i cant stop thinking about the fight i had with my boyfriend two days ago **might trigger ROCD** hello everyone! i just needed to vent somewhere, and maybe get a little bit of advice. two days ago, me and my boyfriend (L) )(been together for 5 months now) got into an argument over the phone. this wasn’t our first argument, and we both knew it wasn’t going to be our last. it wasn’t a screaming match, nor was it laced with insults of any kind. it was a disagreement over something silly, and we both escalated it. eventually, we decided to sit down and talk about it all. we resolved things peacefully, he apologized, and i apologized as well. after this, we went back to our normal, goofy selves. problem is, i cant stop thinking about the argument. i cant stop thinking about how nervous i felt during it, as well as after. i still feel nervous whenever it’s brought up and whenever i’m away from him. i want our relationship to last for a very long time,,but i’m getting so scared that my nervous feelings will get in the middle of that, and make me break it off with him. im aware that i have anxiety (GAD), as well as a strong feeling that i have OCD, but it just bothers me that i still haven’t let go of these nervous feelings. what is this trying to tell me? my brain is telling me that this is the beginning of the end, that sooner or later i’ll stop loving him because of our argument, and that i’ll never see him the same way i used to. im scared because i feel myself already believing it. i cant look at a picture of him without being reminded of what happened. L might be coming over today, and all my brain can think about is “what if you can’t hug him or kiss him the same? what if you don’t want him to come over?” I told L all this and he understood. he once again apologized for causing all this pain. although he didn’t want one, L offered the idea of a break, but that made me feel worse. i don’t want a break from him. i wake up and wish to talk to him. i want to spend my summer with him. I love him, and i don’t want to end it or put a pause on what we have. It’s even worse when my brain tells me that i don’t love him anymore because of the argument. i don’t know what to believe. i am so so lost. i don’t know what to do. i have no one else but him to talk about this to. i don’t wanna suffocate him in the slightest. someone, please give me advice. i feel like i’m drowning.

Hi. I wanted to stop posting here, but I can’t hold it in anymore. I’m feeling so lost. I’m in a relationship that, from the outside, looks wonderful. We’ve been together for 2 years. He loves me deeply. He’s kind and caring. And still… I can’t feel anything. I can’t imagine a future with him — living together, starting a family, growing old. When I try, it feels like something in me shuts down, like it’s wrong. I don’t feel happiness in the relationship. I don’t feel love, warmth, or comfort. I feel anxiety, numbness, guilt, and fear. We fight over the smallest things. My thoughts scream that I don’t love him, that I’m forcing this, that I’m just used to him. The scariest part is: sometimes I feel okay, even calm. And that’s when it hits me — “What if this calm means I’ve accepted the truth? What if I don’t love him?” It feels like I’m in shock. Like I’m finally seeing clearly… but I’m terrified that it’s a clarity I never wanted. I don’t know what’s real anymore. I just know that I’m exhausted. And I want peace. If anyone else has felt this — the numbness, the fear, the doubt that feels like the truth — please tell me how you’ve gotten through it. I don’t want to lose him. But I also don’t want to keep living like this. i know that people reading this will tell me to leave. but i dont have any reasons. All the problems started because of my never ending thoughts. i feel like i ruin everything. i feel like i have changed. im so lost and scared. i dont understand what is happening. It feels so real. im in agony, im crying so much. I wasnt always like this. i am trying to remember times i felt better and i cant. i cant feel anything. its so hard. i can’t explain how i feel and in scared what are you going to respond if someone will. i usually see “if you feel so bad then leave” but its not like that. he loves me so much and if the thoughts werent there it would gave been so different. everything was perfect. but i keep thinking that when the thoughts started, one and a half years ago, i realised that “i just dont like him” and gbat i couldn’t accept the truth and i am denying it. i feel fake. do i even have rocd? or is this cope?? why do i feel like this. why does it feel so real? please somebody help me

Hey guys, I’m reaching out in a pretty weak spot of desperation. I feel so insane and so sick of my mind recently, I’m completely drained from my mind. I’ve had such bad spikes of RCOD in my relationship of 1.5 years , which kills me because I truly want nothing more than to just be his peace and for us to work out. I love him more than anything and I would do anything for him. I feel like the pressure I placed on making sure I was “perfect” was so counter productive becuase instead I find myself doing everything wrong. I tell myself not to think of the wrong thing, then I think of the wrong thing, then I feel so guilty, and it plagues my mind for days. I feel so guilty it makes me feel detached and like I’m a bad girlfriend. I feel so bad for always burdening him with my anxieties and my “wrong thoughts” becuase he doesn’t deserve it, he’s so amazing. Recently, I began overthinking if I “love him” which I KNOW is so silly because when I’m calm, I laugh that I even got so worried , but when my anxiety creeps in, it feels so debilitating. I spiral and then try to prove to myself that I do love him , which then makes things in that moment feel “forced” because I’m acting out of intent to win the battle in my head. My RCOD has been a persistent issue, but this particular theme is pretty new and I hate it. I feel like I’ve been placing pressure on myself to overly appreciate him and it’s so counterproductive. I feel so bad because I told him about everything and he now thinks I don’t love him. Which is so wrong. I just want this to be fixed. Sometimes I feel like he’d be better off with a girl that isn’t such a headache and wouldn’t drain him all of the time but at the same time , I could never accept him being with anyone but me. Also, I have seen a psychoglist but it just didn’t feel right and I hated vocalising my thoughts because I felt it gave them more power - it feels like the only person I can truly be raw with about this stuff is my bestfriend. If anyone has any tips , PLEASE help me.

for a few days now I’ve been super anxious about my relationship. I’ve been anxious about it before but lately it’s been worse than normal. I’m in a very healthy and loving relationship, I love my boyfriend so much and he treats me so so well. The only thing is that I’ve been having scary thoughts that what if I’m lying to him and don’t actually love him? What if I don’t find him attractive? And like what if the only way to stop being anxious is to break up with him? I don’t want to leave him and I am so scared. I feel like I’m lying to him by not telling him what’s going on because he might think I’m actually going to leave him, which I’m really not going to. I have had anxiety since before we started dating and incestual and sexual ocd, then I got into a point where I started having religious ocd, and now I have ROCD on top of that I think. I’ve never been diagnosed but I’m going to therapy and figuring things out but I’m so scared. Idk what to do and I feel like if I talk to anyone they’re going to say I have to leave him.