Can't stop compulsively binge eating after a traumatic experience took place. Any suggestions for how I can get this under control?

I'm new and I'm really trying to control thoughts of replaying interactions I've had or things I think might happen with the people around me. This is something constant, and it causes me to repeat actions. Then I lose track of time and often end up being late. It has always affected my sleep and becomes a part of my dreams, which are also always vivid. It's always been hard for me to get up. I just constantly keep replaying different outcomes of things that it haven't happened yet going over every possible outcome with no correct answer. I'm scared of what I might say and do when at work because it's been getting worse lately. I've been terrified of socializing, because I feel like I'm going to lose it every time I speak to someone. I work directly with people doing their hair. I don't want my clients or co-workers to catch me in the act of one of my rituals or it to effect the job that I'm doing. It just makes me angry that I haven't been able to control these thoughts and it makes the rituals worse. Then I feel embarrassed after I finally stop repeating whatever it is, I'm doing. I feel like I can't trust anyone, and I’m terrified but I know it's not real. I can't afford to lose it/show it.

I have intrusive thoughts about pornography with family, friends or even strangers. I really tried to block them out but it seems they always get triggered.l feel extreme guilt and this massive pit in my stomatach that is just there 24/7 and it WONT GO AWAY! I know this may sound weird but my mum knows about this as she noticed something was wrong, but every time I get a thought I always feel the need to tell her i keep thinking that I have done something wrong and that my guilt will go away if i tell BUT IT DOESN’T It just gets worse and another thing pop in and another. ITS A NEVER ENDING CYCLE and it seems like I just can’t break free. What do I do? Anyone who has also gone through this how did you recover and get your life back?

I feel like after years of living in survival mode from various back to back traumas, I don’t know how to turn off my brain. It’s always in some sort of overstimulated cycle of overthinking, rumination, self checking, and seeking reassurance. I know there will be more peace after treatment. But just hating like I’m stuck in always feeling like I’m waiting for the next shoe to drop when so many shit things have happened to me early in life. How am I suppose to be excited about what’s next?