I’ve struggled with disorderly eating in the past (I.e. avoiding meals, feeling guilty about eating, becoming very thin, etc). Luckily I was able to get it under control, and I’m okay now. It’s hot, and my family are in bad moods because of the heat. I had my lunch at 12, and it’s like quarter to 6 as I write this. I’ve not snacked, and I literally had a piece of toast for my lunch, and no breakfast. I asked my family when they were going to make dinner, and my mum scowled at me and was like, ‘how are you hungry?’… I was shocked and said that I’ve literally only ate a piece of toast, and I said that was nearly 6 hours ago, and she just looks at me and goes, ‘Why does everything have to be on a timeline with you?’ I don’t ever talk about ‘times’, so she’s clearly just trying to find something to justify why she’s so angry for no reason. Anyway, I know this is irrational but I can feel some of my old thoughts and feelings sneaking in…, like, ‘maybe you shouldn’t be hungry’, ‘maybe you’ve gained weight, that’s why she’s saying that’, etc. I don’t know… can someone give me some advice?

I hate feeling constantly conflicted no matter what. I have noticed with food intake, I find myself going back and forth between obsessing over eating too much and fear of gaining any weight to obsessing over eating too little and fear of losing an unhealthy amount of weight and the negative consequences of such. I am getting married this year and continuously think about how I need to be mindful and not eat too much since I need to fit into my dress and feel confident on my wedding day, as I don’t want to look back at pics and be unhappy with how I look. But I also think about how if I don’t eat enough, I will look too thin and will not be confident in myself, and will look back and be unhappy. Idk. It is so hard because I am always trying to figure out what is “right” but it feels like there is no “right.” And I have a really hard time recognizing what my body ACTUALLY looks like physically, not really knowing how I appear to others

Early this morning, my mom and I had a really, really long discussion. We talked about a lot, but it eventually led to me. She said that because of her past relationships, which she feels like involved some sort of power struggle, sometimes if I hug her too often, she gets uncomfortable/anxious. For context, before my parents (mom or dad) go anywhere, I'll say goodbye, I love you, and give them a quick hug or two. Even if I'm just going upstairs or walking away from a conversation! I've done this since I was little. It might've been a compulsion back then, but it's just habit now. But a couple of months ago, when I was in a really dark place due to OCD, I'd give my mom really long hugs because I just wanted comfort during that point in time. Unfortunately, it ended up stressing my mom out, and she pushed me away once and said it was weird or uncomfortable when I hugged her because it didn't feel genuine. That really hurt to be rejected like that, and then later, my sister told me my mom complained about me in the car about how it felt like I was draining the energy from her and annoying. Which... That hurt, too. But I mainly felt guilt because that wasn't my intention at all, and I've since tried my best not to hug her as often. So when she brought it up again today, she said she feels like she's experiencing a power struggle with me and that when I was younger, she said she felt like everything had to be on my terms. The context behind that is due to me being a really anxious child (and baby). I'd wake her up because I'd get really bad anxiety at night and panic, and she said it was really exhausting and that she's never known what to do with me. Then she went on to tell me really private details about my father and hers marriage (they've been divorced since I was little), and how that's affected her, and I just felt really uncomfortable. Like I want to be respect her boundaries, and I don't want to make her uncomfortable, but... I don't know what to do with all of this...? I didn't need to know those details about her and my father, and I feel really disgusting inside. And also guilty because my dad doesn't know that I know any of these things now, and I'm overwhelmed. I talked to my dad and his girlfriend about it, and I just started crying. I just feel so... Ugh :( They both comforted me, and my dad said that my mom's always struggled with physical affection and that I shouldn't take it personally. But it hurts to be rejected by a parent like that. I've tried the best I can to be understanding and supportive with her, but it just felt like she's seen me as a burden or something unfixable. If you read this far, thank you so much. I'm just really struggling to process this. I felt better after talking with my dad, but once he went to bed and I went back to my room, I just broke down.

I am so tired of having intrusive thoughts everytime i try to eat anything cause my mind immediately goes to “what if this tastes like human meat” “what if the texture is like human meat” and i have to stop eating and i start crying it annoys me so bad and i lost some weight because of it i just want to be normal again and to stop these thoughts they happened out of nowhere and i talked to some people about it and they tell me what cannibals have said and it has made things so much worse tbh im just so exhausted and i wanna eat healthy again