How do I get over real event/black out OCD? I got a memory of 1.5 years ago. I memory I hadn’t considered since my OCD began. I had recently gotten together with my boyfriend who I am still with. I went out drinking with some friends at their house by myself (stupid I know) I remember the night up until most of the end, when I was with my friend. We were alone briefly, outside. Then I blacked out and woke up in my bed and in my house and didn’t remember how I got home, but I knew my friend had something to do with it. I remember talking to my friend in the morning and he just thanked me for coming over and I thanked him for helping me get home and that was that. I felt guilty for blacking out but never considered that I did anything wrong in that period of time. But I have cheating OCD, so I was worried during the black out period if I did something with my friend to cheat on my bf? I got so paranoid and I didn’t have any memory of any kind of inappropriate behavior other than drinking. Especially because when I get really drunk I fall asleep and fully “black out” . Otherwise I have some flashes of memory here and there. I was also trying to replay the memory (I know it’s a compulsion) and I was starting to distort the memory so I called him. He had assured me I was just passing out from drinking too heavily and he ordered me an Uber home and that I probably fell asleep in the Uber which is why i fully blacked out on the ride home. And that the only time he and I were alone was when he was waiting for my Uber to get me. His story goes along with everything I remember too. Combine that with that I’ve never cheated, I am not attracted to my friend, and I always remember some sort of sexual contact I have with others even when drinking. There are flashes of memory here and there. And that there was no physical evidence left behind of anything. My body was fine the. Next memory, no stains no bruises. Nothing. None of that was present. I know that reaching out was a compulsion, but I had to because it was a real life event that had the potential to be immoral and I feel a duty to pay for any wrong doing I could have committed. I know uncertainty exists, and I will never get 100% certainty on anything. This is the closest I will get to evidence of me not being a cheater. But how can I move on from this? I don’t want to confess to anything I believe I haven’t done. It’s not in my memory, witness testimony, or in my character. I’m just not a cheater. I know that is a compulsion and i will not rope my bf into my obsessions. But that urge is strong. So the question is, how do I move on from this? I want to be able to say “I’m not a cheater, I’ve never cheated” without feeling like a fraud. I feel like a garbage person for not having the confidence in myself and for having to reach out and use the memory of my friend to help me out.

How do you know it's a false memory/OCD and not something that actually happened? I feel like a terrible person. I'm a very creative person, and the more I stress about whether I did this bad thing the more it seems real. The worst part is is that I have no way of reassurance without sounding crazy. I have ROCD and I randomly started obsessing over the 7 months of our relationship whether or not I've cheated on him. Even though I love him more than anything and I would never do that! I'm constantly triggered by coworkers or classmates that I've previously found attractive or liked and/or I know they've liked me or flirted with me. I'm at the point now where I'm rereading simple texts/straightforward texts of these people asking me about school work or if I could cover a shift trying to find proof of something I can't remember. My partner knows about my OCD and is very understanding and supportive. I feel like I'm living a lie. When this first started my rational brain knew this wasn't real, but the more I become obsessed the more it becomes more distorted. I feel guilty for being happy. I just want to be guaranteed it's not real so I can move on with my life. It's moving to specific people now and it's scaring me how real it feels.

