- Username
- Anonymous
- Date posted
- 3y ago
There were times where I was in a similar spot. A core fear of mine is losing my mom- so my harm ocd stuck to her a ton. And at times I’d get disgusting thoughts like oh just get it over with. I would never ever hurt anyone so it freaked me out and I was scared to even sit by her. I learned that it is part of ocd that creates the I’m not going to be fine till it happens. It’s because with having ocd it makes us feel like we need to be in control of everything and have absolute certainty, so that is what is currently happening to you. At least I think. I think your mind is so overwhelmed that it’s trying to grab onto anything that would seem to give you control
Hey i’m so sorry, and I relate to that so much. Unluckily my urges and thoughts target basically everyone, which makes me feel even more miserable. And I hope you’re right on what you said, makes a lot of sense because OCD wants us to have certainty all the time. Thank you so much :)
😞
I’m dealing with this currently at my moms house . The anxiety surrounding the weird and AWFUL urge is unexplainable to anyone other than someone who knows how insane it Makes you feel. Listen, you helped me so much by sharing this..,I really needed to read something that related to me rn and this is exact. I’m so sorry you’re in the same boat but I’m here to say I’m right there with you . I was driving in the car with mom and I kept having this ocd just get it over with feeling and yank the wheel! The anxiety was so bad I wanted to open my door and jump out then when we got home I couldn’t escape the guilty feelings of what if I had done that, what if I do in the future. My mother is my best friend in the world and the Shame I feel that I cannot just love my time with her is so crippling. I am practicing erp and that’s helping with words but urges are much more stressful. Someone else here mentioned sitting with the anxiety and letting it pass , which I do but wowwwww is that some really uncomfortable anxiety. I read somewhere we really need determination with ocd, and so I remind myself this isn’t easy takes extra work. I hope this helps. And again super thanks for your honesty, this is my safe experience!! And many of Us here I’m Sure .🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
Thank you so much too, your experience made me feel that I’m not alone. I am so sorry you’re going through this as well, but we’re together in this <3 yes urges are definitely such a difficult thing to experience. I literally feel so disturbed and overwhelmed every time it happens. Definitely the most terrifying thing I’ve ever experienced.. and thank you so much, it helps me so much to share things with others, so I would love if we could talk, if you want to. Much love :)
@Anonymous Thank you so much!!! Hope you’re doing ok today. All I know is these things are normal for OCD (even though feels so abnormal) the fact we have the same upsetting experiences sometimes makes easier to handle, because we aren’t alone. I like to think we are all working together:) Such an important reminder always. Again, hope you’re ok today, I’ve been sitting through the discomfort and Trying not to freak out and start thinking. It’s helping but hard to do!!🙏🏻🙏🏻🌷🌷🌷🌷
@Anonymous Thank you!! I hope you’re doing well today too!! Yes thank you so much for sharing your experience, it helps me a lot to know I’m not alone :) I’m glad you’re working through that! I wish you the best! Sadly is not something I can do, I feel like I can not just leave my thoughts be there because they are something important that needs to be figured out. It sucks, but I hope I can get professional help too. Much love for you:) and if you ever need someone to talk to, reply in here and I’ll be glad to help you!
Also really helps and makes me feel better to say exact feelings I have! If you ever need to share about stuff always here!! I am in AA and I feel the same way alcoholics need each other to talk to people with OCD do as well .🌷🙏🏻
I hate how my mind is making me doubt of my intentions when i clearly know that I don’t have any desires to act on my thoughts. It makes my intentions feel so uncertain, and sometimes it would even make me feel like if I wanted to act on my thoughts when I actually don’t, because I wouldn’t be doubting if I did. So since I feel my intentions so uncertain I need to come to an answer, and sometimes it is so damn hard to get that answer, which makes me anxious and disturbed. It would also make me think of my past like, how were you okay without having these thoughts? Or makes me think of my future like, will you be okay without these thoughts? So it would make me think that these thoughts are really desires and I won’t be okay unless I act on them. As horrible as it sounds. And I don’t know if someone gets this too but, it would also make me doubt my feelings. When my family tells me cute things like “I love you” and stuff, I would feel so bad, because my thoughts are towards them. So I would say “ily too” but I feel like an hypocrite saying it, or like I don’t mean it at all, so it makes me doubt if I really love them or not. This is all so overwhelming, and I have gone through so many disturbing and crazy thoughts, feelings and situations, that I don’t know if this might be OCD.
Hey y’all i need to know if someone relates to what I’m going through. I feel almost like if I wanted to act on my thoughts but I actually don’t because this doesn’t please me at all. So if someone told me “You have Harm OCD” I would be like “really? So I don’t wanna harm people? Neither am I capable?” I have no clue why would that be my answer when I haven’t desired anything. But somehow it makes me feel like I do, and consequently makes me feel like I’m in denial. So it feels like if an unconscious part of me wants to do it but I am just resisting. I literally can’t go anywhere, I don’t wanna live any second more, because I feel so disturbed all the time. I feel like I’m gonna end up doing it, I feel so overwhelmed by these feelings,thoughts, images, urges, that I would avoid everything, like going anywhere. I hate feeling like this but I feel like there’s no way back, i can’t picture myself being good in the future because I feel like “this is what i want” when it’s not. I feel like it’s a time bomb for me to do something. I do not tolerate this, every minute that passes by I feel it closer to happen. I feel like I’m gonna collapse and act on it. I don’t even know if that’s what I want, but I don’t think it is, I think it just feels like it. Help I don’t know what to do.
My Harm OCD is out of control. I’m trying so hard to keep living my life, but it’s scaring me even more. It’s starting to feel more real. It’s feeling like I’m right on the edge of acting on my thoughts and that I actually want to do it. It feels like this is never going to go away and I’m now this person who is going to harm someone. I’m at work because I’m supposed to keep living my life and not do compulsions. But not doing them is terrifying me. I feel like a complete monster and I don’t know what to do.
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