- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
Researching the Kinsey scale just became a compulsion for me... like “what is my exact number? Did other women with this number marry men? Did they have to break up with their husbands? Etc.” A more helpful way to think of sexuality may be as a kaleidoscope than a scale. A therapist told me that and it helped. I don’t know why. But anyway, Nour you didn’t ask about that. I’ve been there panicking and crying. Try the SOS function on this app. Maybe try some Headspace short meditations, just to calm down. Then try approaching it with “so? So what?” Like “so what if you took a bunch of tests? So what if someone said you were in denial? So what if you are?” And then move on. Or maybe you brain will say something like “well then I might marry a man and dump him for a woman” and you can say to that thought “so?” As if you don’t really care. Anyway just one technique that helped me. But maybe just try those SOS audios and calm down a bit.
- Date posted
- 4y
you're right but it's so hard because saying so what feels like i am accepting it. to be honest, at this point i don't care what i am i just want to be sure about something, but i still freak out when i think about being with women like i just don't want it it doesn't feel like me. do you think this is still ocd or denial?
- Date posted
- 4y
@Nour04 You can work your way there. For now it seems like doing some calming method are what you need. Doing body scan meditation helps me when I panic... like “where do I feel the anxiety in my body? Can I let it be there and observe it just as a sensation without making it mean anything.” But there is lots of YouTube. Are you doing erp therapy? Maybe you will work up to the “maybe I am maybe I’m not” and “so what” kind of reponses. But just start by cutting our compulsions.... google, ruminating, etc. If these types of videos we always popping up on your insta reel you may be doing too much research :-) You know I can’t answer if I think you have hocd or denial (and I don’t know you. Just like the person who made that insta video doesn’t know you!) but here is a good article from John Hershfield where he talks about denial: https://www.sheppardpratt.org/news-views/story/treatment-for-hocd/
- Date posted
- 4y
@Susan4444 okay thank you so much! i haven't been stuck in rumination for a while and i felt like i was doing better, but then yesterday this showed up and my heart started beating super fast and i started crying and sobbing which went on for about an hour, with a ton of thoughtd racing through my head like "what if" or "imagine this" or "do you like this", and after i calmed down i had an awful headache for the rest of the day. what perplexed me was whether i cried because i got triggered and i have hocd, or if i cried because i felt "called out" for being in denial
- Date posted
- 4y
@Nour04 I remember I had a time like that too where I was just crying hysterically cause I tried to “stop being in denial and accept myself” whatever that means. It was so scary. You are not alone!!! The hard part now is to sit with the uncertainty and discomfort of not knowing why you were triggered and trying not to put meaning on it. Do you have ocd therapist? They can help with this.
- Date posted
- 4y
@Susan4444 i am not currently going to therapy no, but thank you very much for the advice!!
- Date posted
- 4y
Don’t try to figure out if your in denial or not. Maybe you are, maybe you arnt, trying to figure it out only causes more uncertainty, confusion, and anxiety.
- Date posted
- 4y
denial and ocd are can overlap but they’re not the same
- Date posted
- 4y
what do you mean overlap???
- Date posted
- 4y
@Nour04 for lack of better word its like the “symptoms”
- Date posted
- 4y
@nikkii ow okay
- Date posted
- 4y
@nikkii but then how do i know? what if i'm in denial?
- Date posted
- 4y
Hey, I know how immensely triggering this probably feels, and the anxiety is likely just through the roof. With this theme, anxiety around the question of ‘am I not who I think I am?’ becomes extremely, extremely high, making everything feel blurry and threatening. OCD tells us that there is no way we can be at peace, unless the question is answered in the most empirically certain way possible. That really isn’t true. The likelihood is, you were just trying to appease your OCD by taking those tests, which definitely segregates you from the hoard of people in those comments. Because of the anxiety, and your amygdala firing off, you don’t have the ability to logically and calmly think: ‘well, that was their experience, mine could be entirely different. Maybe I shouldn’t compare myself to random people on the internet when my life, my history, and my personal factors could differ drastically to those people in that comment section’ And even then, when we’ve broken down that situation in a logical way to relieve our anxiety, OCD will persist, because that’s what OCD does. Because of this, the only answer is for us to give that question NO power. OCD gets its power from compulsions, and even looking at this logically is a compulsion. On YouTube, search anxiety meditation. It really helps me when I’ve got nagging anxiety, and I really think you could benefit from giving it a try. Sending my love, you’re okay! ❤️
- Date posted
- 4y
thank you indefinitely for this. the only fear that is persistant is whether it's truly ocd or just deep deep denial i am trying not to give in to rumination trying to figure this out because today has been hectic, i cried for an hour and i still have a horrible headache and can't keep my eyes open. i am exhausted. thank you for the amazing advice though, very much appreciated, and if you ever need anything i am here for you xx
Related posts
- Date posted
- 23w
Sometimes I think " do I like kids?" "Would i get aroused if I saw content with kids?""What if I'm a pedo and cant accept it?" "What if I'm ok with these thoughts?" "What if I'm not distressed enough " "What if I enjoy these thoughts?" , i avoid kids as much as i can, i cant look at them bc I'm scared I'm gonna have some groin like response. I keep testing if I'd get turned on or if I'd have some groinal response to sexual scenarios with kids. Sometimes I think that if I took my life this would be over and i wouldn't have to think about this and i wish i doubted something else instead of things like this. I had similar situations just with different topics such as if i loved or found sexually appealing a guy while in a relationship and i kept asking myself those questions for months and i avoided going to school for weeks and when I went I'd cry and have anxiety attacks. I had it with past actions i obessed over and felt the need to exploit every detail and be honest because otherwise i was being a fraud. I had it for sexual things that happened when i was a child. Im not diagnosed with ocd but should i tell this to my local counselor? Can someone help? Give me advice or tell me anything?
