GUYS I'M REALLY FREAKING OUT I MIGHT KILL MYSELF I just remembered how my HOCD started. Some months ago, I drew this picture of a sad girl who was crying and was in huge pain and distress. I don't really know why I drew this but I was very proud because the drawing came out to be really well. A few months pass, and I had this drawing in front of me while some sad music was playing on my phone. I was staring at the drawing, praising myself for how nicely I drew it, feeling very good about myself... Then, in my head, I started telling the crying girl in the picture to stop crying and that it will all be okay And then, in a split second I HAD A THOUGHT OF FUCKING KISSING THE GIRL. THEN THE WHOLE CYCLE STARTED. I SWEAR TO GOD I'VE NEVER BEEN ATTRACTED TO FEMALES. I always get really jealous of girls who look pretty because even I want to look like them Never in my life did I ever think about having sex with a girl Even when I fantasise, it's always about men and boys my age and above I'M REALLY DISTRESSED I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO

hi i’m a lesbian! and i have known im a lesbian for a really long time and i have a sweet girlfriend of 1 year. it all started when i saw this masc lesbian come out as straight, after that i had my guy friend over and he’s a sweet guy and he was flirting with me (he didn’t know i was gay) im not sure but i panicked and my brain froze and i was like “do i like him”, ever since my brain has been over worked 24/7 for 2 months now and it’s spiralling constantly. im trying to control it but all these thoughts are so disgusting and my brain tries to put him and i in scenarios that make me uncomfortable and i feel panic and i hate it. i have always been comfortable being a lesbian and i still am comfortable as a lesbian, but i dislike these thoughts i have about him and men and i want it to be over. i do not want to experiment with men even tho my brain is telling me i do, i find it disgusting and i dread it, i have a sweet girlfriend and i want to be with her forever, i do not imagine anything with any men and i hate these thoughts. im scared of becoming bisexual/straight one day and i hate hearing sexuality is fluid. its a whole mix of comphet and so-ocd

i'm positive i was attracted to women before this got a thought when i was high thought really really deeply into and changed my life now im 24/7 scared im gay ive always been attracted to girls but early in my sexual life where im at ive always got with girls and seemed a little disapointed after would love help and to hear past experiences

I feel like I'm lying to myself, like I just don't accept that I'm gay, I don't want to be gay, I don't want to feel any kind of attraction anymore, I want to go to a psychologist to find out if I really have hocd or if it's just an excuse, because it feels like I really am gay, but nothing was authentic, it all started with thoughts that made me panic extremely hard and I felt like crying and I had delusions, I don't understand why this is happening to me, I didn't like any boys before the thoughts appeared, but exactly one day after they appeared, all the boys were attractive, of all ages, I want to recover :( I'm only 17 years old, for about 2 months I've been having thoughts, I don't know what to do, I can't go to a psychologist, I need help :(