My almost 11 year old (in 1 1/2 weeks) son, has just started experiencing Moral OCD. Now that I’m understanding more and more about this type of OCD, I guess there might have been signs of other behaviors, but nothing that interferes with his day to day life. He is having deeply disturbing thoughts over and over! Then he feels the need to confess, I’ve asked him to stop confessing about 2 days ago, and the anxiety has gotten so bad, I’m on the verge of letting him confess them because it’s heartbreaking. He wants to same reassurance over and over and over. Asking the same questions as if we didn’t have a conversation 2 seconds prior! At this point, I need reassurance! Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Hey I’m glad you are trying to help your son. I actually had a little of moral ocd and feeling like I should do certain things. I also experience intrusive thoughts. My advice would be to lean in to the anxiety. It will be hard at first, but with slow steps your son can get through his ocd. For example, if he sees a piece of trash on the ground, walk past it and don’t pick it up. Sit with the anxiety and recognize that it will decrease. Regarding the thoughts, my therapist would tell me that the thoughts are just thoughts. You can tell your son that just because he is having these thoughts, does not mean he agrees with them. Just because we are having these thoughts does not mean that they are true. Usually ocd blows things out of proportion, hense why these are called intrusive thoughts. Last, the hardest thing for my parents to do was to not give in to my ocd. My therapist stressed how important it is to not give in to the ocd. This would be giving reassurance because over time, giving reassurance and doing compulsions make you feel better in the moment but the thoughts will come back. In the long run, not giving in during the current moment will help you not give in down the road. It is crazy how our brain works and that if we stop trying to get rid of the thoughts, they will eventually go away. If we continue to try to get rid of the thoughts, they will come back stronger.

Don’t let him confess! Right now his anxiety is beginning to peak and by not confessing he’s breaking the ocd cycle and his anxiety will eventually decrease and the thoughts will be easier to manage for him. Remember it may get worse before it gets better with ocd. With kids I’ve heard an analogy about “not feeding the monster” used to make it easier for them to understand their ocd. By not “feeding the monster” they are starving it and making it weaker and less scary.

That is so crazy that you put it in those terms, because that is the terminology we’ve been using. Another thing I’ve noticed is that I haven’t let him confess any negative thoughts for the past 48 hours, and this is the highest his anxiety has ever been.

Thank you so much for taking the time to respond to this post.

I started reading a book called “Overcoming Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts” by Winston and Seif. It’s a book you can probably read with your son or on your own. I found it to be helpful in a way that’s not too heavy but useful / practical. More books about children and adolescents with OCD. https://tourette.ca/books-for-teens-and-children-with-ocd/

Great book BTW

I actually feel the same way as your eleven year old, just my ocd does affect my everyday life, but I’m getting better. When I confess to my mom, she says “ocd has no place here” because we learned that reassurance will actually make the ocd increasingly worse. Try telling him that ocd has no place here. I wish the best for you and your 11 year old!

💙