I’m starting to believe an intrusive thought as a memory and I can’t live with the thought that I might’ve done it ): I know I haven’t but I’m scared I’m going to full on believe I did and ruin my life because of it. No matter how much I tell myself I haven’t I don’t believe it and it feels like my life is over

Your life is not over. You know in your heart you haven’t. Write down some reminders to yourself that you haven’t. OCD has a way of catastrophizing our thoughts. When you’re catastrophizing, this is a clue that this is your OCD!

I think you’re seeking support, not reassurance :) I would recommend journaling. This way, you’re able to make sense of your thoughts, maybe even see how irrational they are written. When you find yourself doubting, go back to the notes you have written yourself. I would also suggest sitting with the thought, labeling it as “irrational”. If you feel uncomfortable, that’s okay, OCD does that. But with time, the thoughts will become less scary and you’ll be able to shrug them off.

Thank you ): I know it is bad to seek reassurance but I just feel like a monster and my whole life is a lie so I needed some advice on how to stop this

I deal with false memories. I know the people on here saying to tell yourself you haven’t done it, are trying to help but that easily becomes a compulsion and something I do all the time. The only thing that helps me is to tell myself. Ok maybe I did. Maybe I didn’t. I know that sounds daunting but it’s dealing with the uncertainty because honestly even if you know you didn’t, you are always going to be uncertain about that. Ocd has us questioning and doubting everything. No ERP therapist is going to reassure you or tell you to write down why you didn’t do it. That is feeding into the ocd. Rather they are going to have you exposure yourself to the thought/ false memory. Don’t feed into the ocd to try and find out if you did or why or how, it only makes it worse. Tell your ocd that maybe it did maybe it didn’t but you are choosing to deal with the uncertainty and live your life the way you want to and with the values YOU choose. Much love to you ❤️

false memories are the worst thing I've ever dealt with. Trust yourself and just accept the uncertainty and it will fade away to nothing.