I decided to finally get help! I'm going to book an appointment tomorrow with a CBT professional. I'm so nervous about it though. I keep thinking that I won't be able to communicate the mess that my mind is properly. My symptoms really align with those of a hocd sufferer, but I'm so scared she will just say that I'm in denial, and will twist my thoughts even more. I'm so so scared that this is all true.

I dont know if I have ocd really but I think I do because I have the intrusive thoughts and I always try and do things to soothe the anxiety. I've been dealing with this for a few months and this is a debilitating cycle and I wish I wad normal. when I first spoke to my therapist about it, she said that people with ocd like to clean and count a certain amount of tiles and stuff like that. I really want to get tested because I want help but im scared that if they say I don't have ocd then that means my intrusive thoughts are true and that I'm the person that my mind makes me think I am and it scares me. I mostly deal with symptoms of pocd so I try my best to avoid kids and sometimes I won't even want to go in public because of it and I count in my head a lot and try and see if my body is reacting any kind of way. I also try and just push the thoughts a way and do research and sometimes it makes me feel better but in reality it's just a cycle and it's terrifying so can someone please comfort me or give me advice and tips to help me feel better because I really need it. I just want to get help and stop this cycle because it's slowly killing me. I don't want to be the person my head thinks I am but in my head it's just constant fear anxiety and uncertainty.

i've never been comfortable enough to post anything on here but today i thought i would try. i want to start off by saying i am not diagnosed with ocd but i have strong reason to believe i may have ocd. i want therapy but don't know how to tell my parents because this topic is one that makes me highly uncomfortable to the point where i can not breath. but here goes... starting in july of this year i began noticing symptoms of ocd. i was scrolling on instagram when a photo of a baby popped up in my feed. i was reading the caption when all of a sudden i became aware of my groinal area and i felt movement. i felt immediately sick to my stomach... wtf was happening to me? i then closed the app and sat there for a second thinking to myself "did i just get aroused by looking at the photo of a child?". i tested myself(one of the worst things to do, giving my ocd power) and reopened the app to look at the photo once more. i was obviously going to feel movement down below if i was hyper fixating on that area for ANY movement at all. and i did. i then started having cold and hot flashes, sweating, the room spinning, feeling as if i was going to throw up and pass out at the same time. was i a p3do??? did i like children?? of course the answer is no. but my ocd is twisting those thoughts and feelings into something more than they are, just thoughts and feelings. for the past few months after my first episode with ocd i have become more accepting of the fact that these feelings aren't meaningful. these do not align with what i truly believe which is why i feel so sick when they happen. but i will admit there are days when it is really tough for me to discern my thoughts from my intrusive ocd thoughts. i am constantly hyper aware of whatever is happening down there and its really frustrating and exhausting. it has now moved beyond pocd, every interaction everything i see i subconsciously am testing myself to see if i am aroused which leaves me to constantly feel a state of physical arousal. i know i should go to therapy but i am worried to tell my parents. like "hey mom and dad i have been having weird thoughts and feelings regarding children i think i need therapy" they would be horrified. i feel guilty and awful, my parents don't deserve that. i just don't know what to do. for a few years i had actually been wanting children of my own when im older, i had been thrifting the cutest baby outfits and thinking of how cool it would be to have a mini-me. now i feel as though that won't be possible. and i just don't know what to do.

I have a therapist appointment tomorrow and I’m worried they’re gonna think I’m a weirdo/monster for my OCD, I’m just really worried to be honest now