, partially because I don’t want to keep focusing on it either. Don’t let OCD tell you that you NEED to disclose anything. Confessional OCD can also be hard to fight. So can ruminating on all possibilities before you’re at that stage. Sending you strength! 💜💪🏼

Ben84

Date posted: 4y ago

Thanks 😊!

King silly

Date posted: 24w ago

I feel like a bad person and that it’s all over..

When I was half asleep today, trying to wake up, my brain kept asking me if I thought this picture of my friend was attractive, I kept replying with “ maybe, I don’t know, I really can’t tell” .. or… “ I feel like I do” “ maybe I do” “ I feel like I might” ,, and then I’m like wait she’s 13 in these pictures, I’m not sure if I was aware of it, but still, it doesn’t matter, I’m still saying it and I’m like “why am I saying this??” I generally don’t know how I feel anymore, I don’t wanna be a bad person, I just don’t understand why I think this is play to say, or feel?? Maybe because my brain is trying to justify it? It tries to justify everything wrong, so makes it feel like it so it makes it harder… I feel like a genuine bad person, because I don’t know how I feel about it, I really don’t know, I’m scared does it mean I’m a bad person? Because I don’t know how I feel about it. I asked myself if I’m genuinely attracted. And I don’t know anymore. Because I don’t know how I feel about it anymore, I feel like my brain is playing a part in it because it tries to tell me that it’s not wrong. Yes it is wrong though but it’s like no it’s not wrong, It makes me really scared. I generally feel like I’m attracted to her and that I have nothing against it and I don’t know what to do anymore., some people may argue that it’s not wrong, but I believe it’s wrong. So I have no idea why I fucking said that. I genuinely think it’s over. I don’t know if I actually am anymore. I asked myself do I actually feel attraction, because i used to go to a conclusion and say no I don’t. And actually feel that way. But now I don’t feel anything but like pain. Because I don’t want to be. At the same time I feel like I just lied and I do want to feel attraction. I just wanna explain how I feel but I can’t. All I know and what I can explain, is that when my brain was asking me these things I said “ I feel like I might maybe I do I can’t tell “ and why did I say that to a 13-year-old? Why? And why am I still saying it even after realizing that maybe I shouldn’t be saying it. I’m 16 for goodness sake. I don’t wanna think about these things. My brain is making me feel like I do and I do and I’m like I’m so confused.

POCD

Roses2021

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 24w ago

It’s been a while but

The thoughts still exist. For the last couple months I’ve been able to say I don’t care and lean into the comfort of being uncertain. Im having a tough time with some things personally right now and guess what decides to show up… Anyways, I’ve been trying to get used to the fact that maybe I’m bisexual with a romantic preference for men (I’m married and love my husband) but when you start going through your compulsions it’s soooo easy for everything to blur out. To my knowledge I’ve never had a crush on a woman but I’ve most definitely watched same sex porn and have thought women are hot and beautiful, then come the thoughts about comp het and how I’ve never been an overly sexual person so that MUST mean something. Ugh idk, just looking for someone to chat with I guess!

King silly

Date posted: 18w ago

I turn 17 in two days

I turn 17 in two days and I’ve been in a panic that I’ll still have attraction to 14 year olds, because I actually do not know if I do or not, I just can’t tell. I don’t know how I’m gonna tell. idk if I will or not, and it’s all super confusing to what I really want, it’s like “do you like 14 year olds at that age??” And I say no? But it feel like I’m also lying, and that I actually do? idk what to do? My brain keeps justifying it to be fine cuz it’s only three years but I really don’t like that, so I’m worrying that I will feel attracted

POCD

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