have been in a committed long distance relationship for 6 years. At the 1.5 year mark when I was 16 and my boyfriend was 17. A girls friend came forward and told me that her friend slept with my boyfriend. At the time he lived with other billet brothers as well in a very small town The girl had no text messages the only thing she knew was what his bedroom looked like and parts of the house.. As well her friend sent me a screen shot of a text the girl sent her saying that she banged my boyfriend don’t tell anyone 3 days after the date she gave me. and 5 days before she told me my boyfriend posted a picture of us and someone put her username on the post and was liked by her friends. I knew they were friends and snap chatted each other. She didn’t apologize and she told me she was cheated on in the past… she made herself look really good. She gave me a specific time frame she said she went to his place at 6:00 pm and left at 8:30. At the time I was petrified of him cheating on me so I constantly obsessed and watched his location. So I remember that night and I had texts that we had at around 7:00. I found pictures that proved he was not home until 8:00 and his billet parents talked to me going through calendars saying that she believed they watched a movie that night which is what my boyfriend told me they did that night. I also talked to someone who had a kid at the same event as my boyfriend and told me the time frame his team was there till. I remembered all the info because I was already petrified. I have talked to my mom ( who was cheated on by my dad and destroyed my family) and she doesn’t believe it. I told 2 of my best friends and they say it didn’t happen. Now even with all this information the OCD won’t let me move on… bottom line is I believe my boyfriend and as well all the information that I have found backs up his story but there’s always the “what if” for about 3 years I was handling it well until covid and I had to isolate for 2 weeks. My OCD tells me that 1. my boyfriends a cheater… 2. that I am a weak person… 3: that my relationship isn’t whole… 4. that I am stupid… 5. that because this girl said this it has to be true… 6. that ur always supposed to believe the girl… it shows me images of them having sex in my head… 7. It tells me what I remember is false… ( which makes me go in loops of reassuring myself and asking others) 8. that his billet parents are lying for him (even though I had a close relationship with them both),… 9. that some how it must have happened 10. i get this pit drop in my stomach, 11. heart palpitations when it got really bad 12. And some times it’s just a feeling that I know it’s there 13. other times it makes me hate my boyfriend 14. when it comes I start to avoid my boyfriend and he notices…, 15. triggers include hockey rinks, when I meet someone that was from close to where he played hockey my OCD says what if they know something you don’t. Seeing teammates that were on that team with him. Hearing the name of the town. I have immense regret on how I handled the situation I go over what I would do differently etc, for ex. I never confronted her when it happened about about what I found because I felt like I didn’t need to and I always regretted not confronting her so my OCD got so bad that I did confront her 4 years later I thought maybe this girl would confess to lying years later now that she is older… just last month I dm’d her and I told her my proof and she pretty much told me what’s her motive ( even though she told me she was in love with him)… that she doesn’t care about my so called proof and that he cheated on me and I decided to stay… She was so bloody mean. Now this is like an extra ammo for OCD because now there is someone a real person saying that my OCD is right. I have talked to my boyfriend and he has talked to other teammates that he plays with now about it because he doesn’t know what to do. I am beyond stuck. I don’t want to leave this relationship because it is so good and I love him so much but I don’t know how much longer I can do this. You guys might be asking why I have stayed if I could leave tomorrow and this could all be gone… it’s because if I leave my OCD wins and it will just move onto something else. I’m just so tired of fighting the battle in my mind I don’t want to do it anymore. I have looked into ERP therapy but I don’t know how it will help me when my OCD is based off of a real life event that I wasn’t there for. Being cheated on is my worst fear in life because of my parents, I believe they are the worst type of people, and that’s why if he did this to me I’m with a horrible person and that’s why it has so much power…

Hi everyone - having a pretty bad episode currently and can’t eat/sleep. On Thursday, I went out with my boyfriends friends and got a little too drunk. I remember getting to the bar and I made it home safely, I just don’t remember the in between. (I know the consequences of alcohol and OCD - this was an accident and will be avoided!) On Friday morning, I woke up in intense distress that something happened with one of his friends at the bar - so much so false (or real??) flashes of a memory popped in my mind. I can’t tell if it’s OCD again or real this time. Cheating ocd is a common theme for me but still feels really scary and real. I’ve avoided asking the guy bc that could come off bad/crazy or remind him it actually happened if it did?? But the guy liked my IG story and a post and it’s sent me spiraling. I feel (and my friends I’ve asked feel) if something actually happened I’d be confident that I did something bad and have heard something by now but what if the information is being hidden? I’ve been running all around on Reddit, forums google etc. for answers if it’s OCD. am I just faking the OCD fear to absolve myself of doing something bad? Is it real this time? It feels really bad and scary but I haven’t heard anything? It’s getting a bit better but is my mind just hiding it from me? Any tips? Please help. Would I know for sure if this happened? Would someone tell me? Help.