I talked to my mother about what I’m going through. Crying my eyes out. I told her I was worried I didn’t love my partner anymore and that I am so convinced it could be me. My mother told me she went through some pretty bad ocd problems herself but different from mine. My father was abusive to my mother and he told her over and over again no one would ever love or want her. My mom believed it. She was suicidal like me. She told me to stick with what you know and I told her what I know is warped due to the obsessing I’ve done for 8 years... I told her everything I went through. She told me that she admires my relationship with my partner bc we’ve been through a lot that could’ve caused us to break up but we didn’t. I told her what if it is me mom... bc it really feels like it is... she said the same thing as everyone else. You obsessed way too much about it bc you never got help all those years ago. I told her how I miss feeling content and comfortable in my relationship she said it’ll come back but it’s gonna take time. She said that you can’t let your brain control you you control it. I still feel very off right now but I was able to kiss my partner and happily without weird feelings. Then the what if’s came back then I started obsessing about what if he’s boring... so I started feeling off about that.

I felt the same way in my last two relationships. Do I really want to be with this person, blah blah , when we did break up it was very difficult for me to deal with because then I found out how much I really cared. Ocd ruined both of those relationships. I know it. Hope you’re getting the help you need.

Right now I am feeling off after he kissed my cheek... 😞 I ask myself do I really wanna be with him forever? I can’t tell if this off feeling is anxiety or not... but I do know I don’t wanna be with someone else. I am so scared bc righ now I feel like I am saying the polar opposite than that.... 😞 I just wanted to know if anyone on here convinced themselves they weren’t I. Love with their partners?... I cried to my mom and sister saying I don’t wanna break up 😭😭

Hi Amanda, I think it’s unhelpful to rely on your feelings as a sign that everything is okay and that you love your partner. Feeling “off” or bored with your partner and making a judgement about your relationship from that, seems to be the practice of one ocd cognitive distortion called “emotional reasoning”. You’re not always going to have that “in love” feeling but yet you can still love and want to be with your partner just like as the fact that you may love a particular book but not always feel engrossed by it when you pick it up, yet it’s still your favorite book.

....I even told them I don’t want someone else and I could tell I was being truthful. But why is it now I am near him I feel so off...

I truly hope you can receive help from an ocd specialist ❣️ I think it’s fair to say that seeking reassurance and engaging in compulsions is keeping you in this painful cycle. It’s hard for everyone to practice erp, but it truly is what helped me and many others as well as therapy!