- Date posted
- 4y
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
Reading this in feb 2022, any updates/ how are you feeling? Would love any tips or encouragement on how to overcome this
- Date posted
- 4y
I had this exact situation in 2017 and it was how I got diagnosed. It sucks and I am so sorry to hear you are experiencing it 😓 Sobriety helped me. I can NOT handle alcohol or uncertainty so I will be 4 years sober in September. I went to 3 therapists and confessed to all the false memories I invented. My partner at the time forgave me and didn’t believe my confessions anyway... but he was also sending inappropriate videos to camgirls so we did break up. Therapy helped a little. Psychiatric diagnoses and medication helped. Tracing footsteps did NOT help lol. I even asked local cops for surveillance footage of myself 😹 No joke. This experience is TORTURE but a lot of good came from it. Compassion helps. Treat the self as you would a friend: Even if you did something regrettable blacked out, no one deserves to be defined by a bad choice when they were not conscious. I hope it helps you. Tulsi Sweet Rose relaxation tea, vitamin B, and COQ10 help. Same with sleep. 🌷🌟😺🌈🌙
- Date posted
- 4y
Thanks for your comment, it sucks to experience this. I’m sorry you went through it too and that it didn’t work out with your partner. I’m not on any medication but I am talking to my NOCD therapist. She basically said that I have to accept uncertainty that I won’t know exactly what happened, but that I should catastrophize and look for evidence of being guilty. There is just no physical evidence of my fear, and that feelings are not evidence. She also said that if it happened 1.5 years ago and if I hadn’t thought about it until my OCD episode, then it’s really most likely just my OCD. She said confession is a compulsion and it’s best to not talk about it with my boyfriend who I am still with because this is OCD and not reality. It’s hard to accept that though. But I think normally peoeple wouldn’t be studying this under a microscope and reaching out to friends and looking for evidence. :/ I just get paranoid because people do things when they Black out and don’t remember. Although there is always some evidence that takes them back to what happened, especially when it comes to having sex with someone. The more I type here the more I see this is OCD lol 😂
- Date posted
- 4y
Oh 💯 It stinks
- Date posted
- 4y
Thanks for reaching out 😊
- Date posted
- 4y
I’ve dealt with cheating OCD since 2016... I know exactly how you feel. It’s always after a night out drinking. Actually I just got back from a bachelorette and I blacked out... go me!! I asked for reassurance allllll day and everyone kept saying you did nothing wrong! Some people were sober, but I think it’s our brains not trusting the fact. We have to have more faith in ourselves. We care so much and we have strong morals. That’s what it really comes down to. Don’t pick up the football and run with it. It’s about letting it be. I’m here if you need to talk
- Date posted
- 4y
Hello there. Thanks for your reply! I am struggling with shrugging off the guilt of something I didn’t do. I feel like everyone I shrug one thing off another possibility pops up. For instance, I clearly remember only ever being alone with 2 people. The first I was definitely sober and the second person I was alone with was my friend who helped me get the Uber. I only ever remember being in communal spaces, and I don’t even remember the other people I was talking to. I only met them this one time. Now my mind is telling me I could have kissed someone or had sex with someone. The scenes of “how” it happened vary. I don’t have a person in mind. I can’t put a face to it. Where it happened flips around from places of the house I didn’t even visit to the middle of the living room where everyone was but says everyone left so I could have privacy. I even had the thought that I did something f sexual with the uber driver. I have no concrete details, no real memory, no messages, no new contact info, no physical evidence, no memories of anything other than drinking and talking with everyone. I know that even people who cheat when they drink/black out have something to tie them back to the event. Even if they didn’t remember it entirely when they woke up. There’s always something there. So I just know I didn’t do anything. But my OCD is strong. I would love to hear some of your tips for getting over these horrible thoughts.
