It’s hard lately. It really is. My POCD is ruining everything. I’ve never suffered so bad. I do not even feel anxious anymore, just numb. Numb, depressed, lack of feelings, emotional pain. So much pain. Crying after waking up, crying before I’m going to bed. I’m still trying to do some nice things to keep me distracted like a lot of sports and it helps a little bit but everything else is just too much. I have no idea who I am anymore. I am in a fight with my feelings and emotions because I am afraid to not feel the right emotion in different situations. It feels like my POCD is in control of every emotion and feeling towards another human being. Especially towards my boyfriend. I don’t know if with POCD ROCD is automatically there. But I feel like a liar. I don’t deserve any love, especially not from my boyfriend. It’s not only my thoughts anymore, it’s feelings and emotions too. It feels like I have feelings where I shouldn’t and a lack of feelings where I should feel something. Every emotion and feeling or the lack of it makes me want to cry because I don’t know how to handle it. Even typing these words I feel like a liar. I feel so wrong. Why is my mind so convincing. I once was proud of it but now it’s my worst enemy. It’s like it wants me to never be happy again, to never feel loved, to never be able to live. I’m just trying to keep going, keep fighting but I feel like it’s just getting worse. This illness sucks. I hope we all will get through this somehow.

I'm so sorry you are going through this affliction, I know how terribly difficult it is, I have days where I feel EXACTLY the way you described, word for word, I swear. Remember, OCD is in control of your feelings, urges, impulses, concerns, worries, fears, doubts, you name it! It's like a beast that controls your everything. Take a deep breath, try to do something entertaining, maybe watch a movie or something similar to take your mind of it for now. I wish you the best ?

I know just how you feel, I’m so so sorry that you have to go through this it’s so horrible! No one deserves this (I wouldn’t wish OCD on anyone not even my worst enemy) Try to do things that make you happy and take each day at a time, sending all my love <3

Me too cry all the time

I no how u feel

I have been here before, and it might get worse before it gets better, but it always gets better

Really I’m losing hope just couple hours ago I was on purpose picturing a kid alone n seeing if I want to do anything inappropriate I think I was analysing my feelings well didn’t get to well because I felt like I wanted to do something inappropriate so awful

Thank you guys for the replies, seriously thank you so much. Knowing that I’m not the only one going through this helps a little bit, even tho I don’t wish this to anyone. I hope we’ll make it through this illness one day or at least learn to live with it and going through life a little bit happier. I am so thankful that the OCD community is so supportive and understanding. ❤️

It is confounding isn’t it? I keep thinking there must be a reason for this like trauma. But maybe it is just a system that got pushed past the stress threshhold and then just fucked up.

@ocdocd1234 This thought follows me around as well

It’s really hard I keep thinking I am a pedo n u guys have ocd not me

Do u suffer with feeling uncomfortable around kids n feel like u getting aroused by them

N gronial response to them n feeling attraction

I mean sometimes I look at a kid n forgot that I have this problem then I will remind myself n feel bad again

I feel like a liar too nlnnlaia

Yes, yes, yes! I can relate to all of that. It’s horrible. It’s so horrible and makes you question yourself and everything else.

Yes, I relate. It's damn scary.

I don’t feel anything I don’t feel scared or guilty anymore

Are u born a pedo u can’t just become one right I have had it for 3 years