- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
Researching the Kinsey scale just became a compulsion for me... like “what is my exact number? Did other women with this number marry men? Did they have to break up with their husbands? Etc.” A more helpful way to think of sexuality may be as a kaleidoscope than a scale. A therapist told me that and it helped. I don’t know why. But anyway, Nour you didn’t ask about that. I’ve been there panicking and crying. Try the SOS function on this app. Maybe try some Headspace short meditations, just to calm down. Then try approaching it with “so? So what?” Like “so what if you took a bunch of tests? So what if someone said you were in denial? So what if you are?” And then move on. Or maybe you brain will say something like “well then I might marry a man and dump him for a woman” and you can say to that thought “so?” As if you don’t really care. Anyway just one technique that helped me. But maybe just try those SOS audios and calm down a bit.
- Date posted
- 4y
you're right but it's so hard because saying so what feels like i am accepting it. to be honest, at this point i don't care what i am i just want to be sure about something, but i still freak out when i think about being with women like i just don't want it it doesn't feel like me. do you think this is still ocd or denial?
- Date posted
- 4y
@Nour04 You can work your way there. For now it seems like doing some calming method are what you need. Doing body scan meditation helps me when I panic... like “where do I feel the anxiety in my body? Can I let it be there and observe it just as a sensation without making it mean anything.” But there is lots of YouTube. Are you doing erp therapy? Maybe you will work up to the “maybe I am maybe I’m not” and “so what” kind of reponses. But just start by cutting our compulsions.... google, ruminating, etc. If these types of videos we always popping up on your insta reel you may be doing too much research :-) You know I can’t answer if I think you have hocd or denial (and I don’t know you. Just like the person who made that insta video doesn’t know you!) but here is a good article from John Hershfield where he talks about denial: https://www.sheppardpratt.org/news-views/story/treatment-for-hocd/
- Date posted
- 4y
@Susan4444 okay thank you so much! i haven't been stuck in rumination for a while and i felt like i was doing better, but then yesterday this showed up and my heart started beating super fast and i started crying and sobbing which went on for about an hour, with a ton of thoughtd racing through my head like "what if" or "imagine this" or "do you like this", and after i calmed down i had an awful headache for the rest of the day. what perplexed me was whether i cried because i got triggered and i have hocd, or if i cried because i felt "called out" for being in denial
- Date posted
- 4y
@Nour04 I remember I had a time like that too where I was just crying hysterically cause I tried to “stop being in denial and accept myself” whatever that means. It was so scary. You are not alone!!! The hard part now is to sit with the uncertainty and discomfort of not knowing why you were triggered and trying not to put meaning on it. Do you have ocd therapist? They can help with this.
- Date posted
- 4y
@Susan4444 i am not currently going to therapy no, but thank you very much for the advice!!
- Date posted
- 4y
Don’t try to figure out if your in denial or not. Maybe you are, maybe you arnt, trying to figure it out only causes more uncertainty, confusion, and anxiety.
- Date posted
- 4y
denial and ocd are can overlap but they’re not the same
- Date posted
- 4y
what do you mean overlap???
- Date posted
- 4y
@Nour04 for lack of better word its like the “symptoms”
- Date posted
- 4y
@nikkii ow okay
- Date posted
- 4y
@nikkii but then how do i know? what if i'm in denial?
- Date posted
- 4y
Hey, I know how immensely triggering this probably feels, and the anxiety is likely just through the roof. With this theme, anxiety around the question of ‘am I not who I think I am?’ becomes extremely, extremely high, making everything feel blurry and threatening. OCD tells us that there is no way we can be at peace, unless the question is answered in the most empirically certain way possible. That really isn’t true. The likelihood is, you were just trying to appease your OCD by taking those tests, which definitely segregates you from the hoard of people in those comments. Because of the anxiety, and your amygdala firing off, you don’t have the ability to logically and calmly think: ‘well, that was their experience, mine could be entirely different. Maybe I shouldn’t compare myself to random people on the internet when my life, my history, and my personal factors could differ drastically to those people in that comment section’ And even then, when we’ve broken down that situation in a logical way to relieve our anxiety, OCD will persist, because that’s what OCD does. Because of this, the only answer is for us to give that question NO power. OCD gets its power from compulsions, and even looking at this logically is a compulsion. On YouTube, search anxiety meditation. It really helps me when I’ve got nagging anxiety, and I really think you could benefit from giving it a try. Sending my love, you’re okay! ❤️
- Date posted
- 4y
thank you indefinitely for this. the only fear that is persistant is whether it's truly ocd or just deep deep denial i am trying not to give in to rumination trying to figure this out because today has been hectic, i cried for an hour and i still have a horrible headache and can't keep my eyes open. i am exhausted. thank you for the amazing advice though, very much appreciated, and if you ever need anything i am here for you xx
Related posts
- Date posted
- 24w