- Date posted
- 4y
Yeah, I had similar thoughts and like you, no faces, nothing, but bizarre concoctions of hypothetical “how” situations. Do you have access to therapy? Are you sleeping well? My mind did not shut off for months and I was on 2 hours if sleep or less. I also saw a psychiatrist who prescribed me Seroquel because I also have major depressive disorder. Once I got some sleep, it started to fade. It is such a brutal and cruel obsession but I came out of it and you can too 😺
- Date posted
- 4y
Hello there :) yes I do have a NOCD therapist actually. We are going to work on doing an ERP imaginary script of the worst possible scenario happening. It’s just getting over the feeling of guilt. And getting over the “what if’s” that’s so hard for me. And just accepting that this is OCD and not reality. Because I can logically label this as OCD but doing so makes me *feel* like I’m trying to manipulate myself out of feeling bad over something that may have happened. Do you know what I mean?
- Date posted
- 4y
I also want to feel NOT GUILTY when I says “this is ocd, I know that didn’t happen.” Because I get really tripped out by the concept of “certainty” and “uncertainty”. Back then I felt certain that it didn’t happen because there’s just nothing there to investigate. But now I’m investigating and I have a perspective of guilty until proven innocent. But I know if that were the case, everyone would technically be guilty of something. Does that thinking resonate with you as well?
- Date posted
- 4y
*but that I SHOULD NOT catastrophize and look for evidence of being guilty
- Date posted
- 4y
Oh and thanks for the recommendations ❤️ I appreciate it and I am glad someone understands my challenge. I just get sad sometimes about it when the OCD hits and wonder if I deserve the relationship I am in, or if I just started it based off of a lie. Although I know I’m doing my best to be as honest as I can, and I’m mixing the guilt of the binge drinking with the guilt of the “what if I cheated” obsession. Thanks again 🙏🏽
- Date posted
- 4y
Yes, my experience with therapy involved dealing with that idea of being deserving/or not. Opened up my mind to how other relationships conditioned me to feel unworthy and undeserving. So I worked on that with self-care. That may or may not apply to you.
- Date posted
- 4y
Yes, I think it does apply to me. For me I think I feel unworthy not because someone else made me feel unworthy but because of self loathing. I think self loathing is an issue of mine whenever I make a mistake. I have blank and white thinking. So when I make a mistake, I assume I made every heinous mistake one can make. I hate myself for the mistake I made of binge drinking. That is factually the bad thing that i did. But now I feel like a garbage human despite me not having done anything other than binge drink. Which I suppose feeds into the OCD framework of making me believe I acted in such a way to cause harm and pain to someone I love. I’m sure you understand what I’m feeling 😅
- Date posted
- 4y
Yeah, for sure. It’s excruciating 😣 It’s great that you have an NOCD therapist 😺 I started with one this week too! The guilt about those moments of not-guilt is so unbearable and it is unbearable. I hope the ERP works 😺
- Date posted
- 4y
I’m actually in the middle of my treatment. I came in for different themes, but this one from the past and around memories has recently popped up and it’s a different challenge navigating past events from future concerns 😪 I wish you the very best of luck on your therapy journey. And thanks for your insight. I feel less “crazy” or “bad” or “guilty” knowing that I’m not the only person who suffers from these thoughts. It’s good to know we are not alone and that we are all just good people trying our best to be honest and navigate this disorder.
- Date posted
- 2y
This is exactly what I have right now!!!
