- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
I'm here if you want to talk. I feel you completely. X
- Date posted
- 4y
Thank you Molly, I appreciate that. It's hard to explain this to folks without OCD and thus no shared experience.
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 4y
I'm not a therapist, merely a patient and fellow sufferer, but what you described is in fact textbook ROCD. You're not alone in this, though it can seem so preposterous and intrusive that you can't imagine being anything but unique. I can tell you that when the cycle gets really bad and/or goes on long enough, even though you think there's no trigger you are actually still dealing with the latest trigger, or any or all of the triggers you've been going through. Our systems have gotten used to being on high alert. The bottom line is that the thoughts are irrational and don't reflect actual emotions. And you will not be able to think your way to feeling what you want to feel. Even if you felt the right feelings, the ROCD will still want to cause trouble. If it's at all possible, I highly recommend getting into ERP therapy.
- Date posted
- 4y
How are you doing at the moment? Has this ruined relationships for you? X
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 4y
Doing a lot better but still find myself looking over my shoulder in fear that the next cycle is looking to get me. My therapist is helping a lot with this, mostly by assuring me that this is a totally normal part of the process. And this has actually made my relationships stronger. I'm fortunate to be surrounded by people who see the real me, even when I can't.
- Date posted
- 4y
Was it jjst your SO it affected or your other relationships too? X
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 4y
@mollyyy Just my SO. Taking someone who's OCD and throwing in a surgery to their SO, then a week later going into lockdown ... things can go haywire in the brain! Fortunately, I have amazing loving support from her as well as some wonderful support from friends. And of course, NOCD.
- Date posted
- 4y
@Anonymous That's good to hear. I just constantly question and iverthink every little thing, trying to be more present but this am I looked at him sleeping and was like 'do I want to look at this fave for the rest of my life, what if I dont find him cute enough etc'(he is pretty beautiful lol) and I was present in that moment so now I'm like blahhhhh. Haha my SO is super supportive but he doesn't fully understand so he gets frustrated too. He's only human x
- Date posted
- 4y
Thank you both for your responses. I know we're not supposed to seek reassurance, but I haven't felt safe in my body or identity for days now, and it's unbearable at times. I scheduled a consult with a NOCD therapist to get back into ERP.
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 4y
Yes, reading articles for reassurance is a compulsion; and I think it's safe to say that most everyone who has ROCD and other subtypes has done this, myself included. Ultimately, you just want to feel better and there's nothing wrong with that, so you deserve some self-compassion. It's not that you can't tell what you feel, it's that the obsessions are so strong that your real feelings don't stand a chance. And the less you feel what you want, the more it seems like that's evidence of your worst fear. It's a really messed up cycle this condition puts us in! Emotions naturally ebb and flow anyway, and the ebb part is not adequate evidence of anything. The key that ERP helps you achieve is to get to the point where you are comfortable with not needing to be certain. When you can do that, your true feelings will be able to breathe and find room to express themselves again.
- Date posted
- 4y
Thank you so much for saying "the obsessions are so strong the real feelings don't stand a chance"... That really resonates. The ERP I've done in the past had been focused on my perfectionism, eating behaviors and organization, with a fair amount of efficacy so I know it works. It's almost like the OCD has nowhere else to go but to my relationship. 😫
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 4y
I have often felt that very same thing, that OCD is most at home feeding on my greatest fears. I guess this is a means to overcoming those fears.
- Date posted
- 4y
It's flaring up again, and I found myself Googling "real doubt vs. relationship OCD"... It's not helping. The first few times I read these articles (some from NOCD) I felt relief, and now I can't achieve that. Would we call this compulsing? I'm so confused about how I feel I can't tell what's real and what's what.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 22w
I am in a relatively new relationship (around 2 months) and it has been completely virtual due to varying circumstances. I have never been in a serious relationship before and my past “exes” have never been this serious or brought up any of these feelings. About a month in I started having tons of symptoms and thoughts I figured were due to an SSRI change (i eventually went back to my original med/dose) however, it has remained quite bad since. Thoughts include: -I don’t actually like my partner, I just like the feeling of being wanted -I have crushes on other people, including my partners friends who I barely know -I don’t feel butterflies so I must be losing feelings for him -I think he’s ugly/im just not attracted to him -I’m secretly a lesbian and I’m wasting his time by being with him -a general feeling of dread, wrongness, or needing out of the relationship -not being able to believe him when he reassures me about everything -all of the above is just my genuine feelings and I’m using ocd as an excuse These are obviously crazy things to think, however one of my biggest compulsions is confession and self sabotage so I have told my partner all of these things in detail. He’s really great and patient about all of it but I can tell it weighs on him. Hes even recently expressed feeling like it’s his fault and that he wonders if it wouldn’t be this bad if I was with someone else. I feel so miserable but i feel like I’d be miserable in any relationship but im scared that’s not the truth and my ocd isn’t real. When it’s good i feel the most romantic love for him I’ve ever felt toward anyone ever. He’s an incredible person but I just feel so alone and lost on what to do. I’ve literally tried to break up with him like five times and each time we’ve ended up wanting to stay together. I’m really really scared I’ll never get better or this is simply the wrong relationship for me.
- Date posted
- 16w
Hi everyone, I’m a 30-year-old woman, and I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 5 years. I’ve always felt emotionally close to him — he’s caring, supportive, and we planned a future together, including having a family. I don’t want to leave him. He means so much to me. But for a while now, I’ve been obsessing over the fact that I don’t feel much sexual attraction to him anymore. It’s not like I never felt anything — when we first met, there were butterflies, excitement, emotional connection… something real. He was never “just a friend” to me. But the physical side of the relationship feels like it’s slowly faded, and I’m panicking about what that means. I keep thinking things like: – “Maybe I chose the wrong person.” – “You can’t be in love without sexual desire.” – “If I was truly in love, I would still want him.” – “What if I’ve been lying to myself this whole time?” Sometimes my body reacts — I can feel physical closeness or even arousal — but my mind shuts down and says: “no, this isn’t right.” Other times, I feel tension, resistance, or even disgust during intimacy, and I can’t tell if that’s anxiety or if something is fundamentally wrong. What makes this even more confusing is that I truly believe that real love includes sexual attraction. For me, it’s all part of one feeling — not separate. So if the attraction is gone, does that mean the love is too? Is it possible that this is still OCD — that my mind is obsessing and disconnecting me from my real feelings? Has anyone experienced something similar? Any support would mean so much. I feel so stuck between my mind and my heart.
- Date posted
- 16w
I’m struggling with something I’m afraid to even admit out loud. I’ve been in a long-term relationship with someone I love deeply. He’s kind, safe, and emotionally close to me — and we’ve built a life together. But I keep obsessing over the fact that I don’t feel much sexual attraction anymore. Or maybe… I never truly did? At the beginning, I felt butterflies, excitement, connection — and I assumed that meant I was also attracted to him physically. But now, after reading so much and reflecting more deeply, I’m starting to wonder if I ever truly felt sexual desire in the way I was “supposed to.” Maybe my feelings were more about emotional longing, comfort, and romantic closeness — but not sexual chemistry. And now I don’t know what that means. OCD makes it so much worse. It constantly tells me: – “If you really loved him, you’d want him.” – “You’re leading him on.” – “What if you’re lying to yourself?” – “If you try to fix this and fail, you’ll have to leave.” I feel stuck between wanting to fight for this relationship — and being terrified that trying will just prove it’s hopeless. Has anyone experienced something like this? Can OCD really make you question something so deeply personal? And how do you move forward when even trying feels terrifying? Any thoughts or support would mean the world right now.
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