- Username
- Johnny101
- Date posted
- 3y ago
This sounds like OCD to me :) You’re feeling uncertain and guilty, and you’re having trouble sitting with that feeling. It’s normal to still find other people attractive when you’re in a monogamous relationship, and every relationship has different boundaries. This is not a black-and-white situation. Practice some response prevention: “I didn’t intend to hurt my girlfriend, but it’s possible that I did. If it turns out that I hurt anyone’s feelings in this situation, I’ll have to figure out what to do, but for now I just have to accept that I don’t know.” The guilt is uncomfortable, but if you let it be there, it will get easier to tolerate over time; pushing it away will just make it worse. If you genuinely prefer being sober, I’m not going to tell you to drink, but it sounds like you might be choosing to avoid alcohol as a compulsion to avoid uncertainty in the future. If it’s within your values to have a drink once in a while, continue to do so as a challenge to the OCD.
100 % agree with that comment. And I would also say it's deffo ocd.
I agree
Hey friend! This completely describes my OCD experience. I have actually said things to another person letting them know I was attracted to them but that I had a boyfriend, felt guilt, and told my boyfriend. The problem is that I kept remembering different things I said, and he told me I should just learn from it and move on and that we both have different concepts of right and wrong, but I kept ruminating and seeking reassurance and it because this out of control spiral. What you need to accept is “maybe I told her she’s attractive.” Some people think this is perfectly fine do in relationships. Would that really be so horrible? And it’s not fair to beat yourself up over something that you don’t even know is true. The more you are able to stop ruminating about it the more clarity you will have about it over time. Any of us could have cheated on our partners while drunk and not remember.
This is absolutely OCD related, friend. Resist the compulsions!
Please help I feel like a horrible human being. I’ve never cheated on my partner but I almost did 5 years ago. I was in another country and I got blackout drunk. I was walked to my hotel room by a woman I didn’t know. The next day she talked to my cousin and told him what happened. She also told him that I was talking about my girlfriend the whole night but I can’t help but think that I was too drunk to think straight and reject her had she tried to hook up with me. I know I didn’t initiate anything but what if I’m my mind I thought about cheating? What if I wanted to and we didn’t because she was a good person and knew I had a girlfriend? I feel so horrible about this incident and I wish I could go back in time and not get that drunk. I know for a fact that nothing happened but what were my intentions that night? I can’t figure it out and it’s driving me insane. Please help
I didn’t want to post this originally but I need to get this off my chest. I’ve been recently told it’s very likely I have OCD by a therapy service, and one thing that really bothers me is guilt and shame after doing something even slightly wrong. In this case I think I did something truly awful and I don’t know what to do. I haven’t really eaten today — I should be studying for my exam tomorrow but I can’t get this off my mind. The guilt feels like I’ve murdered someone. I joined a new job a few months ago and have been pretty quiet there since, but recently decided to try to make some friends there and show my actual personality. I was invited to a pub with a few of my other coworkers but only 4 of us showed up — a girl I’m friendly with, a guy I’m friendly with, and a guy I don’t know too well whose girlfriend (who we also work with) has recently been promoted to our team leader. It gets bad here. We’ve all been drinking for a while and I’m starting to feel drunk, along with the other girl who, due to other reasons, ended up feeling very sick. They were all openly talking about sex at one point and the guy I don’t know well — who I’ll refer to as M — mentioned at some point that he was in an open relationship with his girlfriend. I remember him saying most physical things were fine as long as they talked about it, but romantic feelings were off the table. I should add I had no intentions romantically towards M. No attraction there, no feelings. I actually thought he might dislike me. It gets worse. He told me the other guy we were out with liked me, but was being respectful about it. He then added that he was also attracted to me but that was a conversation that would be had with his girlfriend. I am ridiculously oblivious and don’t process things properly when I’ve had alcohol just like any other drunk person, so thought he was just saying it in passing to demonstrate his point about the other guy’s respect towards me. I’ll admit I was flattered by that but still had no romantic feelings and didn’t reciprocate the attraction (for some reason I felt similarly to the way you do when a friend jokingly calls you sexy or something). It gets even worse. My female friend is violently ill and I go to look after her when M texts me saying he wants us to come out of the bathroom so we can leave. I thought he and the other guy were having