- Date posted
- 13w
I need too know that I'm not insane, really. I am 16 and for the past two weeks, this has been completely ruining my health and happiness. I only recently came out as a lesbian like 3 months ago after a lot of confusion about my attraction since I used to think I liked men. At first, I felt so sure that I liked women, but lately, I've been having these unwanted thoughts about the possibility of liking men. I never used to feel this way, but now, every time I look at a man, my brain obsessively fixates on it. It forces me to imagine kissing him, loving him, things I don’t want, and then tries to convince me that I do. It’s painful. The thought of this fills me with fear and anxiety, leading to panic attacks and breakdowns. I don’t want these thoughts. I hate them with every fiber of my being, but I’m terrified that one day I’ll act on them and somehow like it. I used to think I liked men, but back then, I was in a very unhealthy space in a time of escapism and something deeply parasocial. I’ve only ever liked the attention and validation a man could give me, but these experiences are somehow treated as further proof that I’m "bisexual." I’ve never been in a real relationship with anyone, which makes my brain constantly challenge me—telling me, “You don’t even know what love feels like.” It won’t shut up. It keeps obsessively trying to make me prove that I’m a lesbian, testing my reactions and questioning my certainty. Is this normal?
- Date posted
- 11w
trigger warning!!!!!! I’m really scared right now. I’ve been reading Elle Warren’s articles about her experience with HOCD/SO-OCD, and it feels so similar to mine. She went through the same fears of being a lesbian, felt distressed by her attraction to women, and spent hours ruminating, Googling, and analyzing her feelings. She even experienced groinal responses and revisited old memories, just like I do. Eventually, she had a moment of realization in college when she flirted with a girl, and everything clicked. She now identifies as a lesbian. I’m terrified that the same thing will happen to me. I thought the OCD fears were supposed to never be true and that HOCD thoughts are usually just compulsions that don’t end up being real. But reading her story, it’s like I’m seeing my own experience mirrored. What if it clicks for me, just like it did for her? What if I realize that I am a lesbian? Elle’s story makes me so scared. I thought my feelings of attraction to women were just OCD-driven, and now I’m questioning everything. I thought I was straight, but now, reading her journey, I’m wondering: could my OCD fears actually be real? Elle’s experience was very similar to mine: • She got distressed when she thought she might like women, not relieved. • She spent a lot of time ruminating, Googling, analyzing, and comparing. • Her attraction to women only became intense when her OCD flared up. • She said things like, “I feel peace when I believe I’m straight.” • She had already been diagnosed with OCD and had a history of this pattern. After years of fear and distress, Elle had a moment of calm and realized that it was true. I’m scared that this could happen to me too. Will I have a similar moment of acceptance, where everything clicks and I realize I’m gay? Or will I come to accept that this is all OCD, and that I’m straight, with the possibility that I’m not? I also keep thinking back to when my OCD lessened the first time. Did I go back to men because I wasn’t actually attracted to women, or was it just because the grip of the OCD had loosened? Elle also talked about the shame associated with non-heterosexuality. She mentioned that, like many of us, she had internalized stigma around being gay, and that it made her fear the possibility of being non-heterosexual. I can relate to this so much—growing up, I never saw it as an option to be anything other than straight, and now it’s hard to shake that fear and shame. Elle mentioned that she found reassurance in seeing other people with HOCD who worried that their fears would come true, but eventually realized they were just OCD thoughts. That idea is comforting, but also a little scary, because what if that moment of realization happens for me too? What if I finally accept that I am a lesbian? Or, what if I’m just struggling with OCD and eventually realize I’m straight? I just don’t know. The scariest part is that, just like Elle, I feel like I don’t have any obvious signs. She had no idea she was a lesbian until one day, everything clicked. She was 21, just like me when my OCD fears really flared up, and she had a breakthrough moment in Denver when she made friends with lesbians. That hasn’t happened for me yet, and it’s terrifying to think that it could happen in the future. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I’m really scared about where this will lead.
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