- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
I'm here if you want to talk. I feel you completely. X
- Date posted
- 4y
Thank you Molly, I appreciate that. It's hard to explain this to folks without OCD and thus no shared experience.
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 4y
I'm not a therapist, merely a patient and fellow sufferer, but what you described is in fact textbook ROCD. You're not alone in this, though it can seem so preposterous and intrusive that you can't imagine being anything but unique. I can tell you that when the cycle gets really bad and/or goes on long enough, even though you think there's no trigger you are actually still dealing with the latest trigger, or any or all of the triggers you've been going through. Our systems have gotten used to being on high alert. The bottom line is that the thoughts are irrational and don't reflect actual emotions. And you will not be able to think your way to feeling what you want to feel. Even if you felt the right feelings, the ROCD will still want to cause trouble. If it's at all possible, I highly recommend getting into ERP therapy.
- Date posted
- 4y
How are you doing at the moment? Has this ruined relationships for you? X
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 4y
Doing a lot better but still find myself looking over my shoulder in fear that the next cycle is looking to get me. My therapist is helping a lot with this, mostly by assuring me that this is a totally normal part of the process. And this has actually made my relationships stronger. I'm fortunate to be surrounded by people who see the real me, even when I can't.
- Date posted
- 4y
Was it jjst your SO it affected or your other relationships too? X
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 4y
@mollyyy Just my SO. Taking someone who's OCD and throwing in a surgery to their SO, then a week later going into lockdown ... things can go haywire in the brain! Fortunately, I have amazing loving support from her as well as some wonderful support from friends. And of course, NOCD.
- Date posted
- 4y
@Anonymous That's good to hear. I just constantly question and iverthink every little thing, trying to be more present but this am I looked at him sleeping and was like 'do I want to look at this fave for the rest of my life, what if I dont find him cute enough etc'(he is pretty beautiful lol) and I was present in that moment so now I'm like blahhhhh. Haha my SO is super supportive but he doesn't fully understand so he gets frustrated too. He's only human x
- Date posted
- 4y
Thank you both for your responses. I know we're not supposed to seek reassurance, but I haven't felt safe in my body or identity for days now, and it's unbearable at times. I scheduled a consult with a NOCD therapist to get back into ERP.
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 4y
Yes, reading articles for reassurance is a compulsion; and I think it's safe to say that most everyone who has ROCD and other subtypes has done this, myself included. Ultimately, you just want to feel better and there's nothing wrong with that, so you deserve some self-compassion. It's not that you can't tell what you feel, it's that the obsessions are so strong that your real feelings don't stand a chance. And the less you feel what you want, the more it seems like that's evidence of your worst fear. It's a really messed up cycle this condition puts us in! Emotions naturally ebb and flow anyway, and the ebb part is not adequate evidence of anything. The key that ERP helps you achieve is to get to the point where you are comfortable with not needing to be certain. When you can do that, your true feelings will be able to breathe and find room to express themselves again.
- Date posted
- 4y
Thank you so much for saying "the obsessions are so strong the real feelings don't stand a chance"... That really resonates. The ERP I've done in the past had been focused on my perfectionism, eating behaviors and organization, with a fair amount of efficacy so I know it works. It's almost like the OCD has nowhere else to go but to my relationship. š«
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 4y
I have often felt that very same thing, that OCD is most at home feeding on my greatest fears. I guess this is a means to overcoming those fears.
- Date posted
- 4y
It's flaring up again, and I found myself Googling "real doubt vs. relationship OCD"... It's not helping. The first few times I read these articles (some from NOCD) I felt relief, and now I can't achieve that. Would we call this compulsing? I'm so confused about how I feel I can't tell what's real and what's what.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 20w
Hi everyone, Iām a 30-year-old woman, and Iāve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 5 years. Iāve always felt emotionally close to him ā heās caring, supportive, and we planned a future together, including having a family. I donāt want to leave him. He means so much to me. But for a while now, Iāve been obsessing over the fact that I donāt feel much sexual attraction to him anymore. Itās not like I never felt anything ā when we first met, there were butterflies, excitement, emotional connection⦠something real. He was never ājust a friendā to me. But the physical side of the relationship feels like itās slowly faded, and Iām panicking about what that means. I keep thinking things like: ā āMaybe I chose the wrong person.ā ā āYou canāt be in love without sexual desire.ā ā āIf I was truly in love, I would still want him.ā ā āWhat if Iāve been lying to myself this whole time?ā Sometimes my body reacts ā I can feel physical closeness or even arousal ā but my mind shuts down and says: āno, this isnāt right.ā Other times, I feel tension, resistance, or even disgust during intimacy, and I canāt tell if thatās anxiety or if something is fundamentally wrong. What makes this even more confusing is that I truly believe that real love includes sexual attraction. For me, itās all part of one feeling ā not separate. So if the attraction is gone, does that mean the love is too? Is it possible that this is still OCD ā that my mind is obsessing and disconnecting me from my real feelings? Has anyone experienced something similar? Any support would mean so much. I feel so stuck between my mind and my heart.
