Hello my name is Oliver..I am 35 and have OCD since I was 13. I am also Bipolar. Things I'm really struggling with right now are rhe following; I cant get comfortable while sitting on the couch or driving in the car...I feel like I'm crawling out of my skin. Like if I don't move to try to become comfortable that I'll explode or something. I struggle with some HOCD issues and intrusive thoughts about young kids. Also religious ocd issues like trying to pray just right and praying way to often. And definitely a huge thing is trying to have almost everything just right I got diagnosed with Bipolar in 2017 and had my first manic period in the summer of 2020 ( first time that I remember anyway) Also I now call a manic period me Running Hot ..little side note That was from May-Sep. Then that was following by 4 long months of very low depression Now I'm dealing with horrible anxiety/can't get comfortable/OCD is way bad I have been seeing a Psychiatry since 2017 and am seeing him 1x month We are working on getting meds situated right I also see a therapist 1x week It's been a rough past 12months for sure but a lot of good things have happened as well 1. I haven't had a drop of alcohol in 297 days..I was a raging alcoholic several years ago, especially in 2015-2017. I then only drank here and there, but 297 days ago I said no more. 2. I haven't had any nicotine in 167 days. I smoked cigarettes for 7yrs starting and was able to quit in 2020 3. I haven't had any Adderall in 475 days. I honestly never abused it meaning I wouldn't take more than 40-60mg of ER and that amount for me it would make me focused and feel awake but not bouncing off rhe walls. But still I was using it as a crutch big time for over a year to get through most days 4. I haven't had any energy drinks in 124 days. I was consuming 1-2 of rhe most powerful drinks per day aka Bang. All Energy drinks are so horrible for us. Even if they are sugar free and all that. I truly believe energy drinks are Wreaking havoc on our world 5. I haven't consumed any cannabis in 93 days. I am a huge fan of cannabis..I firmly believe the world would be much better off if every switched from alcohol to cannabis. But that being said I stopped consuming it because I needed to be able to see how my meds were doing without any chemical interference. Also both sativa and indica were making me jittery which wasn't good at all. I am hoping though that someday I'll be able to find an indica that I can consume that doesn't interact with my meds and calms me down but well see 6. I lost about 50lbs. I had gained weight over the years from taking horrible care of myself especially all the drinking 7. I am now drinking over a gallon of water per day and eating mostly vegan/vegetarian/gluten free which is making me feel way better 8. I got a job in May of 2020 that thankfully I only have to work 3 days a week and even when I'm not doing well I'm still able to handle it..job is merchandising 9. Started changing my contacts 1x month...I used to wear them in my eyes for several months and would end up causing irritation every once in a while so I committed myself to changing them monthly 10. Haven't touched any Cocaine in 643 days. I had stopped in 2017 but then had 1 slip up a year or so later. I will definitely never touch this crap again. Wow 11. Its been 1435 days since I touched the horrible stuff known as meth. About poison. 12. But the most important thing that has changed in my life is that I have found a woman who truly loves and cares for me no matter what. Even with all my baggage. With all my daily emotional struggles. She deals with my night terrors ( horrible nightmares every night) She is my rock. My hope. The reason I keep going. Everything is going to be ok because I know she is there with me I apologize this was so long but I just wanted to get this out there in the hopes that maybe it can help someone else

Jake, are you having cravings for a cigarette? Or did you vape ?

@mccargar85 Also what form of cannabis did you consume?

@mccargar85 yeah, i vaped nic since i was 15 (20 now), and with weed i’d use a bunch of methods, mostly joints and dab carts. it not that, then bowls, bongs, or dabs off the rig

@mccargar85 What's interesting/funny/frustrating is I have completely conquered my addictions...but my anxiety and ocd is through the roof right now..but even you saying what you said gives me strength and hope that I got this ...I was able to kick my habits ..I can persevere and work on getting my ocd under control and me and my dr will get my anxiety under control as well

@jake Ever smoke cigarettes?

