i’m freaking out so much. i’ve been reading a lot about vulnerable / covert narcissism and i literally want to cry. these type of narcissists are introverted and sensitive and i am too. they’re also full of shame and i am too. and they want to be acknowledged which i do too. i feel so down when i’m left out. they also feel a lot of envy like me. i feel sick. i always thought not wanting to be the centre of attention made me LESS of a potential narcissist, but this new subtype of it has sent me spiralling so much. do these traits mean i’m a covert narcissist?!!! i’m so scared. i don’t think i’m entitled or super important... i just want to be enough and feel like i’m enough. i didn’t think that was narcissistic til reading all this stuff today. i’m generally a helper and try to be there for people to meet their needs. so i guess i just want people to look out for me aswell. but i read that these type of narcissists are like that too. i’m so upset rn, i don’t know what to do!!

Google has been my worst enemy. I have religious ocd and would google stuff and it qlways ended bad with the thought of me going to hell.

@Anonymous Actually i worry about that too. Because im a afraid of being this bad guy so then i think if i die well im going down. Its not pleasant

it’s just hard because covert narcissists are more ‘lowkey’ i guess. i actually read an article where one was so determined to change... which went against everything i’d previously thought of narcissism :( but thank you for your reply. i guess all my anxiety is reassuring in a way, but it doesn’t help that i relate to some symptoms

i’m not in therapy. once covid goes and it can be done in real life again (not online) i really hope to start. i’m happy i’m not alone. this theme is so horrible and i hate it. it feels like there’s so much proof, and i’m like 100% convinced at this point. i’m not sure i’ve ever felt so stuck. thanks for the hug. sending one back💜. i’ll try to be compassionate with myself, though i’m not too sure where to start hahah

thanks so much. it’s true, we all have narcissism in us. that helps me sometimes but i guess i overthink it and say i have more than everyone! hahah just can’t win

thank you💜 that means a lot. it’s true about reading about disorders and then believing you have them. i can see parts of myself in so many of them hahah. i guess it’s just hard when it reallllly feels relatable (but this only tends to happen when i fear that disorder - like npd). and then it gets all specific and harder to differentiate and then i feel even more lost. all the research seems to ‘prove’ it more and i spiral more. sorry i’m ranting here a bit. thank you though

@garden Yeah absolutely! Let me tell you about this, so you hopefully feel less alone. So, my family haven’t spoken to my grandfather for about 5 years. He had been emotionally abusive to my mum (I’m british), aunt and uncle throughout their entire childhood. They still had a lot of compassion for him, but he preferred to be solitary, and they granted him that. My mum had been in therapy for a while, and her therapist was absolutely adamant that my grandfather had aspergers from what my mum had told her. Turns out years after her therapy, a series of events led us to believe that he undoubtedly. Had aspergers, this triggered my OCD so much - it scared me because I was like, what if I’ve got the gene? I’m not lying when I say I have no traits of autism, I’ve always been extraverted etc. I’d find myself searching for hours on end proving to myself that I wasn’t autistic, and then I’d find one thing I could identify with somewhat and I would PANIC. Long story short, I told my parents reluctantly, and they booked me in with an OCD therapist, my therapist politely told me that there was no way I was autistic - yet I was so terrified Your mind can convince you of crazy shit

@Bella i’m british too! that’s so funny because i’m in the exact same situation, just with a different disorder. my grandfather was also really horrible to my mum and her siblings. she thinks he’s a narcissist, and she thinks her sister is too. so obviously i went on to spiral that i caught the gene! i find so much proof though... like maybe my ocd isn’t lying. you have no autistic traits, like you said. but i worry i have npd traits. i have an inferiority complex and i’m super insecure. i’m introverted and jealous and i’ve said really mean things before. i guess what helps is the fact that i’m also sensitive. sensitive to other people’s needs too. i help a lot to feel better about myself, though i often feel overwhelmed by other people’s problems which makes me feel bad. i feel sympathy and empathy a lot though (i believe). i would love to see a therapist so much but idk if it would be better to see a normal one or an ocd one! plus i’d rather do it once lockdown restrictions are gone so it’s in person not online.