- Date posted
- 20w
Iām struggling with something Iām afraid to even admit out loud. Iāve been in a long-term relationship with someone I love deeply. Heās kind, safe, and emotionally close to me ā and weāve built a life together. But I keep obsessing over the fact that I donāt feel much sexual attraction anymore. Or maybe⦠I never truly did? At the beginning, I felt butterflies, excitement, connection ā and I assumed that meant I was also attracted to him physically. But now, after reading so much and reflecting more deeply, Iām starting to wonder if I ever truly felt sexual desire in the way I was āsupposed to.ā Maybe my feelings were more about emotional longing, comfort, and romantic closeness ā but not sexual chemistry. And now I donāt know what that means. OCD makes it so much worse. It constantly tells me: ā āIf you really loved him, youād want him.ā ā āYouāre leading him on.ā ā āWhat if youāre lying to yourself?ā ā āIf you try to fix this and fail, youāll have to leave.ā I feel stuck between wanting to fight for this relationship ā and being terrified that trying will just prove itās hopeless. Has anyone experienced something like this? Can OCD really make you question something so deeply personal? And how do you move forward when even trying feels terrifying? Any thoughts or support would mean the world right now.
- Date posted
- 15w
I know itās long but plz read :( have been having really bad ocd about my relationship and my partner and it has gotten worse and worse over the span of like about nine months Iād say. I do acknowledge there are flaws and legit issues about him and the relationship like there are with anyone but I also know ocd has clouded my judgement and perception by analyzing everything and compulsions. For a while I kept feeling this need to get out which I know was ocd. I was really scared to spend the weekend with him because I thought I would just be annoyed and irritated cause itās been that way for a while but he also was going through a period of high stress so maybe I was resenting him for that and I also wasnāt communicating how I should have been when I was upset because Iāve done that too much in the past. This weekend I was told in therapy to just be in the moment and not have to worry about trying to answer the question of do I love him or should I break up. It did help but Itās weird cause this weekend ended up better but I also was kind of numb? Like I was enjoying myself but didnāt feel what I always have felt in the past? Anyway, I am really anxious because i feel like if I loved him I would be supportive of when his parents compliment him or when he does well at something when instead all I think of are that Iām not happy or annoyed because of things he does that upset me or make me mad and itās like thatās the only way my brain wants to see him as a person. Or when he is upset it feels like I donāt care like I used to because I think of how he doesnāt deserve this when he does this or he shouldnāt have this when he is like this etc. Why does my brain automatically go there? Thatās horrible! I feel like I should be excited for him, rooting for him. But it also feels like I do care for him? But my thoughts keep changing. I am afraid I only am with him because I love that he loves me and how he treats me. This makes me feel selfish cause I canāt do that. I notice I still like when he cuddles me and is sweet to me and does fun things watching movies etc. And thatās not how it used to feeel which scares me because I donāt want to be without him. I also love his parents am I only with him cause of how his parents treat me? I feel so selfish and like I have to tell him and break up with him cause itās the right thing to do. I never used to feel like this. Iām scared. Is it possible Iām just Iāve been mad and resenting how itās been cause heās been stressed mix with my ocd? My therapist said relationships can go through phases. Can I fall back in love with him again? I feel like I have to try to start with someone else like this is too far gone. I donāt want to stay in something where I donāt feel toward him the way I want to but I really donāt want to leave him. I feel like such an awful person cause he doesnāt deserve this and is so caring and loving despite everything the major thing that bugs me is how he gets irritable a lot which is an imperfection that makes me get anxious and question himš trying not to read into this and just follow what the therapist said but this is scaring me because I feel like if I loved him I wouldnāt think like this or feel like this.
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