- Date posted
- 3y ago
- Date posted
- 3y ago
i can relate to this on such a deep deep level i would even ask for reassurance from my friend like: does wearing this mean i am gay? does doing this mean i am gay? and it is exhausting to be so self-aware all the time, even the way i sit, talk, walk, everything so you are not alone in this i definitely stuggle with this a lot too sometimes i even hate looking at my hands because my veins pop out sometimes and i go like sure those are lesbian hands because you are one and so and so i hate tiktok i deleted it as soon as i started having this theme because it has so many triggers like honestly hoe can listening to harry styles mean i am bisexual?? and for a while i even believed those(before the theme) and i felt like i was in this huge "cool" group and now it's haunting me sorry for the rant, all i want to say is you're not alone in this and you have my full support
- Date posted
- 3y ago
If it helps at all I also have very vainy and bony hands and I also have this worry! It’s just one of ocds stupid little digs
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@Melodyocd like before ocd i never worried about them but rather found them pretty but now my brain is telling me that i found them pretty because they look manly and i like that my cousin and mom have the same hand shapes and they always reassure me but when my hands are dangling at my sides and i look at them i literally remember those thirst traps on tiktok of lesbians with veiny hands and i spiral into my thoughts i am trying to avoid looking at them like it's that bad
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@Nour04 It’s all just genetics, my mum and brother both have the same hands as me too! I hated my hands forever bc they looked so bony and gross, but if it helps my mum was asked to be a hand model once because they loved how beautiful they were!!
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@Melodyocd that is so sweet of you to share this with me and make me feel better it's just that feeling i get when looking down at my hands and then i feel like those guys/lesbians who look down at their veiny hands and i worry i may be trans/bi/lesbian thank you again for being so helpful
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@Nour04 I completely understand and relate to your worry! I think the best thing we can do is say the whole “maybe, but maybe not” thing to those kinda thoughts
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@Melodyocd it's so distressing but you're right it must be the best way ti deal with it and not actually run to tests and checks and compulsions and reassurance
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@Nour04 Yeah exactly, all those things will just make it worse in the long run!
- Date posted
- 3y ago
100% tik tok is so so triggering. Like clothes and music taste doesn't determine sexuality??? It's so frustrating. I totally relate to you and I overanalyze everything I do and pick it all apart and it drives me crazy.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
I can 100% relate to this! Especially since I have a few lgbtq friends and family members. I think what helps me with this is that I try my very best to not care what other people think about me, which is really difficult I know, I still really struggle to do it haha! Try your best to focus on yourself and your view of yourself, rather than how other view you because literally every single person in your life will view you in a different way. Hope you’re doing okay tho! :)
- Date posted
- 3y ago
That makes me feel so better to know I'm not alone. I relate to you in that my best friend is gay and will constantly pick things apart about people like "oh that's so gay" or whatever. I had a nose piercing for a while and he's like are you sure you're not..ya know??? And it's so so frustrating especially because people don't know this internal battle I'm constantly facing. I try not to let what other people think bother me but I get in my head a lot and wonder if other people think I give off bi/lesbian energy and if that means something about myself. I also have a boyfriend and wonder if people are like "oh it's a cover up" or "I wonder when she'll come out" and it drives me literally insane
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@California2325 Honestly I relate to those thoughts so much, it’s so normal for this theme I think. I never have had a boyfriend due to me being seriously anxious, and I always get worried people think it’s because I’m gay/bi really and in denial, it’s scary! But I know deep down it’s probably because I have bad anxiety disorders and change makes me have panic attacks, so when something new happens like a relationship, it’s scary because I haven’t done that before! Honestly I think we have to try out absolute hardest to not give a shite what other people think, I think a lot of people with ocd care a lotttt about others opinions which deffo doesn’t help! (Myself included)
