- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
Hey I’m glad you are trying to help your son. I actually had a little of moral ocd and feeling like I should do certain things. I also experience intrusive thoughts. My advice would be to lean in to the anxiety. It will be hard at first, but with slow steps your son can get through his ocd. For example, if he sees a piece of trash on the ground, walk past it and don’t pick it up. Sit with the anxiety and recognize that it will decrease. Regarding the thoughts, my therapist would tell me that the thoughts are just thoughts. You can tell your son that just because he is having these thoughts, does not mean he agrees with them. Just because we are having these thoughts does not mean that they are true. Usually ocd blows things out of proportion, hense why these are called intrusive thoughts. Last, the hardest thing for my parents to do was to not give in to my ocd. My therapist stressed how important it is to not give in to the ocd. This would be giving reassurance because over time, giving reassurance and doing compulsions make you feel better in the moment but the thoughts will come back. In the long run, not giving in during the current moment will help you not give in down the road. It is crazy how our brain works and that if we stop trying to get rid of the thoughts, they will eventually go away. If we continue to try to get rid of the thoughts, they will come back stronger.
- Date posted
- 4y
THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!
- Date posted
- 4y
Don’t let him confess! Right now his anxiety is beginning to peak and by not confessing he’s breaking the ocd cycle and his anxiety will eventually decrease and the thoughts will be easier to manage for him. Remember it may get worse before it gets better with ocd. With kids I’ve heard an analogy about “not feeding the monster” used to make it easier for them to understand their ocd. By not “feeding the monster” they are starving it and making it weaker and less scary.
- Date posted
- 4y
Thank you so much!!!!! I can’t believe how you named the verbiage we’ve been using! You’re absolutely right! The anxiety went crazy when we stopped him from confessing! Last two days have been brutal with anxiety. From where we were this morning to now, is night and day.
- Date posted
- 4y
That is so crazy that you put it in those terms, because that is the terminology we’ve been using. Another thing I’ve noticed is that I haven’t let him confess any negative thoughts for the past 48 hours, and this is the highest his anxiety has ever been.
- Date posted
- 4y
Thank you so much for taking the time to respond to this post.
- Date posted
- 4y
I started reading a book called “Overcoming Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts” by Winston and Seif. It’s a book you can probably read with your son or on your own. I found it to be helpful in a way that’s not too heavy but useful / practical. More books about children and adolescents with OCD. https://tourette.ca/books-for-teens-and-children-with-ocd/
- Date posted
- 4y
Wow!!! Thank you SO MUCH!!!!
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- 4y
Great book BTW
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- 4y
I actually feel the same way as your eleven year old, just my ocd does affect my everyday life, but I’m getting better. When I confess to my mom, she says “ocd has no place here” because we learned that reassurance will actually make the ocd increasingly worse. Try telling him that ocd has no place here. I wish the best for you and your 11 year old!
- Date posted
- 4y
Great Advice!!! We’ve stopped the reassurance and allowing the confessing!!! Just working on him applying these tools! Came up with a little song about him kicking OCD’s butt!!! Appreciate the feedback more than you know.
