- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
you’re an absolute legend. i’m about a month off of nic and a week and a half off of weed. your story is inspiring, and keeps others who see no hope holding on.
- Date posted
- 4y
Jake, are you having cravings for a cigarette? Or did you vape ?
- Date posted
- 4y
@mccargar85 Also what form of cannabis did you consume?
- Date posted
- 4y
@mccargar85 yeah, i vaped nic since i was 15 (20 now), and with weed i’d use a bunch of methods, mostly joints and dab carts. it not that, then bowls, bongs, or dabs off the rig
- Date posted
- 4y
@mccargar85 What's interesting/funny/frustrating is I have completely conquered my addictions...but my anxiety and ocd is through the roof right now..but even you saying what you said gives me strength and hope that I got this ...I was able to kick my habits ..I can persevere and work on getting my ocd under control and me and my dr will get my anxiety under control as well
- Date posted
- 4y
@jake Ever smoke cigarettes?
- Date posted
- 4y
@mccargar85 you’ve got this man. im so serious. it was reading your post that gave me the courage to continue to not use. you WILL get your anxiety under control, no matter what your OCD tells you. i have a reccomendation for you. try out the Wim Hof method. i owe the cessation of my panic attacks, and a lot of alleviation from my obsessive thoughts to it. it’s a breathing method combined with cold showers. i highly recommend looking up videos before hand, and once your ready to jump in buy the course. it’s a lil cost heavy (round $180), but honestly the value is $1000+. this is one of the things that gave me hope. you’ve got this brother, i mean it.
- Date posted
- 4y
@mccargar85 hahaha i’ve taken a few drags off cigs but never consistently
- Date posted
- 4y
@mccargar85 more of a cigar guy myself
- Date posted
- 4y
@jake Are you having nicotine cravings?
- Date posted
- 4y
@jake Gotcha...yeah I started smoking cigs in 2013..I'm 35 now ..only vaped a few times..was smoking 1.5 packs a day for a while
- Date posted
- 4y
@jake And was smoking cigars a lot In 2013
- Date posted
- 4y
@jake In regards to weed ..why did you stop consuming?
- Date posted
- 4y
@jake I just looked him up on YouTube..ill definitely check him out I appreciate that for real
- Date posted
- 4y
@mccargar85 honestly, i’m not having a lot of cravings at all. to be honest, i attribute my ability to refrain from nicotine from an incredible lsd trip i had a little over a month ago. don’t reccomend acid to everyone tho lol
- Date posted
- 4y
@mccargar85 i stopped smoking after a panic attack. i’m not trying to quit per se, but i’m taking a break indefinitely until i have a mind that’s disciplined enough for responsible use
- Date posted
- 4y
@mccargar85 and of course, Wim Hof is the man! super cool dude with an incredible story
- Date posted
- 4y
@mccargar85 and the fact that you’ve quit after a pack and a half a day is outstanding man. you’re doing so well
- Date posted
- 4y
@jake Yeah I've beard LSD can help for sure ..glad to hear your not craving man
- Date posted
- 4y
@jake Weed...gotcha...yeah I stopped after I had first panic attack a few months ago...my dr was wanting me to not consume cannabis as well so we can see how my meds are doing without any chemical interference...but yeah I'm hoping to be able to someday find an indica that I can consume...but since I've stopped consuming cannabis I realized that I was definitely not using it in a responsible way..I was always wanting to get super fucked up and that's no way to live
- Date posted
- 4y
@jake Cigs..now I honestly can't believe I used to smoke..its for real like a a dream..like it didn't happen
- Date posted
- 4y
@mccargar85 yeah man, i had my second panic attack for the first time like 2-3 weeks ago and it was seriously scary... i thought i was going insane/derealizing, one of the reasons why i need to take a break. and i believe you can man, moderation is possible but only until you know you’re strong enough to use responsibly
- Date posted
- 4y
@mccargar85 that’s so awesome man, it’s not easy quitting. it took my grandma 70 years of her life to quit.
- Date posted
- 4y
@mccargar85 if i may ask, what theme is your OCD? personally i struggle with pure ocd, so existential, fear of having serious mental health issues, and occasionally so and pocd.
