i don’t know why i am constantly so afraid and anxious when i am alone especially at night like all i think about is is someone looking at me or watching me or is someone going to break in etc it’s the worst possible thing to feel like this fight or flight bodily response and emotional response and mental response 24.7 i am so tired and like lately i’ve been obsessing over thoughts about people having repressed memories and wondering if it’s possible idk i just wish i could relax or at least know why i feel like this so i could understand it and learn control it but i have no idea what my triggers even are it’s just a constanr state of being

Lately I just feel like I’m on the verge of losing it and I don’t know why. I feel so uncomfortable in my own body. Physically and mentally. Not due to insecurity but just that something isn’t right… I never feel good, I’m always fatigued, my head hurts all the time, but my blood work comes back fine so doctor’s will do nothing. I have anxiety and panic attacks and recently I guess depression since I’m always down. I have relationship OCD so my partner deals with me not being sure of him constantly and it breaks my heart. I don’t want to leave him because he’s great but half the time my brain is telling me he isn’t the one. I keep counting as well, constantly counting every letter in every word and every word in every sentence… it just feels like I’m gonna go insane one of these days and I’m scared. When I talk to someone about this, they have no clue what to tell me or how to help. Am I alone in feeling this way??

So my ocd has been doing better, in the sense that I am able to resist compulsions, but the thoughts are still there. And I get so upset because some days I’m just constantly stuck in my own head. Like I went out to today with my mom, and for a solid hour I was spiraling. And my OCD has been trying to make it seem like this flare up is different, and that because things aren’t working out the way I want them to be regarding my recovery, that it’s not OCD and I’m just a crazy person. It causes me to just shut down and want to just go home. I get so upset that I want to cry. I get intrusive thoughts that something bad is gonna happen, or that something doesn’t feel right, and so it feels like I do something, anything, to make me feel better about it. I also can’t sleep in my own bed. I’m so afraid that I won’t fall asleep in it, and if I don’t sleep, I will go crazy. My thoughts are just so scary rn, I don’t know what to do. I don’t want anything bad to happen to me :(

I am so incredibly tired of living life in fear. I’m in constant fear that I’m going to have a heart attack or stroke. I’m hyper aware of every sensation in my body and I’m in constant fight or flight. I’m exhausted and I just want to be normal. I received a Covid vaccine Saturday because im afraid of getting Covid but now I’m worried about the vaccine making me sick. I know it won’t I’ve had them before but my mind is just in obsessive mode. I want a good nights rest but now I’m crying and scared because I don’t feel good. I’m just so sick of life being so hard. I want to enjoy it. But then I spiral and I’m crying because I’m worried about being alone in life. Thankfully I have my mom now but I worry about the future. I’ve tried erp twice here and just can’t feel like it’s helping. I’m working with a therapist now and we are doing DBT plus starting erp. I’m nervous it won’t work again. I’m doomed to feel this way the rest of my life. It’s been almost 2 years of this constant fear, worry, and spiral. And when it’s not the health anxiety it’s awful intrusive thoughts that make me feel like a monster.