Help omg. I don’t want to do anything that my thoughts say but it feels like I’m not gonna be fine until I do them. It’s so horrible because it feels like they’re my intentions or like I’m going to do them every single time I’m with my family. I literally find myself incapable to do anything because my mind is constantly repeating me to harm my family which is terrible!! I have no idea what is going on, and if this is normal for OCD or not. It disturbs me so much to feel that I can’t escape this, I can’t stand it anymore and I’m afraid i might end up doing it. I feel so trapped. I don’t wanna live anymore but I don’t wanna die either. I just wanna disappear.

Harm OCD

c.cat

Date posted: 4y

There were times where I was in a similar spot. A core fear of mine is losing my mom- so my harm ocd stuck to her a ton. And at times I’d get disgusting thoughts like oh just get it over with. I would never ever hurt anyone so it freaked me out and I was scared to even sit by her. I learned that it is part of ocd that creates the I’m not going to be fine till it happens. It’s because with having ocd it makes us feel like we need to be in control of everything and have absolute certainty, so that is what is currently happening to you. At least I think. I think your mind is so overwhelmed that it’s trying to grab onto anything that would seem to give you control

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y

Hey i’m so sorry, and I relate to that so much. Unluckily my urges and thoughts target basically everyone, which makes me feel even more miserable. And I hope you’re right on what you said, makes a lot of sense because OCD wants us to have certainty all the time. Thank you so much :)

[Deleted]

Date posted: 4y

Comment deleted by user

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y

Omg yes, I feel all the time like my OCD is forcing me to do it and it’s awful!! Because I don’t know how to escape that feeling. Thank you so much for your advice, yes it such a hard thing to do because it feels like it’s done, like you agree with your thoughts and it’s just a matter of time for them to happen. Terrifying. But thanks for sharing, I’m here for you too:)

elizabethcro...

Date posted: 4y

😞

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y

I’m dealing with this currently at my moms house . The anxiety surrounding the weird and AWFUL urge is unexplainable to anyone other than someone who knows how insane it Makes you feel. Listen, you helped me so much by sharing this..,I really needed to read something that related to me rn and this is exact. I’m so sorry you’re in the same boat but I’m here to say I’m right there with you . I was driving in the car with mom and I kept having this ocd just get it over with feeling and yank the wheel! The anxiety was so bad I wanted to open my door and jump out then when we got home I couldn’t escape the guilty feelings of what if I had done that, what if I do in the future. My mother is my best friend in the world and the Shame I feel that I cannot just love my time with her is so crippling. I am practicing erp and that’s helping with words but urges are much more stressful. Someone else here mentioned sitting with the anxiety and letting it pass , which I do but wowwwww is that some really uncomfortable anxiety. I read somewhere we really need determination with ocd, and so I remind myself this isn’t easy takes extra work. I hope this helps. And again super thanks for your honesty, this is my safe experience!! And many of Us here I’m Sure .🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y

Thank you so much too, your experience made me feel that I’m not alone. I am so sorry you’re going through this as well, but we’re together in this <3 yes urges are definitely such a difficult thing to experience. I literally feel so disturbed and overwhelmed every time it happens. Definitely the most terrifying thing I’ve ever experienced.. and thank you so much, it helps me so much to share things with others, so I would love if we could talk, if you want to. Much love :)

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y

@Anonymous Thank you so much!!! Hope you’re doing ok today. All I know is these things are normal for OCD (even though feels so abnormal) the fact we have the same upsetting experiences sometimes makes easier to handle, because we aren’t alone. I like to think we are all working together:) Such an important reminder always. Again, hope you’re ok today, I’ve been sitting through the discomfort and Trying not to freak out and start thinking. It’s helping but hard to do!!🙏🏻🙏🏻🌷🌷🌷🌷

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y

@Anonymous Thank you!! I hope you’re doing well today too!! Yes thank you so much for sharing your experience, it helps me a lot to know I’m not alone :) I’m glad you’re working through that! I wish you the best! Sadly is not something I can do, I feel like I can not just leave my thoughts be there because they are something important that needs to be figured out. It sucks, but I hope I can get professional help too. Much love for you:) and if you ever need someone to talk to, reply in here and I’ll be glad to help you!

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y

Also really helps and makes me feel better to say exact feelings I have! If you ever need to share about stuff always here!! I am in AA and I feel the same way alcoholics need each other to talk to people with OCD do as well .🌷🙏🏻

alyssa_h

Date posted: 23w

i can’t do this much longer

i’m having a full on panic attack, i never used to be like this, what tf is happening to me, why am i like this, i’m so convinced i’m a horrible person and i deserve to be shut out forever because of my thoughts, i’m tired of struggling with harm ocd, i’m scared that because i have mental health issues i’m gonna end up ki!!ing someone someday or end up on the news, when i was at work earlier i kept thinking “how easy would it be to ki!! someone and get away with it” someone help, i don’t feel normal, am i crazy?… 😭😭i know that with ocd you’re not supposed to have reassurance and you have to be “okay” with the situation but.. how am i supposed to be okay with feeling like i could hurt someone…

laladracu

Date posted: 19w

a thought?

I cant get over this thought that is messing my recovery up so much. it was “if you dont act on your thoughts this will never go away” which led to thoughts like if i even wanted to get better, if i even want my life back, if i even WANTED this to go away, etc. im scared. im confused. is this normal? am i gonna have to act on this stuff now? im mainly concerned about my family. i dont wanna hurt them. this disease is horrible. this subtype is horrible. i love my family. why would i want to hurt them? im so afraid this is it for me. i try to do what everyone tells me. ignore the thought, let it sit, sit with the uncertainty/discomfort but the anxiety doesn’t go away. this thought keeps coming back with a vengeance. i thought i was making great progress but im back where i was. i ruminate about this 24/7 and i dont know how to stop. we tried sitting on the couch together last night and it felt like i was RESISTING hurting them. im in constant awareness that i can act on these anytime and it hinders my daily life and work so much. everytime i talk to anyone in my family i feel things like i shouldnt be talking to them if im gonna hurt them and i dont deserve to be around them. i feel like i dont deserve to be alive, i dont deserve to be happy, and i dont deserve to be comfortable. i feel like a psycho whos never gonna get to live life with a husband and family. i feel like i don’t deserve my sweet boyfriend. i dont want my thoughts to latch onto him. this is my mind when i wake up, when i try to go about my day, and when i go to sleep. it feels like it just wont dissipate regardless of what i do. the cycle never ends. its been 4 MONTHS. what the fuck do i do anymore

Harm OCD

bradyx20

Date posted: 18w

don’t know what’s happening to me

i haven’t been diagnosed with ocd but I have anxiety about harming other people/family members and it’s like urges and im scared I actually want to do it? I don’t think I’ve ever been violent as a kid (im 21 now) and the intrusive thoughts don’t go away so im just stuck all day everyday for the past few weeks just thinking and being scared about it and im having all these weird emotions like being irritated and angry I don’t want to hurt people I don’t think idk why my mind is making me think I do I’ve had intrusive thoughts before that I could brush away sure it took like a day or two but this one is different it doesn’t go away and leaves me with the worst fear imaginable and nothing I look up that should be giving me relief is giving me relief + I feel like im not in control of my body and that im just gonna lose it and act on these thoughts it’s just all on a loop and im not sure how im supposed to live the rest of my life when im in constant fear of my self

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