@mccargar85 you’ve got this man. im so serious. it was reading your post that gave me the courage to continue to not use. you WILL get your anxiety under control, no matter what your OCD tells you. i have a reccomendation for you. try out the Wim Hof method. i owe the cessation of my panic attacks, and a lot of alleviation from my obsessive thoughts to it. it’s a breathing method combined with cold showers. i highly recommend looking up videos before hand, and once your ready to jump in buy the course. it’s a lil cost heavy (round $180), but honestly the value is $1000+. this is one of the things that gave me hope. you’ve got this brother, i mean it.

@mccargar85 hahaha i’ve taken a few drags off cigs but never consistently

@mccargar85 more of a cigar guy myself

@jake Are you having nicotine cravings?

@jake Gotcha...yeah I started smoking cigs in 2013..I'm 35 now ..only vaped a few times..was smoking 1.5 packs a day for a while

@jake And was smoking cigars a lot In 2013

@jake In regards to weed ..why did you stop consuming?

@jake I just looked him up on YouTube..ill definitely check him out I appreciate that for real

@mccargar85 honestly, i’m not having a lot of cravings at all. to be honest, i attribute my ability to refrain from nicotine from an incredible lsd trip i had a little over a month ago. don’t reccomend acid to everyone tho lol

@mccargar85 i stopped smoking after a panic attack. i’m not trying to quit per se, but i’m taking a break indefinitely until i have a mind that’s disciplined enough for responsible use

@mccargar85 and of course, Wim Hof is the man! super cool dude with an incredible story

@mccargar85 and the fact that you’ve quit after a pack and a half a day is outstanding man. you’re doing so well

@jake Yeah I've beard LSD can help for sure ..glad to hear your not craving man

@jake Weed...gotcha...yeah I stopped after I had first panic attack a few months ago...my dr was wanting me to not consume cannabis as well so we can see how my meds are doing without any chemical interference...but yeah I'm hoping to be able to someday find an indica that I can consume...but since I've stopped consuming cannabis I realized that I was definitely not using it in a responsible way..I was always wanting to get super fucked up and that's no way to live

@jake Cigs..now I honestly can't believe I used to smoke..its for real like a a dream..like it didn't happen

@mccargar85 yeah man, i had my second panic attack for the first time like 2-3 weeks ago and it was seriously scary... i thought i was going insane/derealizing, one of the reasons why i need to take a break. and i believe you can man, moderation is possible but only until you know you’re strong enough to use responsibly

@mccargar85 that’s so awesome man, it’s not easy quitting. it took my grandma 70 years of her life to quit.

@mccargar85 if i may ask, what theme is your OCD? personally i struggle with pure ocd, so existential, fear of having serious mental health issues, and occasionally so and pocd.

@jake I've only had 1 panic attack and honestly I thought I died right there and then..it was way scary..that was the light bulb moment for me that I need to stay away from weed at least for now till I get things figured out with meds and be able to consume responsibly

@jake Ocd..its always been intrusive thoughts ranging from animals to kids to men(im straight) to my siblings..so definitely HOCD intrusive thoughts..then the Just Right kind of OCD..meaning I need to feel just right ..my clothes..my body..I'm always adjusting myself/ my clothes trying to feel just right...the big thing I'm dealing with over the past few months is not being able to get comfortable unless I'm laying in my bed and evwn then it takes me a little bit to get comfortable..I have legitimate aches and pains that make me uncomfortable (back and neck pain, shoulder etc) but I turn trying to get comfortable into more than that and into an OCD thing ..so I've been constantly moving/trying to get comfortable which is very mentally and physically exhausting..that's my deal

I appreciate that! It's been a long past 4yrs or so..I've kicked all my habits which is awesome but it's very frustrating that after getting rid of all my addictions that now my anxiety and ocd are going crazy...

But im working on my ocd and I k oq me and my dr will get my anxiety under control