I’m having intrusive thoughts of something horrible happening to a loved one and the ocd says that I’m “attracting it to happen” and that no matter what I say or do I’ll “attract” this to become reality when I know logically that it was just a thought but the what if and the “if you do this then____ will happen” I just feel so intensely afraid and I never want these things to be real obviously but idk it’s just a scary what if and it’s hard to believe that something that feels so real is just a thought—- then I proceed after recognizing it’s just a thought to fear that saying that somehow the universe will cause that horrible thing to happen as “proof” so I just sit and wait and beg everyone to be careful and keep in contact with me so I know they are ok The thing is is that nothing ever happens but the fear just feels like it’s actually occurring Goshh I’m a friggin mess

Lately my OCD has been very horrible, it’s been more convincing than ever to the point where I’m genuinely convinced that I like this stuff, when I get a thought, I’ll hear my intrusive thoughts go “oooh, I like that, I’d do that.” and I just don’t freak out nor feel bad, I just feel like I like it even more, and feel like I would do/act on it and like it, and the feeling is strong and it lingers forever? It genuinely feels like I do, and I’m just lying now, i can’t tell if I make these thoughts worse or anything All I remember mostly just being like confused sometimes when these thoughts happen, but since I’m getting strong emotions that I like it, my brain says that means I did and I’m worried about that being true because I don’t understand nor know It’s like I am resisting to like this stuff now, it’s even tougher now than it was before

Does anyone imagine they are doing their harm thoughts during an action, making you feel like you acted on your thoughts? For example, someone gave me a hug and at the last second I imagined I was touching something I shouldn’t during the hug? I want to make it clear it’s something I have zero desire to do! But the problem is, I thought it on purpose and it makes me sick !! Obviously nothing happened but my mind is telling me that was me trying to do it. Even though it was physically impossible to do. Am I a monster or could this be OCD? I’m freaking out and don’t want to be here anymore. I feel like I’m the exception and that this isn’t OCD. I know I post about this stuff a lot but I’m struggling and don’t know what to do.

i’m so scared im going to lose control and end up locked up or something. this is so exhausting!! i worry that what i have isn’t OCD and that im genuinely insane and im gonna end up in big trouble or that the urges i have are going to actually happen. i dont want to think these things ! i feel like a horrible human being!!