I’ve struggled with disorderly eating in the past (I.e. avoiding meals, feeling guilty about eating, becoming very thin, etc). Luckily I was able to get it under control, and I’m okay now. It’s hot, and my family are in bad moods because of the heat. I had my lunch at 12, and it’s like quarter to 6 as I write this. I’ve not snacked, and I literally had a piece of toast for my lunch, and no breakfast. I asked my family when they were going to make dinner, and my mum scowled at me and was like, ‘how are you hungry?’… I was shocked and said that I’ve literally only ate a piece of toast, and I said that was nearly 6 hours ago, and she just looks at me and goes, ‘Why does everything have to be on a timeline with you?’ I don’t ever talk about ‘times’, so she’s clearly just trying to find something to justify why she’s so angry for no reason. Anyway, I know this is irrational but I can feel some of my old thoughts and feelings sneaking in…, like, ‘maybe you shouldn’t be hungry’, ‘maybe you’ve gained weight, that’s why she’s saying that’, etc. I don’t know… can someone give me some advice?

Idk whats going on…my mental state hasnt been great these past two weeks. My eating is being affected in a neg way due to transition between therapists, school, and ignoring my sexuality….Ive been taking several different kinds of quizzes over the past week regarding mental health and ED and i realized that if i dont eat enough to feel full i’ll end up sick or worse dead. It doesn’t help that i also just started my period. And i just woke up in the middle of the night with food, hydration, and possibly not waking up in mind. And tried going back to sleep but then i realized that I might actually have a problem on my hands and that jolted me awake. Now im scared of sleeping and not making it through the night….i could easily get up and make myself an oatmeal even though im not hungry atm, but dont wanna wake family that are sleeping in the living room. Im scared of dropping more weight than I already have been and having my nutritionist intervene…. Im realizing that im fucking myself up from not eating well and being too picky and i wanna slap a bandaid on it and just eat everything to hopefully gain some weight before my next nutrition appt. I’m just scared of things getting worse….is this part of OCD or is it just me just plain out ignoring my body cos in feeling like it??? Idk what to believe about myself anymore….

I’m freaking out right now really bad right now. Long story short: nutritionist and therapist want me to start higher levels of care for my disordered eating. My eating habits have been shit and i checked my iron levels like a couple of days ago and it was super low, but i haven’t been having any symptoms up until a few days ago. I have been having a light period in between my regular periods. Just a few minutes ago i started experiencing weird light headedness that comes and goes and now im freaking out so bad. I feel off and the anxiety does not help. Im scared of telling my parents i need help. Im scared that i really screwed myself over. Im scared that i really let myself go and im fucking scared of asking for help…….i just want to be ok.

I had like a really bad argument with my mom basically about her complaining about my “attitude” and “constant arrogance” like okay firstly 😭 yes i do have an attitude and am irritable but im not THAT bad 😭🙏 she was saying that im a “pest” and that “its not enjoyable to live with someone who makes other people miserable” like 😅🧍‍♀️ oh ☺️ and then i tell her that i know im struggling and that im going to therapy to try to get better and trying to possibly get a diagnosis and she says “your generation just wants something to deal with. You want something to be wrong with you. ‘Trying to get better’ isn’t good enough… would you be able to stand someone like yourself? You’re just choosing this antisocial, narcissistic behaviour and harass everyone… You need to pull yourself together. No matter how much effort we put into you, you will never be happy. You want some medicine? Some diagnosis? Because that will solve everything?” 😭😭😭 and the way she said “some medication”- she sounded so disgusted and appalled and now i feel ashamed… i mean im not officially diagnosed with ocd and it is never my intention to self diagnose- but im sorry its VERY obvious when you have ocd and know of ocd- its so distinct. Everything- the compulsions, reassurance, intrusive thoughts, themes, patterns, perfectionism- but she has me overthinking- what if i dont have ocd 😭 and ive just been lying to myself and everyone maybe its not ocd and im just sick in the head or trying to self sabotage- and especially when my supposed ocd is calm or not as loud i get so anxious “what if i dont have ocd…”