- Date posted
- 3y ago
- Date posted
- 3y ago
I'm here if you want to talk. I feel you completely. X
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Thank you Molly, I appreciate that. It's hard to explain this to folks without OCD and thus no shared experience.
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y ago
I'm not a therapist, merely a patient and fellow sufferer, but what you described is in fact textbook ROCD. You're not alone in this, though it can seem so preposterous and intrusive that you can't imagine being anything but unique. I can tell you that when the cycle gets really bad and/or goes on long enough, even though you think there's no trigger you are actually still dealing with the latest trigger, or any or all of the triggers you've been going through. Our systems have gotten used to being on high alert. The bottom line is that the thoughts are irrational and don't reflect actual emotions. And you will not be able to think your way to feeling what you want to feel. Even if you felt the right feelings, the ROCD will still want to cause trouble. If it's at all possible, I highly recommend getting into ERP therapy.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
How are you doing at the moment? Has this ruined relationships for you? X
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Doing a lot better but still find myself looking over my shoulder in fear that the next cycle is looking to get me. My therapist is helping a lot with this, mostly by assuring me that this is a totally normal part of the process. And this has actually made my relationships stronger. I'm fortunate to be surrounded by people who see the real me, even when I can't.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Was it jjst your SO it affected or your other relationships too? X
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@mollyyy Just my SO. Taking someone who's OCD and throwing in a surgery to their SO, then a week later going into lockdown ... things can go haywire in the brain! Fortunately, I have amazing loving support from her as well as some wonderful support from friends. And of course, NOCD.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@Anonymous That's good to hear. I just constantly question and iverthink every little thing, trying to be more present but this am I looked at him sleeping and was like 'do I want to look at this fave for the rest of my life, what if I dont find him cute enough etc'(he is pretty beautiful lol) and I was present in that moment so now I'm like blahhhhh. Haha my SO is super supportive but he doesn't fully understand so he gets frustrated too. He's only human x
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Thank you both for your responses. I know we're not supposed to seek reassurance, but I haven't felt safe in my body or identity for days now, and it's unbearable at times. I scheduled a consult with a NOCD therapist to get back into ERP.
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Yes, reading articles for reassurance is a compulsion; and I think it's safe to say that most everyone who has ROCD and other subtypes has done this, myself included. Ultimately, you just want to feel better and there's nothing wrong with that, so you deserve some self-compassion. It's not that you can't tell what you feel, it's that the obsessions are so strong that your real feelings don't stand a chance. And the less you feel what you want, the more it seems like that's evidence of your worst fear. It's a really messed up cycle this condition puts us in! Emotions naturally ebb and flow anyway, and the ebb part is not adequate evidence of anything. The key that ERP helps you achieve is to get to the point where you are comfortable with not needing to be certain. When you can do that, your true feelings will be able to breathe and find room to express themselves again.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Thank you so much for saying "the obsessions are so strong the real feelings don't stand a chance"... That really resonates. The ERP I've done in the past had been focused on my perfectionism, eating behaviors and organization, with a fair amount of efficacy so I know it works. It's almost like the OCD has nowhere else to go but to my relationship. š«
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y ago
I have often felt that very same thing, that OCD is most at home feeding on my greatest fears. I guess this is a means to overcoming those fears.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
It's flaring up again, and I found myself Googling "real doubt vs. relationship OCD"... It's not helping. The first few times I read these articles (some from NOCD) I felt relief, and now I can't achieve that. Would we call this compulsing? I'm so confused about how I feel I can't tell what's real and what's what.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 18w ago
Iāve just recently found out that Relationship OCD is a thing. I feel like I relate but it also feels like relationship trauma. Iām in a fairly new relationship and I keep telling myself that things are going great, we are good, he cares for me, but does he? Thereās this unbelievable amount of self doubt that sits in me because of what my ex did to me many months ago. I kept getting told that I do too much, i smother, need constant reassurance, then got told that I donāt care enough, the things I do arenāt enough and that Iām not enough. I feel like I am waiting for the day that I get broken up with because of these āproblemsā just so I can be proven right at the fact that I should be considered unlovable. I go through this every month around my period because I get so emotional and nervous that I stress over the idea that he doesnāt like me. How does someone continue a relationship with Relationship OCD? How do I explain it?
- Date posted
- 13w ago
These past few days I was fine. Minimal intrusive thoughts ,no anxiety etc(to add I'm on medication so maybe it's starting to work although it barely is 2 weeks) and today I got a sudden wave of anxiety and it started latching on some thoughts like" what if I'm in denial and I wanna break up with my bf? And what if erp doesn't work for me because I actually wanna break up with my bf?" But they didn't really stay long usually those thoughts would make me spiral for days or so, now they lasted for some hours. And now I'm trying to trigger myself into being anxious again because if I don't it means I don't have ocd and if I don't have ocd it means I don't love my bf and if I don't love my bf it means I have to break up. Idk if it makes sense but the lack of anxiety makes me wonder if I actually have ocd or not.
- Date posted
- 12w ago
For the past 3 months ish Iāve been struggling on and off with this anxiety and fixation over my relationship. To wondering if i still have feelings for an old friend, wondering if i actually love him, wondering if the thoughts are all real and im just trying to cover it up with ocd. It sucks, when im talking to my boyfriend i feel fine. The words i love you and talks about the future come naturally. I canāt imagine myself with anyone but him. But this constant rumination on my relationship is KILLING me and Iām scared itās going to ruin what i have. It makes me numb and disconnected which therefore makes me believe the thoughts even more. They just feel so real sometimes and itās so scary like why can i not just enjoy it. Weāve been together for a while so i know thereās periods of like feelings ebb and flowing but this is so much more. Itās just constantly sitting on my chest with anxiety. My compulsions are coming on this app, looking at photos of us and confessing it to him. Heās very understanding and helpful. I love him so much. I just need help / Iām also just starting new meds as well ..
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