- Username
- sillygoose1012
- Date posted
- 3y ago
i can relate to this on such a deep deep level i would even ask for reassurance from my friend like: does wearing this mean i am gay? does doing this mean i am gay? and it is exhausting to be so self-aware all the time, even the way i sit, talk, walk, everything so you are not alone in this i definitely stuggle with this a lot too sometimes i even hate looking at my hands because my veins pop out sometimes and i go like sure those are lesbian hands because you are one and so and so i hate tiktok i deleted it as soon as i started having this theme because it has so many triggers like honestly hoe can listening to harry styles mean i am bisexual?? and for a while i even believed those(before the theme) and i felt like i was in this huge "cool" group and now it's haunting me sorry for the rant, all i want to say is you're not alone in this and you have my full support
If it helps at all I also have very vainy and bony hands and I also have this worry! It’s just one of ocds stupid little digs
@Melodyocd like before ocd i never worried about them but rather found them pretty but now my brain is telling me that i found them pretty because they look manly and i like that my cousin and mom have the same hand shapes and they always reassure me but when my hands are dangling at my sides and i look at them i literally remember those thirst traps on tiktok of lesbians with veiny hands and i spiral into my thoughts i am trying to avoid looking at them like it's that bad
@Nour04 It’s all just genetics, my mum and brother both have the same hands as me too! I hated my hands forever bc they looked so bony and gross, but if it helps my mum was asked to be a hand model once because they loved how beautiful they were!!
@Melodyocd that is so sweet of you to share this with me and make me feel better it's just that feeling i get when looking down at my hands and then i feel like those guys/lesbians who look down at their veiny hands and i worry i may be trans/bi/lesbian thank you again for being so helpful
@Nour04 I completely understand and relate to your worry! I think the best thing we can do is say the whole “maybe, but maybe not” thing to those kinda thoughts
@Melodyocd it's so distressing but you're right it must be the best way ti deal with it and not actually run to tests and checks and compulsions and reassurance
@Nour04 Yeah exactly, all those things will just make it worse in the long run!
100% tik tok is so so triggering. Like clothes and music taste doesn't determine sexuality??? It's so frustrating. I totally relate to you and I overanalyze everything I do and pick it all apart and it drives me crazy.
I can 100% relate to this! Especially since I have a few lgbtq friends and family members. I think what helps me with this is that I try my very best to not care what other people think about me, which is really difficult I know, I still really struggle to do it haha! Try your best to focus on yourself and your view of yourself, rather than how other view you because literally every single person in your life will view you in a different way. Hope you’re doing okay tho! :)
That makes me feel so better to know I'm not alone. I relate to you in that my best friend is gay and will constantly pick things apart about people like "oh that's so gay" or whatever. I had a nose piercing for a while and he's like are you sure you're not..ya know??? And it's so so frustrating especially because people don't know this internal battle I'm constantly facing. I try not to let what other people think bother me but I get in my head a lot and wonder if other people think I give off bi/lesbian energy and if that means something about myself. I also have a boyfriend and wonder if people are like "oh it's a cover up" or "I wonder when she'll come out" and it drives me literally insane
@California2325 Honestly I relate to those thoughts so much, it’s so normal for this theme I think. I never have had a boyfriend due to me being seriously anxious, and I always get worried people think it’s because I’m gay/bi really and in denial, it’s scary! But I know deep down it’s probably because I have bad anxiety disorders and change makes me have panic attacks, so when something new happens like a relationship, it’s scary because I haven’t done that before! Honestly I think we have to try out absolute hardest to not give a shite what other people think, I think a lot of people with ocd care a lotttt about others opinions which deffo doesn’t help! (Myself included)