Related posts
- Date posted
- 22w
Hi. I am going through something really hard right now, and I could use some insight, especially from others who deal with OCD and morality-based spirals. There was a time during a really emotional conversation with my boyfriend when he said something incredibly painful. He said something like he only felt lust for me but did not feel love anymore. I was completely crushed. It felt like everything I believed about our relationship was ripped out from under me. In that moment, I told him that what he said felt like rape. I want to be really clear. I knew even then that it was not a good or accurate comparison. It was not assault. I was trying to express how emotionally violated and broken I felt, and that word came out. I even labeled it directly, not just compared it, and that is what has been haunting me. I feel like I kept going along with it, not because I wanted to lie or manipulate, but because I felt like if I backed down from it, he would not understand the depth of how hurt I was. He didn’t seem to understand any other way. Later, when we tried to be intimate again, I told him not to touch me. And even though a part of me did want closeness, I still felt like I had to react that way, like I had to follow through with what I had said earlier. I wanted so bad for him to understand the impact of his words. That part is killing me. It makes me feel like I was not being authentic, that I was performing a reaction instead of living it. I feel like I acted like a survivor when I was not one, and I hate myself for that. Now, OCD is eating me alive over it. It keeps telling me I am a liar, a manipulator, and someone who cannot be trusted. And it feels so real. But I also know I was hurting. I was not trying to deceive anyone. I was just overwhelmed, desperate to be understood, and probably influenced by years of invalidation from my family over almost everything. I have talked to my boyfriend about it and apologized. He told me he understands and forgives me. But I cannot forgive myself, and I do not know if what I did is forgivable. Has anyone ever been in a similar place? I feel so so awful this was 3 years ago. Now I feel like I can’t trust any of my emotions. I’m analyzing every reaction, past and present, trying to decide if it was “real enough” or if I was somehow dishonest. It feels like OCD has completely hijacked my sense of self. Please help :(
- Harm OCD
- Mid-life adults with OCD
- Relationship OCD
- Religion & Spirituality OCD
- OCD newbies
- Young adults with OCD
- Older adults with OCD
- Real Events OCD
- Date posted
- 19w
I have false memory real event ocd, I’ve been married 13 years and I used to constantly bring up past mistakes from when we were dating and it RUINED our marriage, but I got medication and therapy and things got better untill a few weeks ago where everything crumbled. I have a memory that is 13 years ago of me being intimate with my husband (than boyfriend) while being intimate I have a memory of sending a text to a male who obviously liked me but I didi not while my husband was under the covers . And I keep thinking over and over how disgusting and inappropriate it was to do that especially doing it in the middle of being intimate 😞. I have confessed this to my husband last year and he didint believe me saying it’s probably a made up memory and would are not a slut and wouldn’t do that. Now i have guilt all over again for weeks and it’s taking such a toll on me it’s all I think about and try to remember every detail I’ve thought about it so much I don’t even know if it’s 100 percent true. But I can vividly see it when I close my eyes. How do I get over this guilt without confessing? Confessing would absolutely destroy my husband.
- False Memory OCD
- Real Events OCD
- "Pure" OCD
- Young adults with OCD
- Older adults with OCD
- Mid-life adults with OCD
- Relationship OCD
- Date posted
- 12w
So I have been struggling with the same theme of ocd for 4 months now. My ocd centers around past events/false memories that ocd skews to make seem bad or it twists my thoughts on what my intentions were. this is related to cheating or being weird while I have been in my amazing relationship. I have never cheated on my partner and never will and I believe it is wrong. But my ocd is telling me other wise. I love my partner so very much and I would never want to hurt him but my brain is getting to me. I was getting better. I was trying “maybe I did, maybe I didn’t”, I have been back on meds and in therapy and I stopped confessing random interactions from years/months ago about 1.5 weeks ago and it really helped. But now I woke up this morning and feel the pit in my stomach again. I feel extra critical and like why would you do this? What does this say about you? What was your intention with this? And I’m just stuck mentally reviewing and ruminating on everything you could imagine. I know my personality and I know in the moment maybe I did find them attractive but mainly I was just being nice or funny or even just a good friend, but looking back now I’m like “was it flirting?” “Why did I still snap this person” “why would I even talk to them” and stuff like that. I feel this intense sense of guilt. I have told my partner everything that I keep getting stuck on and he didn’t care, he said he understands or “that’s a little weird but it’s okay” and hasn’t missed a beat. He said eveything I’ve told him is normal and I’ve heard that from my friends too. I just really need help. I don’t know what to do anymore. I am so disappointed because I thought I was gonna be done with this, so why am I still so worried and caught up in this.
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