some sort of argument. He texted telling me to just act drunker than I was and, I quite literally quote, “be all over him like I couldn’t get home without his help”. I did act a little bit drunker when I went out to update them but was against the idea of being ‘all over him’ so just spoke to him like I was drunker than I was. For some reason, and again I say I don’t read things properly when drunk, I didn’t think this was strange. Then we get to the train station to go home — the first guy who apparently likes me?? is with our friend. It’s me and M at this point and he keeps asking me if I’m alright. I tell him yes, which is true. I was drunker than I realised (the situation with our friend and being in the cold made me feel more sober than I actually was). He ended up offering me his hand to hold and I thought he was just trying to be comforting for some reason so I took it. This is the part I really regret. He put his finger under my chin and leaned in a bit. I didn’t process what was happening and turned my head. I then thought ‘was he trying to kiss me?’ and for some reason made the stupid, drunk decision to turn back and try to figure out if that was what was happening. I don’t remember if I leaned into it a bit but he went for it again and kissed me. I should add that, were I sober, and (I sincerely hope but ocd is kicking my ass) had he asked me and had I actually had the time to process it, it wouldn’t have happened. It lasted about a second, maybe less, before I pulled away. I told him he should speak to his girlfriend and I felt guilty. He agreed that he would (which, having spoken to him today, he told me he has and she’s okay). Then he tried to kiss me twice more, both of which I dodged. He was respectful here and said that was fine. He later said repeatedly something flirtatious like “you know what you’ve done” and that made me uncomfortable so I kind of awkwardly laughed it off. We’ve spoken this morning, I’ve confirmed he’s spoken with his girlfriend and I’ve firmly said I’m not looking for more than friendship with anyone, especially not at work. He agreed but keeps insinuating I was being purposely flirtatious throughout the night (which I wasn’t, that was never my intention. He also keeps joking about it happening again and that it’s ‘funny he kissed me before the other guy considering the effort he put in’. I should say that he asked me if it was consensual this morning and I answered that it wasn’t non-consensual if that makes sense, but that I didn’t process it as it was happening. I was quite shocked. I like neither M nor the first guy romantically. I feel awful about what happened and my part in it. I should’ve pulled away. I have to go into work this weekend, to see both people in the relationship and I honestly don’t know what to do. I like and respect his girlfriend a lot in the time I’ve known her. Even though I didn’t plan anything or have any intentions I feel like I’ve stabbed her in the back. I’m worrying he’s told her I was flirting or reciprocated his attention (now sober I’ve put all the pieces together somewhat) and was the one to initiate it. Or what if my other coworkers find out and think I’m trying to be a homewrecker?? That’s a selfish question in itself, I shouldn’t be concerned about myself. I just don’t know what to do. I know I’m in the wrong, and I don’t expect anyone to say differently, but I just need to talk about it before I go insane. I’ve never been this physically affected by my OCD before. I can feel it everywhere in my body. I’m seriously considering leaving it for a bit before quitting when I get back from uni. If you read this or scrolled to the end, thank you. I’m sorry I’m such a mess. I just need to make it through my exam, and then the weekend, and I might start to feel better.
So I made a mistake and I need to confess to someone. Me and my girlfriend have been on a break because of relationship shit. An exclusive break. I think you can see where this is going. Then whilst I'm travelling abroad I might this lovely girl and I'm attracted to her but I don't think twice about it (don't want to obsess). Fast forward and me and our group of friends, including her go drinking. We get drunk. Then there's three of us and we go clubbing and I feel the tension between us and I address it and tell her I have a girlfriend and I don't want to cheat. She's completely fine with it. Cool right? But still I feel so guilty because we were too close when we danced, and I held her hand because I was just happy to be around someone that got me and I would never see her again because the next morning she's flying back to her own country. I kiss her cheek goodbye and I leave pretty happy. I also remember telling her I wanted to kiss her (but I didn't want to because relationship) and I feel so so so so so so so bad and guilty I feel so shit. Okay I didn't cheat but why did I say those things??? Why did I do that??? My intentions weren't to flirt, I was just happy in that moment. But still I can't believe it was me who did that. I'm in denial I don't know. I feel so bad. I don't know how much I should tell my girlfriend and we're complicated enough as it is. I'd appreciate it if someone listened without too much judgement I know I did a bad thing
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