- Date posted
- 4y
@jake I've only had 1 panic attack and honestly I thought I died right there and then..it was way scary..that was the light bulb moment for me that I need to stay away from weed at least for now till I get things figured out with meds and be able to consume responsibly
- Date posted
- 4y
@jake Ocd..its always been intrusive thoughts ranging from animals to kids to men(im straight) to my siblings..so definitely HOCD intrusive thoughts..then the Just Right kind of OCD..meaning I need to feel just right ..my clothes..my body..I'm always adjusting myself/ my clothes trying to feel just right...the big thing I'm dealing with over the past few months is not being able to get comfortable unless I'm laying in my bed and evwn then it takes me a little bit to get comfortable..I have legitimate aches and pains that make me uncomfortable (back and neck pain, shoulder etc) but I turn trying to get comfortable into more than that and into an OCD thing ..so I've been constantly moving/trying to get comfortable which is very mentally and physically exhausting..that's my deal
- Date posted
- 4y
Wow your so smart! You’re so strong and brave! Keep going!
- Date posted
- 4y
I appreciate that! It's been a long past 4yrs or so..I've kicked all my habits which is awesome but it's very frustrating that after getting rid of all my addictions that now my anxiety and ocd are going crazy...
- Date posted
- 4y
But im working on my ocd and I k oq me and my dr will get my anxiety under control
Related posts
- Date posted
- 23w
Hello everyone, I'm writing this because I've been struggling heavily for the past two months. I went through a breakup that I won't go into vast detail about. However, it was very abrupt with little "closure" or reasoning. It was simply based off of intuition from the other person, which is completely valid - he also said I didn't do anything wrong. This uncertainty already sounds like an OCD nightmare, which is why I'm sharing my story. There was no incompatibility, unshared values, patterns. Probably just no communication on his end towards when he started having this feeling. I thought this person was MY person, and it certainly was heavily reciprocated and initiated by him. He is also my coworker, and someone I went into a relationship with massive intentions, the slow burn and serendipity of it was special to me. This connection was a safe space and I put all my trust into him, he was my rock romantically and when things were good, he really built that trust up with me and I never wanted to let it go. I also thought I was a good partner, and tried my best. Of course I still had my family/friends, school, apartment life, career. I really felt like everything in my life had lined up and this relationship was the cherry on top for a while. Obviously we both made mistakes and there was ups and downs, but I never once questioned my love for him or thought he might suddenly leave. Which is something that can happen to anyone. After our breakup, I felt completely lost, betrayed, blindsided.....and to make matters worse, I blame myself for everything and my OCD immediately went into max gear. The uncertainty of the entire situation was so scary to me, all I could say or think was that I was scared. And I wasn't ready to face the pain that was about to come, not to mention the OCD already creeping up into full panic mode, especially without a person I considered a huge support system. OCD looks for clarity - not just me as a human looking for clarity. It felt like there was layers and layers of complexity for me that I couldn't face, if that makes sense. Unfortunately, I made a horrible mistake and attempted S. After going through an extremely vulnerable situation at the hospital, I went through inpatient and found it extremely difficult to accept my old life was simply gone, out of thin air. After I came out, I couldn't even be in my own apartment. I didn't feel safe, in a place I worked hard to get and felt "independent" in. Independence was one of my biggest personal values, now I feel anxiously attached. I also didn't feel safe at work, which was once a good distraction for me and something I also worked hard towards, I can't quit. And not to mention, the loss of an important relationship. I sought support from my family, who has been so unbelievably supportive and I also started to try to figure out what I was going to do. It was extremely hard trying to find an Intensive Outpatient Program that would work with my schedule, and also I was set to start my new semester in school again soon. I ended up setting up therapy with NO OCD twice a week. My therapist has been EXTREMELY helpful, and I honestly did not think that finding someone specialized in OCD would be so life changing. Anyway after everything that happened, I'm still struggling with feeling like a BAD person. It's my reoccurring theme. I thought that I was somehow a manipulator because of my attempt. I know I reacted poorly, but I'm also learning to give myself grace for the pure pain anyone would feel and know that it was an isolated incident (never talked about it before, especially not in relationship). I also try to remind myself that my situation is unique and only I know the pain. I also think back again and again, to every little thing I could have done wrong and it hurts me. I think about isolated mistakes or things I said, and think that's the reason why my whole relationship failed. I take