Related posts
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 16w ago
I’ve had so many moments of clarity with my OCD that I love my boyfriend and I’m beyond willing to go through this to be better and be with him. in the back of mind I’ve in a way known I was at least somewhat sexually attracted to women (I’m a woman) since the start of the ocd it was always like “okay. Fine, but I don’t want to date a girl” I only just realized this after the ocd started, I never really argued with this. my ocd has always revolved around if I’m romantically interested in women and not men. I’ve done so many compulsions through this year and a half and 9 times out of 10 have come to the conclusion that I don’t want to be with a woman romantically. I always end up feeling like I know I love my boyfriend. But the doubts don’t stop about whether I want to spend my life with a woman instead, my heart literally breaks to think of not being with my bf and imagining him with someone else. I don’t want to be with a woman I know deep down somewhere underneath the anxiety that that’s not what I want. It doesn’t feel natural for me, unfulfilling. I want to tell my boyfriend about the possible sexual attraction to women (ik it’s still ocd related) but I’m scared that once I tell him, I’ll realize that I actually do want to be with women and not with him. Ugh I’ve spent hours today ruminating about this after being solid in my commitment with him for a little while, I’m stuck in this loop and idk how to get out right now
- Date posted
- 15w ago
Idk what else to title this. I was watching a film cooper video cuz why not and he mentioned smthn about wall paper customization and icons and stuff and I just kinda had a groinal response followed by the memory of me having my first crush on a woman (my friend at the time) that helped me figure out that I’m bi and I felt kinda intensely for her but that’s cuz a) it was new and b) we were kinda on again off again friends who haven’t spoken in a few years now and I’m over her entirely. It was toxic I think. She was too much like the person who bullied me in elementary school (they were friends as well so my mom made me cut her off which is. Fair. Made me really sad but eh that’s life) I saw her at prom cuz someone brought her. It was nice to see her but yeah that was it. And now I’m mentally comparing what I felt for women in the past (idk intense crush, listening to a lot of gay songs (think she by dodie) dressing semi masc cuz funky, we had nicknames for each other despite not dating or anything) to men (less intense crush but still big crush, I’ve only dated and kissed men so sparks rhere) and now I’m just slightly nauseous and worried that I don’t like men as much as I like women but I think that’s normal for any bi person? To have different levels of attraction to different genders? Idk I feel gross and icky now like I shouldn’t even be thinking about it or her cuz I have a bf. And I do look fondly upon it, now I’m nervous cuz I got more excited about her calling me a specific nickname than I do from my bf calling me honey even at the beginning? Honey felt more traditional and I love it but we do switch around nicknames and it’s always nice, not many butterflies anymore, and sometimes I get anxious when he does lately, if it’s a nickname in Portuguese. Or if he called me a shortened version of my name. What does that mean? I’m nervous now. I was doing half decently today now I’m nauseous again. I’m worried that cuz I liked the nicknames she and I had that means I don’t like the ones my bf and I have and that I just don’t like him or men cuz I’ve been feeling off around him. But I love when he calls me honey, it still feels good when he does it now but no butterflies. Idk what’s wrong with me. Is it even ocd at this point. Even if I do like women slightly more it doesn’t erase that I love my bf. I’m worried I’m leaning too much towards women tho and I’m a lesbian. Idk if my bi cycle is cycling or if I’m just a lesbian entirely cuz I don’t feel much when my bf takes off his shirt, sex feels different, and things feel stale and slow. But maybe that’s cuz I’m checking and comparing. Now I’m anxious fuck. I’m trying not to think about her idk why. I’m worried I still find her attractive or am attracted to her or smthn. She’s in my city. I didn’t care before but now I do. Or if I think about her I’ll think about other women and will only want to have sec with women which not really tbh. I wanna be able to enjoy sec with my bf. It just hasn’t felt right lately cuz I’ve been so depressed and obsessive. I wasn’t obsessing much last night when we had sex but it still didn’t feel passionate. It didn’t feel uncomfortable but I thought it’d be more? Idk. I know it’s normal to not feel him inside me cuz the vagina isn’t very nerved up compared to the clitoris but it felt like more the motions. But tbh. I needed it. Idk I wanted to have sex and it