I talked to my mother about what I’m going through. Crying my eyes out. I told her I was worried I didn’t love my partner anymore and that I am so convinced it could be me. My mother told me she went through some pretty bad ocd problems herself but different from mine. My father was abusive to my mother and he told her over and over again no one would ever love or want her. My mom believed it. She was suicidal like me. She told me to stick with what you know and I told her what I know is warped due to the obsessing I’ve done for 8 years... I told her everything I went through. She told me that she admires my relationship with my partner bc we’ve been through a lot that could’ve caused us to break up but we didn’t. I told her what if it is me mom... bc it really feels like it is... she said the same thing as everyone else. You obsessed way too much about it bc you never got help all those years ago. I told her how I miss feeling content and comfortable in my relationship she said it’ll come back but it’s gonna take time. She said that you can’t let your brain control you you control it. I still feel very off right now but I was able to kiss my partner and happily without weird feelings. Then the what if’s came back then I started obsessing about what if he’s boring... so I started feeling off about that.

I just want some help cuz I don't know what to do. If you want to help me, please see my last post. I talked to my mom about it, she was respectful and understanding, but OCD just won't let me move on. I don't know what to do, my therapist said that if it doesn't bother me and I already talked to my mom, then I should just let go, but every interaction I have with her makes me wonder if it is appropriate. Like today she came into my room and laid in my bed and hugged me (she was really sweet) I am sick and with my teeth hurting like hell, headaches and she came to ask me if I am okay and say goodbye cuz she was going to work. But OCD keep saying "She shouldn't enter your room without permission, let alone lie next to you, that's inappropriate and she's a pervert." I once talked to her about it and she said "You think I am a pervert." and hearing that coming out of her mouth was destructive, because she is not one, she is respectful and caring, but she obviously noticed me stopping to do the things I used to do around her and me not wanting to be close to her due to OCD, and I heard how sas she was, imagine wanting to hug your daughter and give her goodnight kisses and she telling you to stop cuz she thinks it is inappropriate, and she knows it is because of OCD and not my true desires, I want to life with her like I always lived, hugging her, laughing with her. So please, someone help to get over it. I am tired.

What should I do? I already talked to my mom and we worked it out, but OCD won't leave it alone. Here is the situation: OCD is ruining my relationship with my family. Along with my porn addiction, I can't see innocent interactions without malice or wondering if it's appropriate. My mom and sister always had this game of slapping each other's butts, and I always found it funny, but these days I have been feeling uncomfortable about it and asked them to stop. My OCD is trying to convince me that my mom has said me, because one time she said that if she were a boy, she would date me and one time she just blurted out "marry me" I told her I hated that, she apologized and said she didn't mean it and never did it again. A lot of the things she said these days I wonder if they're appropriate, like commenting on my body, it was things like "Your butt is smaller", because I lost a lot of weight. And these days she was talking to my sister and she said that her breasts are growing and my sister was like "I know😝😝" and she poked the side of her breasts and they just laughed. I asked them about it and my sister says that she sees no problem at all. I remember that when I started puberty, my mom would ask to touch my breasts, she never actually touched, but she was afraid cuz when she was in puberty she said her breasts hurt a lot, and she was always like "You are growing so much, they are cute." And I would get sad cuz mine's weren't big as hers. I am spiraling and my mom is the most sweet person in the world, she supports me in EVERYTHING and has always taught me to set boundaries and stand up for myself, she always respected my boundaries and talked to me about delicate things and I always felt comfortable to walk around naked or ask her ANYTHING. But remembering these things are making me question her behavior, when I know she did not mean harm and I notice that 89% of every mom I met, are like her, she is probably like that because that's how she was created, and Honestly, if she did not mean any harm then everything is fine. As I said I didn't felt uncomfortable, but OCD is like "You should feel uncomfortable because that is inappropriate behavior." It's just that I didn't care for those things I even once asked to touch my mother's breasts when I was younger cuz hers were so different and I was like "What?!?!? why are we different?" and she was like "ok" and I stopped to think that I literally used to breastfeed on them and I was " 😮😮" like, I feel bad nowdays but I was curious, and my mom just said "It's okay, but If you did it out of malice then it would be wrong and I would be uncomfy." Now OCD is making me not want to be near my mom when she literally respects my boundaries, I said I didn't want her to do these things again and she agreed without even a second thought.

This weekend, my boyfriend came to visit me. Before he arrived, I had so many compulsions—I was constantly seeking reassurance, even talking to ChatGPT right up until he got to my house. When he arrived, I tried to listen to what ChatGPT had told me and focus on being present. Even though I still had intrusive thoughts, I was able to feel better at times—I felt love, I wanted to kiss him, and I had moments of connection. But at the same time, there were moments where he would speak kindly to me or express his feelings, and I would have thoughts like “I don’t care about him” or “I feel nothing.” I didn’t feel the compassion I thought I should, and that scared me. Still, overall, I felt relatively better than usual. I had NOCD uninstalled until now, and on Wednesday, I have my first therapy appointment. But now, I’m doubting whether I even need therapy. I start thinking: “What if I can heal on my own?” or “What if going to therapy is a mistake?” And the worst one: “What if I go and realize I don’t have ROCD, and I actually just don’t like my boyfriend?” My boyfriend keeps trying to help me see things rationally. He told me that I have unrealistic expectations of love and that I don’t need to feel constant affection to be in love. He also told me that if I truly didn’t love him, I wouldn’t be feeling so much distress about this. And logically, I know that’s true, but intrusive thoughts still scream the opposite. After he left, I started feeling irritated with him when he talked through messages on the gc woth me and my best friend, like I couldn’t stand him, and that thought scared me. I also had moments thinking about that boy from school, that my mind was scared if me thinking about that random boy i dont know because a while ago i was scared of looking at other boys, ghinking im a horible gf . When I kissed my boyfriend, sometimes his image popped into my head, and I felt terrible. My boyfriend tells me that since I feel guilty and distressed, it’s proof that I love him—because I wouldn’t be this anxious if I didn’t care. But then I get thoughts saying the exact opposite. It’s like my mind keeps creating arguments to convince me that my worst fear is real. I’m exhausted