I feel awful that I keep coming on here whenever I’m down bad but oh my gosh OCD is the most painful shit that I have EVER experienced in my life and I have a physical chronic illness…. I hate to say it but I hate living right now it’s too painful… im crying as I type to the point where my stomach is hurting, I have pretty severe ocd I do have generalized anxiety and idk if that is connected with ocd but because of that I have most of the subtypes REAL EVENT OCD,POCD,ZOCD,ROCD,SOCD HARM OCD, you name it and I got it!!! a lot of also why I have have those theme is trauma growing up and involving those things^ as of right now i’m 25 and a women with the most loving boyfriend in the entire world before my ocd hit me I NEVER questioned my love and care and attraction with the love of my life I always knew I was going to marry and be with this person the rest of my life! Now with ocd it confuses me soooo much and now I think I’m gay and didn’t realize or indenial and listen I get it “don’t look for reassurance!” “It’s not the thing ocd is attacking that is the problem ocd is the actual problem!” Here’s the thing with that if I’m in a relationship and I’m gay that would mean I would have to leave that said relationship and to say that “oh yeah that stuff happens and you’ll move on” is absolutely devastating to me this is THE LOVE OF MY LIFE and your telling me that iv been lying to myself this whole time or that I didn’t realize?!?!? And that sexuality can change (even though some say it can’t google says otherwise and some people have said it can’t idek anymore) and all this other BULLSHIT I can’t take it WHY?!?! why does this have to happen why can’t I just be with my love the rest of my life?!? and yes before anyone says anything I have been attracted to girls more so when I was younger watching lesbian porn liking the body’s and fantazing them sexually it stopped when I got older but I still don’t get disgusted with women who are pretty it just makes me uncomfortable because I’m with the love of my life and before I remember talking to my partner and discussing certain childhood things I experienced and we discussed that we both could be a little bi and for certain I’m (demi sexual so I don’t even really care about looks) and I truly didn’t care!! NOW I do care even with being bi because again I don’t like thinking about anyone else but my partner but I do also know my parents are homophobic and I do think about if I am gay they wouldn’t be okay with that and I also dont want to deal with that so now I sound like in indenial right?!???? I didn’t even care about labels before my ocd it just didn’t matter but now it’s effected my sex life and it’s hard for me to enjoy sex with being so confused I’m so confused I googled everything can you still have sexual fantasies with same gender but still be straight? Can you fantasize about same gender or imagine marrying them all of it !!! And non of that disgusts me it just makes me uncomfortable AGIAN only bc I just love the partner I’m with right now!!! I’m so fucking confused do I have to leave my partner and accept that I’m gay is that going to happen in the future if I get better with ocd and find out it’s been true all along?!???
- Date posted
- 23w
Sometimes I think " do I like kids?" "Would i get aroused if I saw content with kids?""What if I'm a pedo and cant accept it?" "What if I'm ok with these thoughts?" "What if I'm not distressed enough " "What if I enjoy these thoughts?" , i avoid kids as much as i can, i cant look at them bc I'm scared I'm gonna have some groin like response. I keep testing if I'd get turned on or if I'd have some groinal response to sexual scenarios with kids. Sometimes I think that if I took my life this would be over and i wouldn't have to think about this and i wish i doubted something else instead of things like this. I had similar situations just with different topics such as if i loved or found sexually appealing a guy while in a relationship and i kept asking myself those questions for months and i avoided going to school for weeks and when I went I'd cry and have anxiety attacks. I had it with past actions i obessed over and felt the need to exploit every detail and be honest because otherwise i was being a fraud. I had it for sexual things that happened when i was a child. Im not diagnosed with ocd but should i tell this to my local counselor? Can someone help? Give me advice or tell me anything?
- Date posted
- 13w
I need too know that I'm not insane, really. I am 16 and for the past two weeks, this has been completely ruining my health and happiness. I only recently came out as a lesbian like 3 months ago after a lot of confusion about my attraction since I used to think I liked men. At first, I felt so sure that I liked women, but lately, I've been having these unwanted thoughts about the possibility of liking men. I never used to feel this way, but now, every time I look at a man, my brain obsessively fixates on it. It forces me to imagine kissing him, loving him, things I don’t want, and then tries to convince me that I do. It’s painful. The thought of this fills me with fear and anxiety, leading to panic attacks and breakdowns. I don’t want these thoughts. I hate them with every fiber of my being, but I’m terrified that one day I’ll act on them and somehow like it. I used to think I liked men, but back then, I was in a very unhealthy space in a time of escapism and something deeply parasocial. I’ve only ever liked the attention and validation a man could give me, but these experiences are somehow treated as further proof that I’m "bisexual." I’ve never been in a real relationship with anyone, which makes my brain constantly challenge me—telling me, “You don’t even know what love feels like.” It won’t shut up. It keeps obsessively trying to make me prove that I’m a lesbian, testing my reactions and questioning my certainty. Is this normal?
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