the blame for everything. And it all ties back to me being a bad person. It feels like it's never ending. Sometimes I feel good, but it's still really hard to stop the cycle for me. I think about every little thing. I honestly couldn't even slightly comprehend how someone can vastly change their behavior - it felt like he truly died. That person who I got into a relationship, was no longer here. Interpreting his behavior, actions and words has been difficult, not to mention my own - but It's easier for me as I continue to give myself grace knowing that I did what I could within the relationship with the information I had. I also try to remind myself that I took a lot of accountability, and would have listened if things were brought up. The same mistakes I made, were not the same he made - but OCD keeps trying to make me overly reflect on myself only, if that makes sense. Taking OCD away completely - interpreting that is already complex. Adding OCD, it's horrible...my brain keep trying to find certainty in SOMETHING, anything. So little things come to my head, and suddenly I'm a bad person. Suddenly, he's reached happiness and I lost him because....I'm a bad person. Suddenly I was too needy, too much, showed my OCD, and he thought I was a bad person. It's honestly exhausting. I've never hid my OCD, but I did feel like I was actively working on it and also trying to be a good partner, sister, daughter, friend. I was content, and I wasn't expecting this or maybe I would have been more prepared, I've had breakups before with longer relationships. It's hard to know how OCD just came into FULL gear after this hardship, it's hard to know that - although I was working on it - I felt content and wasn't experiencing symptoms regularly. Suddenly, I was in full panic mode all the time. It's made me question my entire reality, I hope this makes sense. I know the levels of this were traumatic, and I am doing A LOT better just two months in. I'm looking forward to more progress and hope that I can accept uncertainty more and more. Regardless of how I felt, he can suddenly leave and without reason. And I'm learning that not everything is my fault, and that I have so many good things in my life I should be grateful for. Although when I came out of the hospital everything was flipped upside down, I still have a job....an apartment and family/friends and school, not to mention the work I need to do on myself and OCD. Maybe one aspect of my life (relationship), is gone - but everything else is still there. It's hard, I've been staying with my mom and this weekend I'm going back to my apartment to face my loneliness. With the help of my therapist, I'm learning to be uncomfortable in my apartment. I think this experience has COMPLETELY broken me as a person, but because of it I was able to face my OCD head on in a way I've NEVER had to do before. I could have probably kept it symptom free for the most part, but this has challenged me in a way I never thought possible - almost as if - I get through this, I might be able to defeat it. And also understand pain on such a deep level, that I can be there for my family, friends, etc in a new way I never thought possible. I probably forgot to include a lot of stuff, but lets just accept that it's extremely complex to explain - and all I know is that I'm not a bad person because OCD says so.....separating the relationship from the attempt. In the relationship, I tried my absolute best and we both made mistakes. In the attempt, I can acknowledge my pain and move forward from it in a non judgmental and graceful way. Even though I delt with extreme guilt for putting my family through something they couldn't understand and guilt for myself and for everyone involved, even though I know it's okay.
- NOCD Therapy Alumni
- Existential OCD
- Suicidal OCD
- "Pure" OCD
- BIPOC with OCD
- Relationship OCD
- Students with OCD
- Date posted
- 16w
TW: SO-OCD. I have been a part of the NOCD community for around 4 years now. I am seeing more and more posts, but I am very rarely seeing people actually commenting, reposting and engaging back. I think I have always had obsessive thoughts, but never knew it was a thing until around 5 years ago. I believe my first theme was Harm OCD, when my little brother was first born in 2007. I used to scream at night as I was so worried he was going to be kidnapped, or he may d*e. I would avoid sleeping at friends house's, my dad's (as my parents had split) as I thought if I wasn't there to protect him then something bad would happen. My mum said she would wake up and I would be asleep net to his cot in the morning (I was only 10 at the time). Fast forward to 2017, where me and my high school boyfriend split up, I convinced myself I may be gay as I no longer wanted to have sex with him (almost found it a chore). I was 16/17. We split up and I lived my 'single' life. Spent my time dating males etc and then myself and my ex got back together in 2018. My intrusive thoughts took a turn for the worst in lockdown, when again may libido decreased significantly, and I didn't feel and ;urge' with my boyfriend sStill current partner). I remember one day, bursting into tears, had a panic attack and cried for hours with the most excruciating anxiety chest pains. I told him and my mum about my thoughts. They are both incredibly supportive and my mu actually told me that she had these thoughts too when she was round 19 and still does now (I also didn't know that COD can be inherited). After about 18 months of the worst mental health, significant weight loss, social thoughts and almost ending my relationship, I started to see light at the end of the tunnel. 