Hi all, I'm new here and I guess self diagnosed or unsure of if I have HOCD. So I'd just like to get my story out there and just see if it's relatable at all or if I'm just denying my feelings, if anyone can respond..(sorry for a long one) It's been causing me a lot of stress lately and it can't shake the constant loop of thoughts like "Am I a lesbian", "you're not boy crazy so you must not be attracted to men", " you fit these stereotypes so that must mean you are". It all started when I was young like 13/14 when I had watched lesbian porn online accidentally at first and then I had watched a few more because it was the first time I had watched porn at all, let alone same sex porn. So I guess I was curious at the time and like you read "sexual things can cause a sexual response". So I was fine with what I watched but then like a few years later it was like, you watched that video and had a sexual response that must mean you liked it and want to be in that type of relationship. And that really stuck in my head. I began thinking about how I've never had a boyfriend and never felt like my friends when they would be drooling over boys, but I just assumed that having a boyfriends was something I'd get when I was older and like ready. Like I did have crushes, but also had low self esteem and just assumed that no guy would ever like me. Additionally I don't think I've ever looked at another girl and felt attracted to them or the need to be with them. But then reading things online caused me to doubt that. Anyways the thoughts come and go and sometimes I'm able to tune them out for months or years, but recently I have been really stressed about them. I currently have a boyfriend and I enjoy spending time and being with him. But these thoughts have been causing a lot of anxiety with respect to my relationship because then I think am I just dating him to his my feelings,I'm just stringing him along and using him. But I know that I don't want to break up. I find that I am searching stuff online a lot to try and find an answer, and then reading all those things makes me compare myself. Like the stereotypes and things I put to myself like oh I like playing sports that's a masculine thing, and how I dress and I don't find myself pretty or dainty so that must mean I'm not girly. It's a thought overload and making me so anxious because I feel like I don't know myself anymore and that I fear I've been lying to everyone if I figure out that I'm not straight. and like even if I thought I was bisexual that would be okay because that doesn't completely eliminate dating men, and I could still only date men. But being completely on the other end of the spectrum would feel like I'd have to completely shift my thoughts to fit and make these looped thoughts go away. I guess all I want to know is if this is normal or if it's ocd at all, am I just lying to myself or trying to hide my true self because I'm afraid of the consequence?? And I know that reassurance seeking which I shouldn't do hahah but this is my first time seeking ocd help and I may not get a therapist soon because of where I live.
Hi there, I am looking to get some support and advice, I recently started to suffer from SO-OCD due to tiktok. My feed started to have videos " if you did this or thought this you are gay" or videos of girls coming out later in life. I have never questioned my sexuality and have always been with men, I find it triggering as some of the things mentioned in the videos, I agree with but never thought it could mean I was gay. It had made me question everything and made me try to look back on the past to see if there were any evidence of this. I am nowhere near homophobic, but this is not the life I want for myself, so why is my mind so fixate on these thoughts if this is not who I identify nor want. I also struggle with ROCD Any advice or support would be greatly appreciated! xx
I haven’t really had a lot of trouble with my SO-OCD intrusive thoughts for a while, but I just got really triggered by one of my friends. I’m a straight female and I recently discovered the singer Chappell Roan, who sings primarily about LGBTQ+ and lesbian experiences. Listening to her music was a big deal for me because normally that sort of thing would trigger me, but it’s pretty catchy to me and a few of my friends (who happen to be lesbian) thought it was cool and were happy I was into the same music they were into. Well today, I sent them a text that I’ve fallen down the rabbit hole with her music and am starting to watch her interviews, which is something I usually do when I discover a new artist (I tend to hyperfixate on things a lot). After sending this text, one of my friends said “are you sure you’re not gay” which sent me into an intrusive thought spiral. In the past, she’s said I set off her “gaydar” which was also really triggering to me. My brain keeps telling me that if I come off that way, it must mean I’m lying to myself and I’m actually a lesbian. I wanted to tell her that I have SO-OCD and those types of comments trigger me, but I don’t want her to take it as me not being accepting of gay people. I felt like I finally got to a place where I’m confident I’m straight and now my brain is trying to trick me into thinking I’m lying to myself and it really sucks. I’m really just posting this because I don’t feel like anyone in my life would understand what these thoughts even feel like and it’s just awful.
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