ocd really makes u fear what u love most. i love poetry i love to write i hope to share my words w people onee day. i was on insta and this acc for poets came up and i checked out the girls page and she is gay and my ocd is like if u like her poetry you’re prob a lesbian. and i feel bad bc i’m not homophobic at all like she is probably a great woman and i feel soo bad for having these thoughts. i’m not gay i don’t want to be but why is it going after me in this type of a way.

Mine started in January too, and in the beginning I knew nothing about ocd or even anxiety. I was desperate, ruminating my thoughts and thinking they were true. Now that I know what it is, I still wonder if it is. OCD does not make sense, it twists everything. I've always wanted to get a boyfriend, I've always had crushes exclusively on men, and now my mind is revisiting all my past and twisting my present. It's terrible, sometimes I feel so empty, like am I here only to suffer?

Holy shit, that sounds like me as well still.

I know how that feels. I can't do anything I like without these thoughts disturbing me as well. I can't finish a book, I can't study properly, I can't watch a movie or even go to church without being constantly reminded of my hocd. It's haunting, it's draining. We need to keep in mind that it's just meaningless thought, we're the ones that keep worrying about it. Everyone has intrusive thoughts from time to time, but the difference is that we ocd sufferers attach fear to it. Fear of losing our true identity.

I feel the same way as both of you. It literally wants me to convince that my girlfriend is no longer beautiful and that it was all a cover up. It has made me doubt everything. And we’ve been together for 3 years working on 4. She was literally my dream girl. And now I just feel empty and guilty and I’ve never been attracted to none of my friends, I’ve always admired them, and now it’s all flipped saying “you like them more than your girlfriend” and that scares me because my libido has dropped on and off since January because of constantly doubting and ruminating, and I just don’t feel like myself anymore because of this.

I've had hocd for 6 years it has twisted and turned everything in my life

it never went away huh?