2022, things started to get better. My partner and I were in the best place we could have EVER been! Sex life was AMAZING (quality of quantity I mean) and I honestly thought, this was the end. March 2024 I fell pregnant. Again, I had a great pregnancy, sec life was great, was so excited for our future. I have never been one to be bothered about marriage, but kept having this lovely vision of us getting married and our little girl walking down the aisle. Baby girls born in November 2024 and BAM, SO-OCD and ROCD have kicked in. I am now questioning my sexuality again, if I am in the right relationship, am I just 'settling'?, does he deserve me?, am I in denial?, what if we get married and then it turns out I am gay?, I don't want him to propose as I am scared etc. Just relentless every single day. I even question, if any of the conversations I have had with family and friends where they have related to me, were even real or if I made them up for my own comfort, so that I do't feel alone?! I am constantly reviewing past events, as I worry that I wanted to explore my sexuality in university, as I remember having an amazing friendship with a lesbian (who was, I am not afraid to admit, very 'handsome'), and we did flirt, as she did with everyone!! But we never took it any further, it never crossed my mind! I almost don't even get the 'anxiety/'sick' feeling anymore because I am SO used to the thoughts. I don't have an urge to act on my thoughts, but they are also no longer debilitating for me. I just feel exhausted with them. They are ALWAYS there. I have gone down the rabbit hole of avoiding meeting new women friends incase 'I find them attractive', if there is a same sex couple on a program I watch, I automatically avoid. I compare my relationship to others. I saw an insta reel yesterday of a women in her 30's that said 'when you're lay in bed with your husband, searching 'Am I Gay' questionnaires and you decide to divorce and follow your heart' and it was a page dedicated to her helping other mid life adults cope with coming out as gay! It really really really triggered me. I am just exhausted. If anybody else wants to share there story, comment below. It doesn't have to be the same sub types, but just an opportunity to vent!
- Date posted
- 10w
I few years ago, I did self-harm a few times, and then I got super into spirituality, and about a year ago, I remembered I did self-harm and ever since haven't been able to shake the guilt off... Constantly, every day, my mind would make me feel guilty about it and think about it all day. It's like my brain knew the thought that I could/ have cut myself scared me, so it kept bringing it up. My family had no idea I had ever done this, so my OCD told me I was a liar for not telling them about every day. I was afraid that they wouldn't love me anymore and send me to a mental hospital if I told them. About 2-3 months ago, I had gotten so fed up with having these thoughts every day and confessed to my mom what I had done, and her reaction was great. And I thought I'd never have thoughts about when I did self-harm again because I finally confessed. I was wrong. Even with people telling me that it's okay, I did that, I can't shake the guilt I had around this event, and even more so the fear/guilt around my own thoughts... My therapist and I talk about how the problem isn't the thoughts but what the OCD does to them. I try to create positive neural pathways, but that just makes me more stressed about it. There are things I'm supposed to tell myself when I feel negative, but I think I get that confused and tell myself those things every time I have thoughts about what I did. Which is feeding into a mental compulsion (replacing every "bad" thought with a "good" one. What works for me is (if I can) do nothing and have the thoughts... It's been hard to get better because I have had no idea what's been happening to me and felt like for the last year I was going crazy... I always thought OCD was cleaning stuff and physical compulsions . Everything that happened to me happened in my head. On the worst days when my OCD is really bad, every single time I was conscious and aware, I was thinking about the fact that I did self-harm. I would lie in bed all day trying to figure out my thoughts because I thought if I watched TV, I would be avoiding important things. I thought I had to figure out all my thoughts. I would ruminate, replay, and second-guess all. day. long. It was hard to recognize it was OCD because I thought I had done something seriously bad and wrong, and that I must deserve these thoughts. I think the trick is that you feel like you must have positive thoughts, and the most distressing thing wasn't necessarily the fact that I did self-harm, but the fact that I couldn't stop thinking about it. I find the best thing you can do is just have all your thoughts in your head and try not to separate them from good and bad, if you can. It's nice to have people who understand!!!! More to come, about the journey. My favorite thing to say when I'm stuck is "that sly devil... OCD. Silly OCD is getting to me right now, but it won't last forever. That sneaky guy tricked me again" Love you!!!
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