was a nice stress relief. I just didn’t feel butterflies which kinda bummed me out but we’ve been having sex since august so that’s normal. Idk. I haven’t been able to fantasize about sex. The fact that I’m bi makes all of this so confusing. Cuz yes hypothetically I can enjoy the thought of sex with a woman. But I don’t want to rn cuz I’m dating a man. And I can’t fantasize about sex with him cuz I’m getting intrusive thoughts about my friends and I having sex. I have this urge to watch porn cuz it’s been a while but I’m not going to. I’ve cut down a lot on masturbation. Partially cuz this partially cuz I wanna do things with my bf (when I’m mentally ok) but jow my brain is saying “Oo you think all these women are so hot you’re gonna go feral blah blah blah” and yes women are hot but I don’t wanna have sex with a woman. Idk saying women are hot doesn’t bring me anxiety but the thought of sex with one or leaving my bf and saying I’m a lesbian bother me. Cuz I know it’s not true. I love him I know that. I’d be happy if we stayed together. I wouldn’t regret a thing honestly. I like having sex with him. Idc if it’s not like porn or the movies. As long as I’m being pleasured and he’s being pleasured we’re good. That’s what sex is about. I think the loss of butterflies is normal cuz the excitement of like (sorry tmi) fingering and oral eventually wears off right? But still feels good. I don’t feel as excited about intimacy anymore cuz we have done it so often but it still feels nice. But my brain perceives that as me not liking sex with men and therefore I’m gay. No I just don’t feel the need to jump his bones every single time I see him?? Idk the friend thing is bothering me. Idk if I feel any joy behind it. The groinal response really really throws my perception off
- Students with OCD
- Sexual Orientation OCD
- OCD newbies
- LGBTQ+ with OCD
- Relationship OCD
- Young adults with OCD
- Date posted
- 14w ago
Hi, I’m new here!! I’m praying I don’t get judged for this. But, back in late May of 2022 ( literally right before I graduated high school), I added this one random girl from my school on Snapchat. She posted something about a graduation party , so I swiped up on her story basically saying how I can’t believe we’re almost graduated. She replied and we had a really short and simple conversation. The next day ( i believe) , we started talking a lot , and I just so happened to see her at the highschool when we were grabbing our graduation outfits and doing the rehearsal. When I saw her irl, I kinda got turned off ( I heard she was kinda crazy) , and on top of that , she was a little ugly irl. I remember seeing her Snapchat bio , and she was close friends with my female cousin ( a year younger than me) , who I happened to experiment sexually with when I was 10-11 years old. I remember going to work later that day and having sort of a lightbulb flick thought ( it wasn’t a good thought though) , what if my cousin told her about what happened when we were younger? So I started to kind of panic and immediately distanced myself from that girl. I also experimented sexually with one of my female friends when I was 10-11 , and from that day onwards, I’ve been pretty much living in paranoia and a little bit of guilt about someone finding out and my life being ruined . On top of that, It’s gotten worse to now sometimes I wonder if a girl I added off of quick add ( Snapchat) is underage even if they told me they were 18+ or had 18 and above in their bio, and I get so much guilt and anxiety about that. I even had a quick thought last February on what if I did something inappropriate with my younger cousin when I was 15-16 but I just can’t exactly remember when it happened , and it still eats me alive when I think about it, because I don’t know if it happened or not. I’m sorry for the long vent, I just wish I felt normal again. No matter how much I try to do things that old me used to do, life always feels “ off”. I always kept the top part about when I was younger a secret up until early (ish ) 2024, then I vented to one of my best friends and he told me that that’s a normal thing to do at a young age. Since then, I have told multiple friends and they all say they did similar stuff, but my brain just can’t accept that. Please help me, I quite literally overthink everything nowadays. 2021 was the last full year that I felt normal ( coincidentally, the best year of my life so far) . It’s not just about sexual related things either, sometimes I’ll wonder if I messed up something at work or hit a car while driving/hit someone and drove off. I just wanna live my life how I was supposed to live it after highschool ( carefree and happy) before whatever it is ( I think it’s ocd) hit me unexpectedly. Thanks to anyone who read this , I just needed to pour it out regardless of how negative I felt typing this, I hope someone can relate , because I feel so alone in my head at times.
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