Hi...I decided last night, after thinking about it for a long time...that I need to leave college. My mental health is not good...so I really need to focus on that. This is a really hard decision that I know will come with many regrets...but I’m barely able to take care of myself at college...let alone pass my classes. I’ve been going back and forth about this for a while now. But I think I have finally decided that going home to heal (as much as I hate it) is the next step that I need to take... That’s it. That’s all I wanted to say. I just wanted to share that with somebody...

I am struggling a bit with school lately. I end up studying until everywhere between 6 and 9 pm most days, and it is making me miserable. I am considering doing school part time, as that is an option available in my country, but I am afraid of “giving up”. I am also scared I’ll end up with too much time on my hands. What do you guys think? By doing it part time I’d be able to rest more and probably work more on my mental health. However, I would have to spend more time in school, and I feel like I would be a failure. Also, all my friends would graduate before me.

I’m withdrawing from college on Wednesday. I’m leaving all my friends to go back home and get intensive treatment at the Rogers OCD Center. It was the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make. There was all this fear swarming in my mind. “What if my friends forget about me and stop caring? What about my dnd campaign? What about the guy I like... what if he thinks I’m crazy? What about my classes? I’m supposed to graduate this semester.” All these thoughts terrified me. I couldn’t even imagine living in a world where every possible thing went wrong. However, after a while, things started making sense. I needed to get help. I couldn’t just keep pretending that everything was fine. Today I told my friends that I’m withdrawing. They cared so much. We had an impromptu party and all my friends were there. It was the best day I have had in a very long time. I’ve never felt so loved. I talked about coming to visit in the future and returning for fall semester. I talked to my dm about continuing our dnd campaign. Tomorrow, I’m saying goodbye for good and I’m even gonna work up the guts to ask the guy I like to play guitar with me one more time (we’re in a band together). What I mean to say is this: never scare yourself outta getting the help you need. When you do what you need to do, everything else will fall into place. Who knows, maybe things will be even better than they were before.

I have decided to drop out of college now. It’s finally clear to me that it’s the only thing I can do now. I feel like such a failure tho but luckily I have the best and supportive parents that agree with my solution. I am going to lie to the people in my class and roommates about it, I just have to say I got sick or something because it’s so embarrassing to me. I suffer from depression, intense anxiety (hocd and social and generalized). I have personality problems and I look forward to go to a therapist and start recovery and start to be myself and healthy again, because it’s a very long time since I was myself and completely mentally healthy. What do you guys think about my decision? I struggle a lot with quitting college but I don’t think the program was for me anyways so that’s a good thing. I am 19 years old and I have many years to decide what I want to do, don’t I?