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- 4y
💙
Related posts
- Date posted
- 24w
My husband and I have 3 kids.. ages 13, 7 & 1. Our 13 year old has always been somewhat “different”, even as a toddler. He was very quiet and socially awkward. Not much has changed in that department. He isn’t into sports and has a very hard time finding anything at all that interests him. He doesn’t have many friends as he is still awkward and has a hard time fitting in. He has OCD. Specifically moral OCD. He feels like he has to confess everything to me that he feels isn’t appropriate. Curse words he hears on tv, something off-color that he or his friends said at school, anything sexual he hears on tv or in a joke. He laughingly tells me but he is reading my face to gauge my reaction on the subject every time. We tell him constantly that he doesn’t have to confess to us but, of course, those who know much about OCD know that this is harder than just simply telling them they don’t have to give into their compulsions. He is very anxious and worries about everything. He also has inattentive ADHD so he’s currently on medicine for that but can’t tell if it’s actually helping anything or not. He’s on anxiety meds too that we are trying to assess. Honestly, we have also wondered if he may be on the spectrum but high-functioning. Not sure. We are very worried about his future. He is not maturing and doesn’t care to learn how to better himself since he’s getting older. Anyway, now that I’ve given a little background, my reason for posting is that I wonder if we have created all of this. First of all.. I am a hovering mom. Im very overprotective and have a hard time letting my kids do much because I’m anxious myself. I grew up with a yelling mom and stepdad. Sadly, I have resorted to this trauma behavior much of my son’s life as well. I try my hardest not to lose my temper and yell but, I am very ashamed to say, that I haven’t been able to do a very good job with that. I have been overly critical also. Learned behavior. I will add that we are also a religious family that goes to church and follows the Bible. My husband was raised differently. His parents are very mild mannered and calm. Very sweet with my husband and his sister growing up and they aren’t “yellers”. They live out in the country and are very lax about many rules when my children go out there. Not that they let them do whatever they want but at the same time… they do seem to have a hard time saying no. My sister in law and her family live across the street from my in laws so they’re all out in the country together living their peaceful, carefree life. 🙄 They seem to think that my husband and I have brought all of this on ourselves with how we have so many rules and boundaries. They’re of the mindset that we should be exposing him to movies with curse words and letting him hear innnapropriate things and curse words more. This is how they parent their 10 year old (who is homeschooled so.. in my opinion they don’t have to worry so much about him repeating the curse words at school. We are at a Christian, private school where I also teach so it’s a bigger deal making sure my kids don’t hear those things and repeat). Anyway.. first and foremost, I’m looking for advice on how to reverse the damage from me losing my temper these last 13 years. I swear I am trying my hardest and strive everyday to be a good mom. I want so badly for them to WANT to keep a close relationship with us when they become adults living on their own. But I am so scared I’m ruining them. Does it seem to be the case? Also, do you think we have caused this OCD? Be honest with everything please. I am constantly very worried we are doing this wrong.
- Date posted
- 17w
Hello, I’m a mother. My son is 17 and he has contamination OCD. We have been trying different ways to support him but he refused to see any therapist. He is struggling with paranoia and intrusive thoughts. Those thoughts make him so angry that he get yelly, throwing and breaking some furniture, and just yesterday he put a hole in the wall. He admitted that these didn’t help him feel any better, in fact it made him feel worse (because he didn’t want to act as such). We are doing our best to support him, talking with him but he refused to talk about those intrusive thoughts and paranoia. What do you suggest me to do? What would be helpful for me to do so he can talk with me more? We desperately want him to get help but he wouldn’t. Thank you in advance!
- Date posted
- 9w
Hi, so I’m coming back to this app after a while because my own OCD has been flaring up quite a bit, that or I am just learning to be more aware of it and realizing I need help, not sure. Anyways I have a little brother who is 11. I’m 24, and I started experiencing OCD at a really young age. I think around 8 was the youngest I really recall having intrusive thoughts and persistent fears. My brother has Tourette’s syndrome, which is highly co-occurring with OCD, and he has shown signs since he was really little. Most of my family is undiagnosed but I see it in our mom, our grandma, and other family members too. Anyways my question is, how can I help him? Could a therapist on here help? I feel like we all deeply bury and internalize (and also normalize) our OCD in my family. We all mask really really well, and it’s not the best because we often “seem fine” when we are not fine at all. The same goes for him, so he lacks awareness of what is really going on in his head, or he tries hard not to think about it (which we all know just makes it worse). I think he also willfully hides his emotions out of a variety of different fears. I haven’t really been able to get him to be fully honest with me because he’s just always terrified of feeling like he’s in trouble or upsetting people. This is hard because I helped raise him and I really want to help him if he’d let me. He’s an extreme perfectionist too. He won’t ask for help from his teacher because he gets so terrified he will get in trouble (when he’s done nothing wrong). I always wish I had actual OCD care at his age when I was experiencing some of the worst of it. I remember just being totally clueless as to why I felt that way, and immensely ashamed. I tried to hide it at all costs. I see him doing the